July 27, 2011
Bad Timing
Oh well. I haven't had the energy to do all my survivor advocacy stuff I used to do in the blogosphere, either. So I guess it's just one of those trade-offs of life.
As many of you know, my son has special needs and raising him has brought me the most love I have ever experienced, yet tested and challenged me more than I think I can bear sometimes. Up until recently, my son has not had much of a social life, in real life anyway (outside of gaming online and Facebook). Now, this summer, he has started to hang around kids who have way too much freedom, are smoking, doing drugs, etc. He finally feels accepted and I have always longed for him to have that and I know how important it is. I just hope he can come to realize the value of feeling accepted by kids who show more responsibility, make better choices and have stronger values.
So, with the help of his therapist, we've had to come down pretty hard with structure and consequences around here. We now have to up this part of the parenting game even more, as he just came back with dirty results on a recent UA for pot. I wouldn't be so upset about it if he were in college or something...but he is only 14 years old!
I feel amazingly fatigued just sharing this much right now. I'll try to get back and share more later. Any positive vibes, thoughts and/or prayers that any of you can send out there right now would be greatly appreciated.
Labels: attachment, being human, breaking the cycle, community, overwhelm, support
September 10, 2010
It's Whiny Weeny Time
I'm still reeling from the fact that my son got suspended from school the other day. He has to be suspended for a minimum of five days, which means I'm basically home schooling him at the moment. We go for a hearing next week. It's a long, crazy story.
Do you ever want to ask, "Why me, Universe, really? Could you pick on somebody else for a while?"
I'll put up a post about our next blog carnival. It will be next week, folks, so look at the widget on my sidebar and get those posts in, please. Other than keeping up with that, I'm going to be a bit under the radar some more for a while. Thanks for your patience, understanding, and continuing those very thoughtful and supportive comments, all. I do appreciate you greatly.
Labels: aftermath, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, body connection, body memories, IBS, support, therapy
September 01, 2010
So, What's Happening?
So, my son did not want to go camping with us this past weekend and that brought up some rejection issues. At first, I started in with a lot of self-loathing and internal name calling like, "goober, loser," etc. Then, I just allowed myself to be sad. That feeling-the-feelings stuff really does help with my dissociation.
With some journaling and therapy "homework," I've come to the conclusion that rejection is a big issue for this "Fall Freak-out" period. Unfortunately, it also involves the actual fear of death if I get out of line. So, my therapy session tomorrow should be a whopper. Send up some prayers, thoughts or vibes, will you? Thanks in advance!
Labels: dissociation, feelings, grieving, rejection, support, therapy
January 21, 2010
To Write Love On Her Arms
[埋込みオブジェクト:http://www.youtube.com/v/rNLR41afZsQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&]
Labels: advocacy, awareness, suicide, suicide prevention, support, TWLOHA
December 14, 2009
The Gift of Gratitude
My holiday wish for you is that the spirit of the season brings you true comfort and joy.
Labels: beauty, collage, comfort, community, connection, gratitude, support, survivors
July 27, 2009
Licking My Wounds & Art Therapy
Thank you all for your kind comments. There were some things written in the comment section of my last post that I hadn't really realized before. Seeing those sentiments in black and white was very helpful to me. I appreciate you all so much. Our Survivor Solidarity is awesome!
Another thing I'm finding helpful is my art therapy through collage over at Polyvore. Let me share a couple of recent compilations.
This piece is called "Return to Wonder." I wish we--as child abuse survivors--could all go back and NOT know what we shouldn't have known as young children...return to innocence and wonder.
This piece reminds me that maybe--just a little at least--I'm coming out of the dark and into the green, the growing...the light. Also, that maybe I can grow something out of all the dark, black dirt that I have. I wish you all much rest, peace and blessings on your own journeys of recovery, healing, dirt-digging, reaching for the light, and growing beautiful things out of the muck.
Labels: appreciation, beauty, collage, comfort, community, grieving, healing, recovery, self-care, support, survivor art
June 19, 2009
Silver Anniversary Blog Carnival
The June carnival edition is up right now over at Cornnut's blog, Picture of Experience . We have a lot of new participants this month and we got seven entries for the theme of Fathers, Father's Day and Parents.
Please link on over and visit the carnival, read the posts and leave comments where you're able. Also, if you could link to the carnival from your blog or Tweet, etc. about it, that would be great. Your support is always appreciated greatly!
Labels: advocacy, aftermath, anniversary, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, breaking the cycle, child abuse, support, survivors, Twitter
February 06, 2009
Our Blog Carnival Turns 21, Sort Of
This is an excellent carnival. It's got lots of new participants, links to 18 posts and a big concentration of articles in the Healing & Therapy category. We survivors are working hard at healing aren't we? Yay for us!
Please take a spin over at the carnival and leave supportive messages for the participants at their blogs, won't you? And, if you've participated in our carnival before, please consider hosting an edition. I'm looking for new hosts and...the next one could be YOU! Thanks for the support--you wonderful child abuse survivor community.
Labels: abuse, advocacy, aftermath, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, child abuse, dissociation, healing, links, recovery, support, survivors, therapy, trauma
May 27, 2008
Mohs Update
I feel okay about going in tomorrow. Intellectually and logically, I feel fine about it. I talked to a neighbor who is married to a doctor and she commented, "I don't even know why they call those basal cells 'cancer;' that just scares everybody." Uh, yeah. They sure scared me at first. People in the health care field should be more careful when they call somebody up to say, "Well, we got the biopsy report back from the lab and you have cancer." The "C" word is very scary and should be handled with utmost care.
With the type of "skin cancer" I have and the type of procedure they're doing on me tomorrow, it should not come back and I should be free of it very soon. Thanks so much, everybody, for all your comforting words, prayers and support on this matter. As usual, you cyber angels come through for me again!
Now, for the non-intellectual, non-logical side of me who is scared to death about this procedure tomorrow. I talked to my T about it and we both agreed that there is some part activity surrounding this. There is definitely some anxiety about being laid out on a reclining chair with a big light in my face and somebody using a sharp instrument right next to my eye! I guess I shouldn't be at all surprised by this reaction. Going to the dentist usually elicits the same reaction. It's a pretty similar scenario.
Well, to help this fearful situation, I insisted on going into the dermatologist/plastic surgeon's office to look the place over and meet some of the people who will be working with (on) me tomorrow. That helped assuage the fears a bit. Luckily, everyone at this facility seems very compassionate and kind. I knew the secretary was helpful and nice from our phone conversations. Then, I went in and got to meet the nurses and the doctor himself. I also saw the room where I'll be worked on. They told me I can get up out of that chair and move around and ground myself all I want tomorrow.
I will also take my Lorazepam, just to be sure. I've been doing a lot of little-part comforting around this. The meditation, visualization and self-care has been helpful for the last few days. I got really triggered, began sobbing and came really close to hysterically running out of the examining room when I had the initial biopsy done. I'd prefer that it doesn't happen again tomorrow.
Well, keep me in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow, won't you please? I continue to appreciate your continued support. And please continue, okay? Thanks!
I'm off now to try and finish up some work in my garden and my yard. The nurse at the clinic said I should get as much of my yard work done as I can before the procedure tomorrow; I'm supposed to rest afterward.
Oh, one last thing: As I said before, the basal cell spot is right next to my eye. I'd like to request prayers that the surgery does NOT involve my tear duct, as the doctor I met said is a possibility. If it does, it will require additional surgery, and I'd sure like to avoid that!
Thanks again, everybody! You truly are the best! xoxoxxo ((((((((safe hugs to all))))))))
Labels: basal cell, comfort, community, gratitude, grounding, mohs procudure, skin cancer, support
March 03, 2008
Updates & Reminders
I feel that most of his anxiety symptoms revolve around the school issue as well. An offshoot of that is that he's very nervous about where he'll be going to middle school next year--sixth grade. I started out thinking, "What a lot of pressure to put on young kids. We will simply make it a non-issue and my son will walk to the nearest middle school." Unfortunately--or maybe fortunately--our district has open enrollment and you get to choose where to send your kid. There's another school that has a special program that I think will really meet D's needs much more appropriately.
However, he doesn't know anyone going to that school, so he doesn't want to go there. *Sigh* I'm sure we're going to have a big fight on our hands about it. I hate pushing my kid toward anything he feels really scared about with the assertion that "It's for your own good." A lot of really traumatic and abusive things were done to me as a child under this guise. I've just grown to think, after a lot of research, that this other school--and its specialized program and caring teachers--could really help my son focus on his strengths, boost his self-esteem, and feel good about attending school again. God, I pray that this can happen.
The three of us--me, hubby and child--go in for a consultation on Friday with a guy who comes highly recommended to help special needs kids like our son. One of the things I like about the sounds of him is that he looks for lots of alternatives to pharmaceutical medications. *crosses fingers*
Thank you all so much for your concern, caring comments, thoughts, vibes and prayers on this matter. Please continue to send out positive vibes for our Friday appointment. Thanks in advance! You guys rock and I appreciate you so much. :)
A reminder: The March BLOG CARNIVAL AGAINST CHILD ABUSE is coming up and will be here before you know it--Friday, March 14. Enola is hosting and I just know she is going to be an outstanding host! Check out her announcement and call for submissions here. This month's theme is about Spring and new beginnings. Won't you join us for this awareness-raising, supportive event?
Labels: abuse, appreciation, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, gratitude, support, trauma
February 15, 2008
After Child Abuse--Love Remains: The February, 2008 Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse
I received a very large number of post submissions for the theme--love--of this edition. Some months, we hardly get any for the theme. This month, I think we made up for that, with 10 themed entries. Thanks for breakin' loose with the love writing everyone!
So, our first category for this edition is "Love." Let's spread the love, y'all!
Disclaimer: Warning! Many of these posts may contain triggering content. If you are a survivor with PTSD or a dissociative disorder, please use caution when reading these posts (even some of the love posts may be triggering).
Love
Our first post on love comes from Keepers of Keepers Korner. It is appropriately entitled, "The Healing Power of Love."
Keepers of Keepers Korner presents "part two" of her two-part series, "The Healing Power of Love." Here, she talks about things she treasures as symbolizing love.
April Optimist of The Thriver's Toolbox presents a post simply called,"Love." I always appreciate April's insights, whether on the topic of love or anything else healing related.
Austin of Sundrip Journals has written a love poem called "I am You" at her blog, The People Behing My Eyes. Austin explains, "This poem is about loving all of me, the good, the bad and the ugly." I think Austin is beautiful and I love the way she expresses herself.
Enola , from the blog of the same name, is going to be our host next month. She has given us two posts on love for this edition. Here's her first in her Valentine's series called, "What is Love Anyway?"
In her second of the two-part Valentine's series called, What is Love Anyway? we get a description of what is love by Enola as perceived through the five senses.
Jumping in Puddles--JIP as we all lovingly call her--has a blog called Life Spacings . She has recently begun posting with a co-author, her therapist, who has written a post called, "The Strength of Love & Friendship." JIP remarked, "We wanted to share it from a therapist's perspective."
Mike, at Child Abuse Survivor , presents, "Love for February." I like how Mike emphasizes the love of the self in his post.
Again, Keepers from Keepers Korner returns by sharing with us a wonderful, love-filled event and post with a great title, "Finally Family." Keepers remarks, "Our JM officially takes all of us as family, so all keepers feel the love finally."
And, finally for our Love Theme Category for this edition, I'm including my own post from Survivors Can Thrive! It includes a poem with the message, "I love and cherish you" to my inner child parts. The post is called, "Inner Child Rescue, Care & Love."
Advocacy & Awareness
Kevin Heath presents a handy and succinct list of the types and "Signs of Abuse" at the blog, Children's Safety . He also provides the detail of how to go about reporting abuse. Thanks, Kevin!
JIP graces our carnival again, this time writing herself, for a post called, "Life With Little Alters." It's an awareness-raising post at her blog, Life Spacings . It's a very educational and enlightening read.
This is so cool, people! It's an amazing opportunity. As soon as I get my head above water after this carnival, I'm going to do this myself. It's an ingenious idea for raising awareness about us child sexual abuse survivors and it's called the Teddy Tour . The idea is all explained in a post simply called, "About Teddy Tour." With the help of her friend Leigh from "All for Women," my down-under friend and two-time past carnival host, Megan Bayliss of Imanginif Child Protection Became Serious Business , created this site just for raising awareness on this critical issue. Megan comments, "Megan from Imaginif and Leigh from All for Women love Teddies. We also love survivors of child abuse because they just have so much personal power. Marrying our two loves, we have unveiled the blogospheric TEDDY TOUR. If you are a survivor of child sexual abuse please send us your anonymous story tag to be toured throughout the blogosphere. " Awesome!
When The Cerebral Mum , with her blog of the same name, got tagged with a meme (you know, it's one of those blog games that get passed around the blogosphere) that required her to post Seven Random Things about herself, she decided maybe it wasn't really a game to her and to do "A Serious Seven Random Things." So now, her Seven Random Things are about her life as a child abuse survivor. I was so impressed about the passion with which she wrote this post, I asked her to let us use it for the carnival. Thanks, CM!
For the last post in this category, I just have to put up this video. It's really cool and raises much-need awareness on YouTube . How cool is that? This video collage was masterfully created by my friend, Ani, from My Dissonance . The creation is called, "The Secret." It's not a secret anymore! Thanks for letting us broadcast this, Ani!
[埋込みオブジェクト:http://www.youtube.com/v/IxNNxv1eXUs&rel=]
Aftermath
This next post, from Nancy at Heal and Forgive , could have been put under our umbrella love theme category, or Healing & Therapy. I think the reason Nancy submitted it under the Aftermath category, however, is because it takes an honest look at family estrangement after coming out about abuse. It also talks about that critical inner voice and how to deal with it. Good info to have! The post is entitled, "Loving Voices." Nancy remarks, "Since the theme is love - I thought I would submit my recent post "Loving Voices." Thanks for providing a great community of support!"
Healing & Therapy
I thought this was a very intriguing post, that talks about something many of us have experienced, or at least wondered about, but we've not talked about at our blog carnival. It's the topic of admission to an inpatient psychiatric ward. We may argue about whether or not this is an option that really aids our healing, but it's good information to have. Austin from The People Behind My Eyes returns to present it in her post, "A Psych Ward." Austin comments, "If you've never been to a psychiatric hospital you may have no idea about what goes on there. You may have television based ideas but here is a description of the average inpatient psych ward on the higher functioning wing. "
Warren Wong presents, "The Value Of Our Parents" on his blog, Personal Development . This post follows an interesting exploration of the difficulties in communication as adults with parents and coming to terms with that relationship. Warren remarks, "Describes how the our parents give us a sense of meaning and purpose in life."
Here's JIP, from Life Spacings again, sharing "What We Have Learnt" over the last year of therapy. I think it describes some marvelous, healing, positive re-programming. You go, girl!
In The News
Anything Goes And General News alerts us about a story entitled, "Body of 1 of 4 Kids Found in Alabama Water."
Did you know that Ani is AKA Joanna? She's a busy lady, making YouTube videos, co-founder of The Survivor Archives Project and also blogspot blogger of Eyes Open . In this post, Ani AKA Joanna gives us some good news about sentencing for a child abuser in her post, "Man Gets 365 Years for Raping Children". We need some good news/justice like this once in a while!
Jane's Mental Health Source Page presents "Child Abuse and Neglect: Another Casualty of War." This is an informative post about research findings published by The American Medical Association.
Poetry
My amazingly aware friend, Mother Wintermoon, has written a moving poem called, "Between Living and Dying." It is a reaching in and reaching out type of poem that describes the struggle...and the hope. Thanks for this gift, MW. I encourage you to check out Mother Wintermoon's compassionate, aware and insightful posts at this blog, Mystical Moonshowers , as well as her blog, Romancing The Crone .
Survivor Stories
Another amazingly insightful and aware survivor who has become my blogging friend is Patricia Singleton. She has written a very thought-provoking series of posts about family secrets and incest at her blog, Spiritual Journey of a Lightworker . Her fifth post in this series is called, "Family Secrets--Incest May Be a Part of My Life Series--Part 5." Patricia remarks, "The family secret was so insiduous and undermining of conversation that I didn't even talk about it with my sister until we were in our 20's." I can relate to that, Patricia! That was about the time my sister and I actually started talking about our abuse as well. And my identical twin and I shared the same tiny room for 15 years! Let's stop the secrets, shatter the silence and break the cycle survivors!
This concludes this wonderful edition of our blog carnival. Thanks to all who participated. Please link to these courageous survivors and advocates and leave comments where you are able on their blogs. If you'd like to submit to our next carnival, just use the blog carnival widget on my sidebar. Until next month...continue to spread the awareness and the love!
Labels: advocacy, aftermath, awareness, Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, blog carnivals, chid abuse, child abuse prevention, community, healing, love, Poetry, self-love, support, survivors, therapy
September 05, 2007
Thanks for Your Support!
I'm just trying to take the days step by step and do my best to take care of myself.
I was attempting to comfort myself and my parts the other day. I had noticed, earlier in the day, that someone who had been very kind to me over the phone brought on a crying jag in me. I was wondering about that later and thought, "It's almost as if I don't want to be soothed or comforted. It's almost as if it hurts me. It feels painful." As soon as that thought was out, I heard a part--I think her name is Sarah and she's between six and eight years old. Sarah said, "You're only teasing me. It's just a trick. You'll only hurt me later."
That just broke my heart to hear that coming from such a young child part. Her words spoke volumes.
Blog Carnival Update: When I delayed the BLOG CARNIVAL AGAINST CHILD ABUSE, August edition, I had to stick in a new date and just randomly chose September 14. That's a week from Friday. I'll have to check with Lisa at Sadly Normal and make sure she's okay with that post date.
I want to thank all of you for your e-mails and kind comments during my recent set-back. Your kindness and support mean more to me than you'll ever know or I could ever express in words. Thank you!
I'll be trying my best to get around to some blogs and return some e-mails in the next few days. I miss you guys!
Labels: blog carnivals, comfort, self-care, support
April 30, 2007
Thinking Blogger, Thankful Blogger
I want to tell you, however, how you thoughtful, validating bloggers helped me turn a negative into a positive. As some of you may know, I had a blogger come on to my blog and start commenting to me and other readers in a way that left me feeling attacked and invalidated. I told the blogger that I didn't want my comment section to become a huge debate forum, so I continued the conversation with them via e-mail. The last e-mail I got from them felt downright hateful and cruel to me. This was difficult timing for me as I was just in the middle of working with my T on devastating feelings of isolation and loneliness...and that feeling that nobody can be trusted.
For a while I felt quite sorry for myself that this blogger with whom I had been acquainted for some time seemed to turn on me. But some of the things they said to me caught my attention. It wasn't anything about parts, abuse, recovery or anything like that. It was technical blog stuff.
This blogger made an accusation that I did, indeed desire an online debate; that I was lying about that. They said that I could have _____ them whenever I wanted if I hadn't wanted a debate. I can't even remember what the term was and the e-mail that contained it was too painful for me to keep, so I quickly deleted it. But, I assume the term had something to do with blocking a reader/commenter.
I've admitted this several times: I am very un-cyber savvy when it comes to anything technical on my blog. I've warned viewers that they have to go to my dot com site: www.survivorscanthrive.com to get any kind of pretty pictures and the like.
It's embarrassing to me that I haven't been able to include pictures on my blog or those neat little buttons or a blogroll, or the Blog Carnival widget, so that readers can easily link and submit to our Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. I decided, ENOUGH! Looky, looky, over at the sidebar. I finally figured out how to get the Blog Carnival widget up there, and it's not stretched across the blog posts. Yippeeee!
Do you notice something else new over there? It's a cute little button for The Thinking Blogger Awards. Let me tell you how that came about. In addition to my new found determination to get more technical-savvy on this blog, I decided my link updates were way overdue as well. Weeks ago, my friend Keepers e-mailed me to tell me that she had nominated me for a Thinking Blogger Award. I thought that was way cool and I wanted to put up a post thanking her for it, but was embarrassed that I didn't even have an updated link to her on the sidebar.
Then, I found out that somebody else that I had a faulty, old link up to--Beautiful Dreamer--had also nominated me for the Thinking Blogger award. Wow! I'm really starting to feel the love now...and the appreciation and validation. *warm fuzzy*
So, I decided to get up off my butt and update those links. I also like to provide reciprocal links to blogger folks. Now, I don't have any kind of tracker on my blog. So, if you don't leave a comment, I don't know that you've visited here. I am savvy enough, however to know how to use Who Links To Me and Technorati. Yeah, it's embarrassing: I couldn't get the Technorati button to show up on my template either...but now that could change! ;) So anyway, I went to Technorati to see who had recently linked to me and see if I thought they were a good reciprocal link fit.
Guess what? I found another blogger, Feminist Nation, who had also nominated me for The Thinking Blogger award! Wow! Just when I was starting to think that I was, indeed pathetic, that nobody got anything helpful from my blog, and that there really was no meaning whatever for my abuse, I see that I stand corrected. Thanks, guys! I really needed that.
Since The Thinking Blogger Award is actually a meme (yes, I even know what that means) I will tag some thinking bloggers I appreciate and that will be my next post. For now, go check out all the new links on the sidebar and give these bloggers a good look-see.
Labels: links, support, Thinking Blogger, validation
March 02, 2007
The Dissociative Twilight Zone?
A couple of posts back, I told of a fight I had with my husband after one of my T appointments. I think a part came out who is particularly "gloom and doom." My husband has been warned that this part of me can not be reasoned with--no logic gets through. But, alas, he tried in vain and ended the fight getting in my face a bit with a strong, "You're wrong!"
At that, I got completely hysterical. He tried to hug me and I screamed, "Don't touch me!" and ran upstairs. After my husband left I seemed to switch again and proceeded to rage at his picture for hours. YIKES!
I recognized the style of the speech. This is someone who looks at me in the mirror and says the cruelest things. Since this part scares the ever-lovin' shit out of me, I decided to bite the bullet and have a journal conversation with it. I've decided that this entity is androgynous. I can't refer to this person as "he" or "she" because it seems to be both or neither. Anyway, here's the conversation, lifted out of the paper journal:
(Note: when I am talking, the font with remain the same. When this newly-conversing part is talking, I will use all caps.)
Me: As suggested and advised by Karen, our therapist, I am speaking to the one who raged at my husband's picture on Monday afternoon and called him a "Dumb Ass." This is not to blame or condemn--only to differentiate.
I thought about calling you "The Intimidator," but I'm sure that's selling you short. It appears to me that one of your major roles is to help us avoid humiliation....THANK YOU!
I know this was a BIG factor in our childhood abuse, so this has been an important role. Yet, I am sure you serve other functions as well. Would you like to tell me about them and/or give me a name you would prefer I use when speaking with you?
I WANT SOME RESPECT. I DESERVE AT LEAST THAT MUCH FOR ALL I'VE DONE!
Yes. That's true.
YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN STUCK BEING A GOOBER ALL YOUR LIFE IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME!
I agree that you deserve respect and appreciation. I thank you for all the times you saved me from public humiliation and more social mortification. I'm sorry that my fear has kept me from seeing your positive role and appreciating you.
I AM TO BE FEARED AND RESPECTED.
I'd like us to agree, though, that we will all show more respect to each other. When we attack each other it is very counter-productive.
If we all agree not to tell you, "shut up!" or call you a "raging maniac," could you agree not to call me "ugly" or "stupid" or call my husband a "Dumb Ass?"
WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME? I DON'T CARE. I'M NO CHUMP. I'M NOT STUPID ENOUGH TO CARE ABOUT THAT SHIT!
I think you do care. That's why you've taken your role so seriously and been quite diligent about it. I respect your hard work and courage.
BUT WHEN THE PEOPLE I PROTECT TURN ON ME, I HAVE TO PUT THEM IN THEIR PLACE!
I would prefer that everyone inside decide their own place and then communicate that with me. But, you could be in invaluable asset to everyone if you helped me by sharing your vast intelligence and information. You could be a light for those still in the dark. Would you be open to that?
WHAT DO I HAVE TO GIVE UP IN RETURN?
You, and everyone else--including me--need to commit to following the rule of no name calling. There is no one here now, February of 2007, in this house, in this community, in this state, who calls us names any more. We no longer need to avoid intimidation by intimidating back.
BUT YOUR HUSBAND GOT IN YOUR FACE AND THAT WASN'T RIGHT!
Yes, and he felt bad about it and apologized and we talked calmly about how he could respond differently next time. We're all learning and he is willing to learn, too. He was just scared.
I'M NOT SCARED!
Well, maybe you're not, but there are a lot of people here who are. And your name-calling and yelling scares the little ones and me, too, sometimes. I appreciate you talking to me calmly now and helping me not be so scared because I can think better this way.
WELL, IT'S HARD NOT TO THINK OF THAT KIND OF STUFF AS JUST WEAK. THE WEAK TURN INTO VICTIMS YOU KNOW.
So, is that your role, too, to help us from ever being a victim again?
YOU GOT IT!
You were there when that creep was following us on the street in Chicago years ago weren't you?
YEP. I SCARED THE LITTLE CREEP AWAY!
That was amazing! I'm grateful and very impressed.
JUST MY JOB.
Well, how about we agree that if we're ever in any real danger like that again--danger of being mugged, etc.--you can use whatever swear words you want and be as intimidating as you like (unless they have a gun on us or something and mouthing off would get us shot)? We need to differentiate between whether there's real danger or not.
What do you think about hanging out in a light house? You re so observant and have such keen instincts. You could spot danger right away and shine a light on it and alert us all so we can stay safe. (This was an idea I came up with after my T suggested that I urge this part to go into the "safe place" visualized sun porch that most of us use as safe sanctuary. I didn't feel that this part would feel comfortable or desire to go there.)
YEAH. I GUESS THAT COULD WORK.
Will you think about a respectful name we could call you?
YEAH. IT'S GOT TO COMMAND RESPECT. I'LL THINK OF GOOD ONE.
Thanks. And thanks for talking to me and being open to some new ideas. It's very helpful and I feel better.
IT'S ALRIGHT. I WANT US TO BE ON GOOD TERMS.
I appreciate that and I'll talk to you later.
***
Later, we agreed on the name, "Sentry." Now, Sentry hangs out in a lighthouse and oversees the safety of little ones playing on a beach. So, now we have another "safe place" visualization environment that works for several parts. It's a win-win situation. I felt an amazing sense of relief after doing this exercise and opening up this line of communication. Marlene Steinberg, M.D., who wrote The Stranger In The Mirror, calls this part of "The Four C's" of working with one's parts. I agree that comfort, communication, cooperation, and connection--these "four C's"--are going to be very important in my healing. I'm working hard right now to get some of these established.
Labels: child abuse, connection, DID, dissociation, mapping, sexual abuse survivors, support, system, therapy, triggers