AssaultCube

Assault Cube

Overview

AssaultCube is a FPS (First Person Shooter) based on the cube engine. The main focus is online play but there is a single player mode which noobs use to "train". This has no effect at all, and they are raped in online play.

The game is available for download on Windows, Mac OS X and Linux. The main reason being that no one in the world (not even the Brazilians), will pay for it.

History

AssaultCube was started in July 2004 by a few members of the Cube community. The first official release was in November 2006. The plan was to create an entirely new game incorporating Cube's simplicity and movement style in a more realistic environment.

As of May 6, 2007, ActionCube has been renamed to AssaultCube due to a civil lawsuit about false advertising as the game does not pack ANY action what-so-ever. The OMG, Ponies mode was also included for children aged 3-5 years old and nerds who still live with their mothers. I’m talking to you <insert name here>!

Despite its slapstick graphics and inconsistent gameplay, AssaultCube maintains a consistent player base of tens of players, with over 3 user-run servers online at any given time. AssaultCube also has several gaming clans, some of which participate in unorganized tournaments that are often deserted before the end of the first round, because the blood effects scare them so they play OMG, Ponies mode in single player and get owned by bots. The game's constant popularity is due to its drug-laced gameplay and the easy ability to put boobs on your player model. That’s right lesbians you can play too!

Although it is based on the Cube engine, AssaultCube's engine has been highly improved and this causes the developers to be constantly on the run from triad members who want to pop a cap in their ass and Michael Jackson who wants to put something completely different in their ass. Remember the Developers are 12 year old little boys who think World of Warcraft jokes can ACTUALLY used as pick up lines. NO, the Horde isn’t after your baby and YES, you’re a noob.

Gameplay

AssaultCube was designed to be more realistic and team-oriented than Cube while keeping Cube's distinctive fast-paced gameplay. In comparison to other games, AssaultCube is slower than Quake but faster than Counter-Strike. There are two teams in AssaultCube, Consecutive Losers Association (CLA) and Retarded Vengeance Sweat Force (RVSF).

AssaultCube retains a movement bug from the original Cube engine that allows players to utilize strafe running to move at a faster speed. Alternatively to this you can just hold Alt and then press F4 to hack the game. This was left intentionally unfixed by the developers because it was considered an enjoyable feature of Cube, similar to camping in Quake.

Another rather unrealistic feature of the game is the potential for using the recoil of the weapons (which pushes one backwards) to reach and perform moves that were previously impossible. Its like a really bad version of the Matrix. This was also included intentionally, allowing players to achieve faster movement and jump higher. This feature was inherited from Cube, though it was absent in the original release of AssaultCube. That’s because, back then everyone wanted to be modern, then they wanted to be retro. Next the player models will be old english people in dresses and breeches and the weapons will be arrows and swords. Its like The Elder Scrolls: Online!

AssaultCube's weapons are all fictional and fill the basic niches of a modern first-person shooter: the assault rifle, sub-machine gun, sniper rifle, pistol, knife, and shotgun. When version 2.0 comes out, the developers will have finally anwsered the plea of AC gamers everywhere, new weapons. They will include a Kitten Launcher, Magic Wand, Fireballs and the RickAstley Sound Blaster.

AssaultCube has twelve different gamemodes excluding bot game modes and the ingame level editor:

Giant Orgie Funtime and Team Giant Orgie Funtime

One Blow One Suck and Team One Blow One Suck (Sniper rifle only)

Last South Californian Sitting (Knives and grenades only)

So You Think You Can Dance and Team So You Think You Can Dance (Teams dance battle until opposing team is eliminated)

Dungeon And Dragons Anonymous (Pistols, knives, and grenades only)

Capture The Dildo

Keep The Dildo and Team Keep The Dildo (Find the dildo and keep it as long as you can)

Ditch The Dildo (Known as VIP in other games)

AssaultCube retains a very frustrating to use ingame mapping feature from the original Cube game, resulting in a variety of 15 minutes-to-make maps. Several maps from other games have been remade for the Cube engine by players. However, these are so shit that the developers do not even consider putting them in the final release.

Clans

A&D= Anorexic & Demented

AcC*|= Assault Constipated Cows

BC= Blonde Cowards

|CA|= Cluttered Accountants

DES|= Dont Eat Sows

|EC| = Eternal Cowards

|KH|= Kings of Hopscotch

^NF^ = Noob Freaks

RA = Raging Assholes

S4L= Sex 4 Losers

Sir= Seriously Irritated Retirees

TyD = Thank your Dog

uF = universal Fail

W$N = We Straddle Nuns

Special Thanks

Note: Main Article composed by XnitemareX with help from Amiga[C=64] All credit for the amusing clan names go to: XNitemareX, Andrez, {S4L}Kowin, MacSoap, elcol, Revert and Bukz.