Dog Flu
Dog Flu is a very very unknown disease. So far, only one person knows about it. Although little known, Dog Flu is vastly dangerous to humans, getting more so everyday. The rapid spread of this disease among dogs in the low Ann Arbor area is gasp-worthy. Please note, Michigan is home to almost 99% of the Dog Flu disease.
Why is it dangerous[edit | edit source ]
To answer this question, first you must answer my question. Why do Dogs lick their private parts? If you said to clean themselves... you are totally mistaken and must leave now!
For the rest of you, I will detail it. Dog's lick their private parts to relieve the searing, blinding, fiery pain of Dog Flu. You see, Dog Flu attaches itself to the sexual organs, causing severe pain and swelling. The only way to relieve this pain is by licking one's private parts almost constantly.
You may say, "It's in dogs! What can it do?" I have news, bub... It's spreading to humans! Slowly but surely, the Dog Flu disease is spreading to humans. Soon, an amazing 5% of the Michigan Population will have contracted it. Studies have shown that the disease is also spreading into Canada, Wisconsin, Illinois, Iowa, and Indiana.
Symptoms[edit | edit source ]
- Severe pains. See a doctor. If they can't tell you whats wrong, your either psycho, or you have the Dog Flu. Assume the latter.
- Being flexible enough to lick your private parts. While it may seem fun, it may lead to other, more serious symptoms.
- Sniff the butt of other dogs and/or people. While you may think this is fun, it is rude, disgusting, and a funny dare. Beware, may cause you to be fired and/or banned from a building,
- The sudden and often urge to drink out of the toilet bowl. Ignore at all costs. This may speed the spread of Dog Flu.
- If you find yourself sexually attracted to dogs of the opposite gender. This is just down right disgusting. Avoidance is critical at this point.
Cure[edit | edit source ]
There are a few cures and ways to prevent Dog Flu.
To prevent[edit | edit source ]
- Get rid of your dog. Not having a dog can be a major factor in keeping you healthy.
- Adopt a cat. A cat, especially a more mature cat, and help keep the dreaded disease away.
- Become a hermit. Avoidance of most or all outside contacts is a sure fire way to avoid Dog Flu. This is the recommended step.
Cures[edit | edit source ]
An antidote, known as the KKK (Kute Killer Kittens) Potion, is the recommended cure. 4 out of 5 KKK members recommend it. The one who didn't, was fed to Oprah.
Chewing bark of a dogwood tree has been known to help calm the symptoms. While painful to the mouth, this can be a cheap and somewhat useful cure. Common among hippies.
