Talk:Béla Bartók
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Pee Review[edit source ]
Humour:
1
Bartok is a tough cookie to nail down. His music is abstract, edgy and his profile should be too, but this isn't. As such, I would suggest that you refocus the article away from "silly/number/subject" format (ie: "he has two heads and several hundred noses") and focus on who he really was, finding humor in satire. You could also approach the music from the angle that "Bartok's music was so esoteric, even he couldn't understand it." I'd like to see you take this humor up several notches to esoteric so that it is about Bartok and not a vampire.
Concept:
7
In theory this is a wonderful quirky person to highlight in an article, so you get a pat on the back for trying to address him.
Prose and formatting:
2
You get "2" for having the guts to hold this up and say "Well?". But to get the other "8" you'll need to get rid of the red links and generally tidy up. You can do this, it just will take time and effort.
Images:
0
I can't give a score for images if there are no images to score. I would suggest that you go with edgy, abstract images - almmst Picasso like - like musical notes fighting with each other.
Miscellaneous:
5
Again, the Misc. scoring I'm giving you is pat on the back material for putting this up here and asking people for their opinions of it. You have a lot of work on your hands to take this from being what it is to what it could be. You can do this. Ask for help from other users after you get an account and a screen name (ditch the IP number thing) and we'll give you the feedback or direction that you need.
Final Score:
15
There is just a lot of work that you have to undertake on this piece if you would like folks to take notice of it. Again, if you need a sounding Board just ask.
Post Pee Review Discussion[edit source ]
My initial doubts with the vampire thing are confirmed by your review. Instead of the sillyness and the references to popular culture, I guess we need guts and meanness. I've thought about something along the lines of him getting drunk with peasants, having fistfights with critics, beating his wife when work wasn't going well and treating his piano just as violently, and his music being a symptom of his restless life. I know what you mean by calling his music abstract and edgy, but I don't understand what you mean by saying the article should be abstract and edgy. If you mean that the article should be written in unconventional prose or in the style of the person, I don't know how to do that. --Unregistered Rascal
- As for Bartok lashing out at the world, could it be that his composistions were the result of a short in his hearing aid? What I would suggest is write out the article staright (no yucks) and then come back to it in a day. The idea is take something real, and make it dance while you shoot at its feet. Ask for help and receive it. I'll even adopt you - something that I do not do under normal circumstance. But remember, the longest of journeys, like a shortest, is taken with the first step and then another, Grasshopper. Dame PPsigPPlips.gif GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 17:05, 11 March 2008 (UTC)
- Well, I rewrote it from scratch. It's better, but it doesn't amuse me that much, really. 84.250.123.208 02:13, 13 March 2008 (UTC)Unregistered Rascal
- Then its not finished. Sweetie, Humor is hard, Democracy is easy. Dame PPsigPPlips.gif GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 02:16, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
- Sure it is pretty much finished. It just needs to be redeleted and rewritten from scratch for a third time or a fourth time. Perhaps the biggest problem here is that I'm not a professional at music and that I don't know too well how his music works to give this the needed satire.
- Anyway, I would be very grateful for a brief comment on the new text. Why doesn't it work as well as it should? 84.250.123.208 18:44, 13 March 2008 (UTC)Unregistered Rascal
- OK, as you have noticed I have decided that a hands on approach to editing might be called for. For example, notice how I took Bartok's music style, and put it to ballet performed by people who danced as the music is - jerky, quirkey and unpredictable - just like Tourettes Syndrome and well there you have it! The other thing is that "rape" and "wife beating" isn't generally funny as a topic (this coming from a woman, both are real downers) so unless you are writing about Mickey Rourke, try and stay away from them. Oh, I am moving this conversation to the article talk page because this is where these types of conversations need to happen. So follow me over there, OK? Dame PPsigPPlips.gif GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 13:40, 15 March 2008 (UTC)
- Then its not finished. Sweetie, Humor is hard, Democracy is easy. Dame PPsigPPlips.gif GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 02:16, 13 March 2008 (UTC)
- Well, I rewrote it from scratch. It's better, but it doesn't amuse me that much, really. 84.250.123.208 02:13, 13 March 2008 (UTC)Unregistered Rascal
- As for Bartok lashing out at the world, could it be that his composistions were the result of a short in his hearing aid? What I would suggest is write out the article staright (no yucks) and then come back to it in a day. The idea is take something real, and make it dance while you shoot at its feet. Ask for help and receive it. I'll even adopt you - something that I do not do under normal circumstance. But remember, the longest of journeys, like a shortest, is taken with the first step and then another, Grasshopper. Dame PPsigPPlips.gif GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 17:05, 11 March 2008 (UTC)
- I kinda figured that you relied on the comparison to Stravinsky ("was more famous than Stravinsky") and equated Bartók to a portion of the real Stravinsky. I rather associate rhythmic complexity with Stravinsky than with Bartók, whose complexity lies closer to harmony, so that prevented me from seeing possibilities. Also, while I find violence to be funny in general (duh!), some of it wasn't particularly funny. Anyway, the article looks much better following your edits. 84.250.123.208 19:14, 15 March 2008 (UTC)Unregistered Rascal
I have a picture![edit source ]
look!
Bartok.jpg The.original.joe.shmoe blah Selfportrait.jpg mouse!! 01:30, 9 October 2008 (UTC)
