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I've cleaned up the patch and made it clearer that platforms other than OSX aren't affected by rewriting code like this:
f = os.path.join(d, "db.h")
if sys.platform == "darwin" and is_macosx_sdk_path(d):
 f = os.path.join(sysroot, d[1:], "db.h")
The new version of the patch is also more compreshensive, I've added SDK-awareness code for the sqlite and bdb extensions as well, those looked for files without using find_file (because they do more than just look at files).
I can build unix-style and framework builds with this patch, both with and without specifying SDKs. I haven't tested the results on a linux box yet.
I intent to apply this patch on sunday.
Note: the patch intentionally doesn't include an update to Misc/NEWS, I will write that bit when I actually commit. 
I'll also forward port to 3.2 when committing.