Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Two Times Traffic
Monday December 10th, 2007 - Chicago, IL/Lake Villa, IL
Lots of driving today. I felt like I was on my own personal Cannonball Run. Twice. First it was downtown to WLS to be on Jerry Agar’s show at 10:30. I overslept and that is very rare with me. I woke up at about 4:30am and read for a while and then flipped through the cable news channels so I could check up on news stories to possibly use on the air today.
I laid back down for ‘just a little nap’ at 7:00 and didn’t wake up until 9:25. Panic. I had only planned on snoozing for maybe an hour but this put me in the trick bag. Jerry told me to be there at 10:30 and I said I would. If I didn’t get there I’d feel like I let him down. To do that would make me feel like my father and I want to do anything but that in my life.
All I could do was get in the car and drive it as fast as I could without endangering lives. It was snowy and slippery and I felt like the Blues Brothers except I wasn’t wearing a pair of sunglasses. I needed to be downtown at 10:30 and I was in the car by 9:28. Game on.
One of the hardest parts of the drive is getting from where I live in Lake Villa to I-94. It has all kinds of speed zones and cops like to hide behind things and pick people off. I had no time to spare so if I was going to get caught I was going to get caught. It’s about eight miles to the freeway and I did it in record time. I don‘t want to make a habit of it though.
Once I got on the freeway I really opened it up. The good part was I wasn’t panicked at all. I knew I was going to make it and I wasn’t stressed. Well, not much. I also was trying to write some jokes on a legal pad for a bit we’re doing about ‘the year that was’ in 2007. I was weaving in and out of traffic and writing jokes and I felt good as long as I was could stay moving. When I had to sit and wait for no apparent reason is when I started to worry.
This kind of hectic tenseness is part of every comedian’s life at some point. Getting to an engagement can sometimes be WAY more involved than the actual performance. Today is one of those days. I made it into the studio literally as they were going on the air and I had to hide the fact that I was out of breath from running down ten flights of stairs and then as fast as I could around the block all so I could make it to the gig on time. That’s my duty.
The show went really well today I thought. We’re starting to get a nice rhythm and if we can stay on the air for a while it will be good for everybody. After the show I had to get in the car and drive back to Waukegan to drop off the titles of the two cars I’m going to sell. I already had the cars there and I switched the Mitsubishi for the Honda I bought Saturday morning. I will get rid of the Mitsubishi and the other Honda and keep the one I bought.
After that I went home and showered and headed down to Zanies to host the showcase. It’s not fun to drive into the city once in a day much less twice but that’s what I had to do. There was a great lineup of comedians and the audience was small but they were into it so it made it all worth the drive. There will be time to sleep when I’m dead so I’m glad I took advantage of all my opportunities today. The radio was fun and so was the showcase. I am also glad I got my car situation handled so today was productive but I’m sick of driving.
Lots of driving today. I felt like I was on my own personal Cannonball Run. Twice. First it was downtown to WLS to be on Jerry Agar’s show at 10:30. I overslept and that is very rare with me. I woke up at about 4:30am and read for a while and then flipped through the cable news channels so I could check up on news stories to possibly use on the air today.
I laid back down for ‘just a little nap’ at 7:00 and didn’t wake up until 9:25. Panic. I had only planned on snoozing for maybe an hour but this put me in the trick bag. Jerry told me to be there at 10:30 and I said I would. If I didn’t get there I’d feel like I let him down. To do that would make me feel like my father and I want to do anything but that in my life.
All I could do was get in the car and drive it as fast as I could without endangering lives. It was snowy and slippery and I felt like the Blues Brothers except I wasn’t wearing a pair of sunglasses. I needed to be downtown at 10:30 and I was in the car by 9:28. Game on.
One of the hardest parts of the drive is getting from where I live in Lake Villa to I-94. It has all kinds of speed zones and cops like to hide behind things and pick people off. I had no time to spare so if I was going to get caught I was going to get caught. It’s about eight miles to the freeway and I did it in record time. I don‘t want to make a habit of it though.
Once I got on the freeway I really opened it up. The good part was I wasn’t panicked at all. I knew I was going to make it and I wasn’t stressed. Well, not much. I also was trying to write some jokes on a legal pad for a bit we’re doing about ‘the year that was’ in 2007. I was weaving in and out of traffic and writing jokes and I felt good as long as I was could stay moving. When I had to sit and wait for no apparent reason is when I started to worry.
This kind of hectic tenseness is part of every comedian’s life at some point. Getting to an engagement can sometimes be WAY more involved than the actual performance. Today is one of those days. I made it into the studio literally as they were going on the air and I had to hide the fact that I was out of breath from running down ten flights of stairs and then as fast as I could around the block all so I could make it to the gig on time. That’s my duty.
The show went really well today I thought. We’re starting to get a nice rhythm and if we can stay on the air for a while it will be good for everybody. After the show I had to get in the car and drive back to Waukegan to drop off the titles of the two cars I’m going to sell. I already had the cars there and I switched the Mitsubishi for the Honda I bought Saturday morning. I will get rid of the Mitsubishi and the other Honda and keep the one I bought.
After that I went home and showered and headed down to Zanies to host the showcase. It’s not fun to drive into the city once in a day much less twice but that’s what I had to do. There was a great lineup of comedians and the audience was small but they were into it so it made it all worth the drive. There will be time to sleep when I’m dead so I’m glad I took advantage of all my opportunities today. The radio was fun and so was the showcase. I am also glad I got my car situation handled so today was productive but I’m sick of driving.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Packers And Pillows
Sunday December 9th, 2007 - Chicago, IL/Lake Villa, IL
And on the seventh day the Lord rested. If it’s good enough for Him it’s good enough for me too. I have been running like a coke addict’s nose lately and I needed to take some time and relax a little. I slept in this morning and got up and started to page through some of the books I want to read in the next year. I doubt if I’ll get to them all but I do have all of them lined up on a bookshelf so I can at least see the titles. I enjoyed my reading time.
Then I went back to sleep again and took a nap. I needed it. I felt great when I woke up and then turned on the TV and saw the Packers were stomping the evil Oakland Raiders. I felt even better when I saw that and just vegged out in front of the TV and took it all in. If my world is crumbling around me and the Packers win it always puts me in a good mood.
It’s an addiction and a stupid one and I admit I’m hooked and right now it’s wonderful. I wish I could share this Packer fever with my grandfather and even my former best friend who robbed the bank and blamed it on me. We sat through an entire childhood of horrible Packer teams dreaming of a year like this and now we’re having one and I’m by myself. It was still fun to watch the second half of the game and I’m sure Gramps got to see it too.
Before the show at Zanies tonight I checked my emails and got a wonderful surprise that made my whole day. Michael Payne is in Parliament/Funkadelic and he sent me an email to tell me how hilarious he thought my comedy CD was. All I can think of is that when I met George Clinton in May I gave him one and he must have passed it around the tour bus. To get an email from a member of my all time favorite band made my whole day and more.
I am still way behind on emails because of my computer being gone for a week but I will try my best to catch up this week. I have scattered shows for the rest of the year and it will give me time to hopefully clear up everything I need to before going into 2008 with all my energy on Uranus Factory Outlet. I have books to read and a website to create and lots of products to develop and that will keep me quite busy. I hope by this time next year to be a lot busier filling orders and doing interviews and having a blast at whatever I’ll be doing.
The show at Zanies tonight was a total blast. There were only about 25 people but all of them were there to laugh. I gave them all I had and they loved it all and wanted more. I’d rather work to a group of 25 who want to see a show than 200 who are there to drink and babble incoherently the whole time. This was a small audience but a really good one. I had fun the whole time and they did too. I wish the whole week could have been this enjoyable but at least it ended on a good note. I earned my check this week and I won’t squander it.
Despite this recent blip on my radar things are still going very well. I still have my dream and it’s getting closer and closer. I am getting steady comedy work and people are calling me which is never a bad thing. I have enough money to live for the new year so even if I’m not able to get any work I won’t starve to death or have to sleep in the park. That’s a gift.
I don’t take anything for granted and I’m grateful for my health and that I get to do what I love for a living. I am in a position to have the best year of my life in 2008. I am SO ready.
And on the seventh day the Lord rested. If it’s good enough for Him it’s good enough for me too. I have been running like a coke addict’s nose lately and I needed to take some time and relax a little. I slept in this morning and got up and started to page through some of the books I want to read in the next year. I doubt if I’ll get to them all but I do have all of them lined up on a bookshelf so I can at least see the titles. I enjoyed my reading time.
Then I went back to sleep again and took a nap. I needed it. I felt great when I woke up and then turned on the TV and saw the Packers were stomping the evil Oakland Raiders. I felt even better when I saw that and just vegged out in front of the TV and took it all in. If my world is crumbling around me and the Packers win it always puts me in a good mood.
It’s an addiction and a stupid one and I admit I’m hooked and right now it’s wonderful. I wish I could share this Packer fever with my grandfather and even my former best friend who robbed the bank and blamed it on me. We sat through an entire childhood of horrible Packer teams dreaming of a year like this and now we’re having one and I’m by myself. It was still fun to watch the second half of the game and I’m sure Gramps got to see it too.
Before the show at Zanies tonight I checked my emails and got a wonderful surprise that made my whole day. Michael Payne is in Parliament/Funkadelic and he sent me an email to tell me how hilarious he thought my comedy CD was. All I can think of is that when I met George Clinton in May I gave him one and he must have passed it around the tour bus. To get an email from a member of my all time favorite band made my whole day and more.
I am still way behind on emails because of my computer being gone for a week but I will try my best to catch up this week. I have scattered shows for the rest of the year and it will give me time to hopefully clear up everything I need to before going into 2008 with all my energy on Uranus Factory Outlet. I have books to read and a website to create and lots of products to develop and that will keep me quite busy. I hope by this time next year to be a lot busier filling orders and doing interviews and having a blast at whatever I’ll be doing.
The show at Zanies tonight was a total blast. There were only about 25 people but all of them were there to laugh. I gave them all I had and they loved it all and wanted more. I’d rather work to a group of 25 who want to see a show than 200 who are there to drink and babble incoherently the whole time. This was a small audience but a really good one. I had fun the whole time and they did too. I wish the whole week could have been this enjoyable but at least it ended on a good note. I earned my check this week and I won’t squander it.
Despite this recent blip on my radar things are still going very well. I still have my dream and it’s getting closer and closer. I am getting steady comedy work and people are calling me which is never a bad thing. I have enough money to live for the new year so even if I’m not able to get any work I won’t starve to death or have to sleep in the park. That’s a gift.
I don’t take anything for granted and I’m grateful for my health and that I get to do what I love for a living. I am in a position to have the best year of my life in 2008. I am SO ready.
Of One Accord
Saturday December 8th, 2007 - Chicago, IL/Lake Villa, IL
What’s one of the last things I need right now? Another car. And what did I get up way too early for in way too cold of weather in order to buy? Bingo. I’m the proud new owner of yet another Waukegan Auto Auction special. I braved the subarctic icy temperatures to find a sweet little ’94 Honda Accord with 117,000 miles on it. It’s a cherry so I bought it.
I’ve been to the auction so many times that I know what to look for. This had all of the signs of a good deal and my gut feeling said buy it so I did. It was the first car on the line and it was also after a snowstorm. Those are both positives because people don’t bid high as a rule for the opening car or in a snowstorm. Plus it just got donated and was fresh tin.
Sometimes the cars run through a few times before they’re sold. This was a new one and Hondas are always a good buy. It looks and runs great and the miles being low made it my car of choice. It’s an automatic and all the lights work and there are no cracks in the glass. If I’m going to put money into a car this would be one that has the best chance to pay off.
I really like the Mitsubishi but to put 625ドル into it now might not be a good gamble. I like driving it and it’s given me no problems at all but the smart thing to do is put it right back through the auction and get some money back out of it while I still can. That’s what I’ll do with both that one and the other Honda I was going to sell Jerry Agar. He doesn’t need it right now and it’s just taking up space in his driveway. I’ll run that one through as well.
For now I need to divest myself of as much as I can and have ONE car for a while. I like to wheel and deal and buy the auction cars but the smart thing to do is find one and keep it for at least six months to a year. That’s what I intend on doing with this Honda. I will take as many distractions away from me as I can as I start the Uranus Factory Outlet business.
If I’m successful I’ll be able to buy all the cars I want. Right now storage is an issue as is keeping the titles straight so that will not be an issue as I will now just register the one car. I like Hondas and this one looks very solid. I’ll get a new timing belt put in and have all of the systems checked out and hope to not have any car issues in the coming year. We’ll see.
It’s all a gamble but the gambles have been paying off lately. I’ve been able to find some nice little hot rods at the auction this year and this looks like another one. I wouldn’t mind having a car lot but I’m sure that’s asking for all kinds of trouble. For now I’ll just keep to using this Honda to get me through 2008. I don’t see why it shouldn’t and it’s all paid for.
It will cost me 1925ドル out the door which is high for me but this is worth it. Even if it has some maintenance to be done I should still be able to get through the year for WAY under what a new car payment would cost. All I’m really interested in is reliable transportation.
I think the only other entertainer that has bought as many cars as I have in a single year is Elvis or maybe Jay Leno. I just enjoy buying cars and I like driving them too especially when I get them cheap and they’re paid for before I even get in. That really feels fantastic.
What felt even more fantastic was the first show tonight at Zanies. This is the one I was waiting for the whole week and it was worth the wait. Wow what a great audience. THIS is why I drive to Arkansas and put up with all the misery that sometimes goes with all this. Having that electric experience of being on stage for a hot crowd is 100% pure ecstasy.
Everything I did worked and I knew it from the start. I had to bring them over to me but they came willingly and I shaped them into exactly the group I wanted them to be. I had a roll going and kept it going and finished even stronger than I started. This was the one that made the recording worthwhile and I tried to pause and let the laughs sink in on the tape.
After the show I had people lining up to tell me how funny I was and how they’ve never laughed that hard and all the great things I never get tired of hearing. I must admit that I’d lost some confidence after the brutal week last week and the earlier part of this week but I sure got back on the horse with this show. It made me feel like I’m still on the right track.
And then an hour later the train derailed again. What a bunch of down right morons and all three of us agreed on it. The opener and the feature couldn’t stand them either. We had our hands full because there were three large groups and they were all having their holiday parties and it was just a loud rowdy mess. Nobody would shut up and none of us could do our acts so we all just went up and tried the best we could until our time was up. Not fun.
Even the manager of Zanies told us to cut it short. I gladly said yes and got off stage at a laugh I got from insulting some halfwit who had a sombrero with Christmas lights on it. A single party is difficult but three separate ones is comedy hell on earth. This one was a big waste of time for everyone and that’s unusual for a 9:00 show at Zanies. That’s usually the best one of the week. Not tonight. I just looked at it as paying my rent for January 2008.
The late show wasn’t much better either. Three shows on a Saturday can be a real chore when two of them are like a cattle run. Good thing the first one was a winner or I’d really be in the dumps right now. I’m in a little bit of a slump now but I know it’s not me. It’s all the over soaked crowds I’ve been working for lately. I need to get in front of sober people or at least people who aren’t Otis Campbell drunk or Keith Richards baked. Who needs it?
Not me. I want to cultivate an audience of people like the first show who are intelligent and want to laugh. Where are those people? I think they’re scattered like buckshot in with the idiots and I’m going crazy trying to find them. I found them once this week but that is way too infrequently. My odds haven’t been good in the last couple of weeks. I need help.
I think I’m supposed to learn a lesson from all this but I’m not sure exactly what that is. I just want to perform standup comedy for good audiences who want to laugh. I want the fans of comedy to find me and I want to entertain them and go out of my way to please.
It sure is turning out to be a lot harder than it sounds. All I want is a group of fans that come to see me and I will super serve them to the best of my ability. I know I have fans in different places and I appreciate every one of them but how do I get all of them together?
What’s one of the last things I need right now? Another car. And what did I get up way too early for in way too cold of weather in order to buy? Bingo. I’m the proud new owner of yet another Waukegan Auto Auction special. I braved the subarctic icy temperatures to find a sweet little ’94 Honda Accord with 117,000 miles on it. It’s a cherry so I bought it.
I’ve been to the auction so many times that I know what to look for. This had all of the signs of a good deal and my gut feeling said buy it so I did. It was the first car on the line and it was also after a snowstorm. Those are both positives because people don’t bid high as a rule for the opening car or in a snowstorm. Plus it just got donated and was fresh tin.
Sometimes the cars run through a few times before they’re sold. This was a new one and Hondas are always a good buy. It looks and runs great and the miles being low made it my car of choice. It’s an automatic and all the lights work and there are no cracks in the glass. If I’m going to put money into a car this would be one that has the best chance to pay off.
I really like the Mitsubishi but to put 625ドル into it now might not be a good gamble. I like driving it and it’s given me no problems at all but the smart thing to do is put it right back through the auction and get some money back out of it while I still can. That’s what I’ll do with both that one and the other Honda I was going to sell Jerry Agar. He doesn’t need it right now and it’s just taking up space in his driveway. I’ll run that one through as well.
For now I need to divest myself of as much as I can and have ONE car for a while. I like to wheel and deal and buy the auction cars but the smart thing to do is find one and keep it for at least six months to a year. That’s what I intend on doing with this Honda. I will take as many distractions away from me as I can as I start the Uranus Factory Outlet business.
If I’m successful I’ll be able to buy all the cars I want. Right now storage is an issue as is keeping the titles straight so that will not be an issue as I will now just register the one car. I like Hondas and this one looks very solid. I’ll get a new timing belt put in and have all of the systems checked out and hope to not have any car issues in the coming year. We’ll see.
It’s all a gamble but the gambles have been paying off lately. I’ve been able to find some nice little hot rods at the auction this year and this looks like another one. I wouldn’t mind having a car lot but I’m sure that’s asking for all kinds of trouble. For now I’ll just keep to using this Honda to get me through 2008. I don’t see why it shouldn’t and it’s all paid for.
It will cost me 1925ドル out the door which is high for me but this is worth it. Even if it has some maintenance to be done I should still be able to get through the year for WAY under what a new car payment would cost. All I’m really interested in is reliable transportation.
I think the only other entertainer that has bought as many cars as I have in a single year is Elvis or maybe Jay Leno. I just enjoy buying cars and I like driving them too especially when I get them cheap and they’re paid for before I even get in. That really feels fantastic.
What felt even more fantastic was the first show tonight at Zanies. This is the one I was waiting for the whole week and it was worth the wait. Wow what a great audience. THIS is why I drive to Arkansas and put up with all the misery that sometimes goes with all this. Having that electric experience of being on stage for a hot crowd is 100% pure ecstasy.
Everything I did worked and I knew it from the start. I had to bring them over to me but they came willingly and I shaped them into exactly the group I wanted them to be. I had a roll going and kept it going and finished even stronger than I started. This was the one that made the recording worthwhile and I tried to pause and let the laughs sink in on the tape.
After the show I had people lining up to tell me how funny I was and how they’ve never laughed that hard and all the great things I never get tired of hearing. I must admit that I’d lost some confidence after the brutal week last week and the earlier part of this week but I sure got back on the horse with this show. It made me feel like I’m still on the right track.
And then an hour later the train derailed again. What a bunch of down right morons and all three of us agreed on it. The opener and the feature couldn’t stand them either. We had our hands full because there were three large groups and they were all having their holiday parties and it was just a loud rowdy mess. Nobody would shut up and none of us could do our acts so we all just went up and tried the best we could until our time was up. Not fun.
Even the manager of Zanies told us to cut it short. I gladly said yes and got off stage at a laugh I got from insulting some halfwit who had a sombrero with Christmas lights on it. A single party is difficult but three separate ones is comedy hell on earth. This one was a big waste of time for everyone and that’s unusual for a 9:00 show at Zanies. That’s usually the best one of the week. Not tonight. I just looked at it as paying my rent for January 2008.
The late show wasn’t much better either. Three shows on a Saturday can be a real chore when two of them are like a cattle run. Good thing the first one was a winner or I’d really be in the dumps right now. I’m in a little bit of a slump now but I know it’s not me. It’s all the over soaked crowds I’ve been working for lately. I need to get in front of sober people or at least people who aren’t Otis Campbell drunk or Keith Richards baked. Who needs it?
Not me. I want to cultivate an audience of people like the first show who are intelligent and want to laugh. Where are those people? I think they’re scattered like buckshot in with the idiots and I’m going crazy trying to find them. I found them once this week but that is way too infrequently. My odds haven’t been good in the last couple of weeks. I need help.
I think I’m supposed to learn a lesson from all this but I’m not sure exactly what that is. I just want to perform standup comedy for good audiences who want to laugh. I want the fans of comedy to find me and I want to entertain them and go out of my way to please.
It sure is turning out to be a lot harder than it sounds. All I want is a group of fans that come to see me and I will super serve them to the best of my ability. I know I have fans in different places and I appreciate every one of them but how do I get all of them together?
Sunday, December 9, 2007
A Bad Match
Friday December 7th, 2007 - Chicago, IL/Lake Villa, IL
Not a fun day today. I recorded both shows at Zanies and neither one was worth it. The problem with recording shows is that it rarely is one the person taping wants to remember. Maybe it’s Murphy’s Law or human nature or who knows what but time after time a show that’s recorded is a complete disaster. A waitress drops a tray of drinks or someone has an aneurism during the show or a fire alarm goes off. Who knows? Taping is just asking for it and it’s not only me this happens to. The good thing is that it’s getting easier to record.
A lot of things went wrong tonight but the most difficult thing to overcome was the vibe of the feature act. We’re just a poor fit and I can’t stand following him. Our styles clash so if someone would like him they probably wouldn’t like me and vice versa. That makes it as difficult as it gets for recording purposes. He takes the crowd in one way and then I have a monumental talk of bringing them back in my direction before I take them where I want to go. It’s not easy to do that in general but with cameras running it’s downright impossible.
My style is very quick and it needs to establish a rhythm. The feature act has his rhythm and we don’t play well together. It would be like a polka band and a rapper trying to book a show together. The audience would be confused and it wouldn’t flow together very well. Our shows don’t flow together very well and I could see that happening from Tuesday on.
I don’t have anything against the guy personally and I don’t wish him anything bad but it does make it extremely frustrating to have to follow him every show. He’s cocky and dirty and full of himself and I just don’t like that vibe at all. I’m sure he’ll get a sitcom and be an American icon in the future and that’s great but for this week I wish I could pick the acts I want in front of me. I would think after all this time I could do that but it’s not the case.
Bert Haas says he puts all the ‘iffy’ comedians in front of me because he knows I’m able to handle just about anything. In a way that’s a huge compliment but in another it punishes me for being competent. Other bookers have said that too. I remember one guy telling me ‘I give unproven acts a shot with you because I know you’ll mop up any mess.’ Thanks.
Both crowds tonight were chatty and drunk and it was survival to finish my time on both shows much less worry about putting anything new or subtle on tape. I felt like I was back in Arkansas again and neither one of these shows were fun at all. I’m in this for fun but the audiences were in it for alcohol. I am getting sicker and sicker of entertaining boozers. It’s old and getting older and I am rapidly realizing I need to do something different but quick.
Working on the Uranus Factory Outlet business is different and it will be a challenge but also possibly be what puts me over the top. If I can become a draw at least I will deal with drunks who have paid to see ME rather than be a babysitter like I am now. I love being an entertainer when the audience enjoys it but when they don’t I wish I was driving a truck. It took a lifetime to learn my craft and tonight I felt I wasted that lifetime because I had to be in front of two separate groups of people who had nothing in common with me and in fact they loved the cocky kid in front of me and thought I was terrible. This is not what I need.
Not a fun day today. I recorded both shows at Zanies and neither one was worth it. The problem with recording shows is that it rarely is one the person taping wants to remember. Maybe it’s Murphy’s Law or human nature or who knows what but time after time a show that’s recorded is a complete disaster. A waitress drops a tray of drinks or someone has an aneurism during the show or a fire alarm goes off. Who knows? Taping is just asking for it and it’s not only me this happens to. The good thing is that it’s getting easier to record.
A lot of things went wrong tonight but the most difficult thing to overcome was the vibe of the feature act. We’re just a poor fit and I can’t stand following him. Our styles clash so if someone would like him they probably wouldn’t like me and vice versa. That makes it as difficult as it gets for recording purposes. He takes the crowd in one way and then I have a monumental talk of bringing them back in my direction before I take them where I want to go. It’s not easy to do that in general but with cameras running it’s downright impossible.
My style is very quick and it needs to establish a rhythm. The feature act has his rhythm and we don’t play well together. It would be like a polka band and a rapper trying to book a show together. The audience would be confused and it wouldn’t flow together very well. Our shows don’t flow together very well and I could see that happening from Tuesday on.
I don’t have anything against the guy personally and I don’t wish him anything bad but it does make it extremely frustrating to have to follow him every show. He’s cocky and dirty and full of himself and I just don’t like that vibe at all. I’m sure he’ll get a sitcom and be an American icon in the future and that’s great but for this week I wish I could pick the acts I want in front of me. I would think after all this time I could do that but it’s not the case.
Bert Haas says he puts all the ‘iffy’ comedians in front of me because he knows I’m able to handle just about anything. In a way that’s a huge compliment but in another it punishes me for being competent. Other bookers have said that too. I remember one guy telling me ‘I give unproven acts a shot with you because I know you’ll mop up any mess.’ Thanks.
Both crowds tonight were chatty and drunk and it was survival to finish my time on both shows much less worry about putting anything new or subtle on tape. I felt like I was back in Arkansas again and neither one of these shows were fun at all. I’m in this for fun but the audiences were in it for alcohol. I am getting sicker and sicker of entertaining boozers. It’s old and getting older and I am rapidly realizing I need to do something different but quick.
Working on the Uranus Factory Outlet business is different and it will be a challenge but also possibly be what puts me over the top. If I can become a draw at least I will deal with drunks who have paid to see ME rather than be a babysitter like I am now. I love being an entertainer when the audience enjoys it but when they don’t I wish I was driving a truck. It took a lifetime to learn my craft and tonight I felt I wasted that lifetime because I had to be in front of two separate groups of people who had nothing in common with me and in fact they loved the cocky kid in front of me and thought I was terrible. This is not what I need.
Car Question
Thursday December 6th, 2007 - Chicago, IL/Lake Villa, IL
Another day all over the place. If I wasn’t a comedian I couldn’t begin to get any of this stuff done. My work day boils down to 45 minutes on stage and that’s never a bad thing. I usually love that part but the other 23 hours and 15 minutes is another story. That’s tough. Today I had to clear up a lot of things and it took my mind away from focusing on jokes.
The unfunniest thing about everything is the nasty cold spell we’re having. I’m sure it’s a right wing conspiracy according to Al Gore and his global warming psychobabble and if he was here today I’d tell him he was a complete idiot. It’s COLD and that’s no theory. I had a van full of furniture to unload by myself and I wish Al was here so he could have helped.
I was on a time schedule because I had to have the van back at the rental place and then go to the car place to hopefully pick up my roller skate so I could get to work tonight. I’m trying to get all of this stuff fixed at once so I don’t have to be bothered with it. I will take care of getting the computer and the car situations fixed in the same week and that’s that.
Until the next thing blows up. There’s always some pending crisis situation and as much as I try to think ahead a step or two a surprise bomb always gets dropped out of nowhere to keep me on my toes even more. Today it was the car. The mechanic told me I would be looking at about 625ドル to get it up and ready to pass the emissions test. That’s a bit steep.
It’s a great car and has served me very well but that was my sign to at least look around a little before making the decision. The guy at the garage wasn’t thrilled when I told him it was too much to stick into a car I bought at the auction for next to nothing and he tried to convince me to spend the money to fix it. I told him I needed a few days to think it over.
I’ve got a couple of options here. I can get the Honda I sold Jerry for his son. He hasn’t told his son it’s for him yet and hasn’t changed the title. I passed emissions with ease with that car and I could keep driving that one. Or, I could go back to the auction and see what else I could find that’s worth an investment. Or I could get the Mitsubishi fixed for 625ドル.
My gut says to go to the auction and see what‘s there. If I could scrape up a Toyota or a Honda that‘s got less miles I would take it and have something to keep for a while. I really should ge more stable with my car situation. It‘s fun to wheel and deal but the smart thing to do is go out and find something halfway reliable. The Mitsubishi was very reliable and it still is but that kind of money to fix it is not worth it. The brakes are a little bit spongy and it isn’t the car I’d pick as a show car. It’s got a few dings and that’s why I got it so cheap.
I thought of all this as I drove downtown to have dinner with Bert Haas. Bert and I have had disagreements in the past about comedy stuff but he’s always in my corner as a friend. I really appreciate that and tonight we just hung out and talked about life. Comedy classes have been good for both Zanies and me but it’s time to take a break and he understood. It really feels good to be able to have bookers like Bert and Marc Schultz who I also am able to relate to as personal friends too. I don’t take that for granted and we had a great dinner.
Another day all over the place. If I wasn’t a comedian I couldn’t begin to get any of this stuff done. My work day boils down to 45 minutes on stage and that’s never a bad thing. I usually love that part but the other 23 hours and 15 minutes is another story. That’s tough. Today I had to clear up a lot of things and it took my mind away from focusing on jokes.
The unfunniest thing about everything is the nasty cold spell we’re having. I’m sure it’s a right wing conspiracy according to Al Gore and his global warming psychobabble and if he was here today I’d tell him he was a complete idiot. It’s COLD and that’s no theory. I had a van full of furniture to unload by myself and I wish Al was here so he could have helped.
I was on a time schedule because I had to have the van back at the rental place and then go to the car place to hopefully pick up my roller skate so I could get to work tonight. I’m trying to get all of this stuff fixed at once so I don’t have to be bothered with it. I will take care of getting the computer and the car situations fixed in the same week and that’s that.
Until the next thing blows up. There’s always some pending crisis situation and as much as I try to think ahead a step or two a surprise bomb always gets dropped out of nowhere to keep me on my toes even more. Today it was the car. The mechanic told me I would be looking at about 625ドル to get it up and ready to pass the emissions test. That’s a bit steep.
It’s a great car and has served me very well but that was my sign to at least look around a little before making the decision. The guy at the garage wasn’t thrilled when I told him it was too much to stick into a car I bought at the auction for next to nothing and he tried to convince me to spend the money to fix it. I told him I needed a few days to think it over.
I’ve got a couple of options here. I can get the Honda I sold Jerry for his son. He hasn’t told his son it’s for him yet and hasn’t changed the title. I passed emissions with ease with that car and I could keep driving that one. Or, I could go back to the auction and see what else I could find that’s worth an investment. Or I could get the Mitsubishi fixed for 625ドル.
My gut says to go to the auction and see what‘s there. If I could scrape up a Toyota or a Honda that‘s got less miles I would take it and have something to keep for a while. I really should ge more stable with my car situation. It‘s fun to wheel and deal but the smart thing to do is go out and find something halfway reliable. The Mitsubishi was very reliable and it still is but that kind of money to fix it is not worth it. The brakes are a little bit spongy and it isn’t the car I’d pick as a show car. It’s got a few dings and that’s why I got it so cheap.
I thought of all this as I drove downtown to have dinner with Bert Haas. Bert and I have had disagreements in the past about comedy stuff but he’s always in my corner as a friend. I really appreciate that and tonight we just hung out and talked about life. Comedy classes have been good for both Zanies and me but it’s time to take a break and he understood. It really feels good to be able to have bookers like Bert and Marc Schultz who I also am able to relate to as personal friends too. I don’t take that for granted and we had a great dinner.
A Desk Job
Wednesday December 5th, 2007 - Lake Villa, IL
Lots of running around today. I got a notice from the state saying I needed an emissions check for the Mitsubishi. Why I got it now I don’t know but I did so I took it in to have it checked. I was really surprised when it flunked because that car has been a great runner. It has made me way more than I paid for it at the auction and I have put a lot of miles on it.
I took it to Arkansas and Oklahoma last week and there were no problems and I drove it about ten thousand miles before that without a hitch. I’ve flunked emissions before and the whole process is a scam if you ask me. You can’t tell me that cow farts around here aren’t worse for the environment than my little ’93 Mitsubishi but it won’t do any good to fight.
My friend John Perry who runs WIIL in Kenosha recommended a place not far from me that fixes emissions problems so I took it there. He said he would have to keep it for a day and I wasn’t thrilled with it but I know if I ignore it now I’ll get my plates suspended and I don’t need that. My car is my life blood and I left it with him and called the rental place he recommended and they came and picked me up. Better to just get this all taken care of.
The only thing available to rent was a cargo van so I took that as a sign to use it to haul some furniture that I’ve been needing for a while now. There’s a thrift store on Route 132 in Waukegan that is one of the best I’ve ever seen anywhere. I’ve been coast to coast but I have never seen a thrift store that has as consistently good merchandise at this place. They always have decent used furniture so I took the van over there to look for what I needed.
If I’m going to start my business I need a desk. Period. I like a workspace and a place to get organized. I don’t have that now and it’s driving me nuts. I have been wanting to get a desk for a while now and today was the day. They had a nice artist’s table that was easy to move and it was only 20ドル so I took it. There were also a few nice wooden tables to use to organize papers etc. and a solid book shelf too. They also had a nice desk chair as well.
I packed the van full of stuff and it cost me a total of 137ドル. What a deal! I now have the furniture I need to get started in my business. I have a desk and shelves and I also bought a nice chest of drawers mini dresser too. They even matched the tables. This was all well worth the cash and I’m glad I took the van and did it. It made productive use of the day.
By the time I got all this done I didn’t have time to go home and unload the furniture. It would have cut it way too close to show time so I headed downtown to make sure I’d get there in time for the show. The van was a behemoth and I was worried about parking it on the street or even in a valet lot. The snowy weather made it even tougher but what could I do? This was what I was driving and I had no choice. I wanted to at least be there on time.
When I pulled up to the club I noticed there was a lady leaving a meter space at exactly the time I needed her to. It was a space I could fit the huge van into as well and I was just blown away by the perfect timing. Mr. Lucky doesn’t get breaks like that but today Dobie did. Or was it the King of Uranus? I have to learn to keep all these personalities separate.
Lots of running around today. I got a notice from the state saying I needed an emissions check for the Mitsubishi. Why I got it now I don’t know but I did so I took it in to have it checked. I was really surprised when it flunked because that car has been a great runner. It has made me way more than I paid for it at the auction and I have put a lot of miles on it.
I took it to Arkansas and Oklahoma last week and there were no problems and I drove it about ten thousand miles before that without a hitch. I’ve flunked emissions before and the whole process is a scam if you ask me. You can’t tell me that cow farts around here aren’t worse for the environment than my little ’93 Mitsubishi but it won’t do any good to fight.
My friend John Perry who runs WIIL in Kenosha recommended a place not far from me that fixes emissions problems so I took it there. He said he would have to keep it for a day and I wasn’t thrilled with it but I know if I ignore it now I’ll get my plates suspended and I don’t need that. My car is my life blood and I left it with him and called the rental place he recommended and they came and picked me up. Better to just get this all taken care of.
The only thing available to rent was a cargo van so I took that as a sign to use it to haul some furniture that I’ve been needing for a while now. There’s a thrift store on Route 132 in Waukegan that is one of the best I’ve ever seen anywhere. I’ve been coast to coast but I have never seen a thrift store that has as consistently good merchandise at this place. They always have decent used furniture so I took the van over there to look for what I needed.
If I’m going to start my business I need a desk. Period. I like a workspace and a place to get organized. I don’t have that now and it’s driving me nuts. I have been wanting to get a desk for a while now and today was the day. They had a nice artist’s table that was easy to move and it was only 20ドル so I took it. There were also a few nice wooden tables to use to organize papers etc. and a solid book shelf too. They also had a nice desk chair as well.
I packed the van full of stuff and it cost me a total of 137ドル. What a deal! I now have the furniture I need to get started in my business. I have a desk and shelves and I also bought a nice chest of drawers mini dresser too. They even matched the tables. This was all well worth the cash and I’m glad I took the van and did it. It made productive use of the day.
By the time I got all this done I didn’t have time to go home and unload the furniture. It would have cut it way too close to show time so I headed downtown to make sure I’d get there in time for the show. The van was a behemoth and I was worried about parking it on the street or even in a valet lot. The snowy weather made it even tougher but what could I do? This was what I was driving and I had no choice. I wanted to at least be there on time.
When I pulled up to the club I noticed there was a lady leaving a meter space at exactly the time I needed her to. It was a space I could fit the huge van into as well and I was just blown away by the perfect timing. Mr. Lucky doesn’t get breaks like that but today Dobie did. Or was it the King of Uranus? I have to learn to keep all these personalities separate.
A Week At Zanies
Tuesday December 4th, 2007 - Lake Villa, IL
I feel naked without a computer but there isn’t much I can do about it. I will work hard on whatever else I can until I get it back and hopefully I won’t have to be in this situation again in the future but there’s no guarantee of that. Maybe I should have a backup but for now all I can afford is one computer. I’m screwed for a few days and that’s how it will be.
My phone still works so I called Marc Schultz to have lunch. We go about once a week and after last week’s nightmare through Arkansas and Oklahoma I needed a pep talk. He’s a great guy to hang out with because we have so much in common. If we want to drift off and talk about sports or pro wrestling we can or we can talk about the comedy business as well. He’s a booker and although he doesn’t do comedy exclusively I still learn from him.
Marc is very sharp and if I get any kind of a name from being the King of Uranus I want him to handle my bookings. It would be good for him and good for me too. We discussed what it would take to get more high paying gigs and weed myself out of the club dead end I’ve been in for so long. I am able to survive but it’s not a career maker. I need that break.
At least I have someone I trust in place should I ever get my shot at the big money. He’s a legitimate agent and is licensed and registered and ready to go. He’s very honest too and that’s a huge deal with me especially after having been cleaned out by my last partner. This would be good for both of us but it’s not going to be easy. Getting booked with corporate types can be tricky. There is no ‘circuit’ and it is more marketing than talent that is hired.
My hands are going to be very full for 2008. I won’t be able to do the kind of marketing I’d need to to get full time corporate bookings but that’s ok. If I get even a dozen I will be doing great. The main thing I want to work on next year is establishing myself as the King Of Uranus character and getting my website off the ground. That will be my main focus.
This week my focus is doing good shows at Zanies in Chicago. I am there all week from tonight through Sunday and then I’m back again on Monday to host a showcase. Zanies is my home club and they have been great to me but this will be a hectic week in many ways. The 52 mile drive each way is a factor as is the fact that I’m recording the whole weekend.
\
Today it snowed like a beast and weather was an issue both ways. These are the surprise details nobody plans for and it made it even more of a challenge to get there on time. I did it but didn’t have much time to spare. I was white knuckled on the wheel hoping I’d show up on time and that’s never a good feeling. Stress doesn’t improve anyone’s performance.
There was a small audience because of the weather but they were very into what I did. It was a lot of fun for me but the feature act this week could be an issue. His energy on stage is not in sync with mine at all and he hated this audience. That’s a red flag I need to watch.
He’s a younger good looking hip kid and he’s very cocky and pompous on stage. People I attract wouldn’t necessarily like his act and vice versa. He could make it very unpleasant if he gets people that like his style which is totally possible. Yet another delicate situation.
I feel naked without a computer but there isn’t much I can do about it. I will work hard on whatever else I can until I get it back and hopefully I won’t have to be in this situation again in the future but there’s no guarantee of that. Maybe I should have a backup but for now all I can afford is one computer. I’m screwed for a few days and that’s how it will be.
My phone still works so I called Marc Schultz to have lunch. We go about once a week and after last week’s nightmare through Arkansas and Oklahoma I needed a pep talk. He’s a great guy to hang out with because we have so much in common. If we want to drift off and talk about sports or pro wrestling we can or we can talk about the comedy business as well. He’s a booker and although he doesn’t do comedy exclusively I still learn from him.
Marc is very sharp and if I get any kind of a name from being the King of Uranus I want him to handle my bookings. It would be good for him and good for me too. We discussed what it would take to get more high paying gigs and weed myself out of the club dead end I’ve been in for so long. I am able to survive but it’s not a career maker. I need that break.
At least I have someone I trust in place should I ever get my shot at the big money. He’s a legitimate agent and is licensed and registered and ready to go. He’s very honest too and that’s a huge deal with me especially after having been cleaned out by my last partner. This would be good for both of us but it’s not going to be easy. Getting booked with corporate types can be tricky. There is no ‘circuit’ and it is more marketing than talent that is hired.
My hands are going to be very full for 2008. I won’t be able to do the kind of marketing I’d need to to get full time corporate bookings but that’s ok. If I get even a dozen I will be doing great. The main thing I want to work on next year is establishing myself as the King Of Uranus character and getting my website off the ground. That will be my main focus.
This week my focus is doing good shows at Zanies in Chicago. I am there all week from tonight through Sunday and then I’m back again on Monday to host a showcase. Zanies is my home club and they have been great to me but this will be a hectic week in many ways. The 52 mile drive each way is a factor as is the fact that I’m recording the whole weekend.
\
Today it snowed like a beast and weather was an issue both ways. These are the surprise details nobody plans for and it made it even more of a challenge to get there on time. I did it but didn’t have much time to spare. I was white knuckled on the wheel hoping I’d show up on time and that’s never a good feeling. Stress doesn’t improve anyone’s performance.
There was a small audience because of the weather but they were very into what I did. It was a lot of fun for me but the feature act this week could be an issue. His energy on stage is not in sync with mine at all and he hated this audience. That’s a red flag I need to watch.
He’s a younger good looking hip kid and he’s very cocky and pompous on stage. People I attract wouldn’t necessarily like his act and vice versa. He could make it very unpleasant if he gets people that like his style which is totally possible. Yet another delicate situation.
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