Romy and Michele's High School Reunion (1997)

Romy and Michele's High School Reunion (1997)

In director David Mirkin's buddy comedy and social satire about two lightweight, superficial vapid LA blondes (played as caricatures) who had very little to brag about, but reinvented themselves to prepare for their 10th year HS reunion as they searched for love and success - a female version of Dumb & Dumber (1994) with a classic 1980s pop soundtrack:

• the film's opening - a long tracking shot from the Pacific Ocean over the beach and into a cramped, fourth-floor walk-up apartment in oceanside Venice, CA - set to the tune of No Doubt's "I'm Just a Girl"
• two long-time friends - both carefree, ditzy LA airheads (Valley girls) lived together: vapid blonde S. Californian Romy White (Mira Sorvino), an LA car dealership cashier, and empty-headed Michele Weinberger (Lisa Kudrow), an unemployed clothing designer
• after the opening credits, the two dim-wits were seen in bed, watching Pretty Woman: "Even though we've watched Pretty Woman like 36 times, I never get tired of making fun of it"; during the shopping sequence, Romy mocked the film and made fun of the snobby Beverly Hills saleslady: "Aw, look, poor thing - they won't let her shop. Yeah - like those salesgirls in Beverly Hills aren't bigger whores than she is"; Michele gasped: "I just get really happy when they finally let her shop"
• as they prepared to go out, Romy described her current diet to lose weight: "I have been trying this new fat-free diet I invented. All I've had to eat for the past six days are Gummi bears, jelly beans, and candy corns" - Michele responded: "God, I wish I had your discipline"; they complimented each other on looking cute: "This is like the cutest we've ever looked" - without feeling conceited ("We're just being honest")
• the scene of the two at a dance night club - both were dressed up inappropriately - Michele (in a turquoise mini-skirt with a fur trimmed wrap) and Romy (in a leopard-patterned mini-dress with a slick red coat); both without boyfriends, they decided to dance together (as usual) (Saturday Night Fever-style) to the beat of La Bouche's "Be My Lover," and "Staying Alive"; Michele suggested that they have sex together to see if they were lesbian, Romy responded: "Just the thought of having sex with another woman creeps me out. But if we're not married by the time we're 30, ask me again"
• at Romy's place of work, a Jaguar dealership where she worked as a cashier, at the payment desk, she met up with a former HS classmate - brash, vulgar and loud-mouthed Heather Mooney (Janeane Garofalo) with black eye-shadow and black clothing, now a successful business-woman (the inventor of Lady Fair quick-burning cigarette paper), who informed Romy of their impending ten-year HS reunion in Arizona, but was personally declining to go: "I'd rather put this out in my ass"; after Romy mentioned she lived with Michele, Heather remembered how Michele was admired by geeky-dorky Sandy Frink (Alan Cumming), who had an unrequited crush on her and always had to cover his embarrassing and obvious erection with his notebook binder; Heather vehemently denied having a "thing" with Sandy: "I did not have a 'thing.' I was very much in love with him. Very much in love, and there's a difference"; she was embittered by her nerdy high school years because of her cruel classmates: "Why don't you tell everyone I said to go f--k themselves for making my teen years a living hell?"

• that evening, Romy and Michele reminisced about their uncomfortable high school years while looking through their Roundup yearbook; there was a brief flashback of Heather sneaking around a HS wall to have a cigarette, where she was teased and tormented by a cowboy (Justin Theroux), who flicked his lit cigarette butts at her; the two spoke of the controversy over having their yearbook picture taken together; they also recalled how they weren't in any clique (the elite A group, the B, or C group of nerdy science geeks) but were basically losers and had nothing to brag about, even after a decade: (Romy: "Well, you know, I'm not sure that we were really in a group. I think maybe we were more like loners"); however, they considered themselves better than other losers; Michele spoke about herself during their teen years: "You know, even though I had to wear that stupid back brace and you were kind of fat, we were still totally cutting edge"

• during a series of short flashbacks, Romy and Michele remembered how they were ostracized most of the time by the A group of students; they were mistreated by popular head cheerleader and stuck-up Christie Masters (Julia Campbell), her jock athletic boyfriend Billy Christianson (Vincent Ventresca), and her friends Kelly (Kristin Bauer) and Lisa (Elaine Hendrix); even so, Romy recalled how she was infatuated with Christie’s boyfriend Billy, but was always rejected; their clothes were judged as hideous: ("They made them in Home Ec from their own patterns"), they recalled that once during lunch break, Christie attached refrigerator magnets to Michele's squeaky back brace (for scoliosis) and took a bite out of the burger Romy was eating
• Romy remembered fondly how she lost weight for the senior prom dance: "I was so lucky getting mono. That was like the best diet ever"; the two attended together, dressed up like Madonna; other outcast classmate attendees included overweight, braces-wearing, over-eager and annoying Toby Walters (Camryn Manheim) and dweeby Sandy Frink; during the dance after being rejected by Sandy, Heather verbally assaulted the Cowboy: "Why are you tormenting me? Why don't you go f--k a sheep, or your sister, or YOURSELF? Braindead redneck asshole!"
• during the long prom flashback, Romy had a dirty trick played upon her (she was led to believe by newly-crowned prom queen Christie that prom king Billy had dumped her, and was interested in her); however, Romy was deceived (Christie and Billy rode off on his motorcycle) and she was left forlornly waiting on the dance-floor - she collapsed to dance in Michele's arms to the tune of Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time"
• the two decided to "blow them away" by attending their 10th reunion, although they had to cross one hurdle - filling out a reunion questionnaire about their lives (as they sat in a laundromat); Romy began to wonder if they really were unimpressive losers: "Now that I'm looking at this, our lives don't seem as impressive as I thought....Well, do you think it's impressive that we're still single, and we've been living together for ten years, and I'm a cashier and you're unemployed?...Well, then, what's the point of going if we're not going to impress people?"; they realized they were lacking "better jobs and boyfriends," and also needed to lose weight with increased exercise in just two weeks
• the sequence of Romy's sexy manipulation of dealership co-worker Ramon (Jacob Vargas), the randy service manager, in order to borrow his expensive XTS Jaguar convertible to arrive in style at the reunion; at first she told him: "I'm not gonna have sex with you just to borrow your stupid car" - but then suggested: "Close the blinds and we'll work something out..."; she pretended that she was having an orgasm and that she admired his penis, while making sexy sounds: "Ohh, Ramon! Ohh, Ramon! Ohh! Oh, yes. Mi Capitan, Mi Amor. You are Columbus, and I am America. Discover me, Ramon! Just discover me.... Explosions! The earth is moving!...Is that an earthquake? No, it's Ramon! Ahh! It's Ramon!"; when he suggested: "Man stallion, fill me with your giant love wand!", Romy responded: "What? No, I'm sorry. I don't think so." Ramon: "Well, say something nice about my penis!" Romy: "Oh, Ramon, your penis is so powerful. I'm coming! Okay, thanks. Get off me now"

• upon returning home with the fancy car, Romy fibbed to Michele: "I had to give everyone in the service department hand jobs" - and when Michele didn't even question it; Romy asked: "Do you actually think I would do something like that? For a car? OK, just get in" - they took off for Tucson to the tune of "Footloose," although the car continued to backfire
• the sequence of Romy and Michele's road trip to attend their Sagebrush High School's 1987 ten-year reunion in Tucson, Arizona, pretending to have sophisticated, educated, entrepreneurial careers; at Crazy Billy's truck-stop enroute, Romy and Michele were dressed in business attire and made a ludicrous request for a to-go lunch special order: "Some sort of businesswoman's special" - the perplexed waitress (Pat Crawford Brown) responded: "We don't have anything like that"; Romy changed the order: "Well, then, why don't you just give us, uhm, two burgers and fries and Diet Cokes 'cause we're in a hurry"; they couldn't answer her question: "What kind of business you in?"
• during the trip, they decided to claim that they invented Post-it Notes together - but then began to argue over the details; Romy wanted to boast that the invention was totally her idea, while Michele had only decided, as a designer, upon the yellow color; the two had a major falling out and disagreement as they stopped the car and confronted each other about their "cuteness-wise": (Michele: "It's, like, common knowledge, Romy. Everybody thinks so. I'm the Mary, and you're the Rhoda" - and Romy's retort: "That's ridiculous. YOU'RE the Rhoda. You're the Jewish one!"); they decided to call off their friendship: Romy: "When we get to Tucson, we're going our own separate ways"
• at the Tucson hotel where the reunion was held, Romy entered in a dark suit to impersonate a successful business-woman [Note: It was later revealed that Romy had entered by herself, and had left a sleeping Michele in the car parked outside.]
• DREAM SEQUENCES (start): in front of Billy Christenson, Romy bragged about her singular invention of Post-Its; at the same time, Michele confronted and criticized a group of four former A-list teen queens, particularly Christie for becoming a 5:00 o'clock TV weather girl; then, Michele qualified her initial statement that she had invented Post-Its by claiming that she had discovered the complicated formula for the "miracle" glue for the Notes: ("Um, I invented Post-Its. Actually, I invented a special kind of glue.... Uhm, well, ordinarily when you make glue, first you need to thermoset your resin and then after it cools, you mix in epoxide, which is really just a fancy-schmancy name for any simple oxygenated adhesive, right? Then I thought maybe, just maybe, you could raise the viscosity by adding a complex glucose derivative during the emulsification process - and it turns out I was right")

• DREAM SEQUENCE: meanwhile, Romy flirted with Billy out in the parked Jaguar, while Michele was accidentally struck by a white Mercedes-Benz stretch limousine, and became reacquainted with Sandy Frink - now "dreamy" (with a new face), attractive and wealthy; she lost her top while kissing him, at the same time that Romy succeeded in catching Billy's romantic attention away from Christie; the newly-competitive Romy and Michele both won the recognition of the "Most Changed for the Better Since High School" - and were congratulated by their new paramours and driven away - separately
• DREAM SEQUENCE: Michele experienced a flash-forward fantasy dream sequence to 70 years later - she was with her very elderly husband Sandy; during a phone-call with Romy on her deathbed (while living with Billy Jr.), the two began to argue in the same fashion as in their younger days (their Mary and Rhoda conversation); Romy's extreme upset induced a fatal heart-attack, and as she died, she flipped Michele the middle finger

• DREAM SEQUENCES (end): [Note: Michele awoke in the parked Jaguar and began swearing at the missing Romy: "Oh, we're really here...Thanks for not waking me up, Romy. God, what a bitch"]
• over-dressed, Romy came up to three A-listers led by Christie, and ineptly bragged about her Post-Its invention, followed by snickering from the group; it was mentioned that Sandy Frink was a billionaire who had made a real fortune for inventing a special tennis shoe rubber; when the know-it-all Heather Mooney unexpectedly arrived, she revealed that Romy had told a lie about inventing Post-Its; Michele came to Romy's defense, and was greeted as "back-brace girl"
• Michele criticized the three A- listers for getting fat: ("What are you picking on us for anyway? We are NOT the ones who got fat"), including Christie, who then stated that they were pregnant: ("We're pregnant, you half-wit")
• Michele and Romy made up with each other and decided to be friends, but then, they were humiliated in front of the entire audience for their false claim; Romy retreated to the rest room with Michele and confessed: "All I ever wanted was for people to think that we were better than we were in high school. And now we're just a stupid joke, just like we always were"
• Michele suggested they just be themselves and have a good time without worrying about others; they quickly changed into their bright-colored, home-made mini-dresses, and strutted back into the reunion between a gauntlet of onlookers - to the tune of Bananarama's "Venus" - the two approached the A-listers and Romy told Christie off: "What the hell is your problem, Christie? Why are you always such a nasty bitch? Do you get some kind of sick pleasure |from torturing other people? I mean, yeah, okay, so Michele and I did make up some lame story! We only did it because we wanted you to treat us like human beings. But you know what I finally realized? I don't care if you like us 'cause we don't like you. You're a bad person with an ugly heart - and we don't give a flying f--k what you think!"
• when Christie criticized their outfits as "hideous," ex-A-Group member Lisa Luder (Elaine Hendrix) - a successful VOGUE fashion editor, declared that she actually really liked their outfits: ("They've got nice lines. A fun, frisky use of color. All and all, I'd have to say they're really - NOT BAD!")
• with great fanfare - to the tune of Robert Palmer's "Bad Case of Loving You," Sandy Frink arrived at the reunion in his own private helicopter (not in a limousine as in Michele's dream); he immediately pursued Michele (telling her: "You still take my breath away"); he non-chalantly mentioned all the benefits of being successful and rich: "If, to you, success means having a house in Aspen, one in Acapulco, a penthouse in New York, a mansion in Malibu, a 60-foot yacht, an eight-seat Windstar, a Bell Jet Ranger, a Bentley, a personal trainer, a full-time chef, a live-in masseuse and a staff of 24, then, yeah, I guess I am successful"; and then he dropped a bombshell: "But no matter how much I accumulate, there's still one thing I just don't have.... I don't have you, Michele. Will you dance with me?"
• during Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time," Sandy, Michele (with Romy) took to the dance floor for a very creative, well-choreographed number while all the other attendees watched the performance
• in the hallway, the Cowboy (his real name was Clarence) held out a cigarette lighter for Heather and apologized for all of his past behavior: "You were right, I was a brain dead, redneck asshole. Though I never screwed a sheep or my sister"; Heather quipped back: "Why not, couldn't catch 'em?"; he admitted he was a jerk in high school - and that he had a speech impediment problem (stuttering) and spoke to very few people
• meanwhile, Romy sought revenge against Billy (who revealed himself as an overweight, promiscuous father and alcoholic, who was unhappily married to Christie, and in a dead-end job as a drywall installer); when he suggested they get a hotel room for sex, she promised to meet him there - but then planned to leave him stranded and waiting; she gleefully told Michele that she had finally settled the score: ("Now he's gonna see what it feels like to wait")
• as Michele kissed Sandy, she quipped: "I'm so glad you didn't bring your big notebook with you"; she and Romy lifted off in Sandy's helicopter to return to Los Angeles in style, while they were observed by the entire high-school reunion class - to the tune of Belinda Carlisle's "Heaven is a Place on Earth"; the wind from the chopper lifted Christie's dress (to reveal her pregnant belly) as she piteously called out for her husband Billy; from above, Romy and Michele noticed Heather and the Cowboy making out in the darkness of the perimeter of the hotel

• in the film's epilogue six months later, Romy and Michele used money loaned to them by Sandy and had opened their own fashion boutique (in their names) in LA, where their friend Heather was shopping and trying on a white floral dress different from her all-black outfits, although she thought: "This dress exacerbates the genetic betrayal that is my legacy"; while talking about helping Heather to explore other fashion options, Michele mused: "For me, though, it's like I've given birth to my own baby girl, you know, only she's like a big giant girl who smokes and says 's--t' a lot. You know?"
• the last exchange between Romy and Michele was typical of their empty-headedness:
  - "You know what, Michele?"
  - "Huh?"
  - "I think you are, like, the funnest person I know."
  - "Me too. With you."