SCP-WOWEE-JAY
Item #: SCP-WOW-J
Object Class: Haven't picked one yet cause they all look kinda cool. Nehemoth sounds shway, but Apollyon sounds cool as well.
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-WOW must be wrapped in three layers of bubble wrap, which is to be replaced every five hours. SCP-WOW-J is, under no circumstances, to put pineapple on pizza. SCP-WOW-J is to be spanked roughly no fewer than four times per day by class 3 personnel or higher for a period not to exceed 10 minutes in between two dogs walking down and away for each-other.
Security staff interacting with SCP-WOW-J must be trained in underwater combat, and are to attend regular seminars on anger management in low-oxygen environments. Alternatively, SCP-WOW-J can be persuaded to re-enter containment with a sufficiently elaborate interpretive dance routine, featuring no less than three (3) ordained leaders of an Abrahamic faith.
In event of a WOW-Irene event, at least 15 dead corn crakes (crex crex) are to be placed in an octagonal pattern around SCP-WOW-J in a to ensure cooperation during WOW-Irene events.
SCP-WOW-J is not to be licked by a human being under any circumstance.
Whatever an WOW-Irene event is.
Description: SCP-WOW-J is Senator John MEKHANE (that’s my Quacken Furby). I think? Mehkane says, sometimes, that SCP-WOW-J is a sound effect, usually used in youtube videos when something typically viewed as "lewd" or sexual is displayed. The sound effect consists of the word "wow," drawn out and in a high and probably artificial voice. But that doesn’t make sense, because WOW-J he’s. I’ve got the proof. Despite all logic stating otherwise (i.e. the fuzzy ball theory), the hair on SCP-WOW-J can be combed in such a way that it's all facing the same direction with no parting. Now that shit is anomalous.
Despite what the other iterations will tell you, SCP-WOW-J is actually sjiewkwkekgkgkaksmfhmkdanehtkkwlqjvnsjsjfjgkjsefkdkalwlk sorry SCP-WOW-J ran across my keyborjrjwkwejgjkalekhnklawlfgjelalw fieksj haakekflqki get offffffquqiwkekvk:4ドル&2$-))/‘sifhslak.
Mekhane says Site-17 was last observed within SCP-WOW-J. SCP-WOW-J enjoys a little goddamn peace and quiet every now and then, Jesus Christ. The kids in Site-17 need to quiet down. Isn’t that right Mehkane? That’s right, you cute, duckable Furby.
Addendum P155: Interview?
SCP-WOW-J: RELEASE THE QUACKEN
Billions of people run around screaming as the now unleashed Quacken wreaks havoc upon the world, slaughtering tens of millions in its path, leaving a trail of devastation in its wake.
What have we done….[BORING PARTS REMOVED]
Agent Forelli: Dr. Alto Clef, do you take this giant sentient ice-cream sandwich to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Dr. Clef: No. Definitely not.
Agent Forelli: Alright, we’ll get em next time.
SCP-WOW-J: Can’t we just do one of those X-PRES marriages with the fish?[Agent Forelli laughs for approximately 8 seconds.]
Agent Forelli: Those fish are dead and you know it, WOW-J. You can't fool us that easily!
SCP-WOW-J proceeds to tuck Researcher Jeff into bed, read them a bedtime story, kisses them goodnight, before then obliterating the moon. In these events, D-4977 was sent into orbit, just like those guys on Moonbase Alpha in Space: 1999.Of note, Agent Forelli is to █ ██████ ██████████ ██████ █████████ with "We Got The Jazz" by Hip Hop trio A Tribe Called Quest playing in the background on every Friday except for █ ██████ ██████████ ██████ ████████████████ █████████
Addendum Too: Dr. Ferris-Reiner: If at any point you touched the anomaly, Dr. Spanko, Agent Forelli, you're going to have to fucking answer to me, bub. And that's a fact.Remember: Don't touch the toenail clippings. I know you want to, but that's just the memetic effect talking. Don't touch them.
Addendum Four: I will be honestly surprised if this thing manages to work out. Motioning to submit Dr. Spanko an to a peer-authorized psychiatric test. - Dr. Fynegan
Addendum Trois: On July 8th, 2099, SCP-WOW-J ceased all anomalous activity for three minutes. This event coincided with 7404.53 tons of garbage being produced in the United States alone. Remember to reduce, reuse, and recycle.
Addendum Funf: Great, now we have to figure out how to kill a God to go put D-4977 out of his misery. - Dr. Jade