Cretaceous Park: The Movie
A plane is seen flying over an island making strange sputtering noises and black smoke out of its pipey thing.
Several people are in the plane. One person is on it.
He falls off and is sliced to death by the propeller.
Pilot: THE PROPELLER IS JAMMED WITH BLOOD! ABANDON SHIP!
Person 1: This isn't a ship, Sir.
Pilot: It is. NOW IF YOU EXCUSE ME, TIME TO TAKE THE LAST AVAILABLE LIFEJACKET!
He jumps off.
Pilot: WEEEEEE-GARAGAADH!
He is sliced as well.
Person 1: Oh OK. Lucky i know how to fly a plane.
Pilot: By the way you are landing on an island known as Cretaceous Park, GARAGAH!
Person 1, whose name is John: I thought that place was unknown.
PIlot: GARGATAH-It isn't anymore!-AGATGARHAH!
He finally dies.
Pilot: Wait, wait, i need to collect my life insurance for my family. Sign here please.
He finally dies.
The plane crashes, bits of rubble fly around.
Pilot:GAGGAGAGAGGGAAGGAGAGAGAGAGA! Oh wait, i'm dead.
John: (remains unscathed) I think I shall now look for something to eat.
Guy: Hi! My name is Guy! I was miraculously unscathed from the crash! WHAT IS YOUR NAME? OOH, A DINOSAUR? Do you think it saw us?
John: Nah, more like a tyrannosaurus or something.
Guy: Are you sure? I really think he saw us.
John: It's not a Ahreallydinkeesaurus, it's a Tyrannosaurus, or an Allosaurus, or a Saurus! BUT NOT A WHATEVERSAURUS!
Guy: Exactly, it's an Ahreallydinkeesaurus.
John: G..GO FIND YOUR OWN FOOD!
Guy: I've already found this meat eating strawberry who is currently sucking my blood whilst we talk.
John: Ahhh. I see. NOW DIE DIE DIE!
Guy: (pale) Don't scare him. His name is Beery. Don't be afraid Beerey, we won't hurt you.
John: You are losing quite a lot of blood.
The strawberry finally succeeds in tearing off the guy's head
John: Ah, there we go. Sooooooo...
There is an extended silence, John is eaten later on that night.
THE END
Reaction[edit | edit source ]
"FIVE STARS!"
~ Parade Magazine
"Without a doubt the feel good hit of the summer."
~ The Guardian
"Random Illogicopedian editor at his finest."
~ The Observer
"Don't ask me, I'm just a newspaper"
~ The Times
"Top draw! A great film for blokes, blokey blokes, blokey Mcblokey blokes that have girlfriends and do bloke stuff. Girlfriends with tits, that like blokes, and let blokes play with their tatty bo'jangles. And sometimes their balls. Big hairy balls that blokes can play with using their mouths. Crispy aromatic balls in my throat. All in my throat ..I'm not gay."
~ The Sun
"Yeah, it was alright."
~ Serial Killer Weekly
