Mathematics (from Greek άθημα máthēma, "knowledge, study, learning") is the systematic torture of students disguised as the study of quantity, structure, space, and change. Mathematicians seek out patterns and formulate new conjectures, trying to make sense of the universe by examining these abstract concepts, determining common traits, and then experimenting to see if this advanced knowledge will help them get women into bed. These conjectures are often faulty, and this subsequent failure is referred to as mathematical proof.

Galileo Galilei (1564–1642) said, "The universe cannot be read until we have learned the language and become familiar with the characters in which it is written. It is written in mathematical language... Without these, one is wandering about in a dark labyrinth". He was also condemned by the church for heresy, and the only surviving body part of his is his middle finger on his right hand. This is currently kept at the Museo Galileo in Florence, Italy, allowing him to give the finger to the Catholic Church from beyond the grave. (Full article... )

March 29: National Treason Day

• 30 AD - Judas Iscariot betrays his best friend Jesus for a Coke, gets a Pepsi from the Sanhedrin instead. Heartbroken, he hangs himself.
• 1792 - King Gustav III of Sweden is assassinated when conspirators remove the structural dowels in his HATTEFJÄLL office chair.
• 1847 - American troops sack the Mexican city of Veracruz, steal the secrets of the fish taco from its denizens.
• 1857 - Indian Sepoys mutiny against the British after being forced to endure their take on Indian cuisine.
• 1951 - Julius and Ethel Rosenberg are arrested for giving the Soviet Union secrets of the nuclear family.
• 1973 - William Calley, U.S. Army officer responsible for the My Lai Massacre, is given numerous high-fives for his "epic" K/D ratio.
• 2019 - The United Kingdom leaves the EU, as per the deal, the entire British Isles will be towed into the Bermuda Triangle.