Sher-ingTime

"The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior will improve behavior" (Boyd K. Packer, Little Children, Oct 1986).

Yesterday as were driving to the temple, I had to smile at the peace I was still feeling even amid the (minor) stress and chaos of frantically getting everyone and everything out the door on time, when normally I might be feeling stressed and frustrated. I began to reflect about some of my personal goals that I've set for myself in the last year or so and realized that I was making progress in them, but really without trying. Things like slower to stress or anger, more patience, love, and compassion, etc. Even things like more date nights with my husband and going to the temple more often. I know that normally with goals you have to make them specific, have accountability and deadlines, and create action plans...and sometimes even with all of this our goals are not achieved. So why were these weaknesses of mine being strengthened when the only time I remembered them was when I was failing miserably at them?

I thought of the scripture in Ether (Ether 12:27), and while it doesn't say exactly what came to my mind, it gets close to it. "...my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

Often times rudeness begets rudeness. A friend of mine taught me a way to not fall into that trap. Essentially she would make up a reason to explain why a person would behave the way they did. For example, if a driver was weaving through traffic and cut her off in the process, she would simply explain that his wife must be in labor or that his son was dying and he desperately had to get where he was going. Sometimes the excuses she made up for others rude or inconsiderate words and actions were quite possible, sometimes they were humorous, and sometimes they really were a stretch. Regardless, this exercise allowed her to explore the situation from outside her own vantage point and gave the other person the benefit of the doubt. Isn't it better to assume the best of someone? Isn't it better to try to understand where they are coming from before reacting without thinking and possibly saying or doing things that we later regret?

The essence behind what she did lies in the truth that people do things for a reason and we just don't have all the pieces to the puzzle. I'm sure if we did, we could better understand their actions and perhaps have more patience, sympathy, and love for them, regardless of their behavior. One time when my daughter was a toddler, she was really acting up and was eventually sent to time-out. I remember being very upset with her and frustrated with her behavior. Suddenly, she was throwing up. Immediately my eyes were opened as I understood the cause: she was sick! I felt horrible for being upset with her instead of recognizing that something was wrong, that there was a reason behind her actions and not just that she was trying to ruin my day. This new knowledge immediately brought compassion and love to my heart and my own behavior towards her changed.

So maybe we can't change the world and make everyone be nice, but we can do our part to stop it from being passed around like an infectious disease. Whether we make up reasons for others unkindness or we take the time to learn the real ones, understanding is a key element to kindness. "He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly" (Proverbs 14:29).

"And then shall the wolf dwell with the lamb; and the leopard shall lie down with the kid, and the calf, and the young lion, and the fatling, together; and a little child shall lead them. And the cow and the bear shall feed; their young ones shall lie down together; and the lion shall eat straw like the ox. And the sucking child shall play on the hole of the asp, and the weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice’s den. They shall not hurt nor destroy in all my holy mountain; for the earth shall be full of the knowledge of the Lord as the waters cover the sea" (2 Nephi 30:12-15).