Big Ash's Antics

Climbing the corporate ladder can be an arduous and daunting task. Some people climb to success by back-stabbing or lying, but I prefer to use a simpler method: making a fool of myself. My boss’ boss (whom I will refer to as The BB) comes to town every couple of weeks and has stopped me in the hall a few times to tell me how awesome I am (duh). Unfortunately, whenever I speak with The BB I get really nervous and intimidated. Which means that I end up saying the dumbest things ever. It is like an out-of-body experience. I begin to speak in tongues and have no control over what comes out of my mouth. But let me digress a bit here: My desk at work is right next to a bathroom. This bathroom is always so shockingly dirty that one would think they are in a bathroom at a run-down train station. It always smells like a French sewer, and in the last three weeks I have gone in to a stall four different times that did not have toilet paper. Thankfully, I have unusually long arms and was able to reach in to the stall next to mine and grab some TP. Crisis averted. So even though this bathroom is literally five steps away from my desk, I choose to walk downstairs and use the tinier, better-smelling bathroom. I like to tell people that this gives me an opportunity to stretch my legs. The other day I was in the good-smelling bathroom when someone walked in to the stall next to me. With an exasperated sigh, this woman asked if I could pass her some toilet paper because her stall was out, and immediately I recognized the voice….it was The BB! I became slightly nervous, but I happily obliged. I empathized with her. I had been a victim of this outrageous lack of TP too many times in the recent weeks. When we got out of the stalls and started washing our hands, we began expressing our frustration with the bathroom situation. It turns out, we are both repulsed by the upstairs bathroom and both like to “stretch our legs” and go to the downstairs one. After I rambled on for an inordinate amount of time about how much I hate the bathrooms, I said (and I quote): “I always come down to this bathroom because it smells like cinnamon. Well….it doesn’t smell like cinnamon right now……but it usually does!” WHAT?!?!?! Why?? Why would I say something like that to The BB? She looked at me as if she was seeing me for the first time. I inwardly reprimanded myself and began to slowly back away. I haven’t seen her since, but something tells me I am going to get a raise and a big promotion soon.

Team Burtenshaw said...

You should blog more often, it always makes me smile. Looking forward to hearing about your big promotion! :)

October 21, 2012 at 4:52 PM

Jen and Curtis said...

You crack me up Big Ash! I just love it:-)

October 24, 2012 at 7:29 PM