Funniest Movie Scenes

Monty Python's The Meaning of Life (1983, UK)

In director Terry Jones' irreverent, zany and crass musical comedy, the stages of life from birth to death were examined by the Monty Python comedy team in an amusing series of seven segments (the stages of life were labeled from birth to death); there were various hilarious skits about the 'meaning of life - and death' - with some interesting and rhetorical thoughts about serious philosophical issues including mortality and being human. Its tagline was:

"It took God six days to create the Earth, and Monty Python just 90 minutes to screw it up."

On a budget of 9ドル million, this film was commercially very successful - it grossed 14ドル.9 million (domestic) and 42ドル.7 million (worldwide). This was the last major project that all six Python contributors-directors (Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, and Michael Palin) would collaborate on. Monty Python's two previous similar films were a spoof of medieval times and King Arthur's search for the Holy Grail in Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) , and the New Testament-related satirical black comedy about a boy named Brian born on the first Christmas and mistaken for the Messiah in Monty Python's Life of Brian (1979) .

There were, of course, some crude, provocative and offensive segments that approached 'bad taste' and promoted anti-Catholic sentiments, although there were also entertaining musical numbers, including "Every Sperm is Sacred", "The Penis Song," and the Busby Berkeley-inspired "Christmas in Heaven." Other topics included war, education, religion (Protestantism and Catholicism), sex education, gluttony and the approach of death (half-naked women in pursuit).

In a delivery room, the 'miracle of birth' (the mother and the patient) was neglected by the doctors; Catholics (who proliferated with large families and considered sperm sacred) were compared to the condom-wearing Protestants; a sex-education teacher taught the basics of sex with a live demonstration with his wife to bored Catholic schoolboys; during wartime, a birthday celebration was more important than obeying a commander's plan of attack or defense; live organ transplants were surgically performed; in the 6th segment: "Autumn of one's years," in a restaurant, a performer sang the "Penis Song" that praised having a penis; one of the corpulent customers literally ate himself to death and exploded; in the 7th and last segment labeled "Death," a criminal was punished for "gratuitous, sexist jokes in a moving picture" by being chased to death over a cliff by a group of bare-breasted females; the last major skit was a bizarre "Christmas in Heaven" segment with Santa Claus-dressed angels wearing plastic breasts in a Las Vegas-styled hotel with a cheesy lounge-singer.

• the fantastic 17-minute short film The Crimson Permanent Assurance (1983) preceded the movie; in the prologue set in present-day London, a group of elderly office financial accountants (in The Permanent Assurance Company) rebelled against their corporate over-lord Wall Street masters by revolting and commandering the building (that transformed into a pirate ship (the CPA) and sailed off the edge of the Earth); the film's Narrator intervened to get the film rolling
• in a fish aquarium with human-headed fish, the six goldfish-like creatures exchanged pleasantries, commented upon one of their own kind being served in a restaurant, and wondered about life:
  • - "Hey, look. Howard's being eaten."
    - "Is he? Makes you think, doesn't it?"
    - "I mean, what's it all about?"
    - "Beats me."
• during a hospital birth in Part I ("The Miracle of Birth"), the doctors were fascinated with "the machine that goes ping" ("that means your baby is still alive") and basically neglected the patient Mrs. Moore (Valerie Whittington); the obstetrician (Graham Chapman) and Dr. Spencer (John Cleese) treated the newborn roughly in the Fetus Frightening Room ("Here it comes. And frighten it!"), used "rough towels" and then ordered: "Show it to the mother. That's enough...Sedate her. Number the child. Measure it, blood type it, and isolate it!"); when the mother simply asked: "Is it a boy or girl?", the obstetrician replied:
  • "Now, I think it's a little early to start imposing roles on it, don't you? Now, a word of advice. You may find that you suffer for some time a totally irrational feeling of depression: 'PND', as we doctors call it. So, it's lots of happy pills for you, and you can find out all about the birth when you get home. It's available on Betamax, VHS, and Super Eight"
• in Part II ("The Third World in Yorkshire"), as a father trudged home, he saw a stork deliver a baby down his chimney; inside, a newborn was dropped to the floor from between the legs of his Yorkshire housewife (Terry Jones) who was doing chores; she asked: "Get that would you, Deidre?"; the recently-unemployed husband (Michael Palin), who had obviously avoided using contraception, had a gigantic family after following Catholic teachings; he had lost his mill job and was destitute, and blamed the Catholic church for his many children: ("If they'd let me wear one of the little rubber things on the end of my cock, we wouldn't be in the mess we are now"); he told his many offspring (after "careful thought") that he couldn't feed or support them any longer, and would have to sell them off to be used in scientific medical experiments
• a lavish production number with the musical song "Every Sperm is Sacred," was sung in part by the Mum (Terry Jones) and father with their many children in Yorkshire:
  • "Hindu, Taoist, Mormon, Spill theirs just anywhere; But God loves those who treat - their semen with more care; (chorus) Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate"
• nearby, a disapproving Protestant Mr. Harry Blackitt (Graham Chapman) spoke to his wife (Eric Idle) about the "bloody Catholics" - he criticized the neighboring poverty-stricken Catholics whom he felt had too many children and didn't practice birth control:
  • "Look at them, bloody Catholics, filling the bloody world up with bloody people they can't afford to bloody feed...every time they have sexual intercourse, they have to have a baby"
• he stated how as a Protestant, he took precautions to avoid fathering children, but then went on a tangent about the pleasure of using enhanced condoms (although his wife complained that they never had sex except for the two times that she became pregnant):
  • "By wearing a rubber sheath over my old feller, I could insure that, when I came off, you would not be impregnated....That's what being a Protestant's all about. That's why it's the church for me...and, Protestantism doesn't stop at the simple condom! Oh, no! I can wear French Ticklers if I want...French Ticklers. Black Mambos. Crocodile Ribs. Sheaths that are designed not only to protect, but also to enhance the stimulation of sexual congress"
• in Part II ("Growth and Learning"), schoolmaster Prof. Humphrey Williams (John Cleese) entered a classroom where he presented a long list of instructions to his bored class of Catholic schoolboys; then, he began to finish his teachings in their sex education class ("Now, sex, sex, sex, sex, where were we?")
• Prof. Humphrey had been teaching the students proper foreplay - in great detail, but had forgotten where he was in the lesson, so he asked the pupils: "Well, had I got as far as the penis entering the vagina?...Well, had I done foreplay?" - he became frustrated that they hadn't been listening to his teachings on foreplay; he restated what he had already taught them:
  • "The purpose of foreplay is to cause the vagina to lubricate so that the penis can penetrate more easily...and, of course, to cause the man's penis to erect and har...den. Now, did I do vaginal juices last week?...now did I or did I not do vaginal juices?"
• the Professor was aggravated that the students hadn't recalled the ways to get the juices flowing from the start (with a simple kiss) without "leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate"; he summarized the students' answers (sucking a nipple, stroking the thigh, and biting the neck) after prodding them: "Nibbling the earlobe, uhh, kneading the buttocks, and so on and so forth. So, we have all these possibilities before we stampede towards the clitoris, Watson!"
• to demonstrate - he announced: "All these forms of stimulation can now take place"; he opened up a drop-down Murphy bed with four wooden posts, and kept teaching: "And, of course, tonguing will give you the best idea of how the juices are coming along"
• he introduced his wife Helen (Patricia Quinn) in front of the class, and then began to undress; after the two disrobed, they proceeded to make love:
  • "Helen! Now, penetration and coitus -- that is to say, intercourse up to, and including, orgasm...So, the man starts by entering -- or mounting -- his good lady wife in the standard way. Uh, the penis is now, as you will observe, more or less, fully erect...the man now starts making thrusting movements with his pelvic area, moving the penis up and down inside the vagina, so...while the wife maximizes her clitoral stimulation by the shaft of the penis by pushing forward...as the sexual excitement mounts..."
• when Biggs, one of the students, was caught telling a joke to another boy, Humphrey ordered a severe punishment for that afternoon - to play for the boys' team in the rugby match against the masters
• in Part III ("Fighting Each Other"), during WWI's Battle of the Somme, Blackitt (Eric Idle) and fellow soldiers disregarded a plan of attack and defense ordered by their commanding officer Capt. Biggs (Terry Jones), and considered him ungrateful when the group insisted on celebrating his birthday with presents as they were being shot down in no man's land; he received two clocks and a watch by accident, a check, and a cake that they decided to consume themselves: ("There's love in that cake...It's too good a cake not to eat! Get the plates and knives")
• a British General (Graham Chapman) pontificated about the need for an Army (and vowed to have God strike him dead if it was otherwise) before being struck down by the "Hand of God"; the Sgt. Major (Michael Palin) told the gaping onlookers: "Don't stand there gawping! Like you've never seen the hand o' God before!"

• Sgt. Major then posed a question to his troops about the need to drill and march:
  • "Now, today, we're going to do marching up and down the square! That is, unless any of you got anything better to do. Well?! Anyone got anything they'd rather be doing than marchin' up and down the square?!"
• but they ignored him, and one by one, his troop members deserted him when he granted their requests to be home with the wife and kids, reading a book, learning the piano with lessons, and going to the "pictures"
• and then during the 1879 Zulu War against the British, officer Perkins (Eric Idle) had his leg bitten off; a doctor (Graham Champman) suspected it might be a tiger although the creatures were not native to Africa; after a hunt for the animal, two suspicious men (Eric Idle and Michael Palin) were found with two halves of a tiger suit (a Front End and Rear End); upon questioning and lots of inane excuses for their disguises, they couldn't really explain how they were found with tiger outfits and an amputated leg
• a strange interlude occurred about mid-way through the film; a female (Michael Palin) on a talk show ("The Middle of the Film") introduced a segment called "Find the Fish," a challenging game; three characters became involved: an elephant-headed butler, a drag queen (Graham Chapman), and a gangly long-armed man (Terry Jones):
  • "Where can that fish be?...It is a most elusive fish...Oh, fishy, fishy, fishy, fish"

• in Part IV ("Middle Age"), a middle-aged US couple (Eric Idle and Michael Palin) entered a Hawaiian-themed holiday resort (for medieval torture) where the waiter (John Cleese) offered them "philosophy and the meaning of life" as topics of conversation, but soon they became bored and ordered: "This conversation isn't very good"
• in the gory Part V ("Live Organ Transplants") sequence, two National Health doctors contractually claimed that they could remove a healthy liver from a still-living donor; they proceeded to operate on a live patient - card-carrying organ donor Mr. Brown (Terry Gilliam) who complained that he wasn't dead yet; Mrs. Brown (Terry Jones) was also convinced to give up her liver after hearing the great "Galaxy Song" sung by Mr. Pink (Eric Idle); it stressed the place of Man in the universe, and speculated there might be extra-terrestrial life; the song was illustrated with an animated constellation of stars resembling a pregnant woman being impregnated by a beam of light (sperm) and giving birth to represent the "expanding universe":
  • "So remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure / How amazingly unlikely is your birth / And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space / 'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth"
• in Part VI ("The Autumn Years"), the controversial "Penis Song" was performed on a piano by musician Noel Coward (Eric Idle) in front of diners in a fancy French restaurant:
  • "Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis? Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong? It's swell to have a stiffy. It's divine to own a dick, From the tiniest little tadger To the world's biggest prick. So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas. Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake, Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend, Your Percy, or your cock. You can wrap it up in ribbons. You can slip it in your sock, But don't take it out in public, Or they will stick you in the dock, And you won't come back"

• in an oft-remembered sequence, one of the diners was the gruesome, slovenly, massively overweight character Mr. Creosote (Terry Jones) who was constantly-vomiting (into a bucket); due to the barfing, one dining couple decided to leave, claiming that the wife was having her period and didn't want to spread blood everywhere in public
• Creosote's gluttonous dining experience culminated in his explosion from overeating a rich, 700 course meal after he swallowed a thin mint offered by a determined maître d' (John Cleese) with a Maurice Chevalier accent: ("Finally, monsieur, a wafer thin mint...It's only a tiny little thin one...Just, just one. Bon appetit"); the customer's fat-coated, still-beating heart was revealed when other diners were showered with his insides and half-digested food after his stomach spectacularly burst; the maitre d' then happened to notice the undigested mint inside Creosote's bloody body cavity - he delicately plucked it out and popped it in his mouth
• in Part VI-B ("The Meaning of Life"), after cleaning up the mess, two restaurant workers mused about life; the Maitre-d was disgusted by a racist statement made by Maria (Terry Jones): ("So now I'm cleaning up in here but I can't be really sad. / Cause you see I feel that life's a game. / You sometimes win or lose. / And though I may be down right now at least I don't work for Jews"); he reacted by dumping a bucket of puke onto her head
• the waiter Gaston (Eric Idle) provided a tour of the countryside where he was born and grew up, where his mother taught him to be kind and appreciate the beauty in life, but he realized he wasn't being listened to
• in Part VII ("Death"), criminal Arthur Jarrett (Graham Chapman) was given the choice of "the manner of his own execution" - the governor explained Jarrett's crime at his beachside grave:
  • "Arthur Charles Herbert Runcie MacAdam Jarrett, you have been convicted by twelve good persons and true of the crime of first degree making of gratuitous, sexist jokes in a moving picture"
• Jarrett selected a mad dash-pursuit by a group of beautiful bare-chested women wearing skimpy thongs (with brightly-colored crash helmets and kneepads matching their thong-bikini bottoms) who (with frequent panting) chased him off a cliff to his death; he plummeted into his own pre-prepared gravesite where a funeral ceremony for his death was already being held, and the priest intoned: "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust"

• in a continuation of Part VII ("Death"), a group of American dinner guests were greeted by a strange visitor from the village - a bony-handed Grim Reaper/Mr. Death (John Cleese); the dark robed figure was asked: "Is there an afterlife?"; the gloomy Reaper only stated why he was there: "I have come for you...to take you away. That is my purpose"; he added that they were all dead and should stop pompously talking; one of the wives asked: "Why have we all died at the same time?" - a question that stymied the Reaper for a few moments, until he pointed out that they had all eaten canned salmon mousse that had gone bad; the Reaper led them as they drove in their 'ghostly' cars toward a bright light in a swirling cloud
• their souls were taken to heaven - in a bizarre "Christmas in Heaven" segment ("It's Christmas every day in Heaven"), heaven and the afterlife were represented as a Las Vegas-styled hotel, where Santa Claus-dressed angels wore plastic breasts, and a look-alike, cheap-looking lounge singer Tony Bennett (Graham Chapman) sang the lyrics to "Christmas in Heaven":
  • "It's Christmas in Heaven. All the children sing. It's Christmas in Heaven. Hark. Hark. Those church bells ring. It's Christmas in Heaven. The snow falls from the sky, But it's nice and warm, and everyone Looks smart and wears a tie. It's Christmas in Heaven. There's great films on TV: 'The Sound of Music' twice an hour And 'Jaws' One, Two, and Three"
• at "The End of the Film," a Queen Elizabeth II look-alike - Lady Presenter (Michael Palin) - the hostess from "The Middle of the Film" (after asking a series of 'moral dilemma' questions with multiple-choice answers throughout the film) opened an envelope; in a monotone, she read to the audience the answer to the "meaning of life" - an anti-climactic statement that was the main question that was being posed by the film:
  • "Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations."
• and then, she took another approach to try and grow the audience in cinema theatres:
  • "...here are some completely gratuitous pictures of penises to annoy the censors and to hopefully spark some sort of controversy, which, it seems, is the only way, these days, to get the jaded, video-sated public off their f--king arses and back in the sodding cinema"

Moonstruck (1987)

• the Brooklyn-Italian Castorini family: including repressed 37 year-old Italian widow, bookkeeping accountant Loretta Castorini (Best Actress Oscar-winner Cher), her parents: a cheating father Cosmo (Best Supporting Actor nominee Vincent Gardenia) and philosophical yet plain-speaking mother Rose (Best Supporting Actress winner Olympia Dukakis), and her crusty Italian-speaking, dog-loving Grandfather (Fiodor Chaliapin)
• Rose Castorini's growling at her father-in-law: "Old man, you give those dogs another piece of my food and I'm gonna kick you 'til you're dead!"
• the scene of 42 year-old, never-married, maimed one-handed bakery operator Ronny Cammareri (Nicolas Cage) having a steak dinner with recently-engaged Loretta (who had just accepted a marital offer from Ronny's estranged older brother Johnny Cammareri (Danny Aiello), a Momma's boy, but did not love him)
• Loretta offered Ronny unsolicited psychoanalytical advice about his life and why he was a tortured, isolated soul after his fiancee had left him many years earlier: ("That woman didn't leave you, OK. You can't see what you are, and I see everything. You're a wolf....The big part of you has no words, and, uh, it's a wolf. You know, that woman was a trap for you. She caught you, and you couldn't get away so you chewed off your own foot. That was the price you had to pay for your freedom. You know, Johnny had nothing to do with it. You did what you had to do between you and you. And now, now you're afraid because you know the big part of you is a wolf that has the courage to bite off its own hand to save itself from the trap of the wrong love. That's why there's been no woman since that wrong woman. Okay? You're scared to death of what the wolf will do if you try and make that mistake again"); the scene ended with a very passionate kiss between the two of them and his carrying her to his bed for more kisses and an overnight stay
• the next morning, Loretta's immediate reaction of regret: ("I should have taken a rock and killed myself years ago. I'm gonna marry him. Do you hear me? Last night never happened and I'm gonna marry him. And you and I are gonna take this to our coffins"), and then Ronny made a proclamation and confession of love to Loretta - followed by two tremendous slaps across his face and the screaming of: "Snap out of it!"
• after seeing La Boheme at the Metropolitan Opera with her, Ronny's declaration of his cynical views on love in a memorable romantic speech: ("...But love don't make things nice, it ruins everything! It breaks your heart, it makes things a mess. We, we aren't here to make things perfect. Snowflakes are perfect, stars are perfect. Not us! Not US! We are here to ruin ourselves and, and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and, and DIE! I mean that the storybooks are bulls--t") and his pleading to Loretta to come upstairs with him: ("Now I want you to come upstairs and...and GET in my bed...")

• in the climactic breakfast proposal scene, Loretta's angry remark when Johnny broke off their engagement and reassured her: ("In time, you will see that this is the best thing") and her retort back: ("In time, you'll drop dead and I'll come to your funeral in a red dress!"); then, when Ronny proposed to Loretta (who told her mother: "I love him awful"), Johnny uttered a stunned reaction of "WHAT?!"
• Loretta asked: "Where's the ring?"; Ronny asked to borrow the ring and then he held it up and offered the same engagement ring to formally request Loretta's hand in marriage: "Loretta Castorini - Will you marry me?"
• Loretta accepted: "Yes, Ronny, in front of all these people, I'll marry you"; she then reassured her mother Rose that she really loved him: "Ma, I love him awful"; Rose responded: "Aw God, that's too bad"
• Ronny smiled: "She loves me," and they kissed to seal the deal

The More The Merrier (1943)

• the scene of prospective elderly tenant, retired millionaire Mr. Dingle's (Oscar-winning Charles Coburn) speaking to the throngs of other eager tenants and pretending he was the landlord that had already rented the apartment, and then convincing the real landlord, young working bachelorette Connie (Jean Arthur) to rent him half of her apartment: ("Well, look at me, I'm neat, like a pin. Aw, let me stay...I'll tell ya what. We'll try it out for a week. End of the week comes, if you're not happy, we'll flip a coin to see who moves out")
• the hilarious minute-by-minute morning schedule scene beginning at 7 am, which she presented to new roomer Dingle: ("Here's a copy of the morning schedule....Yes, it's a matter of efficiency. You just follow this and we won't have any trouble"); she showed him the floor plan - and then went through the detailed, systematic half-hour plan: ("Now, my alarm goes off at seven o'clock, and we both get up. And at seven one, I enter the bathroom. Then you go down to get the milk, and by seven five you've started the coffee. One minute later, I leave the bathroom, and a minute after that, you enter the bathroom. Now that's when I'm starting to dress. Three minutes later, I'm having my coffee, and a minute after that at seven twelve, you leave the bathroom. At seven thirteen, I put on my eggs, and I leave to finish dressing. Then you put on your shoes, and take off my eggs at seven sixteen. At seven seventeen, you start to shave. At seven eighteen, I eat my eggs, and at seven twenty-one, I'm in the bathroom fixing my hair, and at seven twenty-four, you're in the kitchen putting on your eggs. At seven twenty-five, you make your bed. Seven twenty-six, I make my bed. And then while you're eating your eggs, I take out the papers and cans. At seven twenty-nine, you're washing the dishes, and at seven thirty, we're all finished. You see? It's really very simple"); at the end of Connie's long schedule description, Dingle simply asked: "Do we do all this railroad time or Eastern war time?"
• Connie's double-take upon noticing another apartment roommate Sgt. Joe Carter (Joel McCrea) - who was living in half of Dingle's sub-let space for a few days before deployment
• the scenes of Mr. Dingle's attempts to play matchmaking Cupid to bring his fellow housemates together, rather than have Connie marry rich and stuffed-shirt bureaucrat-boss Charles J. Pendergast (Richard Gaines) (aka "Mr. Smug") for security's sake
• the sexually-exciting apartment front steps kissing scene on a summer night between Connie and Joe when she bragged about her upcoming marriage: ("I consider myself a very lucky little lady...being engaged to Mr. Pendergast"), as he amorously embraced her, caressed her, and fondly touched her hands, arms, and shoulders; she vainly attempted to ignore his advances, and held out her engagement ring for his approval; he responded by kissing her wrist, causing her to become visibly distracted; her voice cracked when he admired and then nuzzled her bare neck. ("Well you see, that's the way with those older men like Mr. Pendergast. A girl gets to appreciate their more mature..."); Joe passionately kissed her on the lips - and when he released, she finished the sentence: "...viewpoint"; she paused, looked away for a second, and then took the two sides of his face with her hands and boldly kissed him back - harder, but then, she realized that they were getting too involved - she stood and politely stated: "I've gotta go. Good night, Mr. Carter." He responded: "Good night, Miss Milligan"
• the subsequence scene of the couple's own version of the "Walls of Jericho" bedroom scene (from It Happened One Night (1934)) as they both laid in bed in their separate adjacent bedrooms (shot from outside in a frame split by the wall between them); they both discussed how uncomfortable and restless they were, when Joe finally admitted: "I love you, Connie" and she responded likewise: "I love you more than anything in the world" - and then he abruptly sat up and proposed
• the film's last line by Dingle -- the aging Cupid who stage-managed the young couple's pairing, and could finally celebrate with his favorite line: "Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!", as he put up a new name plate on the apartment door: "Mr. and Mrs. Sgt. Carter"

Mr. Deeds Goes to Town (1936)

• the character of unassuming, eccentric bumpkin Mr. Longfellow Deeds (Gary Cooper) from the small town of Mandrake Falls, VT - 28 years old, a guileless, tuba-player, an unworldly bachelor, a poet and writer of rhymes for sentimental birthday cards, and the unexpected heir of 20ドル million dollars, who reacted unbelievably: ("I wonder why he left me all that money. I don't need it")
• Deeds' scene of departure for New York, to move into his enormous, inherited mansion on Fifth Avenue, and the many annoyances he encountered upon his arrival: ("The strangest kind of people - salesmen, politicians, moochers, all want something. I haven't had a minute to myself. Haven't seen Grant's Tomb yet")
• the scene of Deeds' meeting with the non-profit opera board, to serve in the place of his deceased uncle who was the chairman of the board, when he told off the snobbish gathering that wanted him to pay the 180,000ドル bills: ("If it's losing that much money, there must be something wrong. Maybe, maybe you charge too much. Maybe you're selling bad merchandise. Maybe a lot of things")
• the scene of reporter Louise "Babe" Bennett's (Jean Arthur) masquerade as poverty-stricken "Mary Dawson " in a rainstorm, when she pretended to faint and he came to her rescue
• the second encounter between Babe and Deeds, including a sight-seeing tour to an aquarium, a ride on the open top of a Fifth Avenue bus, and a visit to Grant's Tomb where he patriotically extolled America as a place where any boy could become President: ("Oh, I see a small Ohio farm boy becoming a great soldier. I see thousands of marching men. I see General Lee with a broken heart surrendering. And I can see the beginning of a new nation, like Abraham Lincoln said. And I can see that Ohio boy being inaugurated as President. Things like that can only happen in a country like America")
• their visit to Central Park, where on a park bench, they sang an improvised duet of "Swanee River," with "Mary" drumming on the lid of a garbage can with two sticks, while he made tuba-like oom-pah-pah bass sounds with his mouth: ("Way down upon the Swanee River. Far, far away...")
• the over-romantic Deeds' marriage proposal to "Mary" - with the presentation of a sentimental poem that she read outloud (barely audible) in a moving, emotionally-choking whisper: ("I've tramped the earth with hopeless beat, Searching in vain for a glimpse of you. Then heaven thrust you at my very feet, A lovely angel, too lovely to woo. My dream has been answered, but my life's just as bleak. I'm handcuffed and speechless, in your presence divine. For my heart longs to cry out, if it only could speak. I love you, my angel, be mine, be mine")
• soon after, Deeds' disgruntled discovery that "Mary" was a deceitful, Pulitzer-Prize winning reporter, when it was revealed in a newspaper clipping: ("She's the star reporter on the Mail! Every time you opened your kisser, you gave her another story. She's the dame who slapped that moniker on ya Cinderella Man! You've been making love to a double dose of cyanide")
• Deeds' confrontation with an unemployed, outraged, hunger-crazed farmer (John Wray): ("Did you ever think of feeding doughnuts to human beings?") - who caused Deeds to rethink things, to remain in New York, and to give away his entire fortune - the newly-acquired source of all his misfortune - to dispossessed, unemployed farmers
• the climactic lunacy hearing when Deeds was accused of being "pixilated," and Babe urged him to testify against the charges: ("He could never fit in with our distorted viewpoint, because he's honest and sincere and good. If that man's crazy, your Honor, the rest of us belong in strait-jackets"); Deeds first debunked the two nice elderly Faulkner sisters, Jane and Amy Faulkner (Margaret Seddon and Margaret McWade), brought there from his hometown (who declared him "pixilated"); they were unmasked as self-centered and frivolous, and neutralized when under further questioning, they admitted: "Why, everybody in Mandrake Falls is pixilated - except us"
• Deeds' debunking of all the silly quirks that people have: the Judge's 'O-filling', Dr. Haller's doodling, and his uncle's nose-twitching and his aunt's knuckle-cracking as other examples: ("So you see, everybody does silly things to help them think. Well, I play the tuba.")
• and then Deeds' successful defense of his philanthropy with a speech about helping the 'underdog': ("From what I can see, no matter what system of government we have, there will always be leaders and always be followers. It's like the road out in front of my house. It's on a steep hill. Every day I watch the cars climbing up. Some go lickety-split up that hill on high, some have to shift into second, and some sputter and shake and slip back to the bottom again. Same cars, same gasoline, yet some make it and some don't. And I say the fellas who can make the hill on high should stop once in a while and help those who can't. That's all I'm trying to do with this money. Help the fellas who can't make the hill on high")
• the final declaration of the Judge on Deeds' insanity: ("Mr. Deeds, there has been a great deal of damaging testimony against you. Your behavior, to say the least, has been most strange. But, in the opinion of the court, you are not only sane but you're the sanest man that's ever walked into this courtroom. Case dismissed")

Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)

• the office scene between irresponsible, eccentric voice-dubbing actor Daniel Hillard (Robin Williams) and stern-faced social worker Mrs. Sellner (Anne Haney), when he demonstrated his "special skills" to her: a German accent ("Well, I do voices"), an evangelist ("Yes!"), a Martian ("We've come to this planet looking for intelligent life. Oops, we made a mistake"), a Russian immigrant ("Happy to be in America. Don't ask for a green card"), a Monster ("I want you in the worst way"), Groucho ("Well this is certainly a rough meeting and it's not going very well for me, I'll tell ya that") and Chico Marx ("Hey boss, give her a chance. She's gonna loosen up any moment"), Sean Connery ("Look at me right now, Moneypenny, I want to undo that bow and get to know ya"), a used-car salesman ("I'll be crazy to make a deal with you!"), Ronald Reagan ("Nancy and I are still looking for the other half of my head"), Walter Brennan ("This is it! Yes, I'm doing it! I'm sittin' on a gold mine!"), Humphrey Bogart ("Don't make me smack you, sweetheart. I'll do it"); and then when she didn't seem to find him "humorous," he sat back and admitted he wasn't funny: ("There was a time when I found myself funny, but today you have proven me wrong. Thank you")
• following Daniel's unwanted divorce from wife Miranda (Sally Field), his disguise as a genteel, stern British nanny named Mrs. Euphegenia Doubtfire, in order to serve as a housekeeper in his own house - to keep in contact with his family during a custody trial period without his wife or three children knowing his identity; his disguise was created by his make-up artist brother (Harvey Fierstein) after he asked: "Could you make me a woman?"
• the scene of Daniel's improvisation when his latex face-mask fell out of the window and was runover by a truck in the alleyway - he stuck his face into the top of a frosted cake in a refrigerator to conceal his masculine face; he apologized: ("I must look like a Yeti in this getup"), and explained to his stunned social worker (who was doing an inspection) to whom he served English tea that it was his "nightly meringue mask, part of my beauty regimen"
• Mrs. Doubtfire's rapid-fire "graphic" series of words depicting sexual intercourse to Miranda's new love interest Stu Dunmire (Pierce Brosnan), after he had given Miranda an expensive 'bauble' gift as a 'bit of a going down payment' in order to convince her to have sex with him: "You know, dear. Sink the sub. Hide the weasel. Park the porpoise. A bit of the old Humpty Dumpty, Little Jack Horny, the Horizontal Mambo, hmm?...The Bone Dancer, Rumpleforeskin, Baloney Bop, a bit of the old Cunning Linguistics?"
• the scene of Mrs. Doubtfire cooking dinner for the first time and setting her/his blouse and ample-bosomed chest on fire: ("My first day as a woman, and I'm getting hot flashes"); he finally extinguished the flaming boobs with two pot lids
• to the tune of Aerosmith's (Dude) "Looks Like a Lady" - Mrs. Doubtfire vacuumed the carpet while dancing, and strummed a broom like an electric guitar
• the classic Bridges Restaurant scene in which he frantically dashed from one table to another - for an appointment with TV executive Jonathan Lundy (Robert Prosky) at one table (Daniel was dressed as his alter-ego female character - the host for his proposed new show: a "hip old granny who could hip-hop, be-bop, dance till ya drop") and for Miranda's birthday party at another, hosted by Stu, who choked on a piece of food and required the Heimlich maneuver; and in the process, Mrs. Doubtfire's ripped mask revealed his true identity

The Muppet Movie (1979)

• the enchanting opening (a film-within-a-film) that told of the origins of Kermit in the swamp and the image of Kermit strumming a banjo and singing the Oscar-nominated "The Rainbow Connection"
• the film's deliberately cheesy puns and jokes (i.e. turning left at the literal fork in the road)
• the astonishing puppetry featuring such tricks as Kermit the Frog (voice of Jim Henson) riding a bicycle without any visible means of support
• all the friendships formed between Kermit and the other bizarre Muppet cast of characters met along the way including the unfunny, clownish Fozzie the Bear (voice of Frank Oz), the silly, chicken-loving Great Gonzo (voice of Dave Goelz), and the vain, preening and explosively violent Miss Piggy (also Oz) who carried a romantic torch for Kermit
• pianist Rowlf the Dog's (also Henson) duet with Kermit: "I Hope That Something Better Comes Along"
• with over a dozen celebrity cameos from Hollywood's Golden Age through to hip comedians and actors of the time, including ventriloquist Edgar Bergen (who died shortly after his scene was filmed and to whom the film was dedicated) and his dummy Charlie McCarthy, and the insane German-accented Professor Max Krassman (Mel Brooks)
• the brilliantly funny cameo by Steve Martin as a rude, sarcastic waiter serving Miss Piggy and Kermit the Frog on a date from a table-side ice bucket: “Sparkling Muscatel. One of the finest wines of Idaho," costing only 95 cents, consumed through straws, and evaluated by smelling its cap
• Gonzo's sweetly sung "I'm Going to Go Back There Someday" while the gang was stranded in the desert at night
• the magical conversation Kermit literally had with himself: ("Well, then...I guess I was wrong when I said I never promised anyone. I promised me...")
• the western-styled showdown between cowboy-costumed Kermit and villainous Doc Hopper (Charles Durning) who threatened: ("All right, Frog, one last chance. You're gonna do my TV commercial live or stuffed"); Kermit replied: ("Hopper, what's the matter with you? You gotta be crazy chasin' me half-way across the country. Why are you doing this to me?"); when Doc Hopper expressed his desire to own a thousand frog-leg restaurants, Kermit replied: ("I've got a dream too. But it's about singing and dancing and making people happy. That's the kind of dream that gets better the more people you share it with. And, well, I've found a whole bunch of friends who have the same dream. And, it kind of makes us like a family. You have anybody like that, Hopper? I men, once you get all those restaurants, who're you gonna share it with? Who are your friends, Doc? Those guys? I got lots of friends")
• the deus ex machina ending when Animal grew to giant size after swallowing InstaGrow pills and scared off Doc Hopper, and Orson Welles' cameo appearance as Lew Lord, who told his secretary (Cloris Leachman): "Miss Tracy, prepare the standard 'rich-and-famous' contract for Kermit the Frog and company"
• the climax when a rainbow shone through the studio set ceiling onto the cast, while the entire Muppet group sang a reprise of "The Rainbow Connection" ("Life's like a movie, write your own ending, keep believing, keep pretending, we did what we set out to do...") - interrupted when Sweetums (voice of Richard Hunt) burst through the film into the theater where the rest of the Muppet cast was screening the film: ("I just KNEW I'd catch up to you guys!")
• the end credits antics of the Muppets, concluding with Animal bursting through the "THE END" screen and telling the audience: "Go home! Go home! Bye-bye!"

(Neil Simon's) Murder by Death (1976)

• in this detective-mystery film spoof, the "instructions" scene between the blind butler Bensonmum (Alec Guinness) and the deaf-mute kitchen maid-cook Yetta (Nancy Walker): "Who are you? You must be the new kitchen maid. I hope you can cook. Hmm? Answer me. Speak up. What's that? I can't hear you. A little shy, are you? Never mind. There will be 10 for dinner. Here is the menu. (She held up a printed note: ALSO I CANNOT READ ENGLISH. THIS NOTE WAS WRITTEN FOR ME) Is that understood? And dinner will be at 9:00. When I want you, that bell on the wall will ring three times. All right. Get to work"

The Music Box (1932) (short)

• the scenes of Transfer Company deliverymen Stan (Stan Laurel) and Ollie (Oliver Hardy) laboriously moving an uncooperative crated upright piano up a steep set of stairs to a house - purchased as a birthday gift; "the music box" continually wanted to find its way to the bottom of the steps
• the encounters with a sassy Nursemaid (Lilyan Irene) pushing a baby carriage who asked to pass - when the two obliged and moved aside, the piano bounced back down the steps; the moment of Stan's kicking of the Nursemaid's backside after she chuckled at them insultingly ("Of all the dumb things"); and her retaliation with a punch to Stan's face - and when Ollie laughed, the Nursemaid's smashing of a large glass baby bottle over his head
• further encounters with an irate cop (Sam Lufkin), an angry customer (a distinguished and pompous Professor Theodore von Schwartzenhoffen played by Billy Gilbert) not knowing the piano was a surprise birthday gift, and a helpful postman (Charlie Hall) who told the two: ("You didn't have to do that. You see that road down there?...All you had to do was to drive around that road to the top here")
• the sequence of using a block and tackle to hoist the piano crate into the second story window, resulting in further disaster

My Cousin Vinny (1992)

• the character of street-smart, big-haired and black-leather-wearing fiancée Mona Lisa Tito (Marisa Tomei) who assisted Brooklyn lawyer/boyfriend Vinny Gambini (Joe Pesci) during a trumped-up murder charge of his cousin Bill (Ralph Macchio) and his buddy Stan (Mitchell Whitfield) in a Wazoo, Alabama courtroom - resided over by exasperated, unsympathetic, by-the-book trial Judge Chamberlain Haller (Fred Gwynne)
• Mona's discussion with Vinny about his idea to go hunting a defenseless deer with the local DA Jim Trotter III (Lane Smith) in order to get information out of him, and her disbelief at him: ("You're gonna shoot a deer?...A sweet, innocent, harmless, leaf-eating, doe-eyed little deer?"); when he asked how his pants looked for the hunt, she went into a tirade: "Imagine you're a deer. You're prancin' along. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the cool clear water.....BAM! A F--KIN' BULLET RIPS OFF PART OF YOUR HEAD! YOUR BRAINS ARE LAYIN' ON THE GROUND IN LITTLE BLOODY PIECES. Now, I ask ya. Would you give a f--k what kind of pants the son of a bitch who shot you was wearing?"
• the scene of Mona Lisa berating stressed-out Vinny on the outdoor porch about her ticking biological clock and delayed marriage, after she paced back and forth: "Well, I hate to bring it up, because I know you got enough pressure on you already. BUT, we agreed to get married as soon as you won your first case. Meanwhile, ten years later, my niece, the daughter of my sister, is gettin' married! My biological clock is tickin' like this (she tapped her foot), and the way this case is goin', I ain't never gettin' married!...", but then after Vinny exploded in exasperation: ("BIOLOGICAL CLOCK - my career, your life, our marriage, and let me see, what else can we pile on? Is there any more S--T we can pile on to the top of the outcome of this case? Is it possible?"), she admitted: "Maybe it was a bad time to bring it up"
• also, Vinny and Mona Lisa's conversation about the dripping, broken sink faucet in their motel bathroom, and her knowledgeable argument proving that she wasn't at fault: "If you will look in the manual, you will see that this particular model faucet requires a range of 10 to 16 foot-pounds of torque. I routinely twist the maximum allowable torquage....Because I used a Craftsman model 1019 Laboratory Edition Signature Series torque wrench. The kind used by Caltech high energy physicists and NASA engineers....Because a split second before the torque wrench was applied to the faucet handle, it had been calibrated by top members of the state and federal Department of Weights and Measures to be dead on balls accurate! Here's the certificate of validation...It's an industry term"; Vinny concluded: "I guess the f--king thing is broken"
• in court, Vinny's mangled pronunciation of two youths ("two utes"), and his questioning by the Judge: ("...Ah, the two what? Uh... uh, what was that word?...Two what?...Uh... did you say 'yutes'?...What is a yute?")
• the scene of Mona Lisa's testimony on the witness stand against the confrontational DA, and her expert knowledge of automotive mechanics, first the term "positraction": "It's a limited slip differential which distributes power equally to both the right and left tires. The '64 Skylark had a regular differential, which, anyone who's been stuck in the mud in Alabama knows, you step on the gas, one tire spins, the other tire does nothing," and also, her retort to the DA when she was asked: "Now, uh, Ms. Vito, being an expert on general automotive knowledge, can you tell me what would the correct ignition timing be on a 1955 Bel Air Chevrolet, with a 327 cubic-inch engine and a four-barrel carburetor?"; when she stated it was a "trick question," she finally answered: "'Cause Chevy didn't make a 327 in '55, the 327 didn't come out till '62. And it wasn't offered in the Bel Air with a four-barrel carb till '64. However, in 1964, the correct ignition timing would be four degrees before top-dead-center"
• and in the conclusion, Mona Lisa's new attitude about getting married to Vinny: (Vinny: "I won my first case, you know what this means..." Mona Lisa: "Yeah, you think I'm gonna marry you." Vinny: "What, now you're not gonna marry me?" Mona Lisa: "No way. You can't even win a case by yourself, you're f--kin' useless")

My Favorite Wife (1940)

• the honeymoon scene at Yosemite Park lodge, when newly-married, 'widowed' lawyer Nick Arden (Cary Grant) with his second wife-bride Bianca (Gail Patrick) entered the elevator, and as the door closed taking them to Suite 'C', Nick caught a surprise glimpse of his first wife Ellen (Irene Dunne), who had disappeared (and was declared dead), but then unexpectedly returned after being shipwrecked for seven years on an island and was rescued by a Portuguese freighter
• the frustrations experienced by a perturbed Bianca, who thought her erratic and strange-acting husband (full of excuses) was purposely avoiding her on their honeymoon night, especially when he left for a shave in the hotel's barber shop, declaring: ("Oh, I feel like a hairy ape...well, I don't feel right unless I shave...")
• Nick's scene with the confused hotel desk clerk when he ordered a second room, Suite 'A', for another wife - Ellen: ("I'd like to have another room"), and the clerk's reaction: ("What a man!")
• Ellen's tormenting of Nick and Bianca, by pretending to be a southern friend of the family
• the revelation during a late-night visit by an insurance officer (Hugh O'Connell) that there may have been a second person on the island with Ellen, named Stephen Burkett (Randolph Scott)
• Nick's tracking down of Burkett, finding him to be a handsome, virile, athletic diver and pool swimmer at the posh Pacific Club - and the fact that Ellen and Stephen called themselves "Adam" and "Eve" on the island; when Nick first spotted Burkett on the diving board, a woman came up to him and asked: ("Is that Johnny Weissmuller?"), and Nick jealously replied: ("No, I wish it were")
• the scene of Ellen unsuccessfully trying to fool Nick by recruiting a mousey shoe salesman (Chester Clute) to claim that he was "Adam" while they were on the island
• the courtroom scenes, after Nick was arrested for bigamy, with befuddled Judge Bryson (Granville Bates), who had already declared Ellen legally dead, annulled the first marriage, and approved the second marriage; he noted to the two paired couples: ("I'd like to tell my wife about this case. She thinks all my cases are dull")
• the final reconciliation scene in a mountain cabin between Nick and Ellen when he dressed up as Santa Claus to join her in her bedroom rather than sleep separately in the attic

My Favorite Year (1982)

• a bittersweet comedy about flamboyant, Errol Flynn-like alcoholic British film actor Alan Swann (Peter O'Toole) - the guest star for a live 50's variety TV program named The King Kaiser Show during one week in the fall of 1954
• the many scenes of his alcoholic misadventures - stumbling and flipping onto a table while his film was being projected on a screen, falling face first, being strapped onto his luggage and humming: "The 1812 Overture" while being dragged up the stairs, etc. while the show's fledgling writer Benjy Stone (Mark Linn-Baker) (the film's narrator) was helplessly assigned to keep Swann out of trouble during the week
• the rooftop scene of Swann climbing down the side of a building attached to a long fire hose
• the character of the show's burly and despotic star Stan "King" Kaiser (Joseph Bologna) with his escalating feud against equally tough, monosyllabic, corrupt Mafia don and union boss Karl Rojeck (Cameron Mitchell) whom Kaiser ruthlessly satirized in his sketches - and the scene of their discussion about "the removal business" (tossing each other's precious items out the building window)
• the character of the writer's exuberant Jewish mother Belle Carroca (Lanie Kazan), married to Filipino ex-boxer Rookie Carroca (Ramon Sison)
• with memorable lines of dialogue such as: (Benjy Stone: "I think I'm going to be unwell" Alan Swann: "Ladies are unwell, Stone. Gentlemen vomit"; or Sy Benson: "He's plastered!" Swann: "So are some of the finest erections in Europe")
• Swann's response to crusty wardrobe lady Lil's (Selma Diamond) admonition in the women's restroom: "This is for ladies only!" - Swann nonchalantly unzipped his fly and retorted: "So is THIS, madam, but every now and then I must run a little water through it!"
• Swann's drunken, screeching stage fright when discovering that the TV show was live and in front of an audience: "You mean it all goes into the camera lens and then just spills out in people's houses?...Audience, what audience? Audience?... I haven't performed in front of an audience for 28 years! Audience? I played a butler. I had one line! I forgot it....I'm not an actor, I'm a MOVIE STAR!"
• in the conclusion, swashbuckling Swann's saving of the day during a live broadcast after a fight broke out onstage, when he swung onto the stage on a rope, dressed as a 'musketeer', and saved Stan Kaiser from being beat up by thugs sent from Rojeck

My Little Chickadee (1940)

• the few classic scenes between Flower Belle Lee (Mae West) and con-man/husband of convenience Cuthbert J. Twillie (W. C. Fields) in their only film together, and his best lines:
  (1) when told that there was nothing good about Flower Belle by prudish Mrs. Gideon (Margaret Hamilton), he responded: "I can see what's good. Tell me the rest"
  (2) holding and kissing her hand on the train, he exclaimed: "What symmetrical digits!"
  (3) and Twillie's proposal of marriage: "Will you take me?" and Flower Belle's reply as she rolled her eyes: "I'll take you, and how" - and the scene of their phony sham marriage aboard the train
• also Flower Belle's assurance that she would be a good (unlikely) schoolmarm teaching math: "I was always good at figures"
• also her famous line to two suitors: "Any time you got nothin' to do and lots of time to do it, come up"
• and Twillie's last line to Flower Belle as he left town to attend to his "hair" oil wells: "...you must come up and see me sometime" and the camera's last image -- Flower Belle sashaying her bottom as she ascended the stairs

My Man Godfrey (1936)

• the set-up to the film: spoiled socialite Irene Bullock's (Carole Lombard) discovery of "forgotten man" Godfrey "Smith" Parke (William Powell) at the city dump during a scavenger hunt, and her subsequent hiring of him to be her family's butler, in the home of the Bullocks: Alexander (Eugene Pallette) and ditsy wife Angelica (Alice Brady)
• the famous scene of Angelica's protege Carlo (Mischa Auer) performing a gorilla imitation to cheer up Irene; he hunched over, ambling and loping around the living room, and jumping up and over the furniture and onto the window frame; Irene's phony fear reaction to his ape mimickry (""He frightens me"), while Alexander joked: ("Why don't you stop imitating a gorilla and imitate a man?...Someday I'm going gorilla-hunting and I won't miss"); and slightly earlier, Carlo's lamenting moan about financial ruin: ("Oh, Money, money, money! The Frankenstein Monster that destroys souls")
• the bathroom scene in which Godfrey tossed Irene, when she faked swooning, under the cold water of a shower fully clothed, and she replied receptively: ("Oh, Godfrey, now I know you love me"); when he rejected her statement: ("I do not love you and you're getting me all wet"); Irene continued: ("You do or you wouldn't have lost your temper")
• the final sequence, after Godfrey resigned from the wacky family and was running a luxurious and fashionable nightclub, aptly named "The Dump"; Irene trailed after him and vowed her love: ("You love me and you know it. You know, there's no sense in struggling against a thing when it's got you. It's got you and that's all there is to it. It's got you!"); she talked him into instantly getting married in a civil ritual with a judge, and tried to be reassuring: ("It may get me into a lot of trouble, but, uh, I guess I've known your family long enough to take a chance") - and then she spoke the final lines of the film before the ceremony: ("Stand still, Godfrey, it'll all be over in a minute")

Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie (1996)

• the hundreds of witty one-liners shouted back at the sci-fi classic This Island Earth (1955) by Mike Nelson (Himself), Tom Servo (voice of Kevin Murphy) and Crow (voice of Trace Beaulieu), with such lines as: "This Island Earth can be yours if the price is right!" - "This isn't shot day-for-night. It's more like 4:30-for-5:15", and "What kind of shit-hole planet is this?"