Just Me

So after posting yesterday, I got to thinking about the inspirations in my life...they really do come in all shapes and sizes...but there are two that truly stand out to me--my children, Soraya and Najib. Each has helped me grow in ways I never thought possible, and in them I find more hope than anywhere else in my life.

Soraya is the light of my world..she can, like no other being on this earth, move me to laughter and tears within a matter of seconds...when I'm down, all I need is a glimpse at her beautiful eyes and dynamic smile and I quickly forget my ills. A hug from her brings me instant peace, and her laughter is contagious. Her wonderful spirit and love of life remind me to strive for the same in my own life...to focus on happiness and joy! She is simply spectacular, and I'm honored that I will be a witness to her life! It will be nothing less than amazing!

And then there is Najib. For many people, having a special needs child imposes great amounts of stress, heartache and struggles. I could not be farther from that reality...Najib is special alright, but he is special for all he offers to me simply by existing and living as he does...with the purest heart and most gentle spirit that I have ever encountered...

When he entered my life I began down a journey of discovery....discovery of the world around me...discovery of the strength of the human spirit...discovery of what unconditional love and support is all about....discovery of acceptance...let me say that again...discovery of acceptance...of knowing and loving all people for who they are...for where they're at...for where they want to be....and that discovery began with me...

Many parents of special needs children at some point participate in the pity-ridden, "why me" game....and unfortunately some never find their answer...they may blame others or themselves and this "pain" blinds them from all the gifts and benefits that having such a delicate creature in their lives can offer. I too played this game. For the first year of Najib's life I searched for reasons why, for the causes of his ills, for my possible failures, but I kept coming up empty handed. And all that time, with my energy focused on my "plight" I was not fully capable of appreciating Najib for what he did and does offer me. Then the day came when I simply held my beautiful son in my arms, and I saw him for all he is and all he can be. I saw hope and experienced inspiration like never before!

I know exactly WHY Najib came into my life...and I am SOOOOOO grateful for his arrival. Najib came to me to teach me...to help me grow. On a daily basis he reminds me to have a pure heart, to be grateful for all I possess--both material and spiritual riches, to be accepting of others, to never allow my limitations to stop my life from moving forward--to NEVER stop growing.

So, yes, as I said yesterday, inspirations abound, but all pale in comparison to those provided to me by Soraya and Najib...how lucky I am!

So much time has passed since my last entry that I cannot possibly begin to write about all that has transpired in my life, but I can offer some insight as to where I am at on my journey...

While I struggle with making sense of my personal life, I have gained such inspiration and hope from my work. I do admit that at times being a "change agent" and "fighter" for equity can be utterly exhausting, but it is such rewarding work. I cannot adequately articulate the satisfaction I derive from working to create deeper understanding about and respect for human ways...I truly feel blessed to FINALLY be dedicating so many hours to something that inspires me on personal and professional levels...

I am also extremely grateful for those people in my life who inspire me to continue on my own path of growth...those who encourage me to have the strength and fortitude necessary to confront difficult and often painful realities as a step towards greater happiness and peace...I love each and every one of you more than my meager words can express...

Lately, it's all about the inspirations that I encounter on a daily basis...those that propel me to examine my inner thoughts, feelings and desires....whether they manifest themselves in the gesture of a friend or co-worker, the words of a keynote speaker at a given conference, or the actions of others, these inspirations offer me hope and the ability to envision the day when I am living with my heart and mind in balance...when I can be true to myself in all of my life's facets, and thereby be the best possible me, JUST ME, for this world...


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