Withnail & I (1987)

Withnail & I (1987, UK)

In writer/director Bruce Robinson's black comedy and drama, with a script based upon the director's own life in the late 1960s in London; the cult film was filled with endlessly quotable lines and memorable scenes. It told about two unemployed, boozing and drug-fueled, would-be actors struggling and living in a squalid Camden apartment who went on a 'holiday' road trip to the countryside for a weekend stay at the Lake District cottage of Withnail's Uncle Monty (Richard Griffiths). The "I" in the film's title referred to an unnamed character in the film (but known as 'Marwood' in the published screenplay).

There were many mishaps, misadventures and problems that the co-dependent, very unwell, and misanthropic friends encountered (lack of food, non-stop rain and gloom, and the unexpected arrival of the eccentric Uncle Monty). The two were not prepared for the challenges of surviving on their own in a rural setting, plus dealing with Monty's flamboyant gay behavior and attraction for Marwood.

• the film's highly memorable script told about two would-be, down-and-out destitute actors; they were alcoholics and drug users living in Camden Town (a section of London in 1969):
  • Withnail (Richard E. Grant in his film debut), an arrogant and depraved 29 year-old drunkard, and dandy (homosexual)
  • "I" (or Marwood) (Paul McGann), Withnail's younger, neurotically-anxious, and impressionable friend
• as they walked together in the park and sat on a bench, the sickly-looking Withnail complained about his perpetual unemployment, even though he had gone to drama school and was "good-looking": "I tell ya, I've a f--k sight more talent that half the rubbish that gets on television. Why can't I get on television?... Any program I'm likely to get on is the f--kin' news. I tell ya, I can't take much more of this. I'm gonna crack"; back in their apartment, Withnail continued to be upset about their dead-end, wasted lives:
  • "I'm a trained actor reduced to the status of a bum. I mean look at us! Nothing that reasonable members of society demand as their rights! No fridges, no televisions, no phones. Much more of this and I'm gonna apply for meals on wheels"
• as they walked to the nearby local Camden pub, the Mother Black Cap, and planned to get drunk, Withnail described their plan for the day:
  • "Alright, this is the plan. We get in there and get wrecked. Then we'll eat a pork pie, then we'll drop a couple of Surmontil-50s each. It means we'll miss out Monday but come up smiling on Tuesday morning"
• in the pub at the bar, Marwood suggested and encouraged Withnail to call up and ask his rich Uncle Monty (Richard Griffiths) (a lecherous, wealthy, and lonely gay man), if they could stay in his stone cottage in the countryside, to "rejuvenate" and get away from London, Marwood made his way into the men's room when he heard a homophobic, fat Irishman (Daragh O'Malley) bar patron seated near the loo door deliver an unexpected slur toward him: "Ponce!"; while he was at a urinal, in voice-over, Marwood worried:
  • "I could hardly piss straight with fear. Here was a man with three-quarters of an inch of brain had taken a dislike to me. What have I done to offend him? I don't consciously offend big men like this. And this one has a definite imbalance of hormone in him. Get any more masculine than him, you'd have to live up a tree. (Reading graffiti carved into the wall in front of him) 'I f--k arses.' Who f--ks arses? Maybe he f--ks arses. Maybe he's written this in some moment of drunken sincerity? I'm in considerable danger in here. I must get out of here at once"
• in the next sequence as he left the loo, Marwood heard another greater insult: "Perfumed Ponce" (Marwood had earlier cleaned his boots with "essence of petunia"); when directly confronted and physically threatened by the drunken Irishman, Withnail defended Marwood by delivering a witty retort for his friend: "I have a heart condition. If you hit me, it's murder"; the Irishman continued: "I'll murder the pair of yers!"; then, Withnail added tearfully: "My wife is having a baby! Listen, I don't know what my acquaintance did to upset you, but it's nothing to do with me. I suggest you both go outside and discuss it sensibly, in the street" - and then the two fled the pub screaming
• back in their apartment, as Marwood shaved, he described the effects of non-stop rampant drug use (in voice-over):
  • "Speed is like a dozen Transatlantic flights without ever getting off the plane. Time change. You lose, you gain. Makes no difference so long as you keep taking the pills. But sooner or later you gotta get out, because it's crashing. And all at once those frozen hours melt through the nervous system, and seep out the pores"
• they were visited by their drug-dealer friend Danny (Ralph Brown), who rambled on about a variety of topics: ("All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. Hair are your aerials. They pick up signals from the cosmos and transmit them directly into the brain. This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight"); although he was mostly out of drugs, he offered a pill from the detached head of a plastic doll to Withnail: "Trade: Phenodihydrochloride benzelex. Street: The embalmer," but Withnail refused to buy it for two quid, and kicked Danny out
• in the evening, Withnail and Marwood pulled up in a battered and rusted-out 1961 gray Jaguar MK-II and parked in front of Uncle Monty's luxurious house in Chelsea, due to arrangements they had made earlier to have drinks (sherry) with him; the fat, middle-aged, effeminate Monty opened the door, holding a cat in his arms; Marwood immediately sensed that Monty was "a raving homosexual"; Withnail falsely elaborated about how busy he was as an actor: "Rather busy uncle. TV and stuff. My agent's attempting to edge me towards the Royal Shakespeare Company again"; Monty melodramatically mentioned how he was a failed aspiring actor himself: ("I will never play The Dane. When that moment comes, ones ambition ceases"); Withnail also fabricated the idea that Marwood had attended Eton College ("the other place") - a prominent boarding school, although both of them had matriculated at Harrow School in London; before leaving, Withnail had acquired Uncle Monty's cottage key
• the next morning, Withnail and Marwood proceeded to travel to the Lake District cottage, to the tune of Jimi Hendrix's "All Along the Watchtower"; as they drove past schoolgirls, Withnail yelled out: "Scrubbers!" and then noted to himself: "Little tarts they love it" [Note: "Scrubbers" was an insulting slang term meaning "promiscuous"]
• they arrived at "Crow Crag" near the town of Penrith in a heavy rainstorm, and found the rustic, freezing-cold cottage very 'spartan' and almost "uninhabitable" with no fuel or wood; with a pounding headache, Withnail mused: "We'll be found dead in here next spring"; they were completely unprepared to take care of themselves in the cold and wet conditions; to keep warm, they tossed some of his Uncle's smashed furniture into the fire as Marwood noted: "Well, we've got enough furniture for tonight"; Withnail was dismayed: "This is a mistake, I tell you. This is a dreadful mistake"
• they slept in separate bedrooms under heavy coverings on the upstairs level; the next morning, Marwood walked to a neighbor's house and asked to buy some food or fuel, but the unwelcoming, hard-of-hearing elderly woman Mrs. Parkin (Una Brandon-Jones) rudely slammed her door on him; he reacted with surprise (voice-over): "Evidently, country people and no more receptive to strangers than city dwellers"; as Marwood returned to the cottage, he slipped and fell in mud, and moments later, he frustratingly asked Withnail: "How come Monty owns such a horrible little shack?"
• they met up with the woman's kindly son, Mr. Isaac Parkin (Michael Wardle) and again asked to purchase fuel and wood, and some food to eat; Wishnail dug up some potatoes in the garden; Parkin later returned on his tractor with some logs and a chicken; the two were unsure and ambivalent about killing it for supper: ("You've got to throttle them. Withnail, I think you should strangle it instantly in case it starts trying to make friends with us...I can't. Those dreadful, beady eyes! They stare you out!"); Withnail volunteered to strangle the chicken if Marwood would agree to remove its guts

• there were further problems with the only pay-phone booth in the area, but Withnail was finally able to reach his 'pimp' agent back in London; after being informed of a job offer - to be the understudy for Constantine at The Seagull instead of playing the lead role ("This is ridiculous"), Withnail refused the opportunity and asked about TV roles; the call ended abruptly when Withnail insulted his agent with foul language: ("Listen, I pay you ten percent to do that. Well, lick ten percent of the arses for me, then"); as Marwood and Withnail walked back to the cottage and crossed a field, they neglected to completely close a gate, allowing a randy bull to escape from its enclosure and threaten Marwood after the cowardly Withnail jumped over a rock wall to safety; Parkin arrived and advised Marwood to charge at the bull, instead of vice-versa: ("Just run at it, shouting!") - and the bull actually fled
• that evening at the Crow and Crown pub in town, the publican Raymond (Noel Johnson), aka General, appeared drunk as he served Withnail and "I" two Scotch drinks - they were his only customers; Withnail duplicitously told him that they were writers for "Country Life": ("Survey of rural types: farmers, traveling tinkers, milkmen, that sort of thing")
• later at the bar, Withnail and Marwood met a local poacher named Jake (Michael Elphick); he shared a dead pheasant with the bartender, but refused to give them one of his recently-caught eels (stuffed down his pants-leg); Marwood ineffectively tried to bribe him to change his mind with a pack of cigarettes, and the Poacher mentioned how he might bring them a rabbit during the week; but then Withnail offended the Poacher by insisting on being given a pheasant; the rough local claimed he had been watching them - especially Withnail:
  • "I know where you are. You're at Crow Crag. I've been watchin' you. Especially you, prancing like a tit. You want working on, boy."
• in a humorous segment, Withnail was exasperated by a steady supply of vegetables ("I want something's flesh!"); he decided to employ a new way to fish - he took a shotgun with him to a fast-running stream and blasted the fish under the water; upon their return to the cottage, the two caught a glimpse of Jake leaving - and were nervous about why he was prowling around; Marwood was concerned and desired to get back to London as soon as possible; Withnail even suggested that they sleep together in the same room to protect each other, and they ended up cowering together in Marwood's bed; when the shotgun Withnail was wielding went off and blew plaster from the ceiling, Marwood tossed the gun out of the window and retreated to Withnail's bedroom
• later that night, the petrified Withnail claimed he heard noises and joined Marwood in the other room; although they at first thought there was an intruder coming up the stairs, believing it was the farmer or the "killer" Poacher, Uncle Monty was their unexpected visitor; Withnail turned angry: "Monty, you terrible c--t!" as he apologized for not informing them by telegram; Withnail was livid: "What are you doing prowling round in the middle of the f--king night?"; Monty blamed a flat tire for his delay
• the next morning, Monty continued to apologize as he prepared breakfast for everyone; he suggested giving the two money to buy Wellington boots in Penrith to contend with the muddy conditions and for hiking; as Monty began to show Marwood lots of unwanted sexual attention, Marwood became disconcerted and was anxious to leave and return to London by 3 pm; he told Withnail of his concerns: "What's going on What's he doing here? We can't stay - he won't leave me alone"

• they rode into town in Monty's 1953 two-toned (silvery gray and black) Rolls-Royce Silver Wraith, where Monty was embarrassed by them (looking like farm-hands) and dropped them off for half-an-hour; Withnail easily convinced Marwood to use the boot money to visit the local pub instead of a shoe-store; in The King Henry pub, the two ordered quadruple whiskies and a pair of pints
• they emerged drunk and with time to spare, they barged into a Penrith tea-room as Marwood suggested: "Eat some cake. Soak up the booze"; at first, they ignored the elderly waitress (Irene Sutcliffe) who told them the tea-room was closing; Withnail also rudely intimidated the proprietor (Llewellyn Rees) and demanded service: "We want cake and tea," even though they were asked to leave; Withnail kept on insisting:
  • "Cake and fine wine...Balls! We want the finest wines available to humanity. And we want them here, and we want them now!"
• although the two drunks were threatened that the police would be called and summoned to pick them up, Marwood added pompously that they were rich millionaires - in order to avoid paying for food that they had already consumed at their table: "We are multi-millionaires. We shall buy this place and fire you immediately"; Withnail also brashly lied about his own successful acting career:
  • "Yes, we'll buy this place, and we'll install a f--king jukebox in here and liven all you stiffs up a bit!...We'll buy this place and have it knocked down"
• they staggered outside, just as Monty pulled up in the Rolls Royce to pick them up ("Our car has arrived"); later that evening back in the cottage after a roast beef dinner and some drinking, Marwood admitted he felt very "uptight" around Monty, especially with Withnail's goading, and he was worried about the night's sleeping arrangements; after a walk in the countryside, they returned to the cottage and saw that the Poacher had left them a rabbit hanging at their front door and a note: "Here hare here"; before bedtime and settling down, they played poker
• after Withnail drunkenly collapsed in a locked upstairs bedroom, Marwood attempted to escape Monty's attention downstairs when he was asked a telling question: "Are you a sponge or a stone?...Do you like to experience all facets of life, or do you shut yourself off from new experience"; Monty felt that Marwood was uncomfortable around him and deliberately avoided the gaze of his eyes: ("This evening, you barely looked at me")

• in the middle of the night, Monty barged into the 2nd bedroom where Marwood had tried to barricade the door; Marwood was cornered as Monty (wearing makeup and a nightgown) revealed why he persistently had demanded sex from him; he had been led to believe (a previous lie) what was told to him by Withnail that Marwood was a closeted homosexual, who had been arrested in a public toilet in Chelsea for being a "toilet trader"; after Marwood claimed that he wasn't a homosexual and should be left alone, Monty persisted: ("Couldn't we allow ourselves just this one moment of indiscretion?...He need never know...I adore you....I mean to have you even if it must be buggery"); when Monty opened his gown and showed off his nakedness, Marwood used another tactic - he lied, affirming Monty's belief that Withnail was also a closeted gay man, and the added problem that he and Withnail had been committed lovers to each other for six years:
  • "It's not me, it's him! He lied to you. We're in an affair. We have been for years. But he doesn't want you to know, he doesn't want anybody to know. We're both in it. We're obsessed with each other. But he's estranged. He refuses to come out and accept what he is. That's why he's rejecting me while you're here. On my life, Monty, this is the first night we haven't slept together for six years. I can't cheat on him. It would kill him"
• the argument persuaded Monty to apologize and leave the room: ("Oh, my dear boy, if I had known that, I would never have attempted to come between you"); afterwards, Marwood confronted the sleeping Withnail and explained his extreme anger for leading his Uncle on, and for lying to Monty about his character: ("I've just finished fighting a naked man. How dare you tell him I'm a toilet trader!"); Withnail defended himself with a plausible excuse: "A tactical necessity. If I hadn't told him you were active, we'd never have got the cottage.... I never thought he'd come all this way"
• the next morning, the two found that Uncle Monty had departed, and left behind a sad note: ("I do sincerely hope that you will find the happiness which, alas, has always been denied to me"); Marwood demanded retribution: "You will suffer for this. What you have done will have to be paid for"
• Marwood also received a telegram suggesting another possible job offer, prompting both of them to return to London; during the drive back in heavy rain, Marwood was so tired that he switched driving duties with Withnail; as Marwood slept in the back, the drunken Withnail was pulled over by two policemen and arrested for drunk driving, driving without a license, and speeding, accompanied by Jimi Hendrix's "Voodoo Chile"; he also refused a breathilizer test, and in the station attempted to fake his urine test with a device recommended by drug-dealer Danny; after being booked in the police station, once back in their apartment, they discovered Danny in Marwood's bed, with his huge African-American friend Ed (with an Afro) ("a huge spade") reclining in the bathtub
• as the foursome smoked a gigantic cannabis joint that Danny rolled with 12 papers ("It is impossible to roll a Camberwell Carrot with anything less" - it was nicknamed a "Camberwall Carrot" since it resembled a carrot and was invented in Camberwall), Marwood told them how he had accepted an offer of work to take the lead part in a play; Withnail smiled as he congratulated Marwood, but knew that he would be losing his friend
• and then, Marwood freaked out and realized that they had received a notice of eviction from their rodent-infested apartment due to unpaid rent of 235 quid; Marwood packed up to move out and relocate in Manchester; with no time to hang around for a final drink in the apartment (sharing a bottle of vintage wine - 53 Margaux, taken from Monty's stash), Withnail suggested that he join Marwood as he walked to the train station; the two said a teary farewell to each other and parted ways in Regent's Park before going further

• Withnail stood in the drenching rain, clutching an umbrella and drinking from the wine-bottle, as he faced and leaned on a London Zoo enclosure where wolves were caged; he drunkenly quoted from Shakespeare's Hamlet, before turning and walking back home:
  • "I have of late, wherefore I know not, lost all of my mirth. And indeed, it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame here seems to me a sterile promontory. (looking upward) This most excellent canopy, the air, look you, this brave o'er-hanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire. Why, it appeareth nothing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapors. What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason! How infinite in faculties! How like an angel in apprehension, how like a God! The beauty of the world, paragon of animals! And yet to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me: no, nor women neither. Nor women neither."