Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Not a spirit of contention, but a spirit of love
The other night I was at a High Priest’s social. A number of us were sitting round the table discussing soccer refs. One of the men was telling us about how he had been red carded in some games and proceed to explain to us how he had addressed the referee. His version had him speaking quite calmly and politely. His wife gave another interpretation, adding hand gestures and a rather different vocal inflection. One of the other men said that sounded like his home when he would hear his daughters arguing, having a rambunctious cat fight and he would ask what happened. The reply was that the one sister had very nicely asked the other to put her sweater back in the closet as permission had not been asked to borrow it.
This got me thinking, not about how we often misrepresent our harsh voices in conflict, but about how I don’t recall ever hearing my kids having a fight. I have vague memories of someone throwing a doll over a room divider that resulted in a ruined Magna Doodle board, but other than that the kids were very civil to one another. I know they had disagreements and I’m sure there were hurt feelings at times, but I really don’t recall any of them going after each other.
My guess is, and it is a poor reflection on me, that because I lost my temper so often and they saw how awful that was, that either consciously or subconsciously they decided that was not the way to handle disagreements.
I hope they are able to continue showing respect in their own families, the married kids to their spouses and children, siblings and in-laws, and the two “little ones” to everyone else and their future spouses and children. It takes a great deal of control to keep one’s temper when we are tired, sick or upset, or if we feel taken for granted ,threatened or belittled by another. Even if we have a great deal of love and respect for an individual, it can be difficult to control emotions. It is not good to hold everything in, because then resentment can build and even more harsh and painful words and actions can occur. However, I believe it is possible to address conflicts in reasonable, loving and considerate ways. I am trying hard to do that now.
This got me thinking, not about how we often misrepresent our harsh voices in conflict, but about how I don’t recall ever hearing my kids having a fight. I have vague memories of someone throwing a doll over a room divider that resulted in a ruined Magna Doodle board, but other than that the kids were very civil to one another. I know they had disagreements and I’m sure there were hurt feelings at times, but I really don’t recall any of them going after each other.
My guess is, and it is a poor reflection on me, that because I lost my temper so often and they saw how awful that was, that either consciously or subconsciously they decided that was not the way to handle disagreements.
I hope they are able to continue showing respect in their own families, the married kids to their spouses and children, siblings and in-laws, and the two “little ones” to everyone else and their future spouses and children. It takes a great deal of control to keep one’s temper when we are tired, sick or upset, or if we feel taken for granted ,threatened or belittled by another. Even if we have a great deal of love and respect for an individual, it can be difficult to control emotions. It is not good to hold everything in, because then resentment can build and even more harsh and painful words and actions can occur. However, I believe it is possible to address conflicts in reasonable, loving and considerate ways. I am trying hard to do that now.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)