Transcripts/The Parent Map

[knocking on door]

Mail Pony: [sighs]

[knocking on door]

[pounding on door]

[door opens]

Mail Pony: [clears throat] Morning, Sunburst.

Sunburst: What? Oh! Hi! [chuckles nervously] You know, no matter how many times I read it, Houyhnhnm's Guide to Magical Arcana never gets boring.

Mail Pony: If you say so. I've got another letter for you. From Sire's Hollow.

Sunburst: Mm-hmm. Sure thing.

[door closes]

Mail Pony: [groans]

[thud]

[shimmering sounds]

Sunburst: What's this? Could I be experiencing the cerebration transmogrification effect described in chapter seventeen—?

[thud]

Sunburst: Oh. My cutie mark is glowing. My cutie mark is glowing! I know what this means! Why am I yelling?!

[theme song]

Sunburst: Princess Twilight, what an honor this is! I-I mean, it is, right? I'm called for a friendship mission?

Twilight Sparkle: You sure are. And it must be a special one. Nopony outside of Ponyville has ever been called before.

Spike: If you need some pointers, let me know. I've been on my fair share of missions.

Twilight Sparkle: You've been on one, Spike.

Spike: And that's my fair share.

[door opens]

Sunburst: Starlight! You mean we've both been called? This is great!

Starlight Glimmer: [depressed] Yeah... Great...

Sunburst: Aren't you excited? You and me on a mission together!

Starlight Glimmer: [groans]

Sunburst: I'm... sorry. Are you not excited to go on a mission with me?

Starlight Glimmer: No. Uh, no! I mean, yes. Heh. Totally excited about us going together. Just... not so excited about where.

Sunburst: Sire's Hollow?

Starlight Glimmer: Yep. Home.

Sunburst: [deflated] Oh. Great.

Spike: You know, I can go if you two don't want to. I am kind of an expert.

Twilight Sparkle, Starlight Glimmer, and Sunburst: [groans]

[train chugging]

[indistinct conversations]

Starlight Glimmer: [sighs] It's not that I don't want to go home. It's just that whenever I do, my dad treats me like a filly. Like nothing's changed since I was a foal.

Sunburst: Huh.

Starlight Glimmer: I know. I'm a horrible daughter.

Sunburst: N-No, no! My mom actually does kind of the same thing.

Starlight Glimmer: Really?

Sunburst: I don't even have to go home. She sends me letters constantly asking about my plans for the future. [imitating Stellar Flare] "You're a grown-up pony, Sunburst! You need a plan!" [sighs] I haven't been home in a while either.

Starlight Glimmer: Hmph. We'll just have to explain to our parents that we're on an important friendship mission so they can't bother us.

Sunburst: Do you really think that will work?

Starlight Glimmer: Nope!

[brakes hissing]

[train whistle]

[train chugging]

Sunburst: [sniffs, sighs] The great thing about home is it always stays just how you le—

[thud]

Sunburst: Augh!

Starlight Glimmer: Where did that come from?

[gate creaking]

Automated voice: Welcome to Sire's Hollow!

"Ever Essence": Essence?

Sunburst: Essence of what?

"Ever Essence": You tell me.

[spritz]

Sunburst: [coughing]

Starlight Glimmer: What is it?

Sunburst: Uh... chocolate maybe?

"Ever Essence": Not chocolate maybe. Chocolate definitely! And all of the benefits with none of the drawbacks.

Sunburst: Didn't this used to be a fruit stand?

"Ever Essence": I don't know what it used to be. The Sire's Hollow Development Committee determined what it is.

Sunburst: The Sire's Hollow Development what? Where do ponies buy fruit?

"Ever Essence": You can get a fruit smoothie two doors down.

Sunburst: All the shops are different. Everything's changed!

Starlight Glimmer: Not everything. That's the same as it ever was.

[door opens]

"Raspberry Latte": Sorry. Our bookstore's been declared a site of historical significance by the Sire's Hollow Preservation Society.

"Minty Mocha": You'll have to experience the books from here. That's why windows are see-through.

[door slams]

Sunburst: What?!

Starlight Glimmer: Preservation Society? What is happening around here?

Firelight: I'll explain it to you, sugarplum! [chuckles] You are just as cutesy-wutesy as ever!

Starlight Glimmer: [muffled] Dad! [normally] Quit it! What is going on?

Firelight: Oh, just a father wanting to preserve our town's rich history for his little pumpky-wumpkin! [chuckles]

Starlight Glimmer: Dad, you promised no "pumpky-wumpkin"'s in public!

Sunburst: [stifled laughter]

Firelight: [whispering] Sorry, chipmunk cheeks.

[smack!]

Starlight Glimmer: Don't. You're preserving the whole town? That's crazy!

Stellar Flare: That's exactly what I told him! I said, "Firelight, you're crazy!"

Sunburst: Mom?

Stellar Flare: Our village needs the same thing you do, Sunburst – a clear plan for the future.

[snip!]

Stellar Flare: That's why I started the Sire's Hollow Development Committee. And I've got plans for this little town. Big plans!

Firelight: Listen here, Stellar Flare! I'm not gonna let you turn our historical heritage into Las Pegasus!

Stellar Flare: And I'm not gonna let you turn it into a museum!

Firelight and Stellar Flare: [growling]

Starlight Glimmer: W-Wait. Are you two fighting over this?

Sunburst: Like having a friendship problem?

Stellar Flare: Oh, there's no problem.

Firelight: Because there is no friendship!

Sunburst: Well, the good news is we know why we're here.

Starlight Glimmer: [huffs]

Sunburst: [sighs] Maybe we should've sent Spike after all.

Starlight Glimmer: [sighs]

[magic sounds]

Starlight Glimmer: Sunburst and I were called here to do a job, and it looks like you two are it.

Stellar Flare: You mean your success depends on us?

Sunburst: Uh...

Firelight: And you have to hang out with us the whole time you're here?!

Starlight Glimmer: Um...

Stellar Flare: Well, I'll hear what you have to say. But every plan I've made for this town is perfectly reasonable.

Firelight: Good luck convincing me my preservation efforts don't make sense.

Starlight Glimmer and Sunburst: [sighs]

[gate creaking]

Automated voice: Welcome to Sire's Hollow!

Starlight Glimmer: So we can't hold the books?

"Raspberry Latte": [laughing] No!

Sunburst: Can you hold the books?

"Minty Mocha": No.

Starlight Glimmer: So nopony can read the books?

Firelight: [chuckles] Isn't she adorable? [chuckles]

[gate clanking]

Automated voice: Welcome to Sire's Hollow!

"Ever Essence": You can call them... mm... "smells". But I call them essence!

[spritz]

Sunburst: [coughing]

Starlight Glimmer: [sniffs] Fruity.

Sunburst: Too bad there's nowhere to get actual fruit.

Stellar Flare: In the future, all ponies will drink their fruit!

Starlight Glimmer and Sunburst: [slurping]

Starlight Glimmer: [coughing]

[thud]

"Cracked Wheat": One hundred percent ancient pony grains! Just like the town founders ate! Hope you like crust!

[crunch, thud]

[gate creaking]

Automated voice: Welcome to Sire's Hollow!

[gate creaking]

Automated voice: Welcome to Sire's Hollow!

[gate creaking]

Automated voice: Welcome to Sire's Hollow!

[gate creaking]

Automated voice: Welcome to Sire's Hollow!

[gate creaking]

Automated voice: Welcome to Sire's—!

Stellar Flare: Okay, it's annoying. I get it.

Firelight: Maybe my preservation efforts were a little over the top.

[crash!]

"Cracked Wheat": [groans] Oh, no.

Stellar Flare: And I might have been trying to turn the town into a shopping mall.

Firelight: Well, whatever direction the town takes from now on, how about we work together on it?

Stellar Flare: Deal! Sunburst, you should move closer to Ponyville. After this success, I'm sure the Princess of Friendship will want to send you on more missions.

[smack!]

Sunburst: That's not really how it works. Oh, look at the time! We should get going now that we solved the friendship problem, right, Starlight?

Starlight Glimmer: Yeah... The thing is, I don't think we did solve it. When we solve a friendship problem, our cutie marks are supposed to glow.

Firelight: Aw, don't be disappointed, puddin'. Your papa will work this out for ya.

Starlight Glimmer: Heh. My papa wasn't called by the map in Twilight's castle. I was.

Stellar Flare: How are you gonna explain this to the princess? What's your plan if she fires you from friendship quests?

Sunburst: Mom! She doesn't—! It-It's not—!

Stellar Flare: Use your words, Sunburst.

Sunburst: [angry groan]

Starlight Glimmer: I guess you two weren't the problem we were sent to solve after all.

Stellar Flare: So now you don't even know why you're here? Ah! We have to figure this out before we run out of time!

Sunburst: [sighs] Mom, there isn't a time limit.

Firelight: So you're here for an extra long visit? [laughs] You can stay in your old room, punkie wunk! It's just like you left it!

[guitar riff]

Starlight Glimmer: [whispering] We need to find this friendship problem now!

Firelight: Now, I know you have your little job to do, but Stellar and I know the town a lot better than you two.

Stellar Flare: That's right! Neither of you have been home in ages. You're gonna need our help to succeed!

Starlight Glimmer: I guess that makes sense...

Firelight and Stellar Flare: [chuckling]

Stellar Flare: I already have some ideas!

Firelight: Me, too!

Sunburst: I think I liked it better when they were fighting.

[chalk tapping]

Firelight: Okay! Now that I've explained how Sire's Hollow was founded, we can start to explore all the possible friendship problems that might have developed over time.

Starlight Glimmer: [inhales] I appreciate the history lesson, Dad, but I need to find the problem now. In the present.

Firelight: Aw, now, hon-bun. How are you gonna do that without all the backstory, huh? Oh! Of course I know how hard it is for you to sit still and focus, soooo... would it help you pay attention to hold on to your bwankie?

Starlight Glimmer: [growling]

Stellar Flare: Now, you've had a little setback. But don't worry. I know exactly what you need to do.

Sunburst: Make a plan?

Stellar Flare: Already got one! Step one – interview the suspects. Step two – use your talents to solve the issue. Step three – get the Princess of Friendship to send you on more missions!

Sunburst: Mom! It does not work like that!

Stellar Flare: Uh-huh.

[beat]

Stellar Flare: [clears throat]

"Ever Essence": [poorly acted] Oh! Thank goodness you are here! These two ponies refuse to use my essences.

"Raspberry Latte": Maybe because we don't like to cover our natural scent!

Stellar Flare: [clears throat irritably]

"Ever Essence": Ugh.

"Raspberry Latte": Ugh.

"Minty Mocha": [sighs] [poorly acted] And she refuses to buy our books.

"Ever Essence", "Raspberry Latte", and "Minty Mocha": [poorly acted] Surely this is a friendship problem.

Sunburst: Ugh! It needs to be a real friendship problem! You can't just make one up! [angry groan]

Stellar Flare: This is what happens when we don't rehearse! Ugh!

Firelight: Starlight? Sweetie? I found a really old town bylaw that nopony agrees on. Apparently, we're not supposed to prance or canter after dinnertime. Could that be the problem? Silly-filly?

Starlight Glimmer: Whew! What are you doing?

Sunburst: [sighs] Hiding from my mother. She started making up friendship problems for me to solve.

Starlight Glimmer: [scoffs] My dad won't even let me talk to anypony in case they're "strangers". I'm a grown mare!

Sunburst: [sighs] We're never going to find the friendship problem with them around, let alone solve it.

"Cracked Wheat": Maybe you two should start looking for it on your own? [crunching]

[lamp clicks]

Starlight Glimmer: [whispering] Okay! So we wanted to talk to all of you, you know, in private.

Sunburst: [whispering] Just to see if there were issues any of you had with your friends.

"Ever Essence": [whispering] Got it. Just one question. Why are we whispering?

"Cracked Wheat": They're avoiding their parents.

"Ever Essence", "Raspberry Latte", and "Minty Mocha": Ohhhh... [various agreement]

Sunburst: No. Not avoiding. Just... taking a break.

Starlight Glimmer: Yeah. We needed to focus. B-But we're definitely not avoiding them.

"Raspberry Latte": So you're whispering with all of us in the darkest corner of the shop where nopony can possibly see because you're not avoiding them?

Starlight Glimmer: Mm-hmm.

Sunburst: Uh, but they definitely can't hear us in here, right?

"Cracked Wheat": No way! This is the antiquities section. Nopony ever comes back here.

Firelight: There you are! But what are you doing in here? [gasps] Is the friendship problem in my favorite section of the bookstore?

Starlight Glimmer and Sunburst: [groans]

Firelight: ...And then, I thought the best way to look for a friendship problem in the present...

Starlight Glimmer: Dad!

Firelight: ...was to look back in our town history even farther!

Starlight Glimmer: [angry groan]

Stellar Flare: Sunburst! Oh, finally! Now, I know you don't want me to make up a problem, but what if I start one?

Sunburst: That's not how this—!

Stellar Flare: I mean, nopony ever became a success by following all the rules, right?

Sunburst: [nickers angrily]

Stellar Flare: [to Firelight] How are things on your end?

Firelight: Couldn't be better! New leads and such!

Starlight Glimmer: Guys...?

Stellar Flare: We really are providing excellent assistance, aren't we?

Sunburst: Guys!

Firelight: I dare say our children should be grateful for our help.

Starlight Glimmer: Guys!

Starlight Glimmer and Sunburst: We don't want your help!

Stellar Flare: I'm sorry. You don't want our help?

Firelight: [chuckles] That's... That's ridiculous! What reason could you possibly have for that?

Starlight Glimmer: Because you're driving us crazy!

Stellar Flare: Oh, really? And just how am I driving you crazy?

Sunburst: By always coming up with plans! I don't need a plan! I mean, maybe I do, but it'll be mine, not yours!

Stellar Flare: [choking up] Well... I'm sorry for trying to help! [crying]

Starlight Glimmer: And you're not any better! I'm not a filly! I'm a grown pony with a job to do, and I'll do it on my own!

Firelight: Well. I'll let you get to it then.

Starlight Glimmer: Great. Now we have to smooth things over with our parents on top of finding and solving a friendship problem.

Sunburst: It's almost like our relationship with our parents is the friendship problem.

Starlight Glimmer: You don't think that's it, do you?

"Cracked Wheat": [clears throat] That's what all of us think.

Starlight Glimmer: [groans, collapses] Why couldn't we have been sent to stop a war or something?!

Starlight Glimmer: Dad?

Firelight: Hello, Ms. Glimmer. How is your friendship problem search going? I only ask as an interested observer, since I know you are an adult who's capable of doing things without help from anypony else. [whimpers]

Starlight Glimmer: Actually... I think Sunburst and I figured out what it is.

Firelight: So Stellar and I weren't really helpful after all.

Starlight Glimmer: Well, we haven't actually solved it. And I don't think we can. Not without you.

Stellar Flare: [sniffs]

[spritz]

Stellar Flare: [coughing] Pungent. Ugh. [to Sunburst] Oh. Did you come by to be driven crazy by more of your mother's plans?

Sunburst: No, I came to apologize.

Stellar Flare: Well, it's going to take more than an apology to make up for telling me you don't want my help finding your friendship problem.

Sunburst: Oh, I'm not sorry for that. Starlight and I already figured out what the problem is.

Stellar Flare: This is a terrible apology.

Sunburst: Well, if you come with me and help fix it, I'll give you a better one.

Starlight Glimmer: Usually, Twilight or one of our other friends gets called to a place with a friendship problem to fix.

Sunburst: But Starlight and I realized we came here to fix a friendship problem we already had.

Starlight Glimmer: I'm sorry I've been avoiding coming home, Dad. But you can't keep treating me like a foal.

Firelight: I'm sorry, sugarbun. [sighs] I just know how hard things were for you when you left home. I guess I wanted you to feel safe, like... when you were young.

Starlight Glimmer: Dad, I know I've made some mistakes, and I'll probably make a bunch more. But I learn from them. I think that's what growing up is.

Sunburst: I'm sorry I never told you how much your plans bothered me, and I know you just want me to succeed. But I need to do that on my own.

Stellar Flare: I remember how lost you were when you flunked out of magic school. I thought as long as you had a plan, you'd never feel that way again.

Sunburst: You don't have to worry, Mom. I need to find my own way. And I definitely don't feel lost anymore.

[shimmering sounds]

"Cracked Wheat": [crying] That's so beautiful!

Stellar Flare: The glowing cutie mark is such a symbol of accomplishment. I don't suppose there's a way for you to get it to glow all the time.

Sunburst: [chuckles] Pretty sure it doesn't work that way.

Starlight Glimmer: Not unless we solved a friendship problem every few seconds, and I kinda hope this one will be it for a while.

Firelight: You know, it seems to me your map is saying we're not just your parents. Heh. We're your friends, too.

Starlight Glimmer: I guess so.

Firelight: So if I promise to treat you less like a little filly and more like a friend, will you visit more?

Starlight Glimmer: Absolutely. Mmm.

Sunburst: And if you start to drive me crazy again, I'll tell you instead of never coming home.

Stellar Flare: That's lovely of you to say, dear. But you know, I can always visit you.

Firelight: Stellar, you're a genius! [laughs] How do you feel about a road trip?

Stellar Flare: I might have a few plans for that.

Starlight Glimmer and Sunburst: [chuckling nervously]

[train chugging]

[credits]