SCP Foundation

SCP-3464: Olive Garden regularly communes with DEMONIC ENTITIES to summon their SATANIC sempiternal garlic bread
Author: Lt Flops Lt Flops

My 5th SCP! "Demonic garlic bread" is an idea I've had for years now and I wanted to finally do something with it. There aren't too many moving parts here; really, it's simple.

UPDATE — May 9, 2019: This article has been my lowest rated piece for quite some time now. After a partial rewrite last year, and a further overhaul today, I've decided to cut it down completely.

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🌱 Plant the seeds of tomorrow in the soil of today ❤️

I like this but I kind of doubt the Foundation would describe a demon as an incorporeal Type-III Tartarean and still use the word "soul".

I love this. The original anomaly is nothing special, but the Olive garden incident takes it in an unexpectedly cool direction, a great example of the sheer craziness of the Foundationverse. Plus, I have a soft spot for the Foundation Department of Thaumatology. +1

I'm totally willing to accept the Foundation using esoteric (read: not real) sciences and mysticism in containment reports, but the sheer density of jargon-bordering-on-gibberish in that log was just too much for me to stomach. It doesn't gel with any other depiction of the Foundation I've encountered, and it's not compelling enough in its own right to justify that.

I think the exact phrase I downvoted at was "bodies of the damned".

if your reading this your gay

So this is weird and potentially could work, but as others had said the shear amount of jarring terminology used in that transcript is incredibly offputting.

Also, you've classed this as Neutralised but that doesn't actually seem to be the case to me. The bread in containment is still anomalous yes? If it still has anomalous properties, it isn't neutralised. Neutralised doesn't mean that no more of it can be made when some still exists. If that *isn't* the case, you need to be a lot more clear on it.

The log is written from a confusing perspective, because it combines detailed descriptions of sight, sound, and smell without indicating the sources of the information. Something like: "Log compiled from eye-witness testimony and the restaurant's security camera footage." would provide nice context for the reader.

How did the Foundation thaumatologist get to the scene so quickly (within 4 minutes of the incident's start)? Are the individuals being followed already? They kinda come out of nowhere.

The jargon use is jarring, but others have already pointed that out.

I believe food is offered, not sacrificed. Love that first footnote, by the way.

Yikes… this started off hopeful, but that incident report was so bizarre, it almost felt like whiplash. So many esoteric terms that aren't explained and seem at odds with each other were used. In one sentence you have "Type III Tartarean Entity," which I would guess has something to do with Greek Mythology (although the name of this entity sounds more Lovecraftian), but elsewhere you use "geas binding", something I've never heard of and had no way to figure out the meaning of using context clues, and then you use "soul" and "damned," which don't sound scientific in the least. I don't even know what the point of that story was. Were the 2 coat wearers in on this SCP, in cahoots with the anartist responsible, or was it coincidental? Why were they able to order those 2 unusual meals, and why was their particular garlic bread glowing? I don't think any of that was explained, and, again, it came off bizarre more than compelling.

The point is, I'm not sure why you added that story in the first place. If it was merely a non sequitur, well then, I don't think you should have shoehorned it in, because it distracts from the article rather than adds to it. If there's some higher meaning to it that I completely missed, then maybe you should try to make that more clear, because I didn't catch that in the slightest.

The excerpt of dialogue from a garlic bread instance is perfect by the way, keep that the same. The language is just weird enough that it makes you cock your head, without being too hard to understand the meaning of. It's probably my favorite bit of the article, so good job on that.

Overall, I downvoted this, because I didn't like that incident report at all. That's just my opinion on it, and mileage may vary. I'm sure others were fine with it.

Thanks, everyone, for your suggestions, I did read through all of them and attempted to take everything into account. As a result, I've updated the scip and hope it manages to read better than it did before.

Things in particular I focused on:

• The "jarring" tone, which was present because of the use of "technical" terms (e.g., electro-thaumic exorcism device) contrasting with non-clinical terms (souls and "bodies of the damned").
• The point of view of whoever was compiling the Incident Log. It should be clear now that the incident log was based on CCTV surveillance footage and testimony of those involved. As a result, anything related to smell (such as the geas thing) has been removed (however, "geas", which is a memetic obligation, is still referenced).
• K-0 is now Field Thaumatology Specialist-७ or FTS-७ (thanks for pointing that one out, Shaggydredlocks Shaggydredlocks ).
• Miscellaneous plot holes (is that the right phrase to use here?) such as how FTS-७ found K-1 and K-2, where the meals came from, what the deal with ectoplasm is, and why the scip is Neutralized.

Thanks again, guys, I value your feedback and want to write a scip that's enjoyable. However, I do understand if this still isn't up to par.

🌱 Plant the seeds of tomorrow in the soil of today ❤️

I love "SCP-3464 was a quantity of garlic bread", but by the time I get down to

K-2 summons Adybbuk, an incorporeal Type-III Tartarean entity.

you lose me. This is way too much "Foundation using anomalies to contain anomalies". Even if they know the name of such an entity, they're not going to call it by name when they have much less esoteric tech jargon to use. Call it headcanon, but I'm never going to be on board with the Foundation being on board with magic.

Also, I'm still not sure how/why it's neutralized.

Essentially agreeing with many of the comments above me, even after the article has been revised. The amount of unorthodox terms and magical elements here makes me imagine I'm reading a different Foundation altogether. I know it's minor, but even just treating ectoplasm as a serious term breaks my immersion quickly.