User:Orangutang94/Article itinerary

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Not gonna be that annoying asshole who turns their entire profile into a list of articles, so here's where I'll keep track of stuff (hopefully no one else claims this page as their profile. 'Cause then we're gonna have a problem and an asskicking...):

In progress[edit | edit source ]

  • Cam Newton (do it in Cam text). Example: Cāጡ NҼWȶѺŊ ĪS ā ᵭUᵭҼ.
    • On second thought the page is now so tedious. Rework as "HowTo:Be a VEGAN football player! Starring Cam Newton"
  • Joe Buck (do it in his boring, boring voice with the occasional terrible call. Similar to John Madden)
  • Hot potato. Make it a decent page, maybe include an in-reference to Uncyclopedia itself being a hot potato
  • Señor Chang or Ken Jeong. Ha! Gaeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!
  • Gus Johnson, the anti-Joe Buck. Make it have a lot of screaming and head a-splodes.

UnNews articles[edit | edit source ]

  • Philly wins Superbowl aftermath story
  • Tulsi Gabbard parody of The Matrix. Red pill, get it?

Think about creating[edit | edit source ]

National Hand-egg leeg-ah [edit | edit source ]

  • Ryan Fitzpatrick. A charming, bearded conman who does just well enough to convince teams to give him a massive contract extension, the gets hurt or fizzles out. Rinse and repeat. He's swindled 9 teams throughout his illustrious crime career.
  • Jerry Jones
  • Kyler Murray (redirect to Oompa Loompa or short jokes)
  • Russell Wilson (more short jokes? Though his "Mr. Unlimited" comments and interception are kinda wacky. Turns out he's actually a weirdo)
  • Derrick Henry (Attack on Titan style)
  • Marshawn Lynch (Beast mode. Have it be an interview in which he gets asked ridiculous questions and all he says is "Yeah", or "I'm just here so I don't get fined". Until he gets Skittles or weed, then he acts all good in da hood and West Coast)
  • Kansas City Chiefs (Logo a parody of KFC, what else?)
  • UnNews article on Brian Flores?
  • Better version of Tim Tebow article. Take what's in the spoon, but make it better and worthy of this fork.
  • New York Giants or Eli Manning page. Make it about the derp
  • Raiders?
  • L.A. Chargers. Ideas: Chargering, Philip Rivers' derpy face as their logo
  • Pittsburgh Steelers. Do it in tone of UrinatingTree's "Yinzer" persona. And do a better job this time around so it doesn't get huffed like last time. Use Yinzerese
  • Follow-up to Deshaun Watson/Cleveland Browns article with Browns having second thoughts on Watson and begging for Baker Mayfield to play, but getting rejected. Redirect Mayfield to here.
  • Cris Collinsworth. Now here's a guy who failed all the way up from a terrible, horny football player to become the most hated announcer in the NFL!
    • White receiver on the Bungles who somehow got to two Super Bowls
  • Miami Dolphins: Ideas: fukka yuuuuu Dolpheeeeen! Also Dan Marino, coke/drugs, only fans are contrarians in Buffalo, NJ, and NE, as well as bandwagoners in Florida.
  • Tennessee Titans: Attack on Titan, American legends style. Also, "Titan Up" becomes "Tits Up"
  • Sam Darnold: AKA the GEQBUS. Use r/The_Darnold as your influence. Also his hilariously bad luck with illness and seeing ghosts in New Jersey
  • Will Levis, who might become another obscure quarterback, but he's had enough meme-worthy moments to warrant an article here
  • Nathan Peterman on that note, Peterman gets one too.
  • Kadarius Toney same with Kadarius Toney

Bouncy Ball league [edit | edit source ]

Geography[edit | edit source ]

  • Rochester, New York: Garbage plates, Lovely Warren, Buffalo Jr, RIT, Kodak.
  • Syracuse, New York: logo is a derpy "S", currency is Byrne Dairy, "Salty City"
  • Interstate 90: should definitely cover the Mass Pike, home of all the Massholes, and the NY Thruway and being buried under snow half the year. And being really long.

Politics[edit | edit source ]

  • DEI, "Diversity, Inclusion, and Equity". But it really means "Didn't Earn It", "Don't Exclude the Incompetent", or "Dumbasses Elevating Idiots". When DEI causes fatal accidents, it can be rearranged as DIE.

DCEU/DCU and MCU stuff[edit | edit source ]

  • Snyder Cut... ehh, having a section on the main DCEU page should be enough, or an UnReview of it?
  • "Badass" Aquaman/Jason Momoa combo. Other roles include:
  • Henry Cavill. Have the page encompass all his role such as:
    • DCEU Superman
    • Warhammer
    • The Witcher
    • Mustache guy from Mission Impossible (it's all your fault we got mustache Superman, Paramount!)
    • Those British spy comedies
  • Hailee Steinfeld. Reference being the unknown voice of several characters like Vi and Spider-Gwen. And she's also in True Grit. And dating Josh Allen. She was also Taylor Swift's friend at one point?? And a part time singer

Celebzz[edit | edit source ]

Singers/Rappers[edit | edit source ]

  • Lizzo. She's not fat, you're just meanie fat shamers. Also plays a dildo
  • Morgan Wallen
    • Country singer who sings like he raps
    • Pretty much the Chris Brown of country, except with no woman beating, only being a rowdy idiot
  • Cardi B- Oh god, where do I start.. parody of wokeism?
  • Doja Cat- don't really know too much about her, now that I think about it
  • Migos
  • Jelly Roll
  • Lainey Wilson- Bell bottoms, being a relevant country singer in the 2020s, what else?
  • XXXTentacion
  • Post Malone

Politicians [edit | edit source ]

Podcasters[edit | edit source ]

Star Wars[edit | edit source ]

  • Mandalorian
  • Baby Yoda
  • Rey
  • Find a better way to write an actually funny article on Ahsoka Tano. You can do better than what the spoon has on her
  • Gotta find some way to properly satire The Last Jedi... Saruman: So you have chosen... death!

Other entertainment[edit | edit source ]

  • Zack Snyder
  • The Boys
    • May need an article for Homelander (done), then one for the Boys TV Show
      • The Boys (the group of characters)
      • Butcher
        • "Oy, tryn'a see me take a wank, ya cunt?" (whole page is in his "British" accent)
        • Diabolical lil cunt who wants to see the world burn
        • Kill all supes
  • UnReview of Rebel Moon
  • Dune Movies
  • Halo TV show/Master Cheeks
    • Another idea: "UnReviews: Angry German Kid reviews the Halo TV series"
  • Fallout series
  • Something about Invincible (superhero franchise), complete with characters (Mark/Invincible, Debbie, Nolan/Omni-Man being an evil ripoff of Superman, Atom-Eve, etc), comics, TV show, the memes
  • BoJack Horseman. Really, nothing on this?

Film studios[edit | edit source ]

  • Sony Pictures (do we need a catch all or disambiguation page?)
    • Columbia Pictures
      • Adam Sandler as the mascot lol. Or that can be the secondary logo.
      • Be somewhat accurate regarding studio history, but with a comedic twist, and have Dot Warner be involved. Maybe touch on Harry Cohn being a massive dick (pun intended) and pretty much being Harvey Weinstein before Harvey Weinstein
      • Hit or miss "All American" studio bought by a soda company, then sold of to the pride of Japan
      • Filmography: Raunchy 1920s slapstick movies, 3 stooges, soap operas for dayz, Ghostbusters, crappy rom coms, Gigli, Spider-Man, Adam Sandler, Nicolas Cage, Will Smith, being completely clueless with superhero movies and needing Marvel's help
      • The torch lady was originally supposed to be a big part of this article, but I think making a standalone article of Lady Columbia as the US personification would work better, including getting dumped by Uncle Sam for Lady Liberty, then getting a part-time job as the film studio's mascot to support herself.
    • Screen Gems
      • AKA Scream Gems
        • kid's cartoons with that horrifying S from Hell logo
        • Cheap movies and horror movies
    • TriStar Pictures - anything, really? Can't think of much aside from the Pegasus being Lady C's pet
      • Probably a thing that was better in the 90s as they actually made movies back then
    • Sony Pictures Animation
  • MGM
    • ehh, what ideas do I have with this particular studio... the Lion, Wizard of Oz, James Bond
    • Sony bought them lol
    • Amazon bought them lol
  • A24
  • Netflix
  • Universal/NBC Comcast

Streaming services (seriously, nothing on these yet?)[edit | edit source ]

Other[edit | edit source ]

  • Squid Game
  • Florida Man
  • Cybersecurity
  • Planet Fitness
  • Lady Columbia
    • Originally planned as part of the Columbia Pictures/Sony Pictures article, but this would work better as a standalone article about the personified Columbia to also mention the character's history as America's female personification
      • Uncle Sam's ex-wife, who took this gig after he divorced her and fired her as America's female personification. Parody of Hollywood culture's old bias against women, having her be a has-been relegated to being a model (and as a slap to her face, have to pose like Uncle Sam's new wife).
      • In her spare time, she's your typical tough-as-nails country gal: rides her pet Pegasus named TriStar, owns a bar, smokes, slays zombies with her torch, and is a rifle fanatic living down South, all while collecting royalties from the studio using her likeness as their logo. And she almost got into a relationship with Japan's prime minister until Uncle Sam flipped out, apologized, and made a deal with her.
      • Despite bad blood with Uncle Sam, he still got her out of a sticky situation with Kim Jong Un and with Lady Liberty literally being a statue, Uncle Sam and Lady C still get it on sometimes.
  • Crazy Horse and that giant mountain carving of him in South Dakota "purportedly" under construction

Articles to fix. Like, seriously[edit | edit source ]

  • 20th Century Fox (done)
  • Marvel Cinematic Universe. Add pictures (done)
  • Add any articles to Uncyclopedia Marshals Service
  • Update Chris Brown.
    • Keep current article which bashes him, but update for his later work and life and make it into the POV of a jealous male incel. Ie. "How is he still making music and getting chick's? he's A wAhMaN bEaTeRRrr! REEEEEEE" (done, but double-check)
    • Make a black/BET version of the article that COMPLETELY glosses over the Rihanna incident and his issues, even excusing them

Userfied articles[edit | edit source ]

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