Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia is a total lie, made up by the head doctors here at this hospital, to get me to take these little colored things that control my brain. That's how they keep me from talking to the green men who are helping me take over the world.

Good thing I have beaten the doctors, and hidden the little colored things under my tongue. I will give them to Elvis Presley, as the little magic men who live beyond the walls have told me to do, and he will put them in everyone's drinking water, make them do whatever I say, and they will come and blow up the hospital and we will all join the little green men in the sky!

• Behavioural sciences