Author: The_Reaper_Kindred The_Reaper_Kindred
Translator: tetsusquared tetsusquared
Original article: SCP-CN-534 - 禁止普通话!
Man, I've been putting this off for a while because I didn't realize I could just handwave the missing format screw. There is still a tiny trace of the format screw in that the article switches randomly between British and American spellings, but there's only like three words that differ (amnesticize/amnesticise and derivatives, and rumor/rumour) so it's very hard to notice.
I hope nobody takes offence to me using Jamaican Patois and Scots, which have similar relations to English as different dialects of Chinese have to Standard Chinese. (To be fair, Patois is a creole based on English, which is different from how Chinese dialects developed.) When you hear Chinese dialects spoken, you might even think they're completely separate languages in the same language family (in their spoken forms, they basically are), like French and Italian or even Icelandic and Russian. It's a shame my native dialects of Chinese don't show up, but I never spoke Minnan that well anyway.