"Is it me, or has the ground gone to jelly? Fun. I can bounce... Bounce... Fun."

"So this is what it feels like to be a gummy bear... I can't walk though, I have to rock... I think i'll call myself BerNARD. Not BERnard. BerNARD. And I'll be a golden gummy bear."

"Stupid fucking fizzy fish. Never liked them. Have some of that, you sugar-coated cunts."

[suddenly grabs wife's wrist] "Stop! Stop! Whooooaaah.... Okay!" [lays back down]


Wife's note to the Americans out there: Keep in mind that Adam's final insult to those poor fizzy fish has a different feel here in the UK.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I am not very happy. Bollocks! Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear."

"Look. Look at my left foot. Look at my left foot. Smack you in the face!"

"Look out! Marshmallows!"

"Cornflakes!"

[upon waking] "Bright lights!"

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you're a fucking retard. Really."

[in a cute, sing-song voice] "Time to bounce your face off the waa-aall."

[quite suddenly, upon waking] "Click!"

"You spin me. You spin me round and round. Stop spinning me!"

"Yeah. Yeah. Fly me. Fly me...... far away and then fuck off."

"Mmhmm. Eat my crap shit-for-brains!"

[with disgust] "Stupid fucking fishcakes."


Wife's note: This gem of wisdom was uttered while Adam dozed next to me on the sofa one evening. I was Skyping with our good friend Russ at the time, so I have a witness.

"Give me one good reason why not."

"Iiiiii'm gonna poke you in the eye."

"You shouldn't say things like that. my breath can kill."

"Sigh of a ninja."

"It's definitely time to get up. Yes. My dog needs a new tutu."

"I love the fact you're a moose. Yes. So soft, so soft."

[quite suddenly, upon waking] "Get the python!"

"Yeah right. Poo stains."

[matter-of-factly] "Ouch."

"Where do you think YOU'RE going, hmmm?  I knew it. The cupboard. You and your cupboard."

"Stupid cocksucker."

"It had legs."

"Yeah, you lay down, I'll get the tennis racket."

"I don't like aubergines." [chuckles wickedly] "Yeeeeeees."


Wife's note: Yup, it's true. Adam doesn't like aubergines (a.k.a. eggplant).

"So when's it my turn, you know?......  Goody!"

"Squishy finger. My favorite game. Yep."

"I must declare these trousers are huuuuge....  mmmhhmmmm.... baggy."

"When did you turn into a bug? Strange."

"Asshole."

[while drifting off to sleep during a sensible conversation] "The plumbing doesn't help with the cucumbers anymore."

[suddenly, upon waking] "Snake!"

"Consider yourself fired................ dickhead."

[with great disdain] "You asswipe."


Wife's note: I just want to restate, for the record, that Adam truly is not himself in Dreamland. For example, I'm pretty sure that my British husband has never uttered the word 'asswipe,' a distinctly American insult, in waking life.

[suddenly, upon waking] "Tiger!"

"Little people are FUNNY... yes, yes, yes...."

[suddenly, upon waking] "Spider!"

"Yessss..... Sleeeeeeep......." [patting fiance's head]

"Enough with the cheese. Enough!"