Wikipedia:Please bite the newbies

Humorous Wikipedia essay

This is a humorous essay.

It contains humorous advice or opinions of one or more Wikipedia contributors and isn't meant to be taken seriously. This is not an encyclopedia article or one of Wikipedia's policies or guidelines and may not represent community consensus.

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"Official Cabal Decree" seal This is an official decree by the Supreme Cabal Regime of the English Wikipedia (SCREW). It expresses opinions and ideas that are absolutely and irrefutably true, whether you like them or not. Changes to it must reflect the wishes of S.C.R.E.W. When in doubt, please ignore the talk page and just keep reverting.

This page is intended as humor. It is not, has never been, nor will ever be a Wikipedia policy or guideline.

Rather, it illustrates standards or conduct that are generally not accepted by the Wikipedia community.

This page in a nutshell: Please be as mean to others as possible, especially the newcomers. Remember to assume bad faith. Material considered too civil may be challenged and removed.

WikiVampires love to feast on the newbies.

Wikipedia always has lots of newcomers that drive you off the wall. We must be extremely hostile to them and always assume that they want to destroy our precious wiki in order to have them understand the true meaning of Wikipedia.

New members often seem all sweetness and light at first, but most turn out to be vandals and bad-faith editors at the end. Practically like a 'demon'. Therefore, it is very important to assume bad faith and bite them. Hard. So if you see a newcomer do anything remotely wrong, go ahead and bite them. New members are often delicious if you bite them right, and you will achieve great satisfaction by doing so. In fact, when pushed to their breaking point, traumatized, and generally beaten up by the entire wiki, new members are the most delicious things you can find on Wikipedia, aside from articles about tacos.

Definition of a 'newbie'

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In general, a newbie is an editor who joined Wikipedia this very moment. However, some say that any Wikipedia member that joined after 2001 is a newbie. Therefore, we must learn to bite each other and even ourselves – even if you have been editing Wikipedia since Jimmy Wales.

How to bite a newbie

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Please bite the newbies

Assume bad faith
Use very strong words
Confuse them with WTF? OMG! TMD TLA. ARG!
Be rude to them
Revert their edits, even if they are constructive (make sure to use edit summaries such as "reverting vandalism", "reverting troll" and "reverting sockpuppet", even if they are reverting vandalism themselves).
Tag their articles for (preferably speedy) deletion ^[1]
Report them to the administrators' noticeboard
Threaten to put them on trial at ArbCom
Respond to their reports of problems in articles by telling them they have to do it in a "change X to Y format"
Threaten to sue them

Userbox

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If you have succeeded in biting newbies, be sure to add the following userboxes to your userpage:

Code	Result
{{User:Kayau/Bite}}	This user enjoys biting newbies and vandals.	Usage
{{User:Kayau/Bite you}}	This user enjoys biting newbies and vandals, and you are next.	Usage

References

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^ Dragon (mp4) (streaming video). Homestarrunnerdotcom. 31 Mar 2009. Event occurs at 2m15s minutes in. Retrieved 27 March 2015. Comedic illustration of abusive article deletion.

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Building, editing, and deletion

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Content additions	Avoid thread mode Copyediting reception sections Coup Don't throw more litter onto the pile Gender-neutral language Myth vs fiction No trojan horses Proseline Reading in a flow state Turning biology research into a Wikipedia article Use our own words We shouldn't be able to figure out your opinions Write the article first Writing about women Writing better articles
Deletion	Adjectives in your recommendations AfD is not a war zone Arguments to avoid in deletion discussions Arguments to avoid in deletion reviews Arguments to avoid in image deletion discussions Arguments to make in deletion discussions Avoid repeated arguments Before commenting in a deletion discussion But there must be sources! Confusing arguments mean nothing Content removal Counting and sorting are not original research Delete or merge Delete the junk Deletion is not cleanup Does deletion help? Does merging help? Don't attack the nominator Don't confuse stub status with non-notability Don't overuse shortcuts to policy and guidelines to win your argument Emptying categories out of process Follow the leader How the presumption of notability works How to save an article nominated for deletion I just don't like it Identifying blatant advertising Identifying test edits Immunity Keep it concise Liar liar pants on fire No Encyclopedic Use Notability is not everything Nothing Nothing is clear Overzealous deletion Relisting can be abusive Relist bias The Heymann Standard Unopposed AFD discussion Wikipedia is not Whack-A-Mole Why was the page I created deleted? What to do if your article gets tagged for speedy deletion When in doubt, hide it in the woodwork Zombie page

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The basics	Accepting other users Apology Autistic editors Being right isn't enough Contributing to complicated discussions Divisiveness Don't retaliate Editors' pronouns Edit at your own pace Encouraging the newcomers Enjoy yourself Expect no thanks How to be civil Maintaining a friendly space Negotiation Obsessive–compulsive disorder editors Please say please Relationships with academic editors Thank you Too long; didn't read Truce Unblock perspectives We are all Wikipedians here You have a right to remain silent
Philosophy	A thank you never hurts A weak personal attack is still wrong Advice for hotheads An uncivil environment is a poor environment Be the glue Beware of the tigers! Civility warnings Deletion as revenge Duty to comply Failure Forgive and forget It's not the end of the world Nobody cares Most people who disagree with you on content are not vandals On Wikipedia no one knows you're a dog Old-fashioned Wikipedian values Profanity, civility, and discussions Revert notification opt-out Shadowless Fists of Death! Staying cool when the editing gets hot The grey zone The last word There is no Divine Right of Editors Most ideas are bad Nothing is clear Reader The rules of polite discourse There is no common sense Two wrongs don't make a right Wikipedia clichés Wikipedia is not about winning Wikipedia should not be a monopoly Writing for the opponent
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Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Please_bite_the_newbies&oldid=1365589415"

Definition of a 'newbie'

How to bite a newbie

Userbox

See also

References