Web1.2 (眼鏡かけて)

東北関東大震災から一週間。昔の文人なら「震災日記」を書き始めていたかもしれないが、そういう気にはなれない。それは私が文人でないからではなく、東京が直接の被災地となっていないからだ。

確かに揺れは大きかったし、停電するところもあるはあるし、放射線が飛んでくるリスクはなくもないが、直接の被災者と比べれば全く微々たるもので、特に書き綴る事象もない。

あるとすれば、この寒さだ。東京でさえこんなに冷え込むのだから、被災地ではどんなに厳しいことだろうと想像するだに暗澹たる思いがする。この「暗澹たる思い」こそが、非被災地である東京を象徴している気がする。

事実、現地で被害をあまり受けず、温かい場所や食料を確保できている人は、直接の被災者故に、暗澹たる思いよりも自分の生活を立て直したり、仲間を助けに行ったりすることに、一種の意欲を燃やしている。空元気もあるかもしれないが、もし自分がその程度の被災者であれば、そう思っただろうと想像する。

(村上龍が「これまで自分たちの繁栄に酔いしれていた我々は、再び希望の種を植えたのだ」と興奮しているのは、それに似た感覚の可能性があるし、猪瀬直樹が「三島由紀夫が呪詛した日常性が終ったのである」というのも同じような意味だろう。しかし心ある人たちは、「退屈」も「日常」も受け入れる覚悟をしつつあったはずだ。)

重要なのは、その「程度」の問題だ。極端に言えば、すでに亡くなった方はもう苦しむことはない。無念だったろうが、いまは何も感じることはない。問題なのは、亡くなった人と意欲を燃やす人の間にいる人の、飢えや寒さや孤独だ。

身内がすっかり亡くなり、自分だけが残って、持病を悪化させ、さらに別の病気を併発させながら、飢えや寒さに苦しみ、孤独に呆然としている人のことを想像するだに、腹が痛くなる。避難中に命を落とす人もいるだろう。いま一番メモしておきたいのは、その人の絶望感への思いである。

金曜日に地震と津波があった夜は、多くの電車が止まって帰れなくなった人が出た。私は都営線の駅まで歩いて混雑する電車で帰ったが、被害があまり明らかになっていなかった土曜日は、震災直後にかかわらず、つかの間の日常があったように思う。

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