Human DNA deciphered into C code!
by Mathew MurphyFor many years molecular biologists have been mystified by the fact that very little of an organism's DNA seems to serve any useful function.
I have solved the mystery.
The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any useful function is that the rest of it is comments.
Once we decode a typical human genome, we see that the contents begin as follows:
/* HUMAN_DNA.H * * Human Genome * Version 2.1 * * (C) God */
/* Revision history: * * 0000-00-01 00:00 1.0 Adam. * 0000-00-02 10:00 1.1 Eve. * 0000-00-03 02:11 1.2 Added penis code to male version. A bit messy -- * will require a rewrite later on to make it neater. * 0017年03月12日 03:14 1.3 Added extra sex drive to male.h; took code from * elephant-dna.c * 0145年10月03日 16:33 1.4 Removed tail. * 1115-00-31 17:20 1.5 Shortened forearms, expanded brain case. * 2091年08月20日 13:56 1.6 Opposable thumbs added to hand() routine. * 2501年04月09日 14:04 1.7 Minor cosmetic improvements -- skin colour made * darker to match my own image. * 2909年07月12日 02:21 1.8 Dentition inadequate; added extra 'wisdom' teeth. * Must remember to make mouth bigger to compensate. * 4501年12月31日 14:18 1.9 Increase average height. * 5533年02月12日 17:09 2.0 Added gay option, triggered by high population * density, to try and slow the overpopulation problem. * 6004年11月04日 16:11 2.1 Made forefinger narrower to fit hole in centre of * CD. */
/* Standard definitions */ #define SEX male #define HEIGHT 1.84 #define MASS 68 #define RACE caucasian
/* Include inherited traits from parent DNA files.
*
* Files must be pre-processed with MENDEL program to provide proper
* inheritance features.
*/
#include "mother.h"
#include "father.h"
#ifndef FATHER
#warn("Father unknown -- guessing\n")
#include "bastard.h"
#endif
/* Set up sex-specific functions and variables
*/
#include <sex.h>
/* Kludged code -- I'll re-design this lot and re-write it as a proper
* library sometime soon.
*/
struct genitals
{
#ifdef MALE
Penis *jt;
#endif
/* G_spot *g; Removed for debugging purposes */
#ifdef FEMALE
Vagina *p;
#endif
}
/* Initialization bootstrap routine -- called before DNA duplication. * Allocates buffers and sets up protein file pointers */ DNA *zygote_initialize(Sperm *, Ovum *);
/* MAIN INITIALIZATION CODE * * Returns structures containing pre-processed phenotypes for the organism * to display at birth. * * Will be improved later to make output less ugly. */ Characteristic *lookup_phenotype(Identifier *i);
…and so on.
[ Note that God uses three-space tabs ]