SCP-ROTROTROT-DE-J in its natural, permanent piss state
Item #: SCP-ROTROTROT-DE-J
Object Class: Keter, I swear
Special Containment Procedures: No safety measures are applicable to SCP-ROTROTROT-DE-J, as this phenomenon is only affecting me and feel like nothing can be done about it! I asked the techies from Site-DE23 if they could lend me a Scranton reality anchor, enabling me to prove my thesis, but what do those baldheads say without charm?! "No, Dr. Rottenburg, we can't lend you a Scranton reality anchor, that would be too expensive and it's only a traffic light, calm down." NOT AT ALL! THESE SHITTY THINGS AREN'T JUST TRAFFIC LIGHTS! THEY'RE DEMONS OR THE REALITY HAVING DOWN FOR ME, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!
Ok, calm down Tim, it's alright… It is currently unknown how SCP-ROTROTROT-DE-J could be contained with the resources available to the Foundation. What a pity. I would love to personally question the three norns about this retarded cow dung. Why me?! Jeremy is such a frigging bastard to everyone, but all stoplights are always (ALWAYS!!) green!! If I could, I would use all this hatred within me to neutralize this anomalous phenomenon so I can finally close that SHIT for good!
Description: Ok, stay clinical, then the fund- the funding will come… SCP-ROTROTROT-DE-J designates an electrical phenomenon of anomalous origin. Previous research concerning the occurrence of SCP-ROTROTROT-DE-J were unsuccessful, as no concrete pattern could be ascertained for SCP-ROTROTROT-DE-J. The only known variable in this case seems to be Dr. Rottenburg who seems to be exclusively affected by the anomaly. Always. No matter if the object in question is a pedestrian light or a bog-standard traffic signal. There are even issues on a bike, on a BIKE!! Hell, even if I was walking through the streets pushing a shopping cart, they would still switch to red almost instantly! Recordings were made during attempts showing that Dr. Rottenburg passes a total of 47 stoplights, with every single one switching to red in the exact moment he is approaching it. At average, Dr. Rottenburg waits around two and a half minutes at every stoplight.
Even traffic lights usually deactivated begin to glow and blink, just to then switch to red. And I swear by everything I hold dear that I could see a roadwork traffic light without a construction sight spontaneously manifest, just to turn red like some kind of love-struck lemming!! ON THE GODDAMN COUNTRY ROAD! I'll bet on anything that SCP-ROTROTROT-DE-J is a temper tantrum of the higher-ranking, likely severely intoxicated god who is playing a "traffic simulator 3000" in a parallel universe and finding it unbelievably funny to be exactly MY PAIN IN THE ASS! I ALSO HAVE APPOINTMENTS! Research into the anomaly is currently ongoing or whatever site-lead defines "ongoing" when they keep ignoring my proposals …
Discovery: What the [REDACTED] am I supposed to state in here, my frigging birth?! The phenomenon has haunted for as long as I can think!!
Addendum: I've gone completely insane or am hallucinating… I can't take any more… What is this shit about, I mean literally? Nobody will believe me, but just for the record, I stood at a stoplight previously like usual and stared into sky, bored. And what were my eyes maltreated with chlorine bleach gazing upon? A flock of pigeons flying in a formation!! And what do these ugly rates do in the air? They formed a traffic light around the glowing red sun before shitting in sync and flying away!!!
Following in-depth observation and repeated escalations, Dr. Rottenburg was sent into paid leave with immediate effect. Site-lead is of the opinion that Dr. Rottenburg's mental condition has been damaged severely by the aforementioned "SCP-ROTROTROT-DE-J". Especially during the incident at the ██.██.████, when Dr. Rottenburg showed such an intense anger response upon the sight of a blinking yellow construction site stoplight that his facial color became similar to that of a tomato, lead to this conclusion.
In parallel, research is being conducted to determine whether SCP-ROTROTROT-DE-J is in fact a form of psychosomatic stoplight manifestation or if Dr. Rottenburg is simply living an extremely unlucky existence. Further investigations by Dr. Rottenburg and his "team" is suspended until he had learned to look at traffic lights again without throbbing arteries or at least no longer take the color "red personal.
— Site-lead DE23
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"SCP-ROTROTROT-DE-J" by Robini, from the SCP Wiki. Source: https://scpwiki.com/scp-rotrotrot-de-j. Licensed under CC BY-SA.
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Article: SCP-ROTROTROT-DE-J - SHITTY STOPLIGHTS!!!
Original: May be found here
Author: Robini Robini
Translator: Karpfisch Karpfisch
Images: 1
Image Source: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c7/Ampel_2x_rot.jpg
Image Creator: Riki1979
Image License: CC 0 1.0
Edited by Robini Robini
