User:EricIsOnFire/La Brea Tar Pits
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"They're very sticky."
~ Captain Obvious on the La Brea Tar Pits
The La Brea Tar Pits, known by its consumers as The fuck I'm stuck! place and also referred to by your dad as Your mom's no-no spot is an area the local Chinese restaurant perform their horse or other animal butcherings and kitten huffing rituals. It is located in China Town, but most people think its Los Angeles, which obviously it isn't because the only lake like structure in LA is the Lakers.
"The process simple! Take first animal you see in near sight and catch animal! Throw it in tar so black stuff on animal! Cries of pain only normal! Animal no pain, no pain! Animal fine! Animal fine! When soaked like done taking bubble bath cut animal in pieces until it die with chopsticks! Easy peasy pumpkin pie moddafucker!"
~ Typical Chinese Restaurant employee on the process of the cooking with the tar pits