UnBooks:The Pet Goat
8:58 a.m.
- AGENT: Excuse me, Sir.
- SIR: What is it, Chip?
- CHIP: Sir, we've just received word from Washington. About 12 minutes ago a plane crashed into the North Tower of the World Trade Center.
- SIR: How big?
- CHIP: 767, Sir.
- SIR: I got a bad feeling about this one, Chip. If that tower comes down, New York is going to look all... unbalanced. Unbalance makes me queasy, Chip. I don't know if I can be President of a city that makes me queasy.
- CHIP: Sir, you're President of the United States , not New York City.
A school bell rings.
- BUSH: Oh! That's my cue. How's my tie?
- CHIP: Fine, Sir.
- BUSH: Okay. Chip? What are those four-legged blanket things that eat thistles? You know, the horn-head things?
- CHIP: Uh... goats , Sir?
The Pet Goat, Part 1: Of Goats and Eating Things.
- a girl got a pet gōat.
- she liked to go running with her pet gōat.
- she plāyed with her gōat in her house.
- she plāyed with her gōat in her yard.
- but the gōat did some things that made the girl's
- dad mad. the gōat ate things. he ate cans and he ate canes.
- he ate pans and he ate panes. he even ate capes and caps.
- one dāy her dad said, "that gōat must go. he ēats too many things."
- the girl said, "dad, if you let the gōat stay with us, I will see that he stops ēating all those things."
- her dad said, "we will try it."
- so the gōat stāyed and the girl made him stop ēating
- cans and canes and caps and capes.
This girl is a go-getter! Goat seems like fun too.
This is getting tough. I could sure do with a holiday.
Canes and panes...
- ...What are these things?
- ...Are they goat food?
- ...Are they goat food?
Seems like everything turned out okay for the blanket thing. I need a break.
9:05 a.m.
- BUSH (whispering): Chip! Hold up two for "balanced", one for "unbalanced"!
Chip holds up a closed fist.
- BUSH (whispering): Dammit, Chip! Give me something to work with here!
- CHIEF OF STAFF (whispering): Sir, a second plane has hit the World Trade Center. America is under attack.
Bush looks confused.
- BUSH: ...uh... Chip? Where's Laura?
- CHIP: According to the manifest Sir, she's performing a "closing forever" ceremony at the New Orleans Emergency Response Centre.
- BUSH: Okay Chip, I want you to call her and tell her "George needs more disposable razor blades." She'll know what to do.
The Pet Goat, Part 2: More Things about The Pet Goat.
- but one dāy a robber came to the girl's house. he saw a big red car nēar the house and said "I will stēal that car."
- he ran to the car and started to ōpen the dōōr.
- the girl and the gōat were plāying in the back yard. they did not see the car robber.
- more to come
If you wanna steal stuff, you should only tell the folks on the Supreme Court who're gonna give it to ya.
Wait, more to come? I can't wait 'til later!
Later: our Reluctant Hero goes to spread democracy
- BUSH: Laura! They're talkin' about me on the TV again!
- LAURA: That's nice, honey.
- BUSH: Boy, Chip. That cardboard thing sure taught me a lot about foreign policy.
- CHIP: It's called a book, Sir. It was about a goat.
9/11 ▪ 9/11 (video game) ▪ 9/11 according to a 5 year old ▪ 9-11: The Movie ▪ 9-Eleven ▪ Building 7 ▪ HowTo:Exploit 9/11 ▪ Jaws did WTC ▪ My big 9-11 whoopsie ▪ My sojourn to the Twin Towers ▪ September 11 attacks ▪ The 9/11 Commission Report ▪ Twin Towers ▪ The Pet Goat ▪ World Trade Center
UnNews:911 conspiracies explained by a sandwich ▪ UnNews:9/11 reminiscent of that other time when stuff happened ▪ UnNews:New 9/11 video inspires advertisers ▪ UnNews:Man forgets 9-11 ▪ UnNews:Was 9/11 an outside job? ▪ UnNews:World Trade Center attacks still the worst thing ever ▪ UnNews:World Trade Center found in government warehouse
