I already know what you're thinking. "What the fuck is a pack of 2005 Absolute Memorabilia doing in a Wal-Mart re-wrap? Wasn't that shit 40ドル/pack?" Well, this is 2005 Absolute Memorabilia, but it's not that AM.

This is the retail version of AM. "Retail version? They made a retail version of Absolute Memorabilia?" Why yes. Yes they did.

Let's review.

2005 Absolute Memorabilia Hobby: Three base cards and one autogamer-per-pack.
2005 Absolute Memorabilia Retail: Five base cards per pack.

Hobby: MSRP of 40ドル
Retail: MSRP of 2ドル

Hobby: Typical mediocre mid-00s Donruss-Playoff design.
Retail: Typical mediocre mid-00s Donruss-Playoff design.

Hobby: Equally mediocre 100-card base set, printed on rainbow-foil stock.
Retail: Equally mediocre 100-card base set, printed on UV-coated stock.

Hobby: One of the most busted products of 2005.
Retail: One of the least busted products of 2005.

Get the picture? Let's dig in.

Base:
Jason Varitek
Vernon Wells
Paul Lo Duca
Mike Mussina
Pedro Martinez

And now you know why it was one of the least busted products of 2005.

I was jonesin' for a cheap pack of cards no more than four years old the other day. A stop a Target netted me some badly needed TP (down to the last roll with tacos on the night's menu), some lotion (Man, am I getting chapped now that the temps have finally started to go down!), and a few random packs to get me through the weekend. Are these warning signs of a collecting problem? Probably not, but let's not let it get to the point where I end up getting my arm sawed off because of my addiction. They'd have to rename the film Requiem For a Card.

Let's tear in.

Top to Bottom:
68 Mark Prior (Thorzul makes index-finger-down-throat motion, accompanied by a retching noise.)
26 Jason Varitek



16 Garret Anderson



30 Carlos Lee
87 Carlos Beltran

Grade: D
With George Brett on the pack, I'd like a reasonable shot at pulling a George Brett, or, to a lesser extent, a Bret Saberhagen. Hell, as long as we're talking Royals, I'd take a Darryl Motley, the only guy in the 1987 base set with a "Now With Braves" designation on the front.

This pack is a dud. I got a dirty-ass Cub, two guys named Carlos, and...wait, I can't do it. The rest of the pack isn't even worth talking about. Let's focus on Daryl Motley, whose "greatest baseball thrill was HR at Seattle in 1983 with his parents in attendance at the game." What the fuck was wrong with this guy?! He wins a World-Focking-Series in 1985, and he's most proud of a meaningless 1983 home run? No wonder the Royals traded him. Their organization wanted nothing to do with losers who had such shortsighted goals.