Sensually transmitted disease
Sensually transmitted diseases (STD) is an umbrella term used to describe all froms of sensual diseases, including the lovebug , and heartache .
The STD was invented by Russel Brand as a way to keep track of his victims. STDs are unique because they are the only diseases that seem to pre-dominantly come in pairs. However, there are extreme forms (eg, love sick) where the virus only attacks one person. These are easier to diagnose, but much harder to cure.
The diseases are also strange as no virus can be located by modern day virologist experts. Due to this, the study of STDs has now been overtaken by so-called love doctors and TV chat show hosts. Famous examples of these so-called neo-virologists are Jerry Springer and Rikki Lake.
Teenagers (especially teen males fond of emo music) have been shown to be prone to the disease. One theory of how it is transmitted is that its a music-transmitted disease (MTD), and is inherent in all emo-music. Research has shown the string vibrations of an electic guitar, when blasting out a hit by Dashboard Confessional, seem to correspond to the vibration of the love bug proposed DNA molecule. This has yet to be proven beyond doubt however
Term history
The acronym was coined in the sixties to describe the rise of STDs amongs hippies, and other proponents of communism, anarchism and free love. Though denied by the US government, it is a commonly held belief that STDs are a man-made disease to eradicate anti-capitalist and pre-marital sex activists (see further).
Symptoms
Though symptoms vary from disease to disease, there are a couple common symptoms that are included in all of them.
Longing
This symptom is a mix of a total abandonment of reason and the feeling of emptiness when the partner-victim is not around. When affecting both diseased partners, these short-term symptoms can be suppressed by a phone call, an e-mail or a text message. However, when the diseases are in its it mosts concentrated form (ie, only affecting one partner), longing usually result in a restraining order.
Large phone bills
This is closely linked to longing, and usually affects the wealthier of the diseased partners. Little is understood about this symptom, though it is theorized that the virus is tech-savy, and can be spread via phone lines; large telecom firms have denied this, however.
Origin theory
There are some theories about how the disease was started.
Intelligent design
- Main article: Intelligent Design
Creationists believe that God created the STD to keep the general happiness of teenagers and high-maintenance individuals down to an absolute minimum. They use a verse from Rev. 18:9 as evidence:
And a yong teenager appeared before me on a horse: In his left hand was a guitar, and in his right a pick. And for all those who heard the sickly music, happiness never returned.
Scientists reject this claim however, on the grounds that it is not a genetic trait, and that it would surely evolve out soon, along with the death of emo.
The Republicans did it
- Main article: Reptilian Agenda
Conspiracy theorists claim that STDs were created by the Republican party to make voters so self-obsessed, hence making the evil liberals and hippies less likely to vote. When questioned by a reporter, George W. Bush is quoted to have said:
Emo? Yeah, that Emo surely was a crazy fish.
