Choose one character to bully
‘So it’s settled. We head north.’ Her hand resting lightly on the pommel of her sword, Saltar looked at each of her companions in turn. Pheos returned her gaze coolly, sparks of shadow flickering around his gloved hands. Gramble shrugged and hefted his axe from one compact, muscled shoulder to the other. ‘No objections?’ said Saltar. ‘Then we ride as soon as...’ She hesitated. ‘Where’s Dingleton?’
‘Curse him!’ muttered Gramble, looking around. ‘Stupid wretched creature.’ Pheos smiled archly.
‘I believe our diminutive friend is currently relieving himself,’ he said, nodding towards a nearby bush.
‘Sorry!’ said the bush. ‘Sorry! Hang on, I’m just...’ The bush rustled and Dingleton fell out, his trousers round his ankles. ‘Wooaah!’ He tumbled head over heels down the muddy slope, his hands stuck in his belt as he tried desperately to pull his pants up.
‘Dingleton!’ snapped Saltar. ‘Get up. We’re heading north. Where did you tie up the horses?’
‘Tie up?’ said Dingleton, a baffled expression on his face. ‘They were... um...’
‘I’ll murder him!’ yelled Gramble, gripping his axe. Saltar sighed.
‘At least tell me you picked up the bag with the holy amulet in,’ she said.
‘The thing about that...’ Dingleton began, before losing his balance and falling flat on his face.
‘Why is he here again?’ hissed Pheos.
‘I don’t know,’ Dingleton moaned quietly to himself. ‘I really don’t know. I’m not equipped for this. It seems cruel even to have brought me. When you think about it...’ Whatever he had been about to say, it was muffled by the bird faeces that fell directly into his mouth at that exact moment.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
18 comments:
Haha I've seen so many books like this!
Reply DeleteThis sounds like my life.
Reply DeleteEeeewwww. That last bit was way over the top.
Reply DeleteI should NOT have put a forkful of food into my mouth just as I read that last line.
Reply DeleteThat made me laugh =D
Reply DeleteThis passes for "comic relief" in waaaaay too much fiction.
Reply DeleteI hadn't checked your posts for a while and the last few have had me laughing. Particularly this one. Thanks.
Reply DeleteWith a name like Dingleton, you'd expect bird poo to fall on him. But into his mouth? I'd have thought he'd be looking down rather than up. He's lucky it wasn't a Golden Eagle.
Reply DeleteI think my favorite thing about this post is the description "sparks of shadow." Nice.
Reply DeleteI know someone who had a laugh interupted by a bird pooing in her mouth. This post was not as funny as that, but it was still funny.
Reply DeleteHey, Joel, do you mind if I link to you on my bloggish thing? I hope not, because I just did it.
Reply DeleteNow, now, whumpage has a long and well, not proud, exactly, history!
Reply DeleteAww, poor Dingleton!
Reply DeleteLawl. Poor Regis.
Reply DeleteDo more now.
Reply DeleteThe word you're looking for is "Buttmonkey".
Reply DeletePretty much Meg Griffin in a nutshell.
Reply DeleteI wish I had the physical coordination for such a perfectly executed pratfall.
Reply DeleteAnd he did it with his pants down, you say? On a slippery surface?
And then he caught bird droppings in his mouth?
This is the equivalent of getting a true-false test 100% wrong. It is almost impossible unless you secretly know all the answers.
Watch out for Dingleton.