picture of experience

wow, i guess it's been awhile since i last posted, huh?

there are several reasons for this.

1. i am busy. with a two year old and a 10 month old i hardly get a chance to breathe. nap time used to be my "me" time but now little buddy thinks he doesn't need a nap most of the time...haha.

2. i have been reading during my "spare" time. don't judge me but i love those stupid romance novels that i can download for free on my phone. (and no, not the pornographic ones, hubby)

3. i have had very little to say

4. i have been in a depressive funk for about a week or so. today has been my first "up" day in awhile, which is nice. hopefully it will stay that way.

today i took my kids to the library (little buddy calls it the libwawy). for some reason i've really been marveling over this whole motherhood thing today. i watched buddy carry a little book around the kids section until he found the little tables and chairs. he immediately sat down and started looking through the book. he LOVES to read and it just makes my heart melt when i see his big smile and when he says "mommy eed a towy?" (translation: read a story.) he is growing up so fast i can hardly believe it. we are still potty training, we've had a few setbacks recently but i'm really proud of him for how well he has done. he loves animals, his baby sister and going outside. i look at pictures of him as a baby and it is so hard to believe how much he has changed in just two and a half years.

princess is also growing like a weed. she is nearly 11 months old, has six teeth now, "talks" a ton and has the cutest giggles ever. she gives me hugs and pats my shoulder when she does, which just makes my day. she also likes to head butt and grab faces, two things i'm trying to get her to stop doing. she adores her big brother and they play together so well. she also loves stuffed animals and eating anything she can get into her mouth. both my kids are really tall for their age. at 9 months (her last checkup) she was the average length of a 12 month old, and i'm sure she's grown a ton since then. buddy, at 24 months, was the average height of a 36 month old, in the 101st percentile. wow! tall kids! and skinny, too, although they both constantly eat and eat. i wish i had that metabolism.

i have successfully kept a betta fish alive for several weeks which is a HUGE accomplishment for me. (in may of 09 i killed three of them...all within a week. and i've also killed two goldfish in the last year.) but this one really seems to be thriving (knock on wood). i gave up naming them after gods (thor, apollo, and ares) because they are obviously not immortal. on the way home from the store with this one, hubby said, "may the fourth be with you" because this is the fourth betta. (get it? i thought it was funny....haha) so i named him darth vader. he's a dark blue and is making me so happy by being alive. let's just hope he keeps up the trend.

i also got a part time job. i work at the mall about 10ish hours a week, in the evenings. i miss my family but it is nice to have a few hours to myself, plus the money is a huge help.

in other news....i need to get up off my lazy rear end and start working out again. i got the 3o day shred video that jillian michaels does, and i lost 5 pounds-ish the first week i did it. then i got depressed and didn't want to do anything but lay on the couch/floor/bed and wallow in self-pity. i have been trying to do better about what i'm eating, too. like multi-grain bread, the 45 calorie sara lee stuff which is actually remarkably good. better than most multi-grains. and more fruit and veggies and while i'd like to say less coke, that would be a total and complete lie.

so now that i've overcome the "very little to say" part and the "depressive funk" part and also the reading part (since i finished the last book i was reading) maybe i'll get around to posting more. guess we'll see, huh? i have all these good intentions and rarely do they pan out.

Pure
by Superchic(k)

This is my brand new day starting now
I let go the things that weigh me down
And rob me of the beauty that's to be found
And life all around
And this is my prayer without ceasing, the negative releasing
And as i rise above, my burden is easing

I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above
The storms of life to live and love

This is my brand new day in the light
Troubles rising up on the left and the right
I keep my eyes fixed on where i want to go, the rest will follow
And this is my prayer without ceasing, the negative releasing
And as i rise above my burden is easing

I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above
The storms of life to live and love

This is my brand new day starting now
Letting go of the ways that i fall down
The old can be made new, the lost can be found, the lost will be found
And this is my prayer without ceasing, the negative releasing
And as i rise above my burden is easing

I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above
The storms of life to live and love

My soul is at ease and i am free
My soul is at ease and i am free
This is my day, my soul is at ease and i am free
(and i am free, and i am free)

I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow like water around
The rocks of life won't pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above
The storms of life to live and love

[埋込みオブジェクト:http://www.youtube.com/v/EVYsbpvbQaA&hl=en_US&fs=1]

Crawl
by Superchic(k)

How long will this take?
How much can I go through?
My heart, my soul aches
I don't know what to do
I bend, but don't break
Somehow I'll get through
Cause I have You

And if I had to crawl
Well You'd crawl too
I stumble and I fall
Carry me through
The wonder of it all
Is You see me through

O Lord, where are you?
Do not forget me here
I cry in silence
Can you not see my tears

When all have left me
And hope has disappeared
You'll find me here

[埋込みオブジェクト:http://www.youtube.com/v/kKv12wt_idI&hl=en_US&fs=1]

Stand in the Rain
by Superchic(k)

She never slows down.
She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone,
feels like its all coming down
She won't turn around
The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear,
the tears will not stop raining down

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, what's lost can be found
You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering
if she stands she'll fall down
She wants to be found
The only way out is through everything she's running from
wants to give up and lie down.

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
Stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found

So stand in the rain
Stand your ground
Stand up when it's all crashing down
You stand through the pain
You won't drown
And one day, whats lost can be found
You stand in the rain

[埋込みオブジェクト:http://www.youtube.com/v/x-WErYRHavk&hl=en_US&fs=1]

Hold
by Superchic(k)

Tell me that it's gonna be okay
Tell me that You'll help me find my way
Tell me You can see the light of dawn is breaking
Tell me that it's gonna be alright
Tell me that You'll help me fight this fight
Tell me that You won't leave me alone in this

'Cause I need, I need a hand to hold
To hold me from the edge
The edge I'm sliding over slow
'Cause I need, I need Your hand to hold
To hold me from the edge
The edge I'm sliding past
Hold on to me

Tell me I can make it through this day
I don't even have the words to pray
You have been the only One who never left me
Help me find the way through all my fears
Help me see the light through all my tears
Help me see that I am not alone in this

[埋込みオブジェクト:http://www.youtube.com/v/ggSaXeijKQU&hl=en_US&fs=1]

Beauty From Pain
by Superchic(k)

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know i'm alive but i feel like i've died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that i made
I try to keep warm but i just grow colder
I feel like i'm slipping away

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best i can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though i can't understand why this happened
I know that i will when i look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Here i am, at the end of me
Tryin to hold to what i can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn

After all this has passed, i still will remain
After i've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday i'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

[埋込みオブジェクト:http://www.youtube.com/v/gqBMYoctFZM&hl=en_US&fs=1]