User talk:Frosty/archive2

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This page is an archive . The contents have been moved from another page for reference purposes only, and should be preserved in their current form. Discussion or voting on this page is not current. Any additions you make will probably not be read. The current version of this page can be found at User talk:Frosty.

You helped develop the anti-death drug!

UnNews:Old people more likely to die, study shows made it into queue, and now old people will never have to die again! Thanks for your vote, man!

--Wanna see a magic trick? 16:16, May 18, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

May 19th, 2011 • Issue 121 • The place where news goes to die!

Voting Takes a Back Seat

By Chief

Recently the UnSignpost has been made aware of an alarming development with potentially devastating consequences: Voting for monthly awards is less important than drama. As everyone flocked to the forums this week to register their morally outraged stance at the present system or at the people who are morally outraged at the present system, the UnSignpost headed to the award pages that time forgot, to take in the atmosphere and canvas the nominations for this month.

The first page we looked at was Playwright of the month, an award for the author of the best UnScript this month. Recipients of this award have provided pretty much every UnScript ever due to the general lack of UnScript articles churned out every month. The last winner was Guildensternenstein, back in February, and since then voting has descended into n00b of the month territory as this month's nominee Ljlego storms ahead of the pack of er... nobody with a score of "Your Dad is Bi".

Meanwhile, Article Narrator of the Month is even more desolate, with no nominees for this month and the last winner being Electrified mocha chinchilla, a situation which is commonly agreed that it is a death knell for absolutely any award. Our experts believe that the lack of recorded articles is because no blind people read Uncyclopedia, and nobody wants their article read to them by Electrified mocha chinchilla; it would be like a bed-time story from hell. The "only blind people need audio because everybody else has a pair of eyes" label has also been ascribed (by a highly paid team of consultants and I) to the Emmanuel Goldstein Award of Excellence in the Distribution of Misinformation, which this month is being contested by a user who isn't here and Dexter111344; unsurprisingly, Dexter is losing (why break the habbit of a lifetime?).

Ultimately there are hundreds of awards starving to death on Uncyclopedia as newer users have no idea they exist; there are hundreds of shiny baubles on offer for a user with the will to go out and get them. Incidentally, VFH, UotM, VFP, VFD, NotM, WotM and RotM could use some attention, too. Remember, voting lubricates the gears and cogs of Uncyclopedia and you wouldn't want Uncyclopedia to break, would you? Also we have a huge selection of ninjastars just rusting over here. Somebody you know must deserve one!

The Forum

By Chief

Since we have been forced to accept that the forums aren't an entirely useless part of the website, we have decided to quickly zip through without talking to anybody, naturally, and bring you the most happeningest news from this correspondent's least favourite namespace, save for UnDictionary (It's just words, I can't stand words). First up and most important, or so we are told, is the vote for Unimage of the year. Apparently, some of you have been failing in your voting duties, and we would like to single out one person who has failed to vote on this page and that is JackOfSpades. Now, JackOfSpades has been around for the last week and yet he has not voted; the UnSignpost and the expectant world call on JackOfSpades to come forward and explain exactly what he thinks he is playing at. Now while JackOfSpades has been highlighted for his crippling laziness, it could just as easily have been you: Sycamore/Sonje/Romartus. We're going to turn off the lights on the page and when we turn them back on, if some votes just happen to have appeared we'll say no more about it.

It would obviously be entirely wrong not to mention the drama we have had on the forum this week, so here goes: There has been some drama on the forum this week. Happy Thursday.

From our logs Roman Dog Bird Special:
  • 06:24, August 1, 2008 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 17 years ‎ (I HAET MAHSELF!!!!!)
  • 03:39, May 15, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Hihyyy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (i love your teacher too)
  • 21:11, January 26, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 138.163.128.42 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (No. No I won't give Joe a dollar.)
  • 04:15, February 14, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.79.173.10 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (LOLOL MAN TIMMAAAAYYYY! HEY THEY KILLED KENNY!!! IS IT THE YEAR 2000 ALL OVER AGAIN?!?!?!?!?!)
  • 23:37, August 10, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked XmabrosX (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Overall, this user is fucking stupid and has no meaning what so ever. Who ever made him is a fucking idiot and deserves to die and go suck a fuck. Now I will make him angry.)
  • 00:29, February 19, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH FUCK YOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
  • 00:18, June 21, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Do you see my penis? Here, I'll pull it out! LOOK AT IT DANGLE, FAGGOT!)
Biopic of the Week

As the UnSignpost staff gathered forlornly in my house this week to thrash out the biopic of the week, we were entirely shocked to discover that there was a user patiently awaiting his turn at the biopic. That user is TheHumbucker , who is a very promising user. Why? I hear you say. Well, because TheHumbucker has not only written 5, that's 5 as in the number between 4 and 6, featured articles, but has also done so quietly and without fuss. Splendid. We'd tell you where you can find him normally, but we haven't a clue since this is the first time we have heard of him; he suggests he might be Irish so those of you wishing to find him could try Ireland, or the other end of a rainbow. According to TheHumbucker: "Comedy is serious shit." Clearly he is only here until he remembers his Wikipedia log in.

~ Pointy.png I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:11, 19 May 2011

I'm wearing a giant glittery butterfly dress.

It's kind of hard to move in.

Less to the point, did you intentionally disable the new section tab on your userpage, or was that just the result of stealing the box thing from Zombiebaron?

And completely beside the point, before your vandalism starts to get a little excessive, could you be a dear and tone it down a mite? It's fine when it amuses, but after awhile these things grow a little tiresome. Kind of like walking around in a dress made out of giant glittery butterfly wings. Bloody tiresome. 1 2 3 4 ~ 16px-Pointy.png 07:38, 20 May 2011

I dunno why the edit sction tab isn't orking for you, I have it on my talk page... --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 07:50, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

Wat vandalism??? --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 07:51, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

*draws a smiley face on Frosty* 1 2 3 4 ~ 16px-Pointy.png 08:05, 20 May 2011
AGHHHH YOU TROLL LYRITHYA, I HAET YOU!!!! --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 08:13, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
Poop. 1 2 3 4 ~ 16px-Pointy.png 09:47, 20 May 2011
You are the poop --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 10:04, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

POOOOOOP

I welcomed a new user and you edit conflicted me with your welcome. I hope you melt. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:42, 21 May 2011

Consider it repayment for the countless times you've done it to me. --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 01:43, May 21, 2011 (UTC)
We are the welcome rivals. By the way, can you just sit there in that sunny spot, as I put a large magnifying glass over you? --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:46, 21 May 2011
I see no sun, I see a lot of thunder storm o_O --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 01:47, May 21, 2011 (UTC)
Where I was today (after school I was in Hamilton) it was 27 degrees celsuis. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:50, 21 May 2011
Yeah well its Saturday, 13 degrees Celcius, and pouring with rain. I'm in Another time zone dude. --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 01:51, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Templates

Hi Snowman! I was wondering how to submit templates on VFD, I'd like to delete that one:

Quebec.gif
This article is too French Canadian, it wants to Separate .
"Vive la Quebéc"


I am currently rewriting the Quebec article and it just not a beautiful template I think. And there is nowhere else we could use it, that's for sure. wat do? Now it will be your turn to suffer with winter down there! XD Talk Mattsnow 07:19, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

Hmmmm I wouldn't submit template to VFD unless its totally unused, this template has links to userpages which is kinda a grey area. I'd simply remove the template from said page and forget about it. --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 07:22, May 23, 2011 (UTC)
OK, thanks. You'll be alright to get out the freezer in a short while I guess! Talk Mattsnow 07:30, May 23, 2011 (UTC)
I live in the freezer. --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 07:31, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

lol

lol, thanks for welcome. Desciclopédia 08:10, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

this my name of user is the name of Uncyclopedia in portuguese. Desciclopédia 08:11, May 25, 2011 (UTC)
No problemo --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 08:12, May 25, 2011 (UTC)

Phnerb unsignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

May 26th, 2011 • Issue 122 • News? Where we're going we don't need news!

Weekly update

By Chief

The big news of the week is that Obama has gone to the UK to talk to some people about some important things. However, since we're stuck reporting on whatever you people have posted in the forums this week, we don't get to report on interesting things like that; we don't even have any blatant bias to crudely insert into any and all of our stories. Incidentally, asylum seekers are no help at all. But enough of those profound thoughts - let's talk Uncyclopedia!

This week saw the return of Dawg. For those of you don't know, Dawg is an Uncyclopedian from the days of yore when Uncyclopedians sported in Elysium and all the problems lay ahead. Hurrah, welcome back Dawg. Deciding that the mere sight of his signature on talk pages did not send the appropriate spasms of joy to the loins of every active and inactive Uncyclopedian, Dawg decided to deop Lyrithya and ban her for two years, an action guaranteed to stir the loins of even the most miserable Uncyclopedian. Obviously this was an unforgivable abuse of power and the people demand cake; it's better for you than blood, supposedly.

Dr. Skullthumper has also embarked on yet another voyage of busy work as his proposal to semi-protect all featured articles forever sailed through the forums on Wednesday. The UnSignpost is one hundred percent behind Dr. Skullthumper in this, his latest foray into "Doing what must be done despite you all," that is until someone decides it was a stupid idea two years from now, in which case Dr. Skullthumper is a twarse and a racist.

In other news, Nachlader has sacked everyone due to Uncyclopedia's poor performance in the last fiscal year, and Bacon is made of Pigs and win. Finally, ebil wikia turned off image uploading which, as any school child knows, THEY ACTUALLY CANNOT DO, BY LAW. It was only for a couple of hours and it only really affected people in America, so who cares? Wikia have turned it on again now, so you may recommence uploading horrible images of yourself/your penis/somebody else's penis without fear of being interrupted by completely unnecessary essential maintenance.

UnNews

By Chief

UnNews is in crisis; with SPIKE absent and Zim ulator likely high as a kite somewhere, there can be no doubt that UnNews lacks a leader. Discussions are presently taking place to decide who should fill the entirely fabricated position at the top of UnNews. Obviously voting is the way forwards, since anything decided without a vote is probably secretly designed to bring the site down around our ears. TheHumbucker appears to be the first choice for UnNews leader, indeed the only person who isn't sure he is competent is TheHumbucker. Olipro confesses himself to be unsure about all this voting; speaking privately, Olipro said "Nobody ever voted for me when I was in charge of UnNews, and it didn't not do me no harm or nothing," a sentiment this correspondent shares exactly, we think.

All views are appreciated in this discussion, except views that disagree with what we have already decided. While we are on a completely unrelated topic, get some voting done on VFH; this correspondent is entirely dissatisfied with the lackadaisical approach to voting adopted by most of you. It's almost as if you don't climax every single time you do it... everyone does that right?

From our logs:
  • 22:19, May 23, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ ("Remove the first two linebreaks from the other thing, too, when you remove this top bit." COULD YOU BE ANY LESS CLEAR?)
  • 18:25, May 19, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 65.91.100.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Dear Sir: I contend that your redaction of the content in that article in favour of the word penis, proves unequivocally that you lick balls.)
  • 02:47, May 20, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Strico10 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Inserting Vanity: you give me some hope that i'm not the most pathetic person in the world)
  • 22:13, May 22, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Holden Caulfeild (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (breathe in and breathe out hands up and hands down back up back up tell me whatcha gonna do now keep trollin trollin trollin trollin (what?))
  • 00:36, May 20, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) resurrected Famine (Talk | contribs) ‎ (No reason.)
Metal Zombiebaron

Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron, zombiebaron zombiebaron! Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron; zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron, "Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron," zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron!!! Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron, zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron?

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:07, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Reply

Well, what the hell do you mean?

Are you talking about my subpage template things?

Those are because I'm too lazy to type out 100 lines of code that I barely understand, like everyone else, it's easier to just make a template.

B1K Stuff 05:29, May 29, 2011 (UTC)

Ahh touche --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 04:14, May 29, 2011 (UTC)
Lol, did you just block me? Why?

B1K Wikis 05:29, May 29, 2011 (UTC)

No I didn't its a joke list, I also recommend you fix your sig up in your preferences before an admin really does ban you --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 05:31, May 29, 2011 (UTC)
Oh, I just saw that part at the top, I need to pay more attention. Also, the not putting the signature was an accidental Shoop. I already got hassled by Chief for that.

B1K Art 05:47, May 29, 2011 (UTC)

No I mean go to your preferences and where it says Signature type {{SUBST:nosubst|User:B1KWikis/sig}} should fix it --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 05:49, May 29, 2011 (UTC)
Yeah...That's exactly what I did

Zep Revision

Hey, saw that you reverted my edits on the Led Zeppelin page. Was it too big of an edit to all go at once, or did you just think the new content was kind of stupid? In the words of the Fresh Prince, "I ain't even mad", but I just wanted to know why it had been reverted (for the sake of experience) and whether I could reconcile the problem so I could keep my edit.

Thanks,

--Tfrne 21:07, May 29, 2011 (UTC)

Removing a couple of thousand bytes at once is a tiny bit suspicious none the less if it was constructive, write an edit summary along the lines of "removing stupid content" or "trimming down" --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 02:41, May 30, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for your help.

--Tfrne 04:43, May 30, 2011 (UTC)

Don't bother changing your statement because you forgot to log in it edit conflicted me. --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 04:45, May 30, 2011 (UTC)

Welcome?

Hello, Donkeypuncher, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you: - *Beginner's Guide - *Our Vanity Policies - why we don't care about your friends - *How to be funny and not just stupid - If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these: - *About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia - *How to get started editing on Uncyclopedia - *Help Pages - if you need help with a specific issue - I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button (Button sig.png) above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date. - - At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:Donkeypuncher/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well. - - If the current colonization doesn't suit your fancy, then browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid - dive right in! - - If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. Again, welcome!  --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 07:28, June 1, 2011 (UTC) – Preceding unsigned comment added by Donkeypuncher (talk • contribs)

Um what? --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 07:32, June 1, 2011 (UTC)
Well, now that's different. 1 2 3 4 ~ 16px-Pointy.png 07:42, 1 June 2011
^^--Poop Man Poop -> That's Poop Man Poop 12:03, June 4, 2011 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: Best before Friday!

Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!

June 2nd, 2011 • Issue 123 • The only periodical that calls you back!

Logo Pogo, what's our Vector Victor?

By Chief

Those of you who aren't still reeling from the ingenuity and wit contained in the title for this story are just the kind of humour-hating Nazis who are killing this place, one "witty" article at a time, who will, naturally, have noticed that the logo has undergone a design change. This change came after several of our power hungry administrators noticed the shadowing on the old logo. Not noticed the shadowing on the old logo yet? Well head straight to the image page and look at the shadowing on the old logo. We here at the UnSignpost are utterly gobsmacked that we lived and indeed loved alongside such shoddy work, just look at the shadowing! The more you look the angrier you become; it's incredible, just what the hell was Rcmurphy thinking when he created the shadowing on the old logo!?

Of course this is all untrue, the old logo is basically fine but the new one suggests that we aren't all the ten-thumbed Orangutans that <insert name here> is and that we might know something about cricket and opera. In other words, its beauty and three dimensions hide the depressing truth and, according to Dr. Skullthumper, will probably cure AIDS and bring peace to the Middle-East as well. The creator of the brand new logo is none other than Lyrithya, who wasn't available for comment at the time of going to press, but would probably would want to say something about how she owes everything to ChiefjusticeDS. A quick scan of the forum reveals only one forum topic about the new logo, making it about ten times more popular than Wikia and Jesus combined.

The other interesting development is also the development of some kind of new skin for the wiki which is presently being flaunted on a forum and on your gadgets page where you can tick a box to experience it for yourself, just like voting really. This is once again courtesy of Lyrithya, someone who just doesn't take "Meh" for an answer.

The general opinion of the community regarding these changes is difficult to gauge, especially if you don't read any of the forum topics. Speaking anonymously, Mhaille expressed doubts about Vector, stating that the changes were "Only skin deep," but said that any discussion over which was better was "Just plain racist".

Rank admins!

By Chief

Those of you who have heard of Rate Your Admins (or RYA if you wear sunglasses inside) need not read this story; simply scroll back to the top, read the right hand column and ask again just how does that sexy admin do it. Which segues us neatly onto the thrust of this story: Frosty has revived the original RYA, a system by which users would give the active admins a score out of ten on various categories and then the admins would have a reason to get up the next day. The new system is very similar to the old one, exactly the same, some would say, and all it needs is your contribution. The UnSignpost spoke to Sockpuppet of an unregistered user about RYA and he said "I once killed a man," but don't let that put you off; he's actually really well-adjusted.

Voting couldn't be simpler. You just go to the page of the relevant admin and then you click edit (with us so far?) then you put zero in every box and press save. Don't worry; the chances of them knowing where you live are extremely remote so it's literally consequence-free, almost.

Check out these pages!
From our logs:
  • 23:49, May 31, 2011, Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.232.79.251 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (it takes a certain talent to write that much about someone who apparently sucks so badly)
  • 12:38, May 26, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 91.201.66.76 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'd ask you to cease all twattery but then you'd have nothing to do all day.)
  • 03:15, May 30, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a gomphog ‎ (Stealing Gomphog's subpages. Reportedly.)
  • 07:12, May 30, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Tayythunder (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Blanker: Being racist against templates...)
  • 15:21, May 27, 2011 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 64.107.188.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (Take a break and read HTBFANJS Just calling everyone gay is... Gay? Be more creative eh?)
  • 13:43, June 1, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Being Zombiebaron a little bit too much)
Biopic of the Week

Now I don't know about you, but Cat the Colourful is a name I have seen quite a lot, but in the same way I see grass quite a lot. What I mean by this is that he/she/it is always there, pottering away in the background. While everyone else fights and brawls over the correct font for the main page, Cat the Colourful is there voting on an article, making thoughtful additions to an article, uploading pictures of rabbits killing themselves and generally being helpful.

This is the part of the biopic where I normally complain about the users annoying habits, and this week is no exception; you know what I really hate about Cat the Colourful? It's his signature, there's a picture in it and colours. A stupid username about being a colourful cat with colours in it? His signature should be black, that would be funny because it isn't colourful at all! No? Well con-cat-ulations Cat the Colourful... I'M WITTY DAMMIT!

From the Editor

Every week we receive literally no feedback on the UnSignpost. But last week Lollipop complained that we had not covered all the big news of the week. So, in order to please him and his imaginary friend Alex, Tom Mayfair and MrN9000 have also made edits to the wiki after not doing so for a while. I hope that satisfies Lollipop in the way a woman never will... for free at least.

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:07, June 2, 2011 (UTC)

Hey

I very humbly thank you for the vote on NOTM as well as VFH..though i dont really see the point of the latter anymore..But thanks for the support man..--Poop Man Poop -> That's Poop Man Poop 17:57, June 3, 2011 (UTC)

Every vote counts and I thouht you did rather well, maybe it'll get featured, I mean 16 votes in favour, come on?! --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 21:50, June 3, 2011 (UTC)
Thank you, sire. Yeah if i get one more it will be cool.though another aginst will be just the final nail in the coffin. Next one, maybe. But I support is always welcome, you know. :)--Poop Man Poop -> That's Poop Man Poop 23:05, June 3, 2011 (UTC)
The above post doesn't really sound right. But what do I know I am drunk--Poop Man Poop -> That's Poop Man Poop 23:07, June 3, 2011 (UTC)

Ahhhhh

What is this Category Diffuse template? I saw someone disassembling the Politicians category because that new template was put up. The only thing which I think should be taken out is miscategorized stuff, all other articles can be listed in many categories at once and not just in subcategories. Even the actors and actresses ones, divided, actually dilute the pages, and I added large letter links on both now. But to divide up Politicians into a dozen categories, with them only listed once, hides all of pages into a mass of random. imnho. This is almost but not quite getting into the Lyrthyia syndrome of destroying the wiki while saving it.Aleister 10:34 4-6-'11

Lyrithya said that once a category becomes over large it should be diffused into smaller categories, hence the temmplate

example

Politicians should be divided into smaller groups because it is extremely general and overpupulated as a result. It can be subcated into: American Politicians, Dictators, Republicans, etc. Now of course if someone has no idea what they are doing tries to diffuse the categories that of course its going to become a huge mess, and I think Lyrithya should try and keep an eye on who is using it. She gave me very clear instruction of how to use it and hence I've found very large categorises to diffuse. --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 22:13, June 4, 2011 (UTC)

Clerks

When you pissed on my article the other day you said you could move it to my userpage? Unless you think it's worth unveiling to the public kind of like it is now then I would appreciate it. Thanks! --!0German flag.png - Big D uck 21:59, June 7, 2011 (UTC)

Ok I will, so you can work on it in your own time. Once you think its done take it back to Pee Review and get it re-reviewed if its given the all clear I'll move it back into the mainspace. --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 23:42, June 7, 2011 (UTC)

Orangutans

Hello. *hugs Frosty* 1 2 3 4 ~ 16px-Pointy.png 00:07, 8 June 2011

Ok now that is just weird... What have you broken now? --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 00:17, June 8, 2011 (UTC)
Beats me. You just said you wanted hugs up there somewhere. Unrelatedly, for fake logos, please use {{logo}}. I demonstrated on your icicle thing. There are various reasons, not all of which involve arbitrary cabal decrees. 1 2 3 4 ~ 16px-Pointy.png 00:42, 8 June 2011
Ok... --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 02:00, June 8, 2011 (UTC)

Frosty...

You are mean. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz Zzz...morning? 08:08, 8 June, 2011 (UTC)

Hey I learn from the very best on edit conflicting with welcome messages. But if its such a big deal you can welcome the next noob. --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 08:11, June 8, 2011 (UTC)
Thankyee. *Very happy now.* Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz Zzz...morning? 08:19, 8 June, 2011 (UTC)

Paul Revere

Hi, Frosty, yesterday I created an article on Paul Revere, figuring that with the Sarah Palin controversy, Uncyclopedia could use an article on the subject that made humorous reference to the controversy without being angry and political. You sent me an automatic message about how I should become a user, so I did. Anyway, my article is listed as ICU. I've read the "how to be funny article" and done some edits, but would appreciate some advice. What does my article need? Pictures? Less pop culture references? The friend I showed it to was amused, but maybe she's biased... – Preceding unsigned comment added by Yemeknight (talk • contribs)

Hurrah, it's the UnSignpost!

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

June 9th, 2011 • Issue 124 • The only periodical that remains aerodynamic at high speeds!

It's serious business

By Chief

To celebrate the creation of a new ignorable policy, the UnSignpost is covering all the srs biz that has taken place on Uncyclopedia this week. Once again, Lyrithya and her unending quest to "improve" the wiki takes the top story; not content with replacing the potato logo originally created by Rcmurphy, she has created a forum (yes another one) in which she displays the new logos she has created, all wonderful and three dimensional. Dr. Skullthumper appears to have been so entranced by the the shadowing on these new logos that he is currently proposing that we allow Lyrithya to do whatever she wants, then we can only assume it will begin to rain marshmallows and then Jesus will return so that he may bless the new logos in person. Everyone loves the new logos except for Lollipop, whose home-grown logo offerings have been snubbed... one of these days he will probably buy a gun and then kill every single one of us.

The Ministry of Love has a new topic on it. This is news in its own right, but it would be just plain lazy for us not to tell you what it was.

In other news, Sycamore has called for all Real Nigga's to report to the Village Dump. Sycamore, who was born and raised in West Philadelphia, was unable to justify this course of action as he had one little fight and has been forced to go and live with his Aunt and Uncle in Bel Air. The UnSignpost is sure that hilarity is certain to ensue and predicts that Sycamore may well be writing horrendously bad rap music in as little as three years time.

Finally it seems that the in-fighting, backstabbing and constant evil that emanates from all the current admins (with the possible exception of Modusoperandi) has not discouraged users from wanting to be just like them. The UnSignpost wonders why anybody would ever aspire to be part of a group that not only has Olipro in it but also boasts a whole one and a half women and she is maladjusted. The crippling deficiencies of Uncyclopedia's admin group haven't stopped Joe9320 from asking to be one; on being asked why he wants to be an admin, he cited no reason at all. He just does and, apparently, so should you.

Also, Magic man wanted to be in the UnSignpost this week, so he is.

VFS/B

By Chief

When Uncyclopedians aren't looking at depraved Horse porn or voting on articles referencing Horse porn, they are to be found gazing in wonder at VFS to see just what those barmy administrators have come up with next. Well, sort of.

Currently VFS is not given over to the process of sandwich voting, but to a vote on whether to hold nominations for a preliminary round of voting for the people to administer the results of further voting, but only if there has been a vote first. In short, the admins are deciding whether or not to have some more bureaucrats. Since all of you have read Jimbo Wales fantastic works: "The Pricing of Index Options When the Underlying Assets All Follow a Lognormal Diffusion" and "Me and my ample piles. Of Money" you all know the ins and outs of the role, but we will remind you anyway. Bureaucrats give out user rights; if Uncyclopedia was a city the users would be the citizens, the vandals would be the criminals, the administrators would be the Police and Bureaucrats would be the people who send Police officers annoying notes about filling in forms and the importance of chilling their packed lunches.

Currently the vote is plus four in favour so it looks like voting on sandwiches will be suspended for another month, a tragedy which two months ago seemed a very remote possibility. We would urge you to vote but you all know the form by now, just remember that Bureaucrats tend to go... missing. We sat down with absentee Bureaucrat and hilarious moustache owner Mhaille to get his opinion of the vote: "If you master the 5 D's no amount of balls on Earth can hit you" Mhaille responded before beating our reporter savagely with a sack of wrenches, so there is some definite food for thought there. Cross your legs folks, it looks like there will be another vote coming to your computer screens very soon.

Check out these pages!
From our logs:
  • 20:33, June 5, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.180.53.111 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (You may fire when ready..... /robot voice/ commence primary ignition...... WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH)
  • 02:04, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) resurrected #59221 ‎ (HOW COME NO ONE EVER UNCHECKS THIS BOX ANYMORE)
  • 02:05, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (because you havent been banned yet somehow. i hope this happens RIGHT AS YOU PRESS THE SUBMIT EDIT BUTTON)
  • 02:06, June 7, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Sickmyduck1 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ ([insert joke here about lacking penis size])
  • 11:20, June 7, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 194.80.21.164 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (You seem to be unable to recognise that the repeated deletion of your articles means they're crap and we don't want them. Perhaps this ban will help?)
  • 11:29, June 4, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.208.51.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (BUY SOME SPAM!! CUT PRICE SPAM! LEARN HOW WEIRDO MAKES NO MONEY AND LOSES HIS FRIENDS FROM HOME!!! BEST OFFAR EVAR!)
  • 21:47, June 3, 2011 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 201.229.215.186 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (EminemEminemEminemEminem)
Biopic of the Week

Well, nobody was looking forward to being biopiced in the UnSignpost than Lollipop . Lollipop came to Uncyclopedia in 2010 under the guise of Maniac Mcpee, whose very first article was deleted. Lollipop reacted as all of us would have done and created a hate page to explain just how much he hated the offending administrator; this page was then taken, completely rewritten and went on to become a featured article. Lollipop has not shut up about it since.

As much of a blessing as a curse, Lollipop has hurricaned his way around the wiki, alternately thrilling and irritating administrators and users alike, but do you know what makes us want to biopic him? It's not the cash he gave us, though that certainly greased the wheel, no, it's his enthusiasm; you just can't demoralise him. Every time you turn around he's there being derided on a talk page or forum and then the next day he's back with something else. He just won't quit! So well done, Lollipop, you're the guy we all love to hate to love.

Thought for the week

On Uncyclopedia at a glance why do we have a stat for "Pictures of boobies" but not one for "Pictures of Cake"?

Think about it (That's sort of the point)
Newsroom UnTune of the week

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:09, June 9, 2011 (UTC)

What I think of you

You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we say in Texas. I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you.

You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselfs in recognition of what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?

Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you ckoke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot.

And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meatslapper.

On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry pisshead cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill.

You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh.

the only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of your of whay you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything. Your attempt at constructing a creative flame was pitiful. I mean, really, stringing together a bunch of insults among a load of babbling was hardly effective... Maybe later in life, after you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicap space. I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you.


P.S.: You are hypocritical, greedy, violent, malevolent, vengeful, cowardly, deadly, mendacious, meretricious, loathsome, despicable, belligerent, opportunistic, barratrous, contemptible, criminal, fascistic, bigoted, racist, sexist, avaricious, tasteless, idiotic, brain-damaged, imbecilic, insane, arrogant, deceitful, demented, lame, self-righteous, byzantine, conspiratorial, satanic, fraudulent, libelous, bilious, splenetic, spastic, ignorant, clueless, illegitimate, harmful, destructive, dumb, evasive, double-talking, devious, revisionist, narrow, manipulative, paternalistic, fundamentalist, dogmatic, idolatrous, unethical, cultic, diseased, suppressive, controlling, restrictive, malignant, deceptive, dim, crazy, weird, dystopic, stifling, uncaring, plantigrade, grim, unsympathetic, jargon-spouting, censorious, secretive, aggressive, mind-numbing, arassive, poisonous, flagrant, self-destructive, abusive, socially-retarded, puerile, clueless, and generally Not Good. - 89.243.139.233 12:40, June 12, 2011 (UTC)

That's nice. Now tell us the one that dosen't suck! --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 18:56, 12 June 2011
Wow... --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 22:47, June 12, 2011 (UTC)
Whoever this IP is,I like him. Once he creates an account, I dd him on my buddies list. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 22:56, 12 June 2011

Where's my snowball?

You promised me a snowball back when I vouched you for rollback. I gave you a lollipop. Where's my snowball? --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:51, 13 June 2011

snowball.gif --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 02:54, June 13, 2011 (UTC)

Ever heard of my talkpage? Also, please do it in the style that I do my lollipops in. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:55, 13 June 2011

As promised

Butlerstar.png
Butlerstar
I don't have any medals so this will have to do, for services rendered in the noble cause of mocking LyrithyaChiefjustice PS2


--Chiefjustice PS2 08:59, June 14, 2011 (UTC)

Wait...why haven't I got an award yet? I've mocked Lyrithya tons of times. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 18:27, 15 June 2011

UnSignpost Activate!

Now with 20% more ninjas!

June 16th, 2011 • Issue 125 • Adopt a mad Bear today... please, they're closing in.

CURSE YOU!

By Chief

It's time for the mid-month, mid-week, midnight round-up of Uncyclopedia, named this week for the mutual love and admiration currently flying back and forth on the Village Dump. The big news this week is that VFC has opened for voting, with almost every active administrator being nominated along with <insert name here>. After a whole day of voting, Zombiebaron has taken a commanding lead, racking up 14 votes, with Thekillerfroggy and Modusoperandi sitting in second and third. Our correspondent described the scenes on the page as "Sickening" as the leaders compete to see who can be the most dashing chap and concede victory to his fellows in the noblest manner possible. The UnSignpost was able to talk to Zombiebaron about the race: "Zombiebaron," he stated confidently on being asked whom he thought would prevail; on being asked who he would like to see stripped naked, smeared with Jam and fed to killer ants, he responded "Zombiebaron," and when pressed as to why he conceded that the matter was indeed "Zombiebaron".

Moving on from the sickening gayery taking place on VFC, the village dump brings us the conflict and hatred that made Uncyclopedia as doomed as it is today. First PuppyOnTheRadio suggested that admins should not protect forum pages while discussion was taking place, in return the administrative body suggested that PuppyOnTheRadio should probably put some clothes on before going outside. Elsewhere on the dump, Dr. Skullthumper is doing his best to keep himself in pointless busy-work by proposing that we recategorise everything into a set of new categories within a new namespace which in turn will be within a new namespace. The practical upshot being that Dr. Skullthumper has a reason to haul himself out of bed every morning, a truly noble goal; this entire wiki having being founded around a very similar aim.

Finally it seems that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2011 list has ground to a halt and has become Roman Dog Bird's very own personal playground and, as amusing as it is to watch him make entries about his bowel movements, his friends bowel movements, and bumsex, there aren't that many reflections on 2011. Since we passed the halfway point of the year a few weeks ago it was with some dismay that we discovered that we are still 66 reflections away from completing the task before the annual Cabal broadcast at the end of the year. This is a large crisis. Everybody should spend at least 10 minutes of the coming week running frantically around their house panicking about the impending crisis and the consequences of such a large crisis. Someone should also add new reflections to the list, but not before completing the requisite ten minutes of panic.

Skully's formspring declared "national pastime of Uncyclopedia"

By Dr. Skullthumper

In a bizarre twist of social networking, local user Dr. Skullthumper has created an account on the popular website formspring.me. Almost immediately the famed Uncyclopedia administrator was bombarded with questions about his sexuality, his sister, and propositions of considerable indecency. So amusing were his answers that for several hours wiki contributors ceased editing altogether to think up more clever questions to ask him.

"I was looking for a place to gloat about my ban," says Equivamp, a self-proclaimed sufferer of Erectile Dysfunction. "But I was too scared to come on IRC. That's where all the rapes happen. Luckily I found one of the dozens of links to this guy's formspring that everyone's been talking about. Finally, a place to insult Uncyclopedia safely!"

But even such a positive story as this brings humanity's dark side to light once more. Kip the Dip has revealed himself to be one of the most prejudiced users in Uncyclopedian history, believing the entire website to be constructed for his people alone. Several anonymous users have taken to slandering the almighty goddess Lyrithya, who continues to shower us with holy goods such as proper bloody code and images that don't look like they were shat out of MS Paint. And as for Skully, the sheer amount of time he has spent answering questions has forced him to forgo sleep for several nights in a row now. Despite these setbacks, Skully says he will "continue to do what must be done", and "hurrrrrrrrrrrrrghCOFFEE".

Check out these pages!
From our logs:
  • 05:38, June 15, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Meepsheep made this account to upload goatse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Clever! Verrrry clever. And foolish! Now you're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my NOTHING)
  • 04:39, June 13, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.236.184.66 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (If you like graffiti so much why don't you buy some spraypaint and draw a giant cock on your front door)
  • 08:41, June 14, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (The cabal wishes it: It does honest, I was at the last meeting and we talked about this while the tea was going round)
  • 18:28, June 11, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.158.24.53 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (we are a humour site, we are not concerned with the truth)
  • 01:18, June 13, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.68.16.64 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (I know what you dream about at night.)
  • 20:57, June 14, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.208.56.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (uuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh)
Biopic of the Week

As the UnSignpost staff gathered in the Theatre of Dreams next to the local Bingo hall, it came to our attention that the biopic has been doing rather well recently. It has actually covered actual users who are actually editing the wiki or who have actually edited the wiki at some point in the past. In fact we decided that we had done such a good job that the biopic this week would be all about what a splendid job we made of the biopics for the last few weeks. I mean, there you all were reading the UnSignpost and pairing your socks when BLAM! There was the biopic and it fed you when you had no food, it clothed you when you were wearing parachute pants and it didn't judge you the same way everyone else does.

The biopics from the last few weeks have contained less than two grams of saturated fat and cost you nothing, in fact they gave you the gift of laughter which, according to intellectuals, is the greatest gift of all; frankly you ought to be paying us. This biopic even comes with a picture of a traffic cone! It's so stripy and orange and stuff...

By the power of Greyskull!

You shall not best me Skeletor!

So there.

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:08, June 16, 2011 (UTC)

Your wiki Insanitypedia

Can I be admin? --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 04:29, 17 June 2011

Yeah my brother just did it. We'lll make you a bureaucrat with time probably... --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 07:01, June 17, 2011 (UTC)
I made a new logo. You'll see it up in a sec. Also, i'll change the monobook skin. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 18:24, 17 June 2011

Yo, Frosty

How are ya? I realized I didn't drop in for awhile so I am taking this opportunity to say you are doing a great job! I voted for your sorry ass for UotM but it seems you are bound for mediocrity forever! I am telling you I just finished this UnNews, I think you may like since you seem to like my style. I really think it is not bad at all or else I would not have bothered you. UnNews:Boston wins Stanley Cup while sore losers destroy their city. You really are 15? You sure don't sound like it bro, I may be a noob, but I see how your contribs to the site I am now hooked on are significant. If you take the time to read it, give me a one-liner about the article! Or else I will have to thaw your ass and waterboard you! I vow we'll hang your hat and branches as an example! Talk Mattsnow 05:45, June 18, 2011 (UTC)

Because I go to a start school heh, no really I do! Ok I will read it... --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 05:46, June 18, 2011 (UTC)
I enjoyed your reference to me and the article in general, but especially the reference. --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 05:48, June 18, 2011 (UTC)
Everytime there is some reference to cold in my articles, I'll link you to it. That is your fate! Talk Mattsnow 05:54, June 18, 2011 (UTC)
I think "Snow" counts as cold too --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 05:56, June 18, 2011 (UTC)
You're a dumbass for pointing out the truth Talk Mattsnow 05:59, June 18, 2011 (UTC)

Naked Sophia

That IP is a literal genius. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 07:04, 19 June 2011

I guess so? --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 07:04, June 19, 2011 (UTC)
haha poo bum wee...that article was so great I nommed it for VFH. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 07:05, 19 June 2011
I will sell my soul if it passes --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 07:06, June 19, 2011 (UTC)
Sel it to whom? --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 07:08, 19 June 2011
No idea. --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 07:09, June 19, 2011 (UTC)
Since it probably won't even make it, how about the dim peeper. --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 07:10, 19 June 2011


Disclaimer

I hold no responsibility for any dicks blown off by your sheer awesomeness for voting for this. --Lock'd And Loaded ~CUN ~ (Shoot!) 07:27, June 21, 2011 (UTC)

Catch it. Kill it. Bin it. It's the UnSignpost!

Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

June 23rd, 2011 • Issue 126 • The only periodical that will burn your house down... with lemons!

Experimental Vectors

By Chief

This week Uncyclopedia stands on the brink of a momentous decision, a decision that will shape the future of the wiki and possibly society as we know it. Also, Lyrithya is proposing that we introduce the Vector skin as the default skin for the whole wiki. As is the custom on our planet a vote is currently happening in a forum, which isn't really news as everything around here is eventually resolved in that way. The vote currently stands at eleven votes in favour, with the people voting for praising Vector's enticing indentation and stylings and the against voters complaining that Vector isn't compatible with Windows 95 and doesn't display properly when loaded on a monitor last used to observe the 1969 Moon Landings.

For voter and skin fetishist Ljlego launched a staunch defence of Vector, saying, "I hated Vector when I first saw it on Wikipedia," while against voter and Republican Aleister in Chains has complained that the skin doesn't work when he loads it on his ZX Spectrum; he has also found the real problem with the skin, namely, "Those huge tabs at the top, they look ridiculous. " Shabidoo, meanwhile, has decided to abstain, having been unable to make up his mind; his uncertainty about the new skin springs from a belief that, "This skin is much better than the last one." What a weirdo. The UnSignpost staff has switched to Vector and report that they have, on several occasions, found money in the street on the way home; who in their right mind would refuse to switch now?

Vector does have several deficiencies which are, of course, all Lyrithya's fault. The much loved and coveted things to do page has disappeared from the sidebar, meaning that unless you search for it, you cannot find it. Incidentally, Science proves that searching for articles in the search box causes Cancer in 75% of everyone who does it. There are no other problems, except that the toolbox is set to be closed as default, Pee review is now below the facebook page link (this makes it appear less important), it doesn't make sandwiches, the edit button is on the wrong side, to watch pages I click a star (this is blatant Zionism), when I click the search box I type in a box inside the search box, and there is no link to the UnSignpost on the sidebar.

If you have yet to try out the Vector skin go to your preferences page; you know you are there when the box with your optional real name in it appears. Click the gadgets tab and then select 'experimental Vector skin' from the list. Enjoy. Incidentally my real name is Archer, Leader of the Gorgonites.

Fails QA

By Him yet again

Now while the UnSignpost staff are currently contemplating a weekly box devoted to Dr. Skullthumper's latest fad for Uncyclopedia, we felt we absolutely had to cover his latest dalliance into saving us from the eternal fires to which we are so rightly condemned. QA is something you are no doubt familiar with; for those of you who aren't here is how to find out. The new revelation is the QA log; this is a splendid log for those of you who love to sit and stare at recent changes. Now you can stare at recent changes and the QA log. It basically catches people sneakily removing maintenance tags from articles in order that they may be punished for their anarchic tendencies.

Dr. Skullthumper has said all of the above in forum, but that's what the UnSignpost is for - we read the forums and write a brief summary with more jokes and less whining. The aforementioned Physician would like feedback from users on how his new device works, so in short he would like you to go to his forum and tell him just how splendid it is that he has taken time out from his splendid schedule of splendid masturbation to splendidly improve this splendid site.

Some of our readers have written to us to tell us what they think about this new tool: "Zombiebaron," said an anonymous letter. "Who is this?" asked RabbiTechno after phoning our hotline. "Please rush me my portable Walrus polishing kit. 4 Super brushes guaranteed to clean even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals." read a coupon sent to us by Under user. "Wow. Now that is VERY useful." read an email from MrN9000, titled "Re:The purpose of toilets" and "Help me. I'm trapped in a post office." wrote Mordillo, who hasn't been seen since March.

The QA log is live and watching all of you at this very moment and reminds you that thoughtcrime does not entail death, thoughtcrime IS death.

From our logs:
  • 01:08, June 19, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked WeStoppedTheRocket (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (i've heard (well, okay, seen i guess) it before! i don't wanna here (again, see) it again!)
  • 12:49, June 19, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 132 seconds ‎ (you are my all-time favourite fascist dictator)
  • 15:29, June 21, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.46.201.230 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Hell yeah! You showed that talk page. Hit it again! Keep it down!)
  • 15:15, June 19, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (EVERYONE LOVES IT!)
  • 00:08, June 18, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.8.195.146 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (My dog just died from your lack of humour. Murderer!)
  • 22:39, June 20, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked What now, bitches? (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (cute)
Biopic of the Week

Uncyclopedia has a problem. Uncyclopedia has NoNamesLeft . Now having NoNamesLeft is not the huge tragedy that it may first appear. To have NoNamesLeft is to have NoMoreStupidity. Confucius say: He who have NoNamesLeft have most names of all. Of course NoNamesRemaining is not just a rather snappy saying , no it is also the Moniker for a complete lunatic who likes to edit Uncyclopedia, likely to the severe detriment of the other duties and responsibilities in his life. Having been on Uncyclopedia for two months, he has racked up over 2,000 edits and three featured articles, along with a whole set of other articles that have caused Aleister in Chains to fall unequivocally in love with him.

If you fancy asking him just how he will pay the heating bill for next month you can visit his talk page. Don't hold your breath for a response though; he's probably far too busy.

Things you already know weekly round-up

Zombiebaron and Modusoperandi lead Thekillerfroggy in the final round of VFS, nobody writes UnTunes any more, <insert name here> is still great fun, more people need to vote on VFH, everyone secretly loves the Power Rangers, you will go blind if you keep doing that, Zombiebaron, Nachlader is occasionally funny, obeying orders without question is fun, the two columns are now similar lengths. Mission Accomplished.

Newsroom UnTune of the week

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:08, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

You voted for visual puns, which got featured!

Tank U

--Wanna see a magic trick? 01:19, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

You have a fucking new message

Somebody sees Frosty naked.

Hi bro, I just Peed on your article and put the review [[Talk:HowTo:Break Your Addiction to Uncyclopedia|there]], like I say in it, feel free to contact me if you want help, it shows promise! Talk Mattsnow 23:24, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

Was the Pee review helpful bro? I hope so! Talk Mattsnow 02:31, June 25, 2011 (UTC)
Twas, Ive been touching it up a bit --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 02:43, June 25, 2011 (UTC)
Cool, as I said in the review, when you're stuck or think you're finished, give me a call on my TP and I'll help you. Who knows, mayb I could nom it for VFH... Talk Mattsnow 04:28, June 25, 2011 (UTC) PS, just to know, not that I think this is important at all, do you have a feature?
Frosty does not have feature )': Frosty is still a lowly MUN! --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 04:30, June 25, 2011 (UTC)
Well, Mattsnow sees in Frosty's article some promise, if Frosty listens to some of the advice Mattsnow gave and improves his article, Mattsnow will sure help him when asked so that the goal would be a VFH. I'll help you, man, you were cool with me from the day I registered here. I see promise in this article. Talk Mattsnow 05:09, June 25, 2011 (UTC)
I'm stuck on it, I've givven it a minor re-write but I'm sorta funning out of ideas on improving it. --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 06:07, June 25, 2011 (UTC)

Ghillie Suit

Okay, so you say my article needs more work. I know it's a bit short but I did put quite a bit of forethought and work into it and I'd be quite disappointed if my first article was deleted, so any advice would be really appreciated. Seijana 07:35, June 25, 2011 (UTC)

Not too good on the topic, but I can move it into your userspace which eliminates time restraiants I can do that, so you can work on it at your own pace. --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 07:37, June 25, 2011 (UTC)
Well, now it has much longer, I'll see what I can do. Coming up with a few jokes on the subject wasn't too much trouble, but I'm honestly not sure about how I could go about expanding it. In my experience the best jokes are short and sweet. Seijana 03:10, June 27, 2011 (UTC)

IIIIEEeuuuwwww

You touched gay pictures. Lock'd And Loaded ~CUN ~ (Shoot!) 08:47, June 25, 2011 (UTC)

While using a very hot cat. Lock'd And Loaded ~CUN ~ (Shoot!) 08:48, June 25, 2011 (UTC)
Very,very veery [[1]] - btw how DO you link to wikipedia without it becoming a link like that? Lock'd And Loaded ~CUN ~ (Shoot!) 09:09, June 25, 2011 (UTC)
[www.example.com Example] is how. Play colse attention to space and only one [ --Is it getting chilly in here? Yeah, you get awards now when you mock Lyrithya Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB If I do good If I do bad 21:56, June 25, 2011 (UTC)
Wikipedia, being another and rather popular wiki, can also be linked with an interwiki link - just prefix the link with wikipedia: and it will go there. 1 2 3 4 ~ 16px-Pointy.png 22:03, 25 June 2011

The Un-Sigh-npost!

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

June 30th, 2011 • Issue 127 • Kills 99.9% of bacteria.... IN SECONDS!!

Breasts

By Chief

You know what the problem is? You will shortly, because if there's something the UnSignpost does brilliantly, it is editorialise on matters of little or no significance to you or the people you know. The problem is the days of the week and the dates of the month are conspiring against the UnSignpost. As the UnSignpost team sat down on Sunday to play monopoly and, if there was time, lay out the foundations for this splendid periodical, some bright spark suggested that we cover the conclusion of VFS. What an excellent idea, we all agreed, and had completed an entire specialist 3D issue on that single topic, complete with free poster and balloons, when it was realised that we won't in fact know who has won until Thursday evening, by which time this periodical will have been dispatched and our team of journalists will once again be at home wanking themselves raw. So we binned that spectacular issue and persuaded our least able journalist to write the story instead; this was especially useful as we only have to pay him in hugs and Jelly Babies.

So VFS trundles on into its final laborious stages; some of you may remember voting a long long time ago when it was still exciting and you checked the page every day to see how your favourite candidate was doing. Now the only people checking VFS every day are Thekillerfroggy and Zombiebaron, and only then because they are winning at the moment. Obviously all that is needed to recapture the attention of the average Uncyclopedian is a header proclaiming the existence of breasts and, of course, exclusive interviews with other Uncyclopedians! Regrettably only one of those is available right now and this being the UnSignpost you can probably guess which one.

"Well I do have a plan," said Thekillerfroggy when we interviewed him about his tactics for being the winner. When pressed, he revealed that "Well I can't reveal too much but I can say that my plan involves being the winner." Clearly TKF is playing the long game, but how about Zombiebaron? "Zombiecrat!" replied Zombiebaron when we asked how he would counter TKF's ambitious strategy to be the winner, which roughly translated means that Zombiebaron plans to be the winner as well.

Third placed candidate Modusoperandi is currently sticking to his usual duties: sticking the occasional template on Ban Patrol and posting on the forums where he is occasionally racist; the best and wisest man any of us have ever known. The other obvious problem here is that we don't have any particularly active Bureaucrats (thus why we are holding this vote) to give the newly elected users their rights on Friday morning. However this is a minor detail since the voting is the fun part of any VFS and you all enjoyed that... right?

Forest Fire

By Chief

As we were saying last week, Dr. Skullthumper really needs a hobby, preferably one that involves very long compulsory breaks from his computer. However, undeterred by such scathing criticism, Dr. Skullthumper and Lyrithya have decided, in the name of quality, to reform the maintenance templates, leaving a queue of articles on the timestamped maintenance categories as long as the list of women that Dr. Skullthumper isn't sleeping with.

When we arrived to question the good doctor, Lyrithya demonstrated her commitment to the project by immediately saying "It was Dr. Skullthumper's fault," which at least shows she is a team player. Of course Dr. Skullthumper is far too busy to answer our questions, especially when there are problems to be solved and edit counts to be raised, so he has proposed another forest fire week because if there's anything more fun than sorting through hundreds of articles, it's tagging hundreds of them with templates. For those of you who have never seen a forest fire week it is essentially a week (duh) where users are encouraged to tag crap articles with a tag that gives them 7 days to live. All splendid and wholesome; the only issue being that for reasons best known to himself, Dr. Skullthumper has posted this idea in BHOP, so you actually have to go there in order to read it, sorry.

Of course such an idea assumes that tagging articles is fun and I'm sure you will agree it is, if you are doing it once or twice a day. Once the seven days are over you'll wish that there was no Uncyclopedia, no internet and ultimately no choice! So hurry over to cast your all-important votes, and speed us on our way to misery and clerkly drudgery!

From our logs:
  • 07:33, June 28, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 217.206.228.109 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Finally, a good old-fashioned page blanking, well done to you sir for defying convention so radically)
  • 19:43, June 27, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked TheHelloGuy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (LulzSec attacking wiki security? Of course it's insecure, it's bloody MediaWiki!)
  • 09:16, June 27, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 178.168.31.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (werespambotmanwolf)
  • 03:20, June 26, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) ‎ (if i'm resurected does that mean that i'm a zombiezombiebaron?)
  • 14:05, June 24, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 117.120.16.132 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Ass-cheese is all very well at work, but you have to switch off sometime)
  • 12:26, June 23, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 119.155.6.23 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I'm cleansing the internet of inferior lifeforms, starting with spambots.)
Biopic of the Week

There is no biopic this week. Try not to think about that too much.

OMG!

Cajek edited the wiki this week, see below.

Cajek Ban-Smackdown of the Week
  • 16:14, June 25, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 13 seconds ‎ (Hello. I don't believe I've blocked you before. )
  • 15:35, June 25, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 253 seconds ‎ (Editing the wiki without due care and attention)
  • 02:58, June 25, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a poop ‎ (uuuuuunnnnnnnnngggggggghhhhhh *poop*)
  • 01:17, June 25, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a flock of trouts ‎ (Because.)
  • 00:11, June 25, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5000000 years ‎ (WHY HAVENT I DONE THIS YET)
  • 22:37, June 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a jubilation ‎ (OH MY FUCKING SHIT IT IS CAJEK!!!!!!!!!)
Newsroom UnTune of the week
Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #6,425
  • Just to pop down to the shops for... porn.


~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:09, June 30, 2011 (UTC)

Doomy doomy doomy

Zim thanks you filthy Earth smellies.
For furthering the (削除) destruction (削除ここまで) free taco day
of Earth! Tacos for all!
Tacoooooos!!

Thanks! Jackofspades.png (talk) 06:41, 30 June 2011

Pantsless Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.

I appreciate it, and stuff.

Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 19:55, June 30, 2011 (UTC)

Question

Whats up your butthole --DFly 10:19, July 1, 2011 (UTC)

What? ~ Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 10:20, July 1, 2011 (UTC)

You know...

When people win something, you could tell them. Even if they already know, it makes them easier for the rest of us to track down and laugh at. On that note, have you won that thing yet? I want to laugh at you. 1 2 3 4 ~ 16px-Pointy.png 14:00, 1 July 2011

What thing... ~ Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 10:28, July 3, 2011 (UTC)
Some thing. You may or may not find out when I laugh at you as a result. 1 2 3 4 ~ 16px-Pointy.png 11:27, 3 July 2011

thanks

Sun8.jpg ...for helping me get my first article featured !!! :) --Shabi DOO 14:28, July 1, 2011 (UTC)

Hey thats okl, I hope I tooo will get a feature one of these days... ~ Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 21:33, July 1, 2011 (UTC)
Lets colaborate...some time in the latter summer! --Shabi DOO 14:39, July 3, 2011 (UTC)

But

you gotta update the main page too, the writer and the nOOb of the month section. --Poop Man Poop -> That's Poop Man Poop 14:50, July 3, 2011 (UTC)

Talk to an admin about that, because I'm sure the templates used there are fully protected. ~ Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 21:38, July 3, 2011 (UTC)

Welcome to the QA patrol

You have either volunteered for or been volunteered to be part of the official QA patrol. Please review your duties on the linked forum and get crackin'. You can of course opt out, but then you'll have to live with the knowledge that you're totally lame for the rest of your Uncyclopedian career.

Uncyclopedia thanks you for doing your part in the ongoing battle against cruft.  Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize  writings  critchat) 19:14 Jul 04, 2011

Yeah ok, will do ~ Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 22:06, July 4, 2011 (UTC)


Ghana

What exactly about my edits constitutes "vandalism"? The previous version contained the "WTF" tag, so I incorporated some real names and famous Ghanaian things into a completely fabricated new Nation of Ghana... Isn't that the point of the site? Doggybaggirl 06:06, July 5, 2011 (UTC)

They are actually both kinda awful, so whatever. I cant be bothered. ~ Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 06:03, July 5, 2011 (UTC)
Hmm... Maybe you don't know enough about Ghana. I've read other country articles and actually found mine to be one of the better ones, although Ethiopia is the best that I read. I guess it's just hard to get the same sort of humor across the site and for every topic. Doggybaggirl 06:06, July 5, 2011 (UTC)

Some paes get vandalised over time, instead of trying a re-write why not look through the revision history for a better version. ~ Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 06:08, July 5, 2011 (UTC)

Well, perhaps a good start would be asking what you disliked about it, since you thought it was vandalism? ALL of it or just a certain section? Do you think it was because you don't know Ghana well or do you know Ghana well and have issues with parts (or all) of it?
After reviewing past edits, it seems that there was not much variation among previous edits. The article was simply never very well-developed.Doggybaggirl 06:17, July 5, 2011 (UTC)


Uncyclopedia is the Worst

So. Just to be clear. You went through the trouble of deleting the section I added to Uncyclopedia is the Worst, which is true, honest-to-god whining from the Garfield Talk page. Fine. But I charge you with negligence. Why did you go half-way? The entire last third of that article is actually vandalism that somehow slipped past the censors.

Shame. YouFang 03:23, July 6, 2011 (UTC)

Lol whoops I undid my edit, so its baack there. ~ Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 04:21, July 6, 2011 (UTC)

It's free and it always will be; it's the UnSignpost!

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

July 7th, 2011 • Issue 128 • Why not have some Yoghurt?

The Final Solution

By Chief

The year is 2011, as you are obviously well aware, and Uncyclopedia once again faces a crisis that could very well shake the very foundations of the wiki and destroy the comedic soul of the userbase. Ha, fooled you, here is a story about a forum that nobody except Lyrithya has replied to.

You all recall that last week we covered Dr. Skullthumper and his latest dalliance with quality control. Well, it seems that Sockpuppet of an unregistered user took exception to these changes, and he is determined to make a stand for justice, democracy and the (削除) American (削除ここまで) Belgian way, whichever way that may be. So you all know how we have too many articles, you should because you have all been told, and that all of these articles suck, however Socky contends that the way to solve this is not through shipping all the articles to Cajek's prison island but rather by considering each and every one in turn. A noble aim but it simply is not practical; does Socky not realise that these are necessary losses without which democracy cannot be purified? Clearly he does not.

The UnSignpost decided not to have an interview with anyone this week as it involves all sorts of complex logistical work and what can be charitably described as begging but rather has elected to have people answer any question with a random line from their talk page that they have said; we aren't completely unprofessional. The first person we didn't sit down with was Socky himself, to inform him that we were running this story. "That's... partially nice and partially creepy to hear." he responded. Asked why he opposed the reforms he said "The dark side is always my choice." which at least explains why he lives underneath a power station. Finally we asked what his proposed solution would be: "All I can say is that it's Arabic and I have a hunch it has "Allah" in it somewhere," he said enthusiastically (we imagine).

We failed to ask Uncyclopedian every man Frosty what he thought about the conflict, he responded by saying "They are actually both kinda awful, so whatever. I cant be bothered." albeit he did say this on Tuesday... to someone else... about something completely different. Dr. Skullthumper rebutted Socky's accusations of Article Death Camps by saying "I've been an uptight fucker because I was on my periods" to RAHB, in 2008.

Hopefully this will all accumulate with some kind of massive fight, hopefully with lasers... in space; this correspondent certainly hopes so.

Competitions

By Chief

We here at the UnSignpost were out of writing material this week, and that doesn't just mean we have run out of pens, it means that VFS has concluded, nobody is really fighting about anything and most crucially there have been no writing competitions. Usually you can't move for Uncyclopedia competitions begging people to write something funny in the name of fun and games and with the promise of a shiny template should they do particularly well.

Well Thekillerfroggy certainly noticed and it seems that every person who has ever hosted a competition ever was just waiting for him to ask since they are now all fighting over who gets to hold their writing competition first, by being incredibly gallant and insisting that everyone else go first. It's like watching a group of middle aged women discuss who will get to have the last Malteser: "Oh I really shouldn't, no you do it, you haven't had a Malteser in such a long time, I know I love them and being in charge of them but you asked nicely, oh do go on Mavis." You get the idea (obviously in this analogy Maltesers are writing competitions). We list the ideas floating around on the forum below for your (削除) laziness (削除ここまで) convenience:

1) The PLS, last hosted by Sycamore in February.

2) The Article Whisperer last hosted by MadMax in October last year.

3) The Happy Monkey Competition hosted by Shabidoo in March.

4) Some hypothetical competition possibly hosted by Ljlego at some theoretical point this summer.

One thing is for certain, one of these will happen, be sure to keep an eye on the forums to see what is being held when, that way you can not take part as a conscientious objection rather than just through ignorance.

From our logs:
  • 23:58, July 1, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 27.3.18.100 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Look at the cute little revert warrior...)
  • 08:27, July 1, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 137 minutes ‎ (it's not Retardpedia, you say? What the fuck was I ever doing here then?)
  • 19:15, July 1, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 108.67.107.232 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Why do people take so dang long to blank a page? Honestly. It's just edit -> select all -> backspace.)
  • 16:30, July 3, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.228.244.123 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (It's my userpage, the important part being that it is mine, If I want to fill it with hentai and fairies that is my own crap decision and you should let me roll with it.)
  • 01:09, July 5, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Olipro sucks (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Your Mother)
  • 11:27, July 4, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.250.163.61 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Are you stupid? This is a legitimate question based on the nature of your contributions.)
Biopic of the Week

What can one say about Joe9320 ? That he hasn't already said himself, it is not an exaggeration to say that Joe9320's biggest fan is Joe9320. That said, you should not let this, or his... unique userpage put you off Joe. Joe's biggest commitments right now are the Goa Tse clan, being made an admin and being Joe9320. Joe has been around since 2008 and should be afforded a level of respect for causing very little in the way of real problems in that time, accruing a stunning 8 blocks as he wheels from forum to forum explaining why he rocks and why we should all agree that he rocks.

So those of you with supposedly limitless free time can swing past Joe's userpage and once they have enjoyed that for a little while can swing by his talk page and speak to the man himself. Good luck to you; there be monsters.

Old School FA

The GPS is today becoming a never-ending source of delight to exuberant male drivers, for two main reasons:

  1. Their total lack of ability to ask for directions.
  2. Their insatiable desire for new, expensive and totally unnecessary toys.

The GPS fulfils both of those basic male needs.

The GPS will essentially connect to several geographic satellites which are able to coordinate the driver's local position, destination and how to bridge the gap between the two.

At the next roundabout- HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:08, July 7, 2011 (UTC)

Oy!

Where'd your talkpage go? 1 2 3 4 ~ 16px-Pointy.png 15:02, 7 July 2011

I'm not even gonnna bother to answer that... ~ Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 22:14, July 7, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for the Pee

Well, yeah, thanks for the review.

OK.

Right.

This is really akward, maybe I should jus-- EpicAwesomeness (talk) 15:20, July 7, 2011 (UTC)

QuickVFD header

Re "What idiot forgot to write the header?": That was me; sorry. I was going to try to resurrect the "Julie" meme from July 2007 but couldn't think of a good way to do so, so I ended up doing nothing. (During July of 2008, 2009, and 2010, I had nothing to nominate on QVFD or at least wasn't very active there. Go figure.) --Pentium5dot1 (semi-retired) t ~^_^~ c 23:19, July 7, 2011 (UTC)

Nah its ok, it was a joke more than anything. ~ Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 23:20, July 7, 2011 (UTC)

Libya

Why did you revert my edits at Libya? :( Dudidi 13:02, July 10, 2011 (UTC)

I liked the article better the way it was,if you disagree revert it if you must. ~ Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 21:16, July 10, 2011 (UTC)

Thank You

Thanks for nominating me for N00b of the Month! It's really encouraging.--Xamralco 00:15, July 11, 2011 (UTC)

umm

ok lol. i am new her, an i mak a artikle. u want to be my bff? lol Sheep of Meep 06:56, July 12, 2011 (UTC)

lol ok, but in all seriousness piss off, heres a tip to get away with sockpuppetry, pick a less obvious username. ~ Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 06:58, July 12, 2011 (UTC)
i dont kno wut u r takin abot. Sheep of Meep 06:59, July 12, 2011 (UTC)
Happy to help ~ Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 07:00, July 12, 2011 (UTC)
dud wat u talkin abot liek use sum prpr grammr lol --Care for a lick? Lollipop Care for a lick? - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:38, 12 July 2011
What the fuck Lollipop? ~ Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 01:07, July 13, 2011 (UTC)
Brble brble brble grammar brble brble brble Frosty's talk page la la la la donkey meat shaba shaba doo doo Lolllipop!!! --Shabi DOO 01:11, July 13, 2011 (UTC)
Why are you people still discussing this? That pathetic excuse of a troll was banned. MOVE ON DAMN IT ~ Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 01:13, July 13, 2011 (UTC)
:( okay okay okay zheeeesh! Well, Lolllipop...lets go and goof off on someone elses talk page. Somewhere where we are just slightly more welcome. :( --Shabi DOO 01:20, July 13, 2011 (UTC)
Lyrithya died, stupid Ljlego go yell at him for me! ~ Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 01:21, July 13, 2011 (UTC)

Finish what you started. Please.

Frosty, if you're going to move one of Uncyc's classic pages, then please either leave a redirect, or at least look at what links to it and change the links on those pages so they still point to it. Particularly Allah, which is kind of the whole point of it. I suggest going and creating a redirect right now. I'd do it myself, but that wouldn't make the point so well. --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 10:17, Jul 12

Oh damn I didn't mean to suppress the redirect. None the less I created the rediredct first thing when I got up. ~ Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 23:03, July 12, 2011 (UTC)

Reviews

Frosty...I just looked at the five reviews. I thought the were all well done (though someone may check up on me to make sure that is the case...so if its not...then they were garbage and you should have done better). I particularly like that you go section by section in the humour area, something I do myself (p.s. I dont consider myself amazing at the reviews, just something I like doing so consider this all friendly advice and nothing more). I also like that you are encouraging, point out what the writer has done well, that you aren't harsh with the criticism (if there is anything here I hate more, its harsh criticism without any positive feedback/explanation/encouragement/examples etc... Some things to think about when doing the reviews (Im only pretty much repeating here what a couple people have said to me before). Take it easy on new or inexperienced writers. For example in Avant Garde Jazz...while you gave a nice score and everything and did a good review, try to keep it a little high on the encouragement and examples and advice (which you do mostly do anyways...and beside its not his first review...but you know what I mean). With Final destination, you did a good review as the others though I thought it could have used a suggestion or two. I am not sure if you like to give suggestions or can come up with ideas quickly, all I recommend is that you don't hold back with suggestions if you have them. I rarely get them and when I do I appreciate it a lot. I found the other three well done, especially the Two and a Half Men one. Its actually pretty hard to review articles already well written, especially by experienced users, no? Anyhoo, amazing that you turned out 5 good reviews so quickly and I hope to see you reviewing one of my articles some time! Also, I dreamed about you last night with the left side of your body melting and then re-freezing into the form of strange octopus with icicle tenticles that some dog peed on. Really really frightening Frosty!!! --Shabi DOO 23:00, July 12, 2011 (UTC)

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Just about the last section mainly, but ok. ~ Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) Proudly bogan 23:02, July 12, 2011 (UTC)
I should never share my dreams with anyone. Frosty, it's just friendly advice. I liked your reviews. Let me know if you really didnt get anything. I'm going to bed in a moment. I won't share with you what happens. --Shabi DOO 23:36, July 12, 2011 (UTC)
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