Handy, Uncapped Pen: What was the most difficult thing about writing this book?

F.I. Goldhaber: I didn't "write" this book. I compiled poems that were written over a period of eight years. That said, the most difficult part of putting it together was figuring out the best order for the poems and that kept changing as I added more poems.

HUP: How long did What Color is Your Privilege? take to write/organize?

Goldhaber: I first started putting the collection together (and came up with the title) five years ago. At that time it included 20 poems. In a year it had almost doubled in size and I began sending it out to publishers for consideration.

About a year after that, John Warner Smith, who would be named Louisiana State Poet Laureate two years later, hit up the email list of contributors to Black Lives Have Always Mattered, A Collection of Essays, Poems, and Personal Narratives Edited by Abiodun Oyewole published by 2Leaf Press (in which he and I both had poems). He sought blurbs for his fifth collection—which eventually became Our Shut Eyes , devoted to racial history and contemporary issues of race in American society—with an offer to reciprocate.

Of Our Shut Eyes I wrote, quoting one of his poems, that Warner "plays the 'old familiar song, an American song of race, hate, and rage' for new audiences."

Warner described What Color is Your Privilege? as "a book-length blues song decrying racial, gender, religious, and sexual intolerance in America."

While I submitted the book, it continued to grow. Each publisher got a slightly different compilation as I added new poems I'd written and sometimes new versions of previously unpublished poems (I don't consider a poem to be in its "final form" until it's published). I even added poems after Left Fork accepted it for publication a year ago, the last two inserted in May of this year, for a final total of 72 poems.

"But, does anyone hear my words? Do
they heed my warnings? They sit and nod,
sometimes buy my books."
-from "Poetry "
HUP: Writers who are activists can often feel like their words are useless when it comes to inspiring change. What would you say to those writers?

A person approaches a public restroom: on the door is a stick figure of a person and a wheelchair—for many people, this is what disability looks like: the wheelchair. There are invisible disabilities, as not all disabilities are immediately perceivable by strangers. Additionally, disabled people learn to hide their vulnerabilities, their differences, their difficulties in an exhausting camouflage known as masking. Ours is a culture that stigmatizes disability.

In the realm of culture and identity, communities of people can create bonds with others who identify as they do; however, sometimes those very cultures will exclude or silence the disabled among them. In an interview with Gavin Christian Brown (August 2022), he readily identified as a teacher, as an actor (film, TV, and theater), as a writer, and as a Black man. Gavin also has health issues, “It’s ridiculously hard to put on my shoes sometimes…hard to shower…to pick things up”. Yet, because he was denied disability by the government, Gavin did not immediately identify as disabled; this conundrum faces many disabled people where states habitually deny aid to half the applicants. Of this situation, Gavin says,” I know I am disabled. I know what my health is like. I know what my abilities are. We have to adjust to do the best we can, despite limitations imposed on us.” In his case, those limitations include “numerous interconnected health issues” that date back decades, and include permanent damage from physical abuse in gym class at age eleven, and for which he recently had surgery.

Gavin is a teacher, and he says that he practices “selflessness as a teacher”. He is also a public persona, appearing in supporting roles on NCIS and in films, as well as being present online. He says he tries to “inspire a lot of people who think they might give up by trying to be positive”. To this end, he posted a picture of his surgical scar, and followers will often find pictures of Gavin next to stars such as LaVar Burton (“meeting him on NCIS was a big highlight of my life. He is the nicest person. At one point, he stopped production to read to the kids and disabled folk at the center where we were filming. I grew up on Reading Rainbow, so I was a bit star struck”). He believes that we can “inspire each other to do better” and often posts philosophical musings for that purpose.

Although Gavin grew up with “multiple head injuries from abuse”, and “collapsed playing Basketball…November 1994” because of an enlarged heart, the medical care was seen as primitive, and his parents “vetoed” medical treatment because of “skepticism”. In the Black community in which he was raised:

Black disability is a closed, restricted space. For some people, disability doesn’t exist, it’s the realm of religion and prayer. There’s no discussion of going for help with mental health, going to the doctor.

There’s a target on your back.

You have to be tough, and you cannot express yourself, or express your pain. It’s seen as weak.

You cannot ask for help. Support networks are kept to intimate circles, plus there’s the feeling of being conditioned to not need them.

And thus, regarding his identity as a disabled person, “it’s such a rare thing for us to be open about this”

For those who only know Gavin as a writer, it is fair—if an identity must be restricted—to see him for this alone: “Writing keeps me alive…it’s wonderful and beautiful…it’s a joy…I love it so much. It’s a tragedy turned into a triumph”. To his credit, Gavin has written a series of books that he says he is happy “if one person reads” and which are available through Amazon.

And while he repeatedly maintains that “men are socialized to ignore pain”, his post of his surgical scar had some “upsetting and racist” responses, creating yet another situation that he finds “very complex and very difficult”. Yet it is our culture which is shallow and restrictive: a government that deliberately undercounts and underserves a vulnerable but significant population; a section of our own citizenry so marginalized as to disavow the vulnerabilities in the community, to veil people in silence; a teacher financially beleaguered enough to work another job; an artist who must fight publicly unacknowledged restrictions and personal physical pain to release work that is sometimes unnoticed. This is far more than the depiction of a stick figure wheelchair would have the mostly oblivious believe. Yes, disabled people are more than the disability seen from afar. In the case of Gavin Brown, yes, he is disabled, and more importantly, yes, he is a truly beautiful man.

~*~

Biography: Su Zi is a poet/writer and artist/printmaker and edits, designs and constructs the eco-feminist poetry chapbook series Red Mare.

Publications include poetry, essays, stories and reviews that date back to pre-cyber publishing, including when Exquisite Corpse was a vertical print publication, and a few editions of New American Writing. More recent publications include Red Fez, Alien Buddha, and Thrice. A resident of the Ocala National Forest, with a dedicated commitment to providing a safe feeding respite for wild birds, and for a haphazard gardening practice that serves as a life model for all aspects of her work.

By Valois J Vera
Interviewer, Handy Uncapped Pen

"I am very ill. That would be the first and most obvious thing
to know. I have something of a haughty and self-important mo-
tivation for writing a memoir, being relatively young, as I have the persistent weight of illness stunting my time to speak. I need a model of myself—to have a promotion of my worth— and so here is no small attempt at a testament to my life and constitution. This work is a show of my growth, of what I love, and some diagnosis as to why I would love those particular things."

The introduction to Jake Goldsmith's Neither Weak Nor Obtuse reveals a glimpse into the raw and genuine pages of this striking memoir. We certainly wanted to learn more about Jake and his book.

Handy Uncapped Pen: What inspired the idea for Neither Weak Nor Obtuse?

Jake Goldsmith: I’m a memoirist, if I’m any sort of writer. I’m very weary and anxious about my life and health and I felt the (indulgent) need to hint at something of a last testament. It’s morbid, and I don’t think it means I will have nothing else to say, but I think the book does hint at fundamentally what my state of mind is as a chronically ill person—my thoughts, perceptions, how I have come to be, who I am.

HUP: Tell us about your writing process.

JG: I normally write notes on an iPad, or paper that I then transfer to an iPad—on Pages or Word. It’s much easier for me than sitting at a computer or desk and I’d normally have some inspiration to write, say, just a paragraph on a particular subject—which I would then expand on or polish later. I rarely rewrite anything substantially but rather make additions or renovate what I’ve initially put down. It is liberating, though, to cut large swathes of text if I have something better. I don’t think my process is too interesting and I don’t have much good advice for anyone I know who wants to write; I write organically, at whatever time it comes to me, and without any real discipline. As my life, it affords something, means I don’t need to be so disciplined or regimented.

HUP: Tell us about your publication experience.

JG: I originally self-published my book. I didn’t care too much about wider ramifications and just wanted something for my parents or friends to point at. It was too difficult to ask publishers anyway, out of embarrassment or just by being a stranger. When I later founded The Barbellion Prize, I was noticed by literary people, who are a closer knit community of people I was outside of, and that lent me a gateway to people with links to independent publishers. Before I would have to knock on the door of publishers as an unknown entity from the outside if I wanted anything, but if you know someone then it’s friendly. It’s unfair, in many ways; cynically it’s nepotism that means anyone can get anywhere—knowing people at the right time and place means a lot more than raw talent or expertise individually (if I have that). But I’m thankful to have made friends, first online, just by being noticed after creating The Barbellion Prize and allowing me some access into an alien literary world. I’d be aware of the literary world, of course, but it’s very much a selection of (often metropolitan) cliques and cultural niches most are not in.

Otherwise, my publisher has been very personable, personal, and entirely receptive of me. This would, I gather, be more difficult with a larger publisher—with its own obtuse marketing directives or other pursuits. I was seen for what I am and given the editorial help I needed, or anyone really needs. It may be a harder world to access if you’re not initiated, but it certainly has its necessary advantages. Purely as a framework for editors, anyone needs a good editor to be anything worth looking at—and that’s harder if you don’t have the means or you’re self-published. Most self-published works will be rougher simply because of the lack of good editing, clearly.

HUP: Looking back at both the writing and publication process, is there anything you would have done differently?

JG: Not particularly. I had regular calls with my editor to go through the text bit by bit and polish it (often while I was in hospital). It was a rewarding experience and I had no real trouble with it, and I’m grateful for it.

HUP: Will there be a sequel, or what projects are you working on now?

JG: I may try to have some shorter articles published. I’m afraid of being one note. I’m strongest when writing this very blunt, frank, open confessional. I have a few thousand words of something that’s akin to Barbellion’s journal. It’s an apt comparison to me. It also rewards writing in short disjointed essays or paragraphs and could be published as a short journal or a collection in a magazine. I have a few brief essays published in the quarterly magazine Exacting Clam, from my publisher Sagging Meniscus, about my experiences in hospital and with people's behaviour and thoughts regarding illness—more phenomenology of illness. I detail less of the basic physical facts of illness and more any thought or philosophical processes, which are more important to me. Coping with the facts of illness are more important to me than simply what those facts are—which are obvious or boring. I don’t need to write down, as much, what my hospital notes are. I need to think about what they implicate, what they mean exactly, what fate I then have and how I am going to reconcile or deal with those realities—if I even can. My emotional or philosophical reactions to my health are more important to detail than my BPM or oxygen saturation.

HUP: Tell us about the Disability narratives in your book.

JG: The whole thing, any political thought, any perceptions I have, are from my reality as an ill person. Through the lens of illness. It’s the defining characteristic and I think it’s a lie, and insulting, unwitting or not, to say that illness or disability isn’t so utterly defining. It’s not shameful, it’s fine for disability to define what you can do and it will define how you think. I’m not sure how that’s escapable without lying about or underestimating what disability and illness is. I can’t be ashamed of it, of course it’s going to shape everything and I’m not sure how it couldn’t.

Otherwise, I talk of how healthier people don’t reflect on or comprehend disability, and illness as a means towards philosophical or psychological evaluation. I don’t portray disabled people as soothsayers, but rather more immediately faced with a reality to confront and think about—while others, self-admittedly, are more blithe about things.

HUP: As a Disabled Author, what is your perspective on Disability representation in literature?

JG: Many of our best historical writers were disabled, in some way. Academically or as laypeople we care not to notice this or appreciate it. We will either not know of it, or if we do we distance it from our daily lives.

Despite historical representation from the likes of Kierkegaard, Samuel Johnson, Emily Dickinson, or any other number of renowned and canon authors, modern publishing is limited in the number of openly disabled people it elects to publish—as much as other industries are also very impoverished when it comes to disability representation, or class representation, etc.

The Barbellion Prize is only a small effort to reward disabled authors (at least I say that, while others say it can be more), and to me it’s still unjust that disability isn’t perceived as a fundamental or primary subject, and we neglect disabled people in literature as much as we do in everyday life—even if we want to pretend we are more cultured and worldly in literature.

It’s common to quote Virginia Woolf, but she rightly expressed in her essay On Being Ill, “ . . . it becomes strange indeed that illness has not taken its place with love and battle and jealousy among the prime themes of literature."

It is indeed strange and insulting that this is still true.

When did you figure out you wanted to be a writer?

When I was studying for my MSc I read Silent Spring by Rachel Carson and was blown away by what she had achieved. Until that point I had been making a choice between being a scientist and being a writer, but that book made me think I might be able to do both. A few years later I accepted that being an ecologist was no longer on option for me, and I decided to focus on writing. Now I can't imagine ever being anything else. That feels strange because (if I wasn't disabled) I'm not sure how I would have ended up being a writer, but I really think I was never going to be anything else.

Who are your influences?

Rachel Carson has been a major influence, as have many other nature writers; I really enjoyed reading Henry David Thoreau and like to keep him in mind when I write. I spent my childhood in the area where the poet Seamus Heaney had grown up 50 years before and aspire to write stories with the panache of his poetry. There are many Irish writers who inspire me to try and be better every day. Of more recent writers Kazuo Ishiguro is a favourite, an excellent storyteller with unrivalled technique. Like many writers, I’m also a keen reader and hope that every book I read influences me in some small way.

Where did you get the inspiration for your debut novel New Shores? How long did it take you to write?

New Shores first started its life as a short story about six years ago. At that time I had no desire to write a novel, but I knew that if I ever did, that story would be the place from which I would start. About 18 months later that opinion had changed and I began to write the first draft of the novel. I chose New Shores because it was an area where no amount of research would be too much, and because I thought I could add something to the work available that tackled the same subjects.

The original short story was inspired by a lecture series I attended at university on the native tribes of Papua New Guinea, and by a TV report which detailed how tribes in Papua New Guinea moved away from the coast after a tidal wave because they were scared of the sea. Hunter/gatherer tribes in places such as Papua New Guinea are often used to examine how prehistoric people might have acted in certain situations.

How did you become interested in environmentalism and history?

I grew up in a very rural area, so I've always had an affinity for nature because of that. My studies in Marine Biology and Ecology focused heavily on the environment. To me environmentalism just makes sense; it's a little like recognising that a house is going to need maintenance occasionally, and that you should avoid doing things that might damage it.

I also like to know the source of ideas, and that's where my interest in history comes from. Plus, history is full of great stories and interesting characters that I think people will enjoy learning more about, and the ideas from history can teach us a lot about human nature.

Do you have any advice for people wanting to research or write about people and things outside of their culture?

It's tricky since most writers don't want to be accused of cultural appropriation. I try to be respectful and understanding, and if you can do that, then people are usually more forgiving if you are inaccurate. You will make mistakes and people will see things in a different way, so try not to be too controversial. I'm from Northern Ireland so I have heard people try to advise on the situation here, so any researcher might want to avoid a very complicated situation. But subjects outside a person's cultural experience shouldn't be too daunting - everyone has their opinion and an objective opinion could be useful. Any comments should be necessary, as simple as they can be, and show people you have tried and want to understand.

What was the aspect that surprised you most about the publishing process? Is there anything you wish you would've done differently?

I thought being in control of the final book that emerged from the publishing process didn't really matter that much to me, so I was surprised to find out how wrong I was about that. Through Atmosphere Press I felt like I had the final say in the design and editorial process, which I found empowering. I suppose, after spending so long thinking about my words, I didn't want anyone else to have that much control over them!

Do you have a writing routine?

I do have routine, but it's become more flexible recently. I do like to try and follow the advice of Stephen King to try and write every day. Three days a week I go to the gym after breakfast, and physical exercise is an important part of my process. I often take breaks during writing to exercise. After I get back from the gym, or straight after breakfast on the mornings that I don't go, I like to read for about 90 minutes. I then write for about two or three hours or until I get stuck. Then read again for about 90 minutes, something different from what I was reading that morning. If I have something I really need to do, I will read/write in the evening. Having a strict routine helps me to avoid procrastination and write when I’m not motivated.

Are you more of a "plotter" or a "pantser"?

For New Shores I was definitely a pantser; I just had a vague idea of how things were going to go before I started writing. The world and the story got more solid with each draft that I wrote, but because I was researching and reading as I went, I'd written three or four drafts before all the major plot points appeared. Plotting probably would have made editing faster. For the next book, I'm writing a three-sentence summary before I begin each chapter, but I don't want to plot too much because making up the story as you write it is part of the fun!

A lot of writers seem to recommend plotting and I do like to have a vague idea of the beginning, middle, and end before I start. But, I change my mind so often that I don’t think I should plan too much. I think a writer should have a plan but needs space to be creative.

What is the biggest challenge you've faced as a disabled writer?

Because of my medical condition, I have difficulties holding small objects and can’t use a pen and paper. It has never been a problem that has made me reconsider writing, but I do get the feeling that my process is a little different from the process of authors who can use pen and paper. For example, I have never written in the margins of a book or used a highlighter pen. I'm a slow typist too and I have used several methods to get over these problems.

The first method I used and by far the best was a note taker, a person whose job it is to take notes for you and to write down what you say as appropriate. I used this method in a creative writing class I attended a few years ago, but it was in a large university that could afford to hire a note taker and had empty classrooms I could use when dictating.

The computer programme that I use for dictation now works out pretty well. I'm using it to complete this interview. The programme does pick the wrong words sometimes, but I think that problem is mainly due to my thick accent! When using any kind of dictation is inappropriate, I often use a tablet. This is the solution I normally opt for when I'm attending a writing class or workshop. I produce shorter pieces than most people in that situation, but I still enjoy learning about writing and listening to other people’s work.

What project are you working on next?

I usually split my time between writing novels and writing short stories. I write short stories until I need to stop and start working on my novel again, which usually takes four months. Then I'll write that novel until I feel like writing short stories again. Right now I'm on the short story part of the cycle, but I’ll turn to the 3rd draft of my next novel by January 2022.

The novel writing is going pretty well and I think it’s starting to take shape. With a little planning, I think I can reduce the number of drafts and maybe complete the book in 2022. Some interesting things are happening to the main character so I'm quite looking forward to seeing how it all works out. I'm trying my hand at dark fantasy in the short story I'm currently working on and the short stories I've been working on most recently are historical fiction and for a nature writing competition. I just heard that my historical fiction piece will be published so I'm pleased by that.

~*~

Biography: Ciaran J. McLarnon is a Northern Irish writer who lives in the town of Ballymena, north of Belfast and close to dramatic scenery that has inspired many filmmakers and other artists. Renowned poet Seamus Heaney, winner of a Nobel Prize for literature, was born in the area and is one of many writers who inspire Ciaran.

Ciaran has a BSc in Marine Biology and an MSc in Ecology, both of which strongly influence his writing. Medical problems encouraged him to develop a life-long passion for fiction since that time. His continuing quest to hone his craft has explored many different subjects including history, the natural environment, horror and crime. Although this is his first novel, his words have featured in many publications, and he was long-listed for the Adelaide Literary award. More information on Ciaran J. McLarnon and his works is available at ciaranjmclarnon.blog.

1. How did you become interested in graphic design?

When I was in school, I had never taken an art class at all. But, I was interested in all things "visual". I initially went to University for business (Northwood University in Midland, Michigan)... advertising/marketing. While there, the chairman of the department sat me down one day and asked me if I had ever considered art school. The explanation was, he was quite impressed with the high level of creativity in some of the class projects I had done. So, from there, I looked into art school, and after business school, continued my education at art school in Cincinnati.

2. What design awards have you won? Have they helped your business?

I have won a few awards in the American Graphic Design Awards competition, which are sponsored by Graphic Design USA Magazine. Then, through my active involvement in the Dallas-Fort Worth American Marketing Association, I was awarded "Volunteer of the Year" for 2015/2016, for my work as the chapter's designer... in developing and designing much of the promotional/marketing materials.

3. You mentioned in another interview that the memoir Pretending to be Normal and the show Parenthood helped you find your way to an autism diagnosis. What other media has impacted your life in a profound way?

Other media? John Elder Robison's book Look me in the Eye, was very eyeopening, as much of what he experienced growing up undiagnosed, I did as well. One often overlooked movie that had an autistic character was Salmon Fishing in the Yemen. The main character, played by Ewan McGregor, was autistic. I caught on to him being autistic... even before he mentioned it in the movie.

4. Have you ever encountered neurotypical bigotry/ableism in your profession? If so, how did you handle it?

That's a tough one to answer. I was diagnosed at 46 in 2014. Later that year, I did land a part-time/temp role with a company, and that went quite well. But, my first full-time/regular job wasn't until 2018. And, that has been going incredibly well. That being said, from 2013-2018, I was without a full-time regular job, and yet I was applying and interviewing constantly. I am sure being autistic was a huge barrier. Looking back at previous jobs, however, I can recall having great difficulties with communication and interaction with co-workers and such. Those difficulties have diminished now... primarily because I now KNOW I am autistic, and thus much more self-aware... and able to make the needed adjustments.

5. When did you join Toastmasters? How has it helped you?

I started visiting Toastmasters in 2015... but, when we made the move from Dallas to rural/remote northern Arkansas, I found a club here. So, in 2016 is when I joined. And, I was active with them for two years, until I got my job at a job at a university in a nearby town. Because of the job, I had to end Toastmasters... since the meetings were held during the day. Toastmasters helped tremendously with my communication and speaking skills. Gave me that much more "practice" to get up and speak... and develop confidence in doing so. I would highly recommend it for anyone.

6. What is the biggest challenge in running your own business?

For me, and what I do, the biggest challenge of running my business, which is a design firm, has been the task of going out and getting clients. That's such a "people" and "relationship building" kind of role... that I have great difficulty with. So, I built my clientele the hard and slow way... strictly through word of mouth and referrals. Now that I have a regular/day job, and I run my business "on the side", it's been easier... since my business isn't my main source of income.

7. Has claiming your autism as part of your brand changed anything for you in your career?

I almost always identify myself as an #ActuallyAutistic award-winning graphic designer. "Branding" myself that way... has been helpful. First, clients know up front what to expect. Plus, much of my business lately has been working with non-profit organizations... who serve the autistic and disability community. They love it when they find me, and can employ the skills of an autistic designer for their communication needs. So, it has been a plus. Just recently, even though I live in Arkansas, I designed a logo for a newly formed non-profit in Honolulu. And, I have multiple projects scheduled to do for them well into 2020.

8. What (do you feel) is the best project you've ever completed and why do you think it's the best?

Best project? Wow... that's almost like asking me who my favorite child is! Perhaps my favorite is the 2015 Annual Report for Abilities Network, a Baltimore-based non-profit organization. It was 32 pages, and I worked with them for several months. The marketing director at the time was fabulous to work with, too. Which, of course, helped. Projects like that are rarely designed/produced by ONE person. Annual reports are typically created by a team of designers at the very best design firms. So, pulling off the highly-acclaimed project... was certainly a huge accomplishment.

9. What is the best advice someone ever gave you?

Best advice? All during art school... the one thing I heard the most was "Keep it simple". Don't overdesign. Don't overthink. And, that's how I design... even today. Very clean and simple, unless, of course, the client/project calls for a different approach.

10. Where do you see your business and/or yourself ten years from now?

Ten years from now? Hard to say. Ten years ago I would have never guessed I'd be living in rural/remote north Arkansas... and working for a major university system. As for my business... I am just now starting to branch out into public speaking/presenting at conferences and events about diversity & inclusion, being autistic (especially as someone who was diagnosed "later in life"), workplace issues, and what "best practices" have worked best for me. And, other related topics. Over the past two years... I have stepped back from my business a bit... due to the demands of my full-time role... but, will definitely continue it. So, I am not sure what that will look like that far into the future.

~*~
Biography: Ron Kerns is an autistic, award-winning graphic designer, and is currently the graphic designer for Missouri State University-West Plains, and is owner of StudioKerns, a graphic design consultancy.

Note: An expanded biography is available on Ron's website (linked above).

How did you start writing?

When I was a child. I voraciously consumed stories and poems even before I learned to read. I told tales—both invented and real—to whoever would listen (or just myself) as soon I discovered how to talk. When I learned how to form letters, I wrote them down.

Throughout my school years, I always carried a notebook and pen with me so I could scribble down poems. From fifth grade, I wanted to be a writer. When I started looking at career options, I chose journalism specifically because I could get paid to write.

You wear many hats (poet, journalist, editor, etc.). Which role do you like best and why?

I enjoy writing and telling stories. Everything else I do as part of the process of getting words and stories to readers.

You publish the majority of your work as an indie. When did you start going that route and what draws you to it?

How do you define "majority"? Much of my work (including the bulk of my fiction which I write under pseudonyms) appeared in print, audio, and/or electronic publications before I published it myself. My first three (and fifth) novels (transgressive and erotic fiction) were published by traditional small presses.

I started putting my backlist of short stories, many of which had only appeared in print, up for sale in 2011 as individual ebooks. Then I collected four to seven stories with a common theme into print books.

I was never happy with the covers of my first three novels and I still had to do most of the marketing myself. So in '11, I also invoked the clauses in those three contracts that allowed me to take my rights back and republished them myself with better covers (and better sales).

Of my five poetry collections still in print, only one was published by someone else first, but more than half (or more) of the poems in each collection appeared in other publications first.

I identify as a hybrid author, finding the best way to get my words to readers whether it's a small press, a big publisher, or indie publishing the work myself.

You do a fair amount of public speaking. Do you have any tips for writers who want to improve their performances/presentations?

Rehearse. Repeatedly. In front of a camera if you have that option, so you can watch yourself and learn where you can improve. The more comfortable you are with what you have to say, the more confident you are in your presentation, the more relaxed you will be and the better your program will be received.

Beyond that, every speaking opportunity has different audiences and desired outcomes. Are you speaking to a group of teens or a group of seniors; business people or fellow writers? Are you looking to entice people into buying your book? Or are you trying to teach them something? Or do you want to inspire them to become politically active? Each audience and each goal requires a different approach.

How often do you collaborate with your spouse on a book? How do you decide who tackles what aspect of a project?

We collaborate on almost everything, but not always to the extent that we include the others' name on our work. For example, because of my marketing background I edit a lot of the promotional copy for his YouTube channel. In turn I rely on his military background whenever I write a battle scene or a fight.

When we each contribute enough to a story to put both of our names on it, the name which appears first is where the story started. So, "Watching the Door" which won Third Place in the 2016 Baen Fantasy Adventure Award is by Joel and F.I. Goldhaber but "Hit & Run" is by F.I. and Joel Goldhaber.

In addition, Joel designs many of my book covers, including my poetry collections, all the Goldhaber indie published short fiction, and the more recent pseudonymous novels.

It should be noted, that I was born a Goldhaber. My spouse took my name when we married.

Have you ever encountered ableism or other prejudice in the publishing industry? If so, how did you handle it?

Most of the work I did as a writer in settings outside my home (reporting/editing for newspapers, marketing communications for business, etc.) was before any of my disabilities (resulting from injury and age) occurred. When you write at your own workstation—carefully constructed to meet your abilities/needs—and most of your contact with others in the publishing industry is via phone and email, your disabilities are mostly invisible.

My disabilities do prevent me from traveling, and that has cost me some opportunities. But, within the local community I have found no hesitation to accommodate my needs at readings and other speaking engagements.

What is/was the biggest obstacle in your writing career? How do/did you work around it?

Gender. I started at a time when others identified me as female and very few women were able to break out of newspaper lifestyle sections. More than once, a job I applied for went to a less qualified male.

I used my initials to disguise my gender, which helped with readers. (One woman in West Virginia called the paper asking for Mr. Goldhaber and when I assured her that I had written the article in question, she told me that I wrote like a man. And meant it as a compliment.) But, it didn't change the prejudices in the newsrooms.
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Biography: F.I. Goldhaber's words capture people, places, and politics with a photographer's eye and a poet's soul. As a reporter, editor, business writer, and marketing communications consultant, they produced news stories, feature articles, editorial columns, and reviews for newspapers, corporations, governments, and non-profits in five states. Now paper, electronic, and audio magazines, books, newspapers, calendars, and street signs display their poetry, fiction, and essays. More than 100 of their poems appear in sixty plus publications, including four collections. http://www.goldhaber.net/

1. What does eco-feminism mean to you, and how does it influence your writing?

Eco-feminism is an academic term for what is also called Gaia Theory (a term elaborated on to book-length by a number of people, including a nice SciComm book by Lovelock): to wit, the planet, our beloved planet, is a living entity of herself. Thus, our behavior is in relationship with the Earth.

Eco-feminism describes our intellectual activities as part of our relationship with Gaia/Mother Earth.

Since I edit and create artist books of poetry by different authors, I look to their writing to see if it acknowledges, at least, or speaks to (or of) that relationship.

In my own work, it always has been about that relationship—overtly, or as an intrinsic underlying aspect of the thesis.

2. Why did you start the Red Mare Chapbook series? Why choose Etsy as a way to distribute the books?

I began Red Mare when Marie C. Jones sent me a manuscript to read that had been rejected—but it was dynamic and beautiful. I told her I would publish it: this turned out to be Red Mare one, but I didn’t begin numbering them until the second book. I had been making little books for years, and still do.

I am no marketing sensation, and since Red Mare is very much handmade (the bindings are handsewn, each one at a time), and since I make other art as well, it seemed logical to include Red Mare in my Etsy shop. Still now, it’s the only online purchase point for Red Mare. It’s not feasible to consign them—although I tried a few times— because the books are a tactile experience, they are really works of art—block prints sewn to poems—and don’t bear up well to the casual, multiple handlings some bookstores felt was okay... judging by the ruined copies that were blithely flung back at me when I stopped back in to inquire. I get that bookstores are businesses first, but...

So, as I am able (a big conundrum there) I have tried to attend small press events, so people can see the books in person. It’s surprising how uniform small press books have become, and what an accepted norm that had become.

3. What are all the types of art you create and which do you enjoy most?

I am a poet, painter, book creator, fiber artist, pottery-making, gardening, bird-watching writer [and] literature devotee.

It’s difficult losing spoons over time, because it keeps you from doing what you love.

4. On the subject of losing spoons: Do you have any tips for writers/artists with limited energy or chronic pain who still want to create?

Yes. You can: Find shorter forms you like, for when you cannot push your endurance. Use writing prompts you like. Keep parts of your week planner unscheduled, in case you are able to read or write. Try changing your writing stylus and tabla—a crayon on big paper is useful for everyone to play with, or big markers for when it’s a day of just a word or fragment. I have done all, at one time or another. Perhaps this will help.

5. Who are your literary influences?

Well, that’s a tough question, because I read as much as my damaged eyes will allow, and there’s the joy of a phrase previously unheard that stays in the mind, and teaches and influences. However, I ought to give credit to my Mother reading me Poe for bedtime stories when I was too young to read. Also, her own wide-ranging reading habits when presenting literature to me as a child. By the time I was a teen, I read voraciously and there was no household censorship: I read Genet at 16, Woolfe and Wolfe and a wide array of modern literature. I suspect that such early exposure was influential—later in life, I was first surprised that other people hadn’t done the same... until I became saddened to realize that it was odd or unusual.

6. Why do some people consider you a "controversial artist"? How do you feel about the label?

I had to think about this one awhile. On one hand, my experiences being called/treated as controversial/taboo were very painful emotionally. On the other hand, it’s stultifying to try to please people—and I have erred there too often. Of late, it dawns on me that my very existence is controversial—an educated female with no discernible cultural/ethnic group (not obviously Caucasian, not obvious of any other group), obviously physically impaired but not discernibly how, not young (anymore), and so forth. I have so many intersections that I was confused by the term intersectionality. Anyway, these aspects of myself filter into my art, my writing... However, I cannot say it enhances any sense of freedom; in our times, it can be terrifying to find oneself endlessly marginalized.

7. How did you realize you were trying to please people and not being true to yourself as an artist? How did your work change when you started creating what you wanted?

I had gotten in some trouble over a painting—a portrait of filmmaker Renvik—and my only exhibition possibilities were craft shows. It’s a lot of time-expense work to exhibit at farm markets and craft shows. After I heard "family friendly" enough times, it began to constrain my work. It’s still a struggle to break free. It’s becoming more and more crucial to me as my illness steals my available energy—to pour it in without censorship.

8. What (do you think) is the biggest barrier to your career as a writer/artist? How do you work around it?

That’s an ironic question, considering we are communicating via DM, instead of whatever; therefore, it seems obvious that my non-urban endless data access in our times doesn’t help. My isolated existence is not conducive to inclusion in an arts community that might emphasize group dynamics. Being disabled/impaired makes people uncomfortable. I am not so great at hustling the game—my work sells, but it would sell better if it was sold by a seller, a pro.

Okay. So there’s lots and lots of barriers—more than that, cuz it’s Always Juggling Energy (spoons).

How do I get around these? I don’t know that I do. I just persist. What I do is born of passion. The intersections of what I make and the work in the world is a constant conundrum. I made a decision—had a moment of realization, actually, at the Heartland Cafe where I was giving a poetry performance—that it’s the work.

I realized, while I was waiting to go onstage, and watching a performer who was a real hustler, who hustled up a brief few years of arts fame—in so much as no one alive is household famous in most of the arts—but her work was sooo similar to other plots and performances done then. Yes, I saw her hustle, what is called "game" now, and realized that you can game/promote/hustle your work, or you can focus on the quality of the work. I chose the latter, but it comes at a cost.

9. What accomplishment in your artistic/writing career has meant the most to you and why? Did it change your career's trajectory?

My life’s trajectory was formed in fourth grade when I wrote my first poem. I have tried to stay committed to poetry ever since. Along the way, there were incidents that felt supportive of my commitment to my writing; these include, but are not limited to: my first paid poetry reading as a featured reader, opening a number of times for Lydia Lunch, certain publications, certain inclusions... the last is more problematic the more obvious my impairments (disability being a legal term that’s still in decision) are.

The literary and arts communities are usually not warm and welcoming these days—ours are not arts-supporting times.

Nonetheless, I persist. Coping with the deleterious effects of chronic illness is quite the challenge, and it doesn’t leave much room for arts politics, or marketing (submission) and book promotion. The choice is always that if I can create something on a day, I will always choose to keep working.

10. What are your plans for the future? Where do you hope your career is a decade from now?

I am a poet and will be all my days remaining. There are art forms that often require more strength than I have, so I work more slowly. I have whole books buried in obsolete computers and I hope to lazurus those somehow—I have problems with these devices—true story: I once sat down at a computer, not touching it, merely presenting myself in the chair, and it crashed. It did. I don’t know if I have internal electrical divergence too, myself. Amusing thought.

Anyway, I will continue to produce, as I am able. The question is:

Who will find me? Some people really get what I am doing. How will the works find their way to such people? That’s what another ten years will decide.
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Biography: Su Zi is equal parts writer, artist, and badass eco-feminist. She holds an MA in English and has published in such places as Driving Digest, Exquisite Corpse, and Blue Heron Review (where she was nominated for The Pushcart Prize). She resides in Florida with her horses, dogs, cats, and turtles where she runs The Red Mare Chapbook Series.

How did you become interested in photography?

My mother was a photographer. Not professionally. She was, for a while, a professional visual artist, though. She went to Pratt in the ‘60s and she did etchings, water color, sculpture, all kinds of stuff. And her photographs are wonderful. (I’m pretty sure she developed her own photos, too.)

I don’t know when I was first interested in becoming a photographer, but ever since I can remember I admired other people’s photography. I had a friend in college who was a photographer and developed his own images and I was in awe of the artistry, science, and craft-personship involved. But I found the technical sides of photography, dealing with aperture and shutter speed, etc., daunting. Even changing out film (of analog cameras) was overwhelming to me. So I shied away from taking photos for the most part.

As time went on I continued to be interested in photography and in my thirties I began researching and considering the various ways different photographers described the “elements” of photography. (Lines, shapes, patterns, texture, depth of field, perspective, etc.) I was drawn to a wide array of photos but was particularly fascinated by photographs that made artistic use of depth of field. I didn’t fully understand what depth of field was other than some blurry bits and some in focus bits. I just wanted to take photos in which depth of field was a thing. It took me years to really get a deeper understanding of depth of field and the relationship between aperture size and perspective and depth of field.

How is taking photos as a spoonie different from taking photos before you became one?

I was deeply interested in photography before I became a spoonie, but never felt comfortable investing money in a camera. In my mid-thirties I bought a little point and shoot (before that I only used disposable cameras. Ugh.) and I really enjoyed taking photos with it. I took photos of my pup. Of the ocean, I took close-ups of flowers in an attempt to summon the depth of field I was longing to incorporate into photos. Around this time I also got really into plant identification, and that led to an interest in botanical photography. The more I got into that, the more I wanted a camera that would afford more nuanced compositions—more detail, more control.

Funny to think of how, at that time, I had no idea what caused parts of images to be in focus or out of focus. Now I understand it a bit better. When the aperture is smaller the light that hits the sensor is more focused. With less light bouncing around, more of the image is in focus. As the aperture gets bigger and there is more light bouncing around, you have a broader “circle of confusion,” i.e. more stuff out of focus. But it's not all about aperture. Perspective and distances from and between objects also play a big part.

I’m really into science and love learning about this stuff and it's thanks to my friend and mentor Jae, a wonderful human and photographer, that I started to learn more about the science and technology involved in photography (Jae is a scientist, visual artist, dancer, political thinker and activist.) I love hearing them talk about light--movement, reflection, refraction, etc.

But, I was talking about how my photography has changed since I’ve been sick. Well, for one thing, after being sick and homebound for two years, I took the plunge and bought an exchangeable lens DSLR camera. I’m so glad I finally invested in a camera. Learning about photography and taking photos has brought me so much joy. It has enriched my life in ways I can’t even begin to communicate, though I will try. Not only do I get to enjoy learning new skills, but photography has given me a way to explore my limited surroundings and appreciate to the fullest the little ecosystem in which I am living. I love learning. I love finding value and beauty in my confined space.

Over the last few years, I’ve gotten really into macro photography, which gives me more “subject matter” to attend to. Just this morning I was outside taking photos of tiny green flies that were hanging out on the hosta leaves. I am astonished at their beauty and the fantastic technology of their physiology. The colors, iridescence, aerodynamics, and armor. Just, wow. Before I got sick, I had no way to know that I would some day be gushing over the wonder of flies.

I still come up against a lot of challenges. With lighting and finding ways to take a shot that captures the beauty or strangeness or essence of a moment. Or finding a new angle on something I’ve photographed a hundred times. But I appreciate these challenges. It is part of what allows me to keep growing as a photographer despite my limited mobility.

Also, as a homebound person, because subject matter is so limited, I am fascinated by lenses and love to use different lenses to see the world, or at least a particular image, differently. I'm also intrigued by bokeh. Good bokeh is sooooo good. (Bokeh is "visual quality of out of focus areas.")

Has photography helped you connect with the “outside world”?

Yes! In many ways photography has been an instrument of connection with others. Well, for one thing, researching and looking at photographs has been a form of travel for me. And I’ve connected with other photographers who want to talk shop, or just share work. I’m on Twitter and I post photos quite a bit and I love to check out the work of other photographers. And this is the point at which I should mention, I created a hashtag for anyone else who is homebound and who is interested in using it!!! #homeboundphotography. Other hashtags for spoonies/disabled folx to consider using, #spooniephotography #spoonieart #disabledphotographer. And if you create your own photography-related hashtag feel free to @ me on Twitter at @DovZeller

What's a challenge you've had as a spoonie photographer?

Finding subject matter I think has been my biggest challenge. And also learning how to navigate lighting.

What's your favorite thing about taking photos as a spoonie?

Learning. Seeing things more closely and from different angles. Growing to have more appreciation for my surroundings and for spaces I come in contact with. I look at the world differently. I like looking for things of beauty/complexity in the most seemingly mundane places.

I’ve noticed that your photography has a wonderfully observational, contemplative quality about it, as if the richness of elapsed time were somehow etched into the still images. I’m wondering if, and how, becoming and being a spoonie might alter your artistic eye, or perhaps deepen it in some way?

Definitely being a spoonie has made me something of a time-lapse photographer. A kind of documentarian of the mundane, minute and seemingly uninteresting. For example, early this summer I documented the peonies from bulb to bloom to full-flower to dying flowers to really dead flowers (still taking some images of those.) And I catalogue the wildflowers in the little front yard as they come and go. This morning I found night-flowering campion on the lawn. I’ve not seen campion on this lawn before and I haven’t seen it since I used to walk along the bike path (which I haven’t done in over four years now because of illness.) It was wonderful to see this old friend and I took photos of it at dawn before it closed for the day and then as it was closing and then after it closed. I love that this plant opens at night and closes in the morning.

Has your photographic process changed since becoming a spoonie, either mechanically, spiritually, or emotionally?

Absolutely. All of the above. And I love that you bring up the spiritual aspect of photography. Judaism is a religion in which a lot of rituals revolve around time. My connection to my Jewish spirituality, before I got disabling ME, had to do with singing, observing Shabbat (in my way), separating “sacred” from “mundane” time. Observing holidays. These are all things I can no longer do and my connection to Judaism has changed a lot and in many ways diminished. But spirituality, for me, is also more broadly about contemplation, celebration, acknowledgment, and gratitude. And photography helps me engage in these things. Keeps me connected to the “natural world” though I am so often indoors. Allows me to contemplate and appreciate light, darkness, interesting shapes/patterns, all the flora and fauna that surround me. So between that, and acquiring better photography equipment, and my subsequent growing relationship with macro photography, and the ways I rely on photography to help keep me: intimate with greenery, grounded, feeling “productive”…I would say that counts as a mechanically, spiritually, and emotionally changed.

What do you notice and prioritize in your photos that a non-spoonie might not, and why?

I notice all the little insects and wildflowers in the tiny front yard. I take pictures of the neighborhood cat Pixie who visits me a lot when I take photos outside. I document sunrises, and sunsets occasionally (though I am usually too tired by the afternoon to take photos.) I take portraits of friends when I can. I wonder sometimes, if I was not so mobility-limited, would I do more landscape and street photography? The truth is, I can only go out for “fun” (non-appointment-related) excursions once every couple of months usually and I almost always choose to go places where I can take photographs of plant life. (Botanical gardens, for example.) That said, on one of these excursions my friend took me for a little drive and I got to take a few “landscape” type photos of a red barn and it was pretty exhilarating.

Why are you drawn to dawn and pre-dawn shoots? What is the appeal of early morning for you as a photographer?

Well, I wake up about 3AM on a good day. (On the worst days, I go to sleep at ten or eleven and wake up at 1AM and can’t fall back to sleep. But, there are a lot of better days when I go to bed at 7 or 8 and sleep in until 3.) And though I don’t enjoy waking up so early, it’s wonderful to get to see the sun rise. And to notice the vast variations in sky-scape. Though I still don’t fully understand why the colors and cloud formations happen as they do, I appreciate the beauty, and just keeping track, in my small ways, of the patterns and revolutions and angles of light. I tend to be disappointed by a cloudless morning sky these days, because it usually means a boring sunrise.

For more on Dov's photography (and spoonie photography in general) please click here and here.
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Biography: Before getting full-blown CFS/ME, Dov Zeller struggled to sit still and often read while walking (in between swimming, biking, and yoga). Now he is an intrepid recliner. Though sick with a devastating chronic illness, he is determined to appreciate the ecosystems he comes into contact with. As it turns out, even a small world is full of endless complexity. He enjoys reading, writing, visiting with friends, listening to audiobooks and classical guitar, and observing birds who drop by the window feeder. Zeller lives in Western Massachusetts, where he moved in order to complete an MFA in fiction at UMass Amherst. He has also lived in San Francisco and Oakland, California, and Brooklyn, NY, and he grew up in eastern Pennsylvania. He has two novels coming out this year.

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Sarah is the editorial intern for Rebel Mountain Press’ forthcoming Disabled Voices Anthology. She is a 3rd year Creative Writing major and Sociology minor at Vancouver Island University in British Columbia, Canada. As Co-Chair for her student union’s Disability Club and local advocate for Disability rights and awareness, she considers herself an emerging Disability activist.