Our Lord and Saviour, Horatio "Cyclops" Nelson, 1st Viscount Nelson , KB (29 September 1758 - 21 October 1805), was Britain's greatest naval hero who beat the French, Spanish and Danish fleets and still had enough energy to grapple with Emma Hamilton on his days off. He was the only man who Emperor Napoleon said was a bigger bastard than him (by about two inches) and died discussing stubborn shirt stains at the Battle of Trafalgar.

Horatio Nelson was born with a full complement of arms, legs and eyes in Norfolk, England in 1758 to the Reverend Edmund Nelson and wife Catherine. His father taking the Christian maxim about going forth and multiplying kept his wife in almost constant labour as he wanted to breed a "Cricket eleven". Horatio came in to bat as number six which usually means he was a bit of an "all rounder". In British naval terms this also suggested sexual ambiguity but Nelson was definitely keener on frocks and kept a chest of contemporary fashions in his cabin when he became an officer. (Full article... )

March 3: Beat Strangers to Death With a Lead Pipe Day

• 1800's - The inventor of modern pizza gets brutally hit with a comically large rock, it was not a welcoming "per favore".
• 1938 - Oil is discovered in Saudi Arabia, camel herders use it as a garnish for their camel steaks.
• 1972 - Jethro Tull releases an album based on what they consider "the most epic poem they've ever read in their life".
• 1991 - An amateur video captures Rodney King rudely getting in the way of an LAPD officer's jackbooted foot.
• 1992 - The practice of beating strangers to death with lead pipes (Pictured) first emerges in Post-Soviet Belarus.
• 2007 - A misplaced comma found in the 1st edition of Infinite Jest haunts David Foster Wallace for the rest of his days.
• 2017 - Nintendo releases the Nintendo Switch, a device used to preoccupy your little brothers while you wash the pots and pans.
• 2018 - The UN bans the practice of beating strangers to death with lead pipes, due to concerns about lead poisioning.

Of the precise fortune? Questionate Grunt!

• ... that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?

Archive - Picture call call by you is the young

Plus articles young by which | Very page of is the dear to some | Do write of which is wanted | Handicapped people plus | Single page | Look again urine | manuscript attempt of by subject...

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked , the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore .

Let us all clap for him because I said so.