User:Leverage/Unsignpost: Difference between revisions
Revision as of 02:14, 22 August 2014
UnSignpost’s BONER TIME!
Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.
March 28th, 2013 • Issue 192 • The USP that'll make good penis jokes!
News From Under The Cabal's Desk
- By Hotadmin4u69
UnNews has its own Facebook page now and the podcast that Zimulator used to run has been relaunched here. We already have 45 subscribers!
Happy Monkey Competition 2013
On March 20th, we started the 2013 Happy Monkey Competition/Happy Monkey Competition 2013 and had 13 users sign up to participate in the competing bit. The 13 competitors were Aleister, Puppy, Acmed2, Zombiebaron, Kelton2, Leverage, Sir Peasewhizz, Scofield, RAHB, Cat the Colourful, Madclaw, IFYMB!, and MrN9000. Leverage, Kelton2, Madclaw, and Puppy never wrote anything. Maybe they were sleeping? Do people do that for 36 hours straight? I believe so.
People scoring 70 out of 100 points (passing GPA :D) were Aleister (with Second conquest of the moon as her topic), Sir Peasewhizz (with Ding dong ditching houses as his topic, but later changed it to an UnBooks), IFYMB! (with his UnReview of the Crimean War) and Zombiebaron with his book about meeting his enemy on that one day. He scored 97 out of 100 points, which is quite considerably erotic.
So, for once, we ask you! What did you think? Did you love it? Did you love the HMC this year? You better have, or we'd be sad.
Thanks
Shabidoo,
Multiliteralist,
Y,
Sarah Baldewijns
(judges)
And kudos to Shabidoo for hosting the 2013 Happy Monkey Competition, and his friend Sarah Baldewijns for judging assistance!
Did you hear MY CHEM BROKE UP I'M SAD NOWWW
IT WAS MY FAVORITE BAND AHHW WYAYYWHEYH WHYYYYYYYYY GODD?!! WHY?! I'm just gonna kill my-!
Ask Zombiebaron - BONER EDITION
- Why does porn give me a PurpleDickVote.svg boner? (asked by RAHB)
- Porn tricks your penis into thinking that it is time for sex.
- Why does porn give RAHB a boner? (asked by Cat the Colourful)
- Because he lies to his penis.
- Yeah, why does porn give RAHB a boner? (asked by Multiliteralist
- Because he lies to his penis.
- Do brains give you a boner? (asked by RAHB)
- "Brains" has multiple meanings. Yes to all of them.
- Why does ANTHROPOMORPHIC COCKSUCKER ask so many irritatingly sexual questions? (asked by Moose)
- Because they are funny.
- Why haven't you answered that RAHB/boner question yet? (asked by Multiliteralist)
- I was waiting to answer all the boner questions in one huge omnibus edition.
- Why is Moose so frustratingly sexually frustrated? (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney)
- He doesn't dip his nutsack in whiskey on an hourly basis like the rest of us.
- Why do irritatingly sexual questions and frustration give me boners? Yes, more than one. (asked by RAHB)
- Because you have evolved into a higher realm of sexuality.
- What's my problem with women? (asked by Matthlock)
- They can smell your hymn.
- Yeah, why can't Mattlock get a boner? (asked by RAHB)
- He needs to dip his nutsack in whiskey more often.
- Why didn't you answer that one yet? It's the most relevant of the bunch so far. (asked by Multiliteralist)
- ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?
- Does anybody else find it ironic that question number 69 is about my boners? (asked by Matthlock)
- No.
- Does anybody else find it erotic that question number 69 is about Matthlock's boners? (asked by RAHB)
- I heard that Frosty jerked off to it several times.
- Why can't RAHB quit going on about Matthlock's boners? (asked by Multiliteralist)
- RAHB likes boner.
- Why this forum turned into a 'Ask Zombiebaron questions about other's questions'? And why am I asking this? (asked by Cat the Colourful)
- Because all of you are too lazy to actually come up with something original.
- Or am I just a time paradox? (asked by Cat the Colourful)
- Nope, everyone is lazy.
- If Cat is a time paradox, does he still get boners? (asked by RAHB)
- Yes.
- There really are a lot of boner-related questions. What is a boner? (asked by Moose)
- A hard penis.
- And how do I get one? (asked by Moose)
- Very carefully.
- VFP you assholes - Penis ?
- An IP's opinion on Uncyclopedia - THIS IS A DICTATORSHIP YOU SHALL BE DESTROYED LOL!
- New User names - Player.
- Spanish website goes with adds - I believe it's spelled with only one D. Sorry, I'm a Grammar Nazi. Top in my graduating class. Bi-atch.
From our DICK logs:
- 14:59, March 27, 2013 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 178.141.80.239 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (DAAS FYHJG SDF F GGF GGGSDSA)
- 06:45, March 27, 2013 Legoktm (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 5.254.133.90 (Talk | contribs) to an expiry time 6 months (I do not like green eggs and spam.)
- 06:45, March 27, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 5.254.133.90 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week (I do not like green eggs and spam.)
- 21:33, March 24, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Shemap Wolvan (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 years (THANKS FOR THE VALUABLE CONTRIBUTIONS!)
- 21:38, March 23, 2013 Hotadmin4u69 (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zana Dark (Talk | contribs) (Been a year but let's see if she will even return.)
- 17:19, March 22, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 151.230.196.240 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month (Test drive getting banned)
IRC Log Of The Week
<SirPeasewhizz> lol
<derpyy> lol HOLOCAUST denial is gay
<Kippy> BEAKING NEWS: THE SITE IS BACK UP
<Hotadmin4u69> HOMOSEXUALITY
Biopic: In Their Own Words
In this issue on this given week, we interview the very crazy one: Very Crazy Rafael ! This man is commonly more seen lurking around IRC and hasn't made his user page yet. So red links are his thing. But this is what this CRAZY Rafael had to say to the press:
- I found the Wiki on July 17, 2008. I am Brazilian, so I'm user of the Portuguese version: "Desciclopédia." My first article was about Jerusalem, translated from the English version. My best article is about the game: Grand Theft Auto IV. I'm male, I'm 18. I am practicing law.
And this was his closing remark:
- The project wiki has a great potential, you just realize that it affects your life, when you edit daily.
And there you have it! The very crazy; Very Crazy Rafael!
- Sideboob
- Originally featured on 9 April 2010
Confucius say
- Man who split wood is Tiger Woods.
- If there was a tiger in woods, doesn't that mean Tiger Woods?
- Large penis hurt girl? Hurt pussy.
- Insert new password, penis.
- Too small. Need a new one.
SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 21:53, 28 March 2013 (UTC)
This isn’t an April Fool’s Day Prank! This is the UnSignpost!
The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things
April 4th, 2013 • Issue 193 • April showers bring February flowers. Wear protection.
We are so, so sorry
- By Snippy
Yes, it's true. After only three months of sickly sweet freedom, our "Free" Uncyclopedia has broken. As the main page announced only days ago, our brief period of independence has come to an end, and it is now time to reconcile with the welcoming - if brutally oppressive - arms of Wikia. Or, in the bittersweet, tear-wrenching words of RAHB; "All will be assimilated into the bliss of the Grand Wikia Empire. Those who resist will be disposed of." Amen to that!
Maybe years in the future, we will even look back and say that the day we repented was the day that everything changed for the better. A date that will surely go down in history for Uncyclopedia: April the 1st.
... Wait, April the 1st? You guys fucking got me again, didn't you? Oh, wow.
(Thanks to Kip the Dip for the awesome April Fools Main Page!)
Easter!
So... what did you do this Easter Sunday? Did you even celebrate Easter? Did you see any bunnies in your house hiding eggs? Laying eggs? Making you "special candy"? I know I sure did! If you're not doing anything next year 'round, you could do some of these things; (削除) kill a baby (削除ここまで), do nothing, watch baseball, make a sandwich, skateboard, eat soup, and worship (削除) Satan (削除ここまで) Jesus! Happy Easter from the UnSignpost! Ruining your lives since 2008!
Ask Zombiebaron
- Will you answer this question? (asked by Hotadmin4u69)
- Yes.
- Why Hotadmin4u69 stole my question? (asked by Cat the Colourful)
- Manifest Destiny.
- Why did ^ those two do what I was just about to do? (asked by Multiliteralist)
- Because none of you are creative enough to come up with cool questions like "Is eating my own poop kosher?" (The answer is "It depends on what the poop is made out of")
- Does salad have inherently supernatural qualities? (asked by RAHB)
- Yes. If you eat enough salad you will turn into a supernatural dirty hippie. It is magic.
- Do zombies like salad porn? (asked by Lost Labyrinth)
- Everybody likes salad porn.
Confucius say
- Man who make mistake in elevator is so wrong on many levels.
- Man who fish in other men's well often catch crabs.
- Man who hauls donkeys, hauls ass.
- Ching chang ding dong.
- War no determine who is right, but rather who is left.
From our logs:
- 21:25, April 2, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Frank Zappa (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (I will always remember the day that I blocked Frank Zappa from uncyclopedia :D)
- 21:36, April 1, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked This Is The End (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (The cabal wishes it)
- 19:24, March 30, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 221.130.18.183 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months (this IP has aids)
- 21:37, March 29, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a goose (Making up silly block reasons just to get in the USP)
- 19:17, March 29, 2013 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sir Peasewhizz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 12 seconds (I've had it with these motherfuckin' UnSignposts without my motherfuckin' name linked in them. Put this ban in the ban log plz. ; D)
- 11:23, March 29, 2013 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked Malamammais (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (<-- I'm with stupid.)
- 01:53, March 29, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.203.83.90 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week (suck my dick or get the fuck out)
IRC Log Of The Week
<SirPeasewhizz> Oh god UncycBot is funny
<UncycBot> SirPeasewhizz: Great. I am a Christian.
<SirPeasewhizz> I'm lying
<SirPeasewhizz> He's stupid
<UncycBot> SirPeasewhizz: Please tell the truth.
<CatTheColourful> hahaha
Biopic: In Their Own Words
This week, we traveled to Saskatchewan to visit the ancient and revered Taiwanese sheep herder Lon Chang Eee, to ask him about his rich and storied life experiences traveling the Earth and meeting its various peoples. Unfortunately, he was not home. So instead, we interviewed Madclaw . When we arrived, he was naked and entirely covered in mustard, prompting us to ponder why we didn't come to him in the first place. He told us this about himself:
"My prick is a biohazard. One......................... two................................................ three....................................... four............................................... five............................................ six............................................... seven............................................... and a half................. inches. And due to the large amount of pubic hair you almost can't see the genital warts."
Speaking of my prick I once tried to thrust it into a grapefruit but due to the PH value of it my dickhead kept feeling a burning sensation. Fucking grapefruit give you crabs kids, unlike Grae-fruits, they give you AIDS."
He also told us that the most exciting thing he had ever stuck in his butthole was "A French hookers tiny dildo when I 69'ed her".
We can all learn a great deal from this man, who apparently also has something to do with a Star Trek fan site or something.
- History of Google
- Originally featured on 6 May 2009
SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 18:22, 4 April 2013 (UTC)
UnSignpost Time, Folks! I repeat, UnSignpost Time!
The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.
April 11th, 2013 • Issue 194 • Chicago Cubs 0 (HAHAHAHA! GET IT? THEY SUCK!)
Oh boy is my cat a horny bastard!
Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boooyyy! My cat is a horny bastard! Seriously! My cat won't shut up! He's always chewing on my chords, meowing, biting my laptop's corners (of the screen) and interrupting my Yankees baseball game! Seriously, what should I do? I wanted to write something interesting today for the UnSignpost, but I have to deal with this cat situation! His name is Max by the way. Somebody help me! My cat is horny! HORNY!
I love Mila Kunis
I love Mila Kunis. I'm sorry, but I really do. She is my girlfriend. I'm not kidding. Why would I lie to you? I LAUGH. This is serious, just like the whole website. Serious matter.
I love you baby.
.jpg){kind=link}
Ask Zombiebaron
- What do brains taste like? (asked by Simsilikesims)
- Everybody's brain tastes different based on what sort of stuff they think about. My favorite is people who think about pizza.
- If beans are such a musical fruit, how come they can only play the trombone? (asked by Modusoperandi)
- Beans believe in quality not quantity. Why play multiple instruments when you can just play one really really well.
- Have you seen Iron Sky? XDD (asked by Cat the Colourful)
- Yes! I finally watched it a few weeks ago and totally forgot to answer this question. I highly recommend this movie to all fans of my column. Two words: space nazis.
- If you mixed a Zombiebaron, an Olipro and a Mr winkler, what would be the ultimate outcome? (asked by Lost Labyrinth)
- The superior Zombiebaron DNA would devour the other two and you would get a clone of me.
- Dear, Zombibaron [sic], is professional wrestling fixed? (asked by RAHB)
- I didn't know it had been broken.
Confucius say
- Life is like butt hair. Short and full of crap!
- Elvis not dead. He is doing the Jail House rock in HELL!
- Man who finger girlfriend during her period, caught red-handed!
- He who laugh last think slowest!
- Man with hand in pants feel cocky all day long!
Random Article of the Week
Feature of the Week
From our logs:
- 21:24, April 9, 2013 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a salmon (Possibly discriminating against Wiccans.)
- 21:13, April 9, 2013 Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Using "W***a" in a block reason. Irony.)
- 10:31, April 9, 2013 Hotadmin4u69 (Talk | contribs) blocked TanyaArne (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Abusing multiple accounts: Fuck you too.)
- 10:30, April 9, 2013 Hotadmin4u69 (Talk | contribs) blocked BrookeTra (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Tired of these bot created accounts with names. What happens when the real Brooke Tra tries to join Uncyclopedia? Nothing, because you stole her username you faggot)
- 22:35, April 8, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Wanda The Monkey (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Have a nice day)
- 02:10, April 5, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) (Banning me for nearly 2 years over a link on a subpage that I haven't edited in over a year seems a bit much)
- 01:52, April 5, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 667 days (mentioning Wikia in a block reason)
- 22:28, April 4, 2013 Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 666 days (A HARD-LINK TO WIKIA???? ZOMBIEBARON?!?!? ZOMBIEBARON!!!!)
- 13:12, April 3, 2013 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 151.230.138.106 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week (:()
IRC Log Of The Week
<Dex> Shut up, Kip.
<derpyy> Shut the things got up, because we watch Dexter PORN
<Dex> And leave that poor IP alone.
<Kip2> That's my ghost, you idjit.
<Tigerman_> Idjit?
<Kip2> Yeah. That's a slang word, right?
Biopic: In Their Own Words
This week, for the Biopic we went to the extremes of MAGIC BUS RIDES! Ladies and gentlemen! The magical MagicBus ! YEAH! This is what he had to say for us at the UnSignpost! And yes, the ride was magical! I came. But you don't want to know that. That's icky stuff. Here's what MagicBus had to say:
- Hello, I'm MagicBus. I have a mom and a dad. I also have one cool sister and three very annoying brothers. I am Christian and I believe in God. My favorite colors are blue, green and black. I am currently attend high school and I'm in 11th grade.
I will try my best to kick the 5-time champion and the 4-time champion out of NASCAR. My favorite football team is the Buffalo Bills and I extremely hate the Cheaters. I also like many rock bands from the 60's, 70's and 80's and wish Justin Bieber to hit puberty and to stop kissing his girlfriend. I also love to play the drums and I play them like Keith Moon of The Who. My favorite NASCAR driver is David Ragan. And this was his closing statement, which came extremely magically:
- I'm MagicBus and I approve this message!
There you have it everybody! The magical, the transportation daredevil, the hip MagicBus! Yes, cheer. Cheer. Harder, louder, faster stronger. Now twist. One more time. Okay stop! Hammertime.
- Minecraft
- Originally featured on 30 August 2012
Persson began on the project after he decided that he had a deep yearning to create a game that was more boring than real life. Instead of, you know, making something that would actually benefit the world. At the time, he probably thought the project as small, insignificant. Little did he know that his creation would soon amass a mighty army of sheepish gamers that would never have a relationship or even know a life outside of Minecraft.
The game is mainly comprised of extremely pixelated blocks, gardening tools, inconsistent gravity and 12 year olds who will spend every waking moment at this little game. (Full article...)
SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 00:34, 11 April 2013 (UTC)
UnSignpost, late and lazy!
The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...
April 19th, 2013 • Issue 195 • Fresh shredding material for your kitty's claws
I apologize, dudes!
It seems last issue, I had a minor outbreak about my about my cat's out-of-control horniness. But my love for Mila Kunis still stands tall.
I apologize, bitches and dudes.
Here's a picture of broccoli.
Wait thoughhhh!
Do you think Katy Perry is hot?
Ask Zombiebaron
- If we were to crash several small meteors into Mars as to build up its mass slightly and we then syphoned some of the greenhouse gases from Venus' atmosphere and enveloped Mars in it, would Mars become habitable? What about Venus? Would it cool down enough following the removal of the greenhouse gases? (asked by Dexter111344)
- Yes.
- I made a movie called "iRape". How do I promote it in theatres? (asked by Hotadmin4u69)
- Very carefully.
- Questions? (asked by Cat the Colourful)
- Yes please.
- How many walruses could you (as in, YOU, Zombiebaron) put in a bathtub with doughnuts on their tusks? (asked by Strainj1)
- You haven't defined all the variables. How long do I have to complete this? Over the course of several decades I could probably slowly kill and transport hundreds of walruses.
- Is it the heat, or is it the humidity? (asked by RAHB)
- The heat. Heat causes humidity.
Confucius say
- She who whisper secret, whisper one word. "Secret". Literally.
- Man with four balls cannot walk, wrong baseball, you wrong!
- Man who called gay while happy has boner?
- This week, USP at least percent effort
- The above quote barely make sense.
From our logs:
- 07:46, April 15, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.244.172.142 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week (a sad little man that needs some time alone with his right hand)
- 02:49, April 11, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Wakkoswish123 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month (I am remarkably certain that I gave you the civility speech. Correct me if I'm wrong.)
IRC Log Of The Week
<gaybo_the_clown> the anime came first
<gaybo_the_clown> like everything in japan
<gaybo_the_clown> it's based on anime
<SirPeasewhizz> \wp Date Masamune
<gaybo_the_clown> I'm not even sure japan exists
<gaybo_the_clown> I think it's just from cartoons and fucked up porn
<gaybo_the_clown> like king arhur
Biopic: In Their Own Words
Sorry, we're too lazy.
- Hollywood tour
- Originally featured on 28 March 2010
Let's all buckle in and get started. Actually, I couldn't afford seatbelts. Whenever I'm not talking -- not often, I assure you! -- feel free to ask me questions about me! I'll respond by talking about myself. Now I know you folks are probably wanting to see the sights -- and you will! But mostly, I'm just going to talk about myself and drive past them all at 60 miles an hour. (Full article...)
SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 01:36, 19 April 2013 (UTC)
The 2 Days Tardy USP!
The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!
April 25th, 2013 • Issue 196 • Good morning... just kidding.
Writers are writing! VFH is getting a boost! HOW DO I KEEP IT IN MY PANTS?!
Whilst I sit, watching a Yankees Classics rerun-David Cone's Perfect Game, I become bored. Yes, bored. Sorry to break out the truth stick. So let us talk, paper to reader. Why do you give such gay faces when I say that? Is it that you don't like me? You don't like me?! THE UNSIGNPOST PAPER?! Well then you can just rip me the FUCK UP! Just kidding... I enjoy living.
It seems that Votes for Highlight has received a blow. Er, a boost. You fucking pervert. Gawd! Anyways, good job ladies on taking VFH (around 6 votes per article) and pushing it somewhere else! (10.03 votes per article as of Friday, April 19th)
And you guys are writing! FUCK YEAH!
PLS
The 12th Poo Lit Surprise will commence on the 26th of April. Judges sign up here. Writers could win a fortune. Mark you calendars.
Ask Zombiebaron
- Ain't I clean? Bad machine. Super cool, super mean. (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney)
- So fresh and so clean.
- Howcome you never change your signature? (asked by Y)
- It is hard to improve on perfection.
- What is sex? (asked by Sir Peasewhizz)
- The Latin word for the number six.
- What kind of username is 'Zombiebaron'? (asked by THC420)
- My kind of username.
- Is it true that you don't pick the best questions but the easiest ones instead? There have been rumours. (asked by Multiliteralist)
- I pick the best questions and then I make them look easy.
Confucius say
- He who say thy is out of date and should go on dating sites
- These are still corny joke givings
- And the racist accent-wording is corny too
- 5+5=10
- That is fucking random
- That was explicit!
- You explicit! FOO!
- We all explicit at times
- Agreed
- Disagreed
- Wow gay
- FROSTY
- Gets hit by cars?
- This isn't suppose to be a conversation column
- Fuck...!
- Buenos tardes... tsk tsk... and repetitive. This was in the USP not long ago...
- Hey look! A PEE REVIEW! DAMN! I JUST DID IT! YES I DID! I JUST PUT A PEE REVIEW IN THE FRICKIN USP! - I'm so naughty! Wait, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
From our logs:
- 01:16, April 19, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Cindy889915 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 years, 6 hours, 32 minutes and 24 seconds (Please come back in 3 years and try again)
- 23:45, April 18, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Papapage (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (SPEAK ENGLISH)
- 21:07, April 17, 2013 Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) blocked QUARTETTO DEI RICCHIONI con Legoktm e Zombiebaron e Bizzebeever e Sir Peasewhizz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (that's nice)
- 19:10, April 17, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.49.73.175 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months (u do gay thing, u banned now.)
IRC Log Of The Week
<RAHB> Sure, as soon as I finish watching How To Irritate People
<SirPeasewhizz> lol
<RAHB> Clever flick, incidentally :)
<RAHB> Got most of the Monty Python cast pre-Flying Circus
<SirPeasewhizz> hahaha
Biopic: In Their Own Words
For this week's Biopic, we turned our attention to Denza252, because he is the master of Biopic'n! Here's what this dude had to say! Behold:
- I am denza252, I am an aspie adhd suffering bipolar schizophrenic, soon I will be an uncyclopedia administrator and I have big plans for this wiki, I am a southern baptist christian and my favorite Star Wars character is Quinlan Vos, I am gonna murder SPIKE for impersonating me
And this was Denza252's closing statement:
- is that enough?
Yes. That is enough. Superb, in fact! Everybody, give it up for Denza252! Woo, woo!
- Tojo Books
- Originally featured on 16 March 2010
Intrigue! Perfect binding! Warehouse Fires! Price Cutting!
The members of the board hushed as President Roosevelt strained to rise and speak. Finally, leaning unsteadily against the mahogany table, the president spoke:(Full article...)
SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 01:02, 27 April 2013 (UTC)
Week-old news two weeks late: The UnSignpost!
Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!
June 6th, 2013 • Issue 198 • Back and (削除) better than ever (削除ここまで) still pretty adequate.
News Roundup At The OK Corral
- By RAHB
Here we are, we are not dead. Ignore the fact that the staff is entirely changed from last time. We did not murder them. And we definitely didn't murder Sir Peasewhizz. Because that would be just terrible. What we did do, however, is listed below:
- Recently Uncyclopedia's esteemed writing competition, the Poo Lit Surprise took place, and the outpouring of entries would have been overwhelming if it had happened. The meager number of entries we did receive seems to have done the trick though, as it has kept the judges confounded and overwhelmed for several weeks past the judging deadline now. We suspect that they are toiling away, scrutinizing every fine detail of the pieces entered, to ensure that the Uncyclopedian people are guaranteed results of the utmost quality. And we certainly did not murder Legoktm. That would be just terrible.
- The monthly awards pages have been vigorously steam-cleaned and you can hardly notice the stains anymore. Archival and blurb'ing is under new management. So vote now for your favorite writers, noobs, Uncyclopedians, potatochoppers, morons and everything else! It's also time to vote on the Top 3 of May, and don't forget about VFH, VFP and VFD. And, perhaps most importantly of all, VOTE FOR SANDWICHES! The future of Uncyclopedia depends on it.
- An insidious stream of buttsex farticles relating inexplicably to Doctor Who and Mr-ex777 has recently taken over Uncyclopedia's mainspace. There is no reason to be alarmed, this is just another of the strange series of ways in which the BBC is celebrating the 50th anniverary of the popular long-running science fiction series. They've also recently dressed mating animals in Doctor garb at the San Diego Zoo, anonymously left replicas of the Eleventh Doctor's sonic screwdriver inside various cakes and chocolate bars, and spray-painted Matt Smith's penis onto several trains and bus stops, in hopes of building up hype for this Novemeber's big event.
- This week we were treated to the triumphant return of one of our most beloved image manipulators and an all-around great gal, Sonje! She's already taken to clearing out the backup at Image Request, helping out with the projects of a few delirious madmen and laughed heartily at the antics of a certain unnamed IRC Markov bot. Go welcome her aggressively on her talk page so that she doesn't leave to work on her Master's degree again!
- IFYMB! is a poopsmith now because I said so.
And there you have it. That is literally everything that happened on Uncyclopedia since the last UnSignpost. It may have seemed like not much information, but really we just used a sort of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey device to cram a hell of a lot of data into a very short space of time. This is part of the UnSignpost's new technological advances that will make us a constant competitor in the world of wiki-news in the future. Please, tell your friends. Please. Seriously, please.
Also, Wikia still sucks (just in general). But please don't murder them. That would be just terrible.
Ask Zombiebaron
- When does the next UnSignpost come out? (asked by Moose)
- Right now!
- Does UnSignpost even happen anymore? (asked by IFYMB!)
- Yes!
- Is USP neutered? Ever? (asked by Cat the Colourful)
- We tried once and it bit off Dr. Skullthumper's left hand. He had to completely relearn how to masturbate.
- Can frogs be neutered? (asked by IFYMB!)
- Anything can be neutered.
- Yeah when is the next USP? (asked by Multiliteralist)
- Right now!
- Can I ask two questions? (asked by Multiliteralist)
- In this special edition of Ask Zombiebaron, yes. However your third question ("Or three?") cannot be answered in this issue. You will have to wait until next time to learn the answer!
From our logs:
- 00:06, May 31, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 123.202.12.124 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months (I'm still intrigued about this "blood of the number one scorer" that you keep mentioning. Is it an album or something?)
- 22:02, May 30, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 61.180.49.18 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (That edit summary was so METAL)
- 12:36, May 22, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 209.221.90.250 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months (Thanks for coming back after your last ban! See you in 6 months!)
- 10:02, May 15, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Arcom0911 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days (If you're gonna bully kids at your school at least have the balls to do it somewhere they might actually see)
- 17:00, May 8, 2013 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 208.54.35.187 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week (Oi! You! Stop titting around!)
IRC Log of the Week
[23:46] <ifymb> Sounds very scientific
[23:47] <RAHB> Oh, it is
[23:47] <RAHB> Trust me, it totally is
[23:47] <RAHB> We have test tubes and everything
[23:47] <ifymb> Lab coats?
[23:47] <ifymb> You gotta have lab coats
[23:48] <RAHB> Yeah we've got lab coats
[23:48] <RAHB> Well
[23:48] <RAHB> We've got one lab coat and we just sort of share it
[23:50] <ifymb> what, you all have a patch
[23:50] <ifymb> all you all fit in one?
[23:57] <RAHB> Well, sometimes, if we've had too much to drink
[23:57] <RAHB> But usually we just rotate it around
[23:57] <RAHB> Whoever's using the test tubes gets to wear the coat
Biopic: In Their Own Words
This week Sonje returned to our ranks after nearly two years of inactivity. We were intending to do a Biopic: In Their Own Words on her for this issue of the UnSignpost, but we got lazy, and then we got drunk, and then we started trying on other people's clothes, and then things got really hazy, and now we don't have a biopic for this week. We promise to do it next week though. We totally promise.
Random Article of the Week
Ask Zombiebaron Some More
- How do zombies fit in well with everyday society? Gayness? (asked by Lost Labyrinth)
- We wear wigs.
- Coke or Pepsi? (asked by Colin "All your base" Heaney)
- Coke.
- Who touched me? (asked by Hotadmin4u69)
- A trucker named Paul. He roofied you during your school field trip to Washington DC.
- Is the only card you need the Ace of Spades? (asked by RAHB)
- Of course.
~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) Beeverpedia.png ~ Tue, Jun 11 '13 2:32 (UTC)
UnSignpost is back
The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!
July 7th, 2013 • Issue 199 • Still fashionably late.
The PLS results
- By Anton
The thirteenth edition of the PLS was held a while ago (in May). If you would like to know the result, we (me) decided to make life easier for you and give you the result of the contest, so you don't have to go all the way to the PLS page (one click).
Just to remind you, all in all there were 4 categories and, therefore, there were supposed to be 4 people who got the first place and other 4 who got the second. However, this was not exactly what happened, as there are 6 writers who (削除) came from nowhere and (削除ここまで) won the second place, therefore diminishing the amount of prize money that others got.
And so, here are the results! We (everyone) congratulate Zombiebaron for writing the Best PLS article "The Uncyclopedia's Owner Manual" and IFYMB! for his second best article "UnScripts:The Treaty of Minaj-Black" (these two articles got featured after)! We also congratulate the winners of all the other categories: RedHot ("My Dinner"; the best noob article), TheMillionRabbit ("Hold Your Wii For A Wee contest; the second best noob article) and Tmchale ("Searching for Topological Degeneracy in the Hubbard Model with Quantum Monte Carlo"; the secon second best noob article), Zana Dark ("Disturbed"; the best rewrite), Tmchale again ("Ludwig Wittgenstein"; the second best rewrite) and IFYMB! again again ("Opposite Day"; the second second best rewrite), Zombiebaron again ("The Last Unicorn in Vinnitsa"; the best potatochop) and finally Dexter111344 ("Ghost in the Trench"; the second best potatochop)! Thanks to all the participators and judges!
The Uncyclopedia App
- By Anton
There has recently (a certain amount of time before the latest UnSignpost issue) been a lot of talk about creating an Uncyclopedia App as well as an Uncyclospecies. The idea consists in producing and selling the app which will transform all the human beings who use them into Uncyclopedians. The majority of the users (about 50% of those two who really participated) found this idea great (think that it is funny to talk about) and maybe even began working on it (asked someone else to think about it). Nothing else is known about them, as they disappeared soon after the first experiments were held.
The main problem this project has is that, in fact, nobody knows how to create an app. In addition to this, there is no money, as most of it was spent on Ferraris, that were supposed to bring more money but didn't. Finally, some people think that it might be harmful for the environment (nobody cares).
The project is currently being discussed (some users still post random spam on the forum) and with a certain probability the app is going to be created in nearby future (it is never going be to created but some people do think about it). Anton (talk) 12:51, 6 July 2013 (UTC)
Ask Zombiebaron!
- Who is your real identity? Before being a zombie? (asked by Y)
- Before being a zombie I was just a regular person that nobody had ever heard of named Burt Reynolds.
- Dear Zombiebaron, is it true that you own Mike Nesmith's original wool hat? (asked by RAHB)
- No, that is not true.
- Is uncyclopedia supposed to be stupid? (asked by Lyrithya)
- No, it's supposed to be funny.
- Will you make me an admin again, Bureaucrat Zombiebaron? (asked by Ljlego)
- Yeah.
- Or three? (asked by Multiliteralist)
- Nope.
Top VFH competitors:
- 1989 (8.5:2.5)
- Probability theory (7:1)
- George H. W. Bush (4.5:0)
VFH Highlights of the week
IRC Log of the Week
<Madclaw> "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn"
<ifymb> ahh yeah
- Kippy has joined #uncyclopedia
<Kippy> BUTT POOP!!!!
<Madclaw> where else would poop come from silly
<Madclaw> well except for SPIKE's mouth that is
UnNews of the Week
UnNews:Uninformed Westerners unsure who to support in Egypt
Millions of uninformed idiots in the Western world have been left "completely unable" to decide who to support during the current Egyptian crisis, an UnNews report can exclusively reveal.
When asked his opinion, Todd Layman, 22, an English major, said "Alright! Arabic Spring Part Deux! Democracy now!" However, when we explained that the Muslim Brotherhood was the party elected by the democratic elections which the Arabic Spring provoked, Layman asked us not to print his reaction.
Random Article of the Week
IFYMB! Mystery
- I fight your mom, Batman! (guess by Multiliteralist)
- I found you milking boners (guess by RAHB)
- I Forgot Your Milkyway Basket? (guess by Cat the Colourful)
- I Fucked Your Mom's Brother (guess by DungeonSiegeAddict510)
- I fornicated your mom's bonobo (guess by Hotadmin4u69)
- Infinite Flying Yellow Monkey Battleships (guess by Zombiebaron)
- Incestuous fellatio, your moronic butt! (guess by Multiliteralist)
- I fucked your mom's bitch! (guess by Hotadmin4u69)
- I believe it is pronounced just the way you spell it. (guess by Moose)
Contributions to UnSignpost
Contributors: IFYMB!, Anton, Zombiebaron
And enjoy the news! Anton (talk) 18:38, 6 July 2013 (UTC)
The UnSignpost: a brilliant new format but less news
In a genius financial maneuver called "eat only Ramen for nine months", Uncyclopedia administrator Isarra has paid for Uncyclopedia's servers until September with what little student loan money she had left.
The remaining three months of 2013 were paid for with money raised from donations, merchandise sales, and advertising on the Uncyclomedia Shop. It cost 277ドル.80 of the site's whopping 307ドル.51, leaving the rest of the admins with barely enough money for their Ferrari gas tanks and an Uncyclopedia Android app.
However, this makes it obvious that the site is not yet financially self-sustaining and that other methods of generating revenue and/or more exposure to Uncyclopedia are needed if the site will do better in 2014. Ideas proposed on IRC include advertising, finding a generous sugar daddy, playing the lottery, and selling synthetic marijuana. Also worth considering is that even though raising awareness of the site through word of mouth and Operation Infamous is embarrassing and socially isolating, it will attract more people who will (hopefully) put money in our cup. And clicking on the ads in our e-store helps a bit too.
Count to a million fiasco
On July 29th, 2013; the infamous Count to a million thread which is popular for it's time wasting appeal was locked by Frosty in what could be said as "an action of gay gay gay proportions." (削除) Several (削除ここまで) Just three users took to the streets to protest this decision, angry that their only source of time wasting has been taken by one gay snowman; of course, they didn't protest or anything so nothing notable happened.
When we asked Frosty about this, he responded "This is to make sure people edit in the mainspace like they're supposed to, for so long very few edits have taken place in mainspace and it seems like the most popular thing here is that blasted thread. I feel like I've made the perfect choice." However, TheHappySpaceman and co-partner in crime Kırby think otherwise; claiming that "This is just so Frosty can get the "gayest person in the world" award; we've made attempts to make the thread viable by contributing comics and other stuff and to mock all of our attempts, that's gay indeed. Even gayer than Mr. Winkler's F."
Everybody else is oddly not disturbed by this recent conundrum; knowing full well that the thread will be open in a week. "It's nice that we have a motivation to edit mainspace, I was getting tired posting numbers in an attempt to reach a million. Hey, maybe I'll make a featured article in a week." said a random Uncyclopedian. Okay, so it's not much of a fiasco as we portrayed it to be but two people are pissed off and that at least has to make it a mini-fiasco right? As of writing, TheHappySpaceman and Matthlock are currently planning to write a mainspace article, presumably with lots of gay jokes.
UnDroid
For eons, an Uncyclopedia Android app was only a pipe dream. Maybe like two weeks ago. Thankfully, it's now a reality. The app, developed by some guy you've never heard of named Jude Pereira, can be found here. It's free in exchange for money and referring your friends to download the app. The app also has many exciting features such as AutoTypo 1.0, which shrinks the keypad and allows you
to create typos faster than ever before, and Zoom 0.8, an innovative feature allowing you to make large things small and small things large. It's truly revolutionary technology, and it's completely free. So download it, use it, and be somebody.
Biopic
In this Biopic we examine the trials and tribulations of Fakehater who, with a few uploads under his belt (however that works), is taking audio requests in the Village Dump. He says he enjoys proofreading, doing audio, and based on his userpage, The Goonies. He is also into older women but, like most UnNews reporters, he has little to offer any dignified, diabetic septuagenarian. Embarrassingly, his IRC nickname is "arsenic_x", which we're pretty sure is what created the Powerpuff Girls.
• 20:53, July 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Lemonpie (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Infinite (just fuck off pls)
• 17:13, July 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of -3600 seconds (how many dicks could a dick sucker suck if a dick sucker could suck dick?)
• 11:41, July 1, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 31 millennia, 6 centuries, 8 decades, 8 years, 269 days, 17 hours, 37 minutes and 3 seconds (Better number of nines)
Top VFH Competitors
• UnNews:Army launches new recruiting ad campaign (8/0.5)
• UnScripts:Your Guide to Notable Literature: Abridged (6.5/0)
• Constantine II (5.5/0)
VFH Highlight Of The Week
Katy Perry hit generator (10/0)
From The Forums
• Remember a time when Uncyclopedia didn't suck
• Hey! This looks like an important thing!
• I can't hear you!
• The day the music was born again and accepted Christ
UnSignpost News
You are probably noticing that the UnSignpost looks a little bit different. That's because it is. If you don't like it then that's just, like, your opinion and stuff man.
IRC Quote
[13:35] <DogTheColourful> I WILL FUCK YOUR HOUSE AND BURN YOUR MOTHER DOWN
Anton (talk) 13:45, 8 August 2013 (UTC)
UnSignpost: yet another new format but still less news
By Llwy-ar-lawr
So it seems nothing much goes on these days that's really newsworthy. Sure things happen, new users stop by, edit a while then leave, people write things, but...nothing really notable, you know. But we won't write an entire article about how nothing's happening and how depressing that is because, well, it's depressing, you know? So we're going to tell you about one thing the author - in her extreme vanity - thinks is worthy of reporting and make it seem like that's important and trick you into caring, when you'd really much rather be playing video games or (gasp) writing an article.
This forum resulted in our acquiring a new admin, Llwy-ar-lawr, who is still all over the place just like she was before but now shows up in different places and is making this slow website go a little faster to hide how slow it is (we hope). There are rumours that she sleeps sometimes, but they have yet to be verified. She also happens to be writing this text right now, which is a terrible conflict of interest so we can't say any more on the matter; this means we will distract you with more pointless drivel about nothing. Now back to our regularly scheduled commercials, which we've forgotten to serve you. We bet you were really missing them because they're so yummy and informative. And yellow. That comes from the pee, which is high in nice nutrients like (削除) phosgene (削除ここまで) phosphorus...we think. Probably. We're telling it to you as a fact, though, because we're never wrong.------------
Retro Week happens
By Anton199
Uncyclopedians, rejoice! A great victory over the forces of liberalism has been won!
We, the Conservative users of Uncyclopedia, have decided that we don't have enough featured in-jokes, clowns, Really Big Trees, user and disambiguation pages, as if we haven’t pulled enough boners (and templates), we are putting all our past (削除) glories (削除ここまで) on our main page, once again, one by one, ten days a week.
Dear readers, only a few days late, the UnSignpost declares the Retro Week open! Applauds!
Originally Shabidoo's very controversial idea, the Retro Week has grown to become the time when all the Uncyclopedia administrators take an official rest from their site work, unless they are also the UnSignpost editors. You don't believe us? Check the recent changes!
So the 2014 Retro Week opened with a really big tree. A very big one. But it is pretty much everything original about it. It pursued with Slender Lorises, that are able to live in wet and dry forests, next - with Template:Boner, which we are not going to use in this UnSignpost, no matter how many times you ask us. Then came the turn of Hardwick Fundelbuggy's Userpage, featured not because it was funny, but because its author had written a lot of funny stuff (following this logic we can feature sandboxes and user contributions). Finally, we saw the Fire Hydrant spreading its waters around Uncyclopedia and slowing down - if not destroying - the servers.
Amongst other pros of the Retro Week are the facts that it gives users a good excuse for not voting on VFH for a while, because nobody does this anyway and that it is keeping our main page busy, while we are making an UnSignpost for you.
Thank Sophia, it happens only once a year!
Biopic
We haven't managed to get hold of anyone long enough to get sufficient information out of them for a biopic. They always managed to ooze away just in time. Must be that slime that's got into the works.
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week This is not an article (12/2)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News This is the first UnSignpost issue since August 2013. If that's not news I don't know what is, so stop complaining.
Chat Quote [22:15] <snerk> I just can't help but think that this is a pattern that is indicative of an anarchist takeover.
– Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 04:28, 5 May 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! Uncyclopedia Uncyclopedia Illogicopedia i:fr: Logimalpedie Paudurapedyja Frithchiclipeid Uncapaedia Absurdopedia Scotypedia
It's back! - The UnSignpost
Uncyclopedia is like a moldy pile of kelp right now. Not a lot of fun is happening right now. Or is it? Well probably not, but the UnSignpost is back! You know that newspaper that occasionally makes appearances on your talkpage that you also totally read. More than ever this newspaper will be uninformative, filled with articles that seem to endlessly ramble on about nothing in particular just to serve as filler and most importantly it will be the newspaper written by barely literate drunks.
Of course, you must ask, will this project actually be happening on any regular basis? You bet! Certain people who are extremely vain, as proven by the writing himself into the article will try and deliver you an UnSignpost every single Friday! That is of course, unless he gets devoured by a moldy pile of kelp. Then it might not happen. Other writers may also take part in this wonderful franchise, but let's face it, it's more likely that you read this entire article through to the end, than people actually write for this place anymore.------------
New admin time
By Frosty
Once again we find ourselves in that horrible, horrible mode of electing new administrators for Uncyclopedia. A process that never fails to see at least three users permanently quit the site because of "hurt feelings". But apparently, this time will be different. Although we say that every time, we truly mean it this time. Every drama stirrer will win an all expenses paid trip to RAHB's secret rape dungeon where they will have their anus mercilessly pounded with a stick coated in pieces of broken glass, and to top it off, the glass pieces will have been soaked in the HIV virus before hand.
Serious candidates include Kip the Dip, Mr-ex777 and Leverage; and not so serious candidates include RAHB, vandals from 2008 and DungeonSiegeAddict510 (let's face it, who'd vote for him?). And although newspapers are supposed to be non-bias and non-speculative, if you don't vote for Kip, Mr-ex or Leverage you are a loser. Plain and simple.
Users are all encouraged to vote, because unlike with the presidential election, your vote counts! Further more, not every single candidate is a loser, most of them are, but not all of them. Voting commences on August 1, so get ready for some old fashion in your face (削除) comedy (削除ここまで) tragedy!
Biopic
For the first time in 2014, we actually have a biopic! This week's biopic is Banzaikitten, who, is one of the very few new comers of 2014 to not bugger off within 7 days of signing up. We would like to thank SPIKE for his contribution in bringing Banzaikitten closer to us through his "take no prisoners" banning style on Wikia. If it wasn't for this, Banzaikitten would never have quit Wikia and joined us at the chosen Uncyclopedia. Please take a moment to thank Banzaikitten for being one of the very, very, VERY few users to join in recent times.
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (13/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News If you've read the UnSignpost all the way to this point, you need help. Seriously.
Chat Quote [17:12] You have been disconnected. Attempting to reconnect for you...
Two weeks in a row? A new record! It's the UnSignpost
Predictably (and because let's face it, nothing else is happening on the site), the admin election takes the lead story. For those of you living under a rock and those that are just plain slow, Kip the Dip is leading the race by far (+19) and should win be a few lengths, this is definitely because of how hard his jockey is riding him. Cat the Colourful is trailing at second with +13, followed by Leverage at +8 and Banzaikitten at +6. Other notable mentions include Aleister, Mr-ex777, Lost Labyrinth Mattsnow and DungeonSiegeAddict510 who have all succeeded in avoiding the highly embarrassing score of getting +1 or less. Feel free to message the losers with negative scores and point and laugh a lot hahaha.
It shuld be no surprise that the page has been mercilessly trolled with other complete joke nominations including The Chief of AIDS and The Zombie of AIDS.
If you haven't been to the forum yet to cast your vote, do it today! Uncyclopedia admin elections: Twice the drama, half the fat!------------
VFH smells
By Frosty
This story is nothing short of a PSA, circle-jerking with traces of vote whoring in as well. If you are reading this, you should vote on VFH. VFH voting takes very effort and makes it, at the very least appear, that we have active users. So get down there some time today and vote on all the articles. Some might say you need to actually read them first, well this is (probably) a good idea, but do bear in mind that we don't actually know if you've read it or not. And unlike, when you didn't read Hamlet in your 9th grade English class there is not going to be a surprise test on the matter.[citation needed]
You should also go vote on Frosty's article(s) currently on VFH, it's the least you could do after he SINGLE HANDEDLY wrote this terrible newspaper for you. If you don't, the length of his e-penis will decrease considerably all because he didn't get another feature on a website with a userbase smaller than an Eastern Siberian village.
Biopic This week's biopic is the user named TheRealSexyFluttershy, which just goes to show how desperate we are for biopics that we are willing to write about literally anyone who shows a vague interest or presence in the site. TheRealSexyFluttershy can be found on The Internet Relay Chats discussing things that have relevance to ponies and poopdick on a disturbingly regular basis. However, he does occasionally make the odd presence on the Wiki and even more occasionally he makes useful edits to some page or another.
If you appreciate him go to his talk page and thank him for his noble contributions in the field of poopdick, if you don't appreciate him please feel free to spam his page with poopdick (although he may start furiously masturbating).
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (14/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News Frosty thinks all the other administrators are highly useless. Yeah, sorry guys but you are.
Chat Quote [21:19] <sleeptyper> RAHB dislikes niggers
Does this look infected to you? It's the UnSignpost!
Not that much over a year ago, TKF left us with the classic "I'm quitting forever in a highly obnoxious and auto-fellating manor". For about 66 seconds Uncyclopedians everywhere were sad, we all fapped in sadness at the loss of our beloved TKF and things were never going to be quite the same again. Then we all thought to ourselves "good riddance, I hope he contracts Anthrax and dies."
No surprise, but he has come back under the highly illusive nickname "Argylesocks" which is obviously not somebodies sockpuppet because it contains the word socks in it. I mean, if you were a sockpuppet would you give it away so easily? Flawless logic! He can also be found on IRC chatting casually under the "dcik", showing his support for "The Dyslexia Support Foundation".
Head over to his user page and talk page to find out details about his awesome "Uncyclopedia Retrospect project" which is probably some grand social experiment documenting the life and times of hopeless losers on the internet, but hey it SOUNDED COOL.------------
Forum dramaz
By Frosty
Uncyclopedia has recently had an infestation. An infestation of drama. Drama is bad mmkay? Aside from the obvious fact users get banned, users quit and people proceed to hate each other to the point where you would rub hot English Mustard into their prolapsed anus if you ever saw them in the street, drama distracts you from writing. As does reading the UnSignpost. But reading the UnSignpost is more constructive as the constant not so subliminal messaging telling you to write articles is plastered everywhere. WRITE ARTICLES.
But drama can be entertaining when coupled with cheap scotch and buttered popcorn to the humble obverser. But mainly it's bad, so stop it. No matter how funny you think your drama mongering will never compete with Asperger's Syndrome is no laughing matter... ...(削除) and the sequel (削除ここまで) rest of the trilogy.
Biopic
This week's biopic is Chaoarren, which if you haven't meet him yet... You suck basically. He can be found on IRC, occasionally editing the Wiki and frequently reporting established users to Ban patrol because "they made fun of him in his pink skirt" or "he smells funny". Chaoarren has also done the highly laughable feat of running dead last in the most vote rigged admin election in history, where losers like Kip the Dip and Colin actually stand a chance of (削除) winning (削除ここまで) losing.
He's also a noob that hasn't buggered off yet. I wish more of them were like you Chaoarren... I really do...
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week What's-his-name off that thing (12/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News Confucius say "Shut the fuck up and edit an article".
Chat Quote [20:17] <James_T> My dick is large
More {{Boner}}s than a ragged Playgirl: It's the UnSignpost!
It was dark times being without Uncyclopedia. Maybe if I got out of the dark and went outside once in while it would be less dark. But you know, lazy me.
I plan to visit Uncyclopedia and do my 'thang (wink wink) at least once a week. But I hold no promises because you can't trust me. I'm a hoe and 3!OH!3 told you to NOT TRUST HOES.
However, I'm sure you guys found out why I was absent from the site for a good (削除) 200 years (削除ここまで) 4+ months and it was because my old laptop KOed and I finally got a new one for school.
So that means I won't be uploading images of Madiq. (pictured)...
I missed you, just kidding, but really. However, I didn't forget you, maybe sometimes,
Is this a haiku or something? My grammar sucks too.------------
New admins for you!
By Sir Peasewhizz
Beware everyone, as a result of this there is now an additional 8 new sysops/administrators. They all expect BJS and prizes.
Kip the Dip
Leverage
Supergeeky1
Banzaikitten
Mr-ex777
Colin "All your base" Heaney
Lost Labyrinth
Cat the Colourful
They expect sacrifices. So chop, chop. Make haste.
Biopic This weeks biopic is on someone who doesn't read Uncyclopedia (but they will because we will make them through laughter har har). Her name is Elizabeth and she's from Australia. She showed Sir Peasewhizz her tits...
They were nice. And that is it for today's Biopic. What the fuck did you expect? A fucking biography on the Borgia family?
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week UnBooks:Holmes On Homes (16/0)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News This just in: Don't hit your children.
Chat Quote
We gave The UnSignpost an enema, so now it's regular!
By Banzaikitten
Welcome to another no longer sporadic edition of Unsignpost. Yes, the quantity of USP's being written has gone through the roof in the last few weeks and as such there is absolutely nothing to report- hence why people who have previously never written one of these are being roped in. One thing of note that has changed is I am now an admin and as such can block RAHB with impunity. God I love to block RAHB. There is nothing quite like the fizzy rush in the root of your penis and the dizzy thrill you get in your anus when blocking RAHB. I urge all who can to try it.
But anyway, I'm an admin now and I'm going to try and be the best admin that I can be, and judging from my recent attempt at changing the featured article, and all the admins reactions to my fuck up, the best admin I can be is one who does absolutely no administration work and just writes the occasional UnNews. Thanks for all your votes.------------
RAHBs Sexuality
By Banzaikitten
I know I've already spoken about RAHB but god help me I just can't stop. We all like voting and there is a very important vote occuring right now. You, yes you, could decide what sexuality RAHB is. Come the end of the vote RAHB sexuality will be decided for him and he will have to perform sexual acts of that nature for the rest of time. I'm hoping Ponies wins.
Shame on you By the curate
As the curate and the moral compass of this sinful land I must say that I have been appalled at the terrible news that my milkman brought to me. Although I don't remember his exact words, I'll try to reconstruct his speech from my memory, which - and for this I thank God - I am still honored to possess, despite my respectable age.
These were the words of the milkman. However, this isn't all. I was not terrified when I heard this, because teaching fellow villagers to cure an abominable disease, which homosexuality certainly is, is a commendable act from Mr. Frosty's part, especially if it was done with no impulse other than to save good Christians.
Alas, I, we have been greatly deceived in our trust! Beware of the appearances, especially when they are found on the unholy Internet!
Ah, wicked men! I, your curate, willing to help your ungrateful souls, decided to try the so-praised advice of Mr. Frosty on myself and proceeded to accomplish it yesterday. I did everything he said to the very last phrase and - I swear by the Holy Grail - it didn't work!
Biopic
bakpak2hvy is a guy who frequently lurks on our IRC without saying anything. The other day he said something.
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[17:16] <Banzaikitten> so I wrote the USP kind of
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> its entirely about RAHB
[17:16] <RAHB> Awesome